Deeper into Temptation
by Smartmouth62
Summary: Twenty yr old Bella is happy doing what she loves most, dancing and cooking, she's had heartbreak and is now content being on her own. Why won't thirty-three yr old Edward,who wants her for his mistress, take no for an answer? Lots of lemons and tears.
1. Chapter 1

One

The ramp to the San Jose airport came up suddenly and Bella Swan slowed to merge into the right lane and had a sinking feeling when she was jarred by a bump from behind. "Oh no, I don't need this." She thought. Her heart was thumping as she pulled over to the shoulder and got out to look at the damage. She and the other driver met at the bumper. Thank goodness it wasn't too bad; it was a small little dent and the other driver's limo was just slightly scraped.

"It doesn't look too bad. Our deductible will probably cover this anyway, I don't think we should report anything." Bella proposed to the limo driver.

The other driver was adamant. "Sorry, I have to report it. Company requires that I get your info." Bella went back to her car to dig up for her insurance and license. She could not for the life of her find the new insurance card. Bella was about to scream in frustration when the limo passenger came and peeked into her window to inquire what was taking so long, complaining that he would miss his flight. She didn't even glance up as she pushed the door open and climbed out. "Sorry." Bella said as she hurriedly stepped around him and walked over to the driver. "I could only find my old insurance card but not my new one. I must have left it in the house. I have insurance, but this is the expired card. It's the same company and the same policy number."

Bella wrote down the driver's info and waited while he wrote hers. She didn't spare a glance at the passenger who was waiting quietly by the limo, she was more worried about what this would mean for her insurance rates. Had Bella looked over at him, she would have been surprised by the intense look on his face.

Edward Cullen couldn't believe his stroke of fortune. Here, right in front of him, stood the woman who had haunted his dreams for almost three years. The woman whose image eclipsed the face and body of all the women he had taken into his bed since he first saw her nearly naked body move sensuously, undulating and swaying just for him. The woman he fantasized about whether he was alone in the shower or with someone else. The woman he knew for sure could bring him to his knees if he ever gave into temptation and made love to her. He returned to the safety of the back seat of the limo where he could get away from her and try to think clearly about what his next move would be. As he sat on the cool leather seat he wavered briefly. He could choose to never pursue her and never risk his sanity. But as he thought about it, he realized that was no longer an option, he had avoided her for far too long.

He would pursue her and he would bed her and maybe he would finally be able to get her out of his mind and cure himself of this addiction. Then another thought occurred to him, maybe it would become far worse. Maybe she would prove to be his downfall, his Achilles heel. Maybe he'd sink so deeply into the obsession that he would never be able to do without her.

A few minutes later, the driver got in and Edward instructed him to follow the little gold Geo. He rewarded the driver with a generous tip when he turned over Bella's driver license information to him.

#

Bella felt inadequate just looking at all these women in the fashion magazine. She smirked her lips and put down the magazine. She'll never be a size two. She reached for her romance novel. "Why feel bad about your own life when you can live vicariously through another?" she thought to herself. A hot romance novel will put excitement into the next two hours while she waited for her sister's very late plane to arrive. She bought the one that seemed the steamiest. The redhead on the cover was wearing a negligee and the super hot guy was looking down at her with DESIRE in his eyes.

Bella curled up in a corner seat of the airport waiting area and opened the book. She placed her textbooks and bags on the seat next to her creating a buffer from any unwanted company. She was transported right away to the hot tropical climate of Bermuda and in her mind she became Kay the spirited hotel manager who just can't stand the bossy new owner and CEO of the hotel chain, who she was of course wildly attracted to. Bella sat there in the corner reading and smiling and unaware of her surroundings. She did not see the many male (and female) glances that were sent in her direction.

Her long legs curled up under her. Her comfy yoga pants slouched lower and her stretchy halter top drifted upwards to reveal the smooth skin of her midriff. The delicate pink and red lotus flower tattoo on her hip blade peeked tantalizingly over the waistband, beckoning the viewer to wonder about what else was under there. She was not even slightly athletic, her body was definitely curvy. She was five-six and a healthy size six. Her long thick brown hair was braided over her right shoulder down to her waist, her straight bangs framed her pretty face, and a line of hooped earrings dangled from her left earlobe.

Had she been able to see herself as others saw her, she would have seen a gorgeous creature. Her mahogany hair and amber-colored almond- shaped eyes; skin that is golden and glowing with health. She inherited that golden glow and her straight dark hair from her mother's family who were Choctaw and French Creole. She inherited her light golden eyes from her father who was family were French Canadian. Her nose tilted up and caused her upper lip to appear pouty, enticing many to want to explore more. Her lips were very full and soft. All in all the word which best described Bella was "erotic."

Bella, of course, had no idea how much attention she was attracting, just sitting there reading in the quiet space she had made for herself. She sometimes stretched her arms out and craned her neck to see the board, or check the clock but always returned to her novel. But many passersby noticed the attractive young woman who was in a world of her own.

One traveler in particular was determined to jar her out of her world and into his. He knew his flight would connect with an incoming flight that was already delayed and he wanted to sit down and chat with this beautiful stranger. He sat on the seat next to her bag and leaned over.

"Hello again" he greeted her. She glanced up and he could see her wide amber eyes.

"What?"

"I said hello again, we ran into each other a little while ago." he repeated.

"I don't think so." she shook her head. She would have definitely remembered meeting this guy. Not only was he huge, well over six feet, but he was unbelievably handsome. His light grey eyes were all the more striking because his skin was tanned. Nope, there was no way she had ever seen this guy before. Nervously she re- opened her book and started reading.

Edward wasn't used to this. Usually women looked for opportunities to talk to him and if he made an overture they always tried to engage him in further talk. He decided to press on.

"Hello," She looked up again and their eyes met and held. "We did just meet, I'm the passenger in the limo you just hit."

"You mean the limo that hit me?" She countered.

"That's not how I saw it, as a matter of fact I have a backache." He reached down and rubbed the small of his back and grimaced in pretend pain.

"Oh geeze, you're joking, I hope." Bella felt sure he was teasing, but was more than a little concerned that the passenger would want to sue her.

"Yeah, I am." He smiled. "Where are you heading?" he asked.

"Sorry?" She couldn't follow his question she was still wondering if she was going to have to pony up some money.

"I asked if you are heading home?" He smiled to reveal quite a nice set of teeth and a deep cleft in his left cheek. His wayward bronze hair was temptingly touchable with just a touch of grey at the temples and his grey eyes were inquisitive, he was beyond beautiful. Bella frowned a little as she wondered why he was bothering to talk to her, a lowly mortal.

"No. I live here."

"Here in San Jose?"

"Mmmhmm", she smiled. She didn't want to give too much information away. She was in an airport after all, who knows who this guy was.

_Now that's better_ he thought to himself, _she's smiling_. "So you live in San Jose?'

"Well, not really San Jose. The Bay Area." Again she was being evasive.

"Well, I live in Berkeley." He offered. Courtesy of the limo driver, he knew where she lived, her exact address in fact; but he offered this info, hoping to get her to open up and tell him a little about herself.

"Really? So do I." She responded. She looked at him more warmly. She smiled wider.

"Well, it seems as though we have something in common." Edward said. "Were you born there or are you a transplant like me.

"Oh, I'm Berkeley, born and bred. I'm blessed." She smiled.

"You know, I think I've seen you before the limo incident…" He was about to say something else but she interrupted him with a scornful laugh before he could continue.

"Are you trying to pick me up?" He could tell that she was annoyed.

He changed the subject. "So, where are you heading, vacation?" he asked.

"No, I'm just waiting for someone."

"Aaaah. The protective boyfriend?"

"No," she paused, "_the girlfriend_." She said with sarcastic emphasis, indicating a relationship that was more than just friendly. Then she returned to her book. _"I can't believe this, he is trying to pick me up at the airport! And he looks a little old too, I could be his daughter."_

He was quiet for a long time. She looked up after a few minutes and saw that he was staring at her with a slight smile. He seemed to be laughing at her.

"Is there something else?" She asked.

"Not really." he responded. "I was just thinking." He still had a slight smile on his face.

Bella knew exactly what he was thinking. It didn't take much to figure out that he was thinking of her and another woman making love and imagining himself in the fantasy. Men are so predictable. "Why don't you tell me what you're thinking?" she pursed her lips and rolled her eyes.

"Just wondering why someone with a "girlfriend" would be reading and enjoying a romance novel about a man and a woman, that's all". He asked with a little laugh in his voice as he indicated her choice of reading material. Busted.

"Maybe I want to see how the other half lives." She replied suggestively.

"I can show you how the other half lives, if you want." His voice was low and even more suggestive.

Bella almost swallowed her tongue. Her heart started to pound. He was looking directly into her eyes, and very seriously, no more light flirting. She was stunned by his bold come on. Her mind started to click and she went on the offensive. This guy had to be at least forty years old. But still, the way he said it so quietly got her all nervous.

"You know what? I think you're a little too old for me." She said rudely.

"Age is just a number, plus I would guess your age to be about twenty. Old enough."

"Good guess, but still way too young for you." Bella liked bantering with him despite his forwardness. She inwardly wondered if this guy was a mind reader. He had hit it on the button. "Why twenty and not nineteen, or twenty-one or even twenty-three?"

"Just a good guess. You're a horse and I'm a snake."

"I bet you are!" That one slipped out.

He laughed. "I mean that I was born in the year of the snake. And you know what they say about the snakes and horses." He leaned in and challenged.

Bella shook her head and swallowed, overwhelmed by his sudden nearness. "No, what?" she whispered.

He stared at her lips and breathed. "Together we're like tigers in the bedroom." His eyes lifted to hers and she knew he could be very dangerous to her peace of mind. "So, you see, we have too much in common to never meet again. Here's my card, give me a call."

Bella's heart started to pound, this guy was bold. She shook her head and refused to take the card. "I don't think so. And anyway, at thirty-four don't you think you're a little too old for me?"

"Thirty – three." he corrected her. "I'll be thirty-four in October. And I don't think I'm too old. And neither do you." He smiled at her. "Anyway, I have to catch my flight, but it was really nice talking to you. I'll see you around -in Berkeley." And he picked up his bags and walked away. Bella stared after him as he left. He had a nice, solid, muscular body, wide shouldered and very tall. He moved with graceful ease down to the gate.

Almost immediately after he left, Bella started to feel ashamed of calling him old. She felt a little sorry that she had been so difficult and rude and for no reason at all, except that he made her nervous. Sure he was trying to talk to her, she said to herself, but that's no crime is it? He probably just wanted to pass the time.

She'd lost interest in her romance novel and stared at the clock. For the last few months she had become an expert at keeping men away. She rethought the conversation and saw that it could have gone another way. She could have been pleasant. She made up her mind there and then to be more open to the possibilities of life and to let things flow.

Alice's plane finally landed and Bella went to the baggage claim to meet her sister. Alice was laughing and talking to a good-looking guy as they waited for the carousel to start. Bella observed her from far away. Alice had no problems letting things flow. Alice with her green eyes and her short curly caramel brown hair looked every bit the fun-loving woman that Bella longed to be. Alice was older and wiser since she had lost her husband of just eight months to the ongoing conflict in Pakistan and Afghanistan. Alice knew what Bella didn't, life is short and if you don't let life happen it won't. Her greatest regret is that it took so long for her and Mike to get together because she had her eye on her unattainable boss and her career. If she had just let it flow she and Mike would have had a lot longer than just eight short months.

"Hi, sweetie." Alice greeted Bella with a kiss on the cheek. " Bella, this is Emmett. I ran into him on the plane and he lives in Berkeley. I promised him a lift." Bella eyed Emmett suspiciously but shook his hand.

"Hey, how are you?" Emmett smiled.

"Good, how are you?" Bella smiled.

"Could you excuse us for a sec?" Bella asked Emmett and grabbed her sister by the arm and pulled her a few feet away. "How do you know this guy isn't a crackpot. Are you freaking nuts? He could be giving you an alias and he probably doesn't even live in Berkeley."

"Bella." Alice sighed. " What do you take me for? A fool? He is a professor of engineering at Cal and he is Jasper's brother-in-law."

"Jasper?"

"Jasper Hale, you know, my boss."

"Oh, why didn't you say so?"

"You didn't give me a chance before you started calling me names."

"Sorry. I just worry about you, you're too friendly. But you're right, I need to lighten up." Bella told herself and went to help get the bags.


	2. Chapter 2

Two

The trip home was entertaining. Emmett had a great sense of humor and talked about his kids in such a funny and loving way that he had the sisters laughing out loud. He told them about the time his three year old son, Zachary, went to the zoo. He was so excited at the sight of the monkeys that he yanked on his mom's sweats which were loosely tied and the sweats fell in a puddle around her feet. She had the baby in her arms and had to hobble over to the stroller before picking up her pants. Emmett was so shocked instead of yanking up her pants he tried to cover her bottom with his hands. Oh how the sisters laughed. Bella thought that she would pee on herself. He also told them about the time that his son came downstairs during a dinner party and started to sing and dance to "Superfreak". He was full of funny stories and he told them with such comic glee that they arrived in Berkeley before they knew it. He really was a nice guy. Once again Bella reflected on how she should relax and lighten up.

They dropped Emmett off on and then headed up into the hills to their little house. They were quiet on the drive. Each sister was wrapped in with her own thoughts. Alice broke the silence first. "How did your show go?"

"It went okay. We had about thirty new students signing up and hopefully we can open up some new classes. I'll be able to teach dance again once I'm done with finals. I think we are going to start classes in mid-May. Margo will teach the older ones and I will teach the eight to ten year olds."

"Well I told you so. It sounds like the free performance and open house was what was needed. Get your name out there. If no one knows that there is a belly dance school how can they sign up?" she ranted.

"Okay, okay you were right. The only reason that we didn't do it before is because I had a lot on my plate with school and work. There's a lot going on and I don't want to put all my energy into belly dance studio and then lose my full-time job."

"I know you're having a tough time. You work long hours and go to school full-time. I would have thought you'd take a break and enjoy your summer."

"I don't want to, I like teaching the kids."

"Well, on a positive note my trip went well. My project is going swimmingly. Glenn Burnett is happy with the way the building is coming and I also managed to meet with a few potential clients. Jasper is happy. I will have to go back and forth to Austin over the next couple of years but it'll be more than worth it. I'm going to make a name for myself in the world of architecture."

"Well here is to the architect and the dancing chef/student." The sisters clinked imaginary champagne glasses and toasted.

They got to the little house in the hills and struggled up the steps with the luggage. "Alice, what did you pack? An anvil? God this is heavy." Once they were inside the door, Bella turned to Alice, "I missed you, you know. I hate sleeping alone here."

"I missed you too, but, get used to it, I'll be away more often. Plus you should be able to sleep alone, sweetie."

"It's hard. There was always Mom and then there was you and Mike and then there was Chris. I guess I'll get over it once I get used to the fact that Chris is gone for good."

Alice took her sister's hands in hers and looked deep into her eyes. "Chris _is_ gone for good and you need to have fun again. I know he hurt you, but you know what? You guys were so young. He just fell in love with someone else. You need to move on too. When you fall in love again it'll be even better. Because you know how it feels to love and lose that love, you will savor your new love all the more."

"I don't think I can ever fall in love again. Not like that."

"Not like that, but different and maybe even better, trust me. It's like a roller coaster. The first time you go on it is exciting but it is so new you miss a lot of the thrill. But the next time you are less scared and you ride that baby and enjoy every moment of it don't you? Take it from me, first love is great. But true love is even better.

That night in bed, Bella thought about what her sister said. Then she thought about Chris and how much she missed him. He was her first love, her only love. They were high school sweethearts. They met on the first day of high school. She had stumbled and dropped all her books and he helped her pick them up. He was geeky, pimply and shorter than she was so they started out as friends, and became best friends. She told him about the boys she had crushes on and he told her how stupid those guys were. She didn't it know it at the time but Chris had an agenda. He never told her about his crushes because he had only one.

Then by the last year of high school, Chris grew tall and Bella started to notice how cute he was. He reached for her hand one day as they were walking to school and that was it, they were together. She drifted into the relationship and it took her along for the ride. Like a raft on a stream she let the relationship lead and she followed. Chris was sweet and tender. He was the boyfriend of her dreams, of every girl's dreams.

He never pressured her for sex and when they finally made love it was sweet and slow and beautiful. It wasn't hurried like many of her friends told her their first time was. He kissed her all over and he told her he would never love anyone else. Each time they made love and she fell deeper and deeper in love with Chris. And afterwards he would stroke her back and talk about how she made him feel. She would have been happy to drift into marriage and kids with him.

After high school Chris went away to college and she went to culinary school. They saw each other on holidays. He was still sweet and playful, smart and funny. She counted on him for all her emotional needs. When her mother died he flew home and helped her get through it. When Alice got married he was there dancing with her at the reception. When Mike died, he came home again and helped. He was a rock.

After college graduation he came back home to Berkeley and moved in with her. He applied for grad school at CAL. They lived together and everything fell right into place. They drifted, both loving each other with a quiet love. Looking back on it now she can see that it was almost too quiet for such a young couple as they were. They had no fights. They liked doing the same quiet things, cycling, hiking, reading, cooking together, jazz music and slow dancing in bare feet in the living room.

Then Chris met Adrianna Yip. Tiny, skinny and boyish, she was a smart, funny, fellow grad student. Within a couple of months things had changed. Six months after they had met, Chris had left and moved in with Adrianna. When he left Bella he told her that he loved her dearly, but that Adrianna was his life. "Then what was I?" she screamed at him.

"You are my first love and my dearest, sweetest friend in the whole world. And I will always love you." But he turned and left. Just like that.

It was almost too cruel. He left her the day before Valentine's day and it was the hardest day of her life. Oh how she cried. She cried as though it was her vocation. She relived every conversation and every moment of the last few months. What had she done wrong? Why did he stop loving her and start loving someone else? And how come she didn't see it coming? Didn't realize that he no longer loved her like he used to?

She cried a lot and listened to a lot of blues and slow sad jazz. She lay on the couch for hours when she got home from school or work. Sometimes she even fell asleep on it; Alice would come in and cover her. She cried every day for two months. Then one day she stopped crying. Her tear reservoirs had been emptied. She cried inside though, every single day. Every time she thought about him the pain in her chest would start. And sometimes she thought about him deliberately, so that she _could_ feel the pain. She welcomed the pain because it was all she had left of her life with Chris. If she no longer had the pain she would have nothing.

Before she fell asleep her thoughts drifted back to the guy at the airport. And how he looked at her when he told her, "I can show you how the other half lives." Her heart started to beat fast again, just like it had at the airport. She knew without a doubt that he could show her plenty.

#

Weeks went by and Alice left again for Austin. Bella spent the weekend with friends up in Napa. She was the designated driver as usual. They went to wine tasting after wine tasting. Her friends were all from the culinary institute. They were a pretty close bunch, bound together by a love of good food and good fun.

Afterwards the group made their way to Angela's housewarming party. After graduation Bella's good friend Angela had gotten a job at one of the best restaurants in Napa. She made a name for herself and recently she and her boyfriend opened their own little bistro. They also just bought a nice four bedroom house with a guest cottage and a great big backyard. The yard was huge and bordered by tall oaks on one side. Beyond the oak tree stand was the river. They had invited friends and neighbors and the place was packed. Music was playing, the drinks were flowing and everyone was running around in next to nothing.

Bella wandered around looking for her hostess to say hello and catch up a little. As she wandered onto the back patio she caught a glimpse of a familiar face. It was the guy from the airport! What on earth is he doing here? she wondered.

She ducked quickly behind a trellis of wisteria so that she could hide and observe him unnoticed. He had grown a beard since she last saw him. It was thin, starting at the pencil thin sideburns and just along the jawline, it made him even sexier. His hair was a little shorter and wavy. He was awfully good-looking; tall, wide-shouldered, lithe and handsome. Striking light grey eyes that stood out from his tanned skin, combined with his strong jaw and the slight creases in his cheek that deepened when he smiled or laughed made him the focus of every female within a ten mile radius. He was easily the most attractive man there and women gathered around him like a magnet. There was one tall blonde in particular who stood very close to him, constantly tossing her hair back and laughing. Bella felt a little twinge but shrugged it off.

Bella snuck away from the patio and found Angela in the kitchen. She helped a little with some hors' d'oeuvres platters and they chatted. But it was so hot that she eventually had to beg off and go outside. Most of the crowd had drifted towards the bank of trees by the river. Bella knew why. It was a blisteringly hot day in early June and she and her friends put on their bathing suits and joined the fun. The tinkling sound of the river and the cool shade of the trees were so inviting it was hard to resist. Bella wandered down to the river's edge in her teeny weeny red string bikini. It was really no more than four triangles of red crocheted fabric held together by some yarn. It was scandalous, but she knew she looked good in it. She was dipping her toes in the shallow river's edge, balancing on the river rocks when she heard a familiar voice.

"Hello."

She turned and her heart sunk to the pit of her stomach. It was him. "Hi," she responded hesitantly.

"Well, well so we meet again. Well, actually, we meet for the first time because you never told me your name the first time around." He smiled in that lopsided way he had with the one big crease showing.

He put out his hand and said, "I'm Edward."

Feeling guilty about their last encounter, she smiled a little wider than she normally would have and shook his hand, "Bella, how are you?"

"Fine, really fine." He was staring at her body.

"Nice to meet you, Edward" she smiled and started to wade into the freezing river.

He followed her in. "Better be careful, you're not dressed for this." She laughed.

"True, but what's the worst that can happen?"

Just then a couple who were horse playing, started to splash and the cold water sprayed out in every direction. Bella gasped as the ice cold water hit the hot flesh of her back and she arched toward Edward. Edward grabbed her to keep her from falling and they both hit the shallow river water with a splash.

It happened so quickly, seconds really, then Bella found herself lying on top of him. She looked down at him and he looked up at her, both of them surprised by the quick turn of events. She tried to get up but he held on to her. She looked into his eyes and saw that he was looking at her lips. Bella became nervous and her heart started to pound. Edward seemed content to hold on to her but she pushed away and got up. "Sorry 'bout that" she said. "I'll go get you a towel."

He walked out of the river dripping wet, his jeans and shirt were plastered to his body. Bella felt sorry for him and ran ahead to ask Angela for a towel, Edward followed behind. She turned as she ran and she caught him eyeing her backside. For a second she was reminded of the words at the airport but she dashed them out of her mind.

She grabbed a towel and raced back to him. "I feel so bad that I pushed you in." she apologized.

"It's okay, it's not as though you meant to hurt or embarrass me." He looked directly into her eyes and she had a feeling he was referring to the last time they met.

"Sorry" she said again. Hoping he would realize it was an apology for that time as well.

He dried off with the towel and smiled at her. She smiled back at him and noticed that he looked younger than he had the last time. He did look like he was in his mid-thirties. His hair still had a touch of silver by the temples but for some reason he looked younger. "Excuse me, I'd better get out of these wet clothes." She watched him as he walked away from her for the second time. She kept her eyes on him as he reached the front gate and then he was gone. All of a sudden she felt a little let down. Almost as though she had nothing left to look forward to. "Oh well," she turned around and went back down to the river.

She found Justin, Ann and Tyler and they waded in the water together and started to talk about work. They continued to talk and laugh and splash for a good few minutes. At one point she climbed on Tyler's back and Ann climbed on Justin's and they started to play fight, each team trying to push the other into the water. She felt it when Edward came back. She knew before she turned around that he was watching and waiting for her to notice him.

She gave it a few minutes then walked over to him and said, "You came back."

"Yeah, I just needed to change."

She noticed that he had on some boardshorts and a Hawaiian shirt that was open all the way down. Bella also noticed that his chest was fit and so were his muscular legs. "Where did you change?" she wondered aloud.

"I'm here for the weekend at a friend's house. He lives nearby."

"How do you know Angela and Ben?" she was curious.

"I don't know them at all." he answered

"How do you happen to be here, then?"

"I followed you."

"No way" she gasped. A feeling of alarm raised the hairs on the back of her head.

"Yes, way. I had to see you again. So I hired a detective and had you followed. It took him a while because I didn't know much about you but it finally paid off."

Bella became really scared and then realized that he was smiling, almost laughing at her.

"You're joking, right?"

"Yeah, I am." He confessed.

She breathed out. "My God for a few seconds I thought you were some stalker on the loose." And she started to laugh in relief.

He laughed too.

She asked him again how he came to know Angela and he repeated that he didn't.

"Not again," she smiled.

"Well I don't know them, but I know of them. A good friend of mine lives down the lane and he was invited and I came along."

"Who is this good friend?" she asked suspiciously.

He named a famous Hollywood director. "You don't believe me, do you?" Bella shook her head from side to side. "Here I'll show you his house." He took her by her upper arms and turned her a little. "See that roof top right over there, through the trees. That's his house." Edward was standing behind her with his face leaning over her right shoulder and his cheek very near hers. Her heart started that crazy beating again and she tensed her shoulders. He ran his hand down her arm and then held her hand,

"Come over here you can see it better from near this tree." They walked the few yards to the fence and he showed her the house again. She suddenly realized that there was no one else around. It was eerily quiet. She and Edward were the only ones still lingering by this area of the river. She felt his warm chest press into her back as his hands rested on her hips.

"Do you know how unbelievably sexy and beautiful you are?" She shook her head dumbly, her heart was pounding and her throat felt constricted.

He turned her around and maneuvered her back against a tree, leaning in very closely and staring into her eyes. He looked down at her mouth and without her willing them to, her lips parted ready and eager to be kissed. Her knees went weak and she knew what was coming. He breathed heavily and touched his forehead to hers, her eyes drifted shut and she felt his hot breath on her lips. "You are, so, so sexy." he whispered and then he kissed her. It wasn't the kind of kiss she had expected. She was prepared for a soft, tentative explorative first kiss, but this one was nothing like that. It was in a word, hungry.

Edward bit her bottom lip gently and sucked her lip into his mouth caressing it with his tongue. He moved to her top lip and then he breathed into her mouth and ran his tongue along the front tip of her tongue. He then buried his mouth into hers and started to suck the air from her lungs. His lips were forceful. She had never been kissed like this. She held onto his shirt as he continued to kiss her, he briefly nuzzled and sucked at her neck and then returned again to her mouth.

The kiss went on and on until she thought that she would faint. She felt his hands move from her shoulders to her breasts. He reached his thumbs under her skimpy top and massaged her nipples and her legs turned to jelly. His hands moved down to her ribcage and then around to her back. She felt him run his hands down her back and slid both palms inside her bikini bottom and pulled her into his hips. He was aroused and she moaned as she felt a rush of liquid heat between her thighs as he pushed his hips into her. His lips were still locked on hers as his right hand slid around to the front of her bikini bottom and his hand dipped down in front. He moaned as he felt her smooth bare skin, Bella was always meticulously waxed. As he stroked her wet point, Bella's heart tripped and started to pound as she felt tremors begin.

Suddenly the fog in her brain cleared and she realized the danger she was in. This virtual stranger was devouring her and she was sure that he would take this to its completion. She became terrified that he would only stop when they had full sexual intercourse, right here by the river where anyone could see them. She started to struggle out of his hold, but he moved both hands to her hips to tighten his grip on her. Bella put her elbows on his chest and arched away from him. Finally, he moved his mouth from hers and stopped the onslaught, he leaned his forehead against hers again. "Yes," he breathed. "You're so sweet, baby. So good." She looked at him and saw the sleepy desire in his eyes. Neither of them could draw enough air. They were both as breathless as if they had just run a marathon.

After a few seconds, Bella mustered the strength and caught him by surprise as she pushed him away with as much force as she could. She ran stumblingly back up the bank of the river and didn't stop until she got to the house. She searched for her friends who were on the back patio off the kitchen. She slid in between Ann and Justin, as if seeking protection. As everyone talked around her, her thoughts were in a whirl.

She just couldn't understand Edward's behavior or her own. She didn't know him from Adam. And yet he behaved as though he had a right to touch her and fondle her in the most intimate way. Everything had happened so fast that she couldn't make sense of it. How and why had she let this stranger get so close? Why didn't she stop him when he started? It was so unlike her to let a man even kiss her. Yet he managed to practically have sex with her a few minutes after introducing himself. She sat there, quietly confused and mortified, praying that she'd never see him again. Never.


	3. Chapter 3

Three

The next few days Bella kept busy at the restaurant where she was the pastry chef. She also kept busy with her new pupils at the dance school. Her two loves have always been dancing and cooking.

When she was five she started ballet and then studied modern dance. By the time she was twelve she started to take classes in belly dance and loved it. After the first few months her mother came to a recital and was shocked. She tried her best to get Bella to go back to ballet but Bella would have none of it. At age twelve she couldn't understand why her mother thought belly dance was inappropriate. She herself did not see how suggestive the movements were. The other students in her class were slim and athletic but even at age twelve Bella was already starting to show curves. The movements that were slightly precocious on the others were quite suggestive when Bella performed. Through her teen years the many hours of belly dancing kept her body fit but not lean.

Even now at twenty-one she was a curvy woman with breasts and hips and a shapely body. She not only became an accomplished belly dancer, she also became the favorite student of her instructor Margo. At age eighteen Margo hired her to teach beginners and she turned out to be a gifted teacher. Bella danced for several hours a day and that was her only exercise. She had a body that her girlfriends described as "sexy" but she never worked on it. She only worked on doing the dance that she loved. If she could make a living as a performer and a dance teacher she would have given up cooking and school, she loved it that much.

Since the semester at the university was over, she taught Tuesday and Thursday nights at the dance studio and she worked at the restaurant all day Tuesday through Saturday. She was glad that her days were so busy that she didn't time have to think about what happened by the river bank in Napa. But every night when she lay in bed she couldn't stop the memories from flooding back.

Like an awkward teenager she replayed everything and wished she had behaved differently. Edward, a virtual stranger, had touched her and she was so ashamed. Chris was the only person who had ever touched and kissed her and it had never felt like that. She had felt so out of control, her heart had pounded so hard that she could barely hear anything, and even as she lay in her bed thinking about the incident, her heart would start pounding again. She hoped that she would never see Edward again. She was genuinely afraid that if she did she would do things that she would later regret. When Alice called her and asked her to pick her up from the airport she said that she had taken cold medication and couldn't. While she knew it was unlikely that she would meet Edward at the airport, she could not bring herself to go there. Instead she asked her sister to grab a cab.

When she saw Alice, Bella almost confided in her but for some reason she couldn't. She felt sure that Alice would think that she was stupid. Alice was so confident in the presence of men, she would never understand. Bella, on the other hand, did not have a wealth of experience to draw on and had found herself in uncharted waters with a shark. She knew enough about men to know that Edward was out of her league. She hoped fervently to never see him again, but that was not to be.

The following Tuesday night, after her dance class, she literally ran right into him. As she walked out of the studio and into the unusually balmy summer night she was preoccupied with her cell, trying to read a text message. She wasn't paying too much attention and bumped into a tall figure. Pulling back with an apology, a slight smile on her face, she looked up into Edward's face. Her smile disappeared and the apology was never uttered. She was surprised, but she could tell that he wasn't and she knew without a doubt that he had been waiting for her. She was extremely afraid. This guy was stalking her and the first words out of her mouth were, "You better leave me alone."

"No", he replied.

She started to walk, fast. "Why, what do you want from me?"

"I just want to apologize to you. I was out of line and I'm sorry. I could see that I frightened you and that was not what I wanted."

She stopped in front of a well lit coffee shop. "How did you find me?"

"I asked your friend, Angela. I explained to her that I had been rude and that I wanted to make my apology. She didn't give me your address the only thing she would tell me that you worked at a restaurant, Bon Vivant, and danced here at the studio. I thought this would be a quieter place to make my apology."

"I meant how did you find me? That first time, at Angela's. I know it wasn't a coincidence."

"It was. Just fate."

"I don't believe you." Her voice was getting louder, she was trying to alert people to her plight.

"How could I have found you? Did you even know you were going to be there when we met at the airport? You didn't give me your name, or tell me anything about yourself. I was on my way to New York. As a matter of fact I should still be there, but some meetings were cancelled and I had to cut my visit short. I swear."

She thought about it and saw how farfetched it was. But it was hard for her to give up the suspicion. She crossed her arms in front of her.

"Okay, apology accepted." She looked up at him without a smile.

"I mean it. I'm sorry" he repeated quietly. His face was serious.

"Fine." She replied.

"I don't think you really forgive me." His grey eyes narrowed as he looked down at her stony face.

"You know what? I said its okay. And that's the end of it. Now, please go away." Bella's voice was getting louder again.

He smiled his flirty smile and tried to charm her. "Can I give you a lift? I assume you're going home."

Was he kidding? Did he seriously expect her to get into a car with him? "No, I don't think that's a good idea. I have my car." Bella replied coldly. She didn't trust him, not one bit.

"How about if we just get some coffee." His full flirt was on. His grey eyes were soft and warm, his smile was gentle and understanding, his white teeth gleamed and his face was altogether too handsome for her own good.

"I don't drink coffee late at night, I won't be able to sleep." Bella stubbornly refused to be charmed by him.

"A drink?" His voice was husky and soft.

"I really don't drink." She had to resist him, she just had to.

"Why don't you just have a cup of warm milk then? Or watch me have coffee? Hmm?" Could his voice and manner be any more seductive, Bella did not think so.

"Because I really don't want to. Look, I'm tired." Bella decided that she was going to go all out bitchy in a second. She knew he was a master and her only defense was meanness.

He looked down at her. "I just want to get to know you." He said quietly, earnestly. Boy he was good! She almost believed that he was just a nice guy.

"You mean get to "know" me." She screwed her lips into a sarcastic sneer.

"Listen, will it hurt you just to talk for a little while, huh?" A slight breeze, stirred his bronze hair and his eyes, his eyes, were oh so beautiful.

"You know what? I'll be honest. I don't want to get to know you, because I don't trust you."

"What do you mean, why don't you trust me?" He was puzzled.

"I can't explain it, but the best way I can put it is, something about you scares me." She said honestly.

"Look." He pulled out his wallet and opened it to show her his license. "My name is Edward Cullen. I was a police officer, then a detective, now I'm a writer. I'm not a criminal, rapist, murderer or even a slightly bad guy so I don't understand why you won't give me a chance to change your mind."

"Why is it so important to you that I change my mind about you? I'm a stranger that you sexually assaulted. You made your apology. I've forgiven you. So what more do you want from me?" She knew what he wanted from her. An instant replay.

"Assaulted?" he genuinely seemed taken aback. "I don't consider it assault. It was kind of mutual, wasn't it?"

"In the beginning, maybe, but not at the end. Not when you put your hand inside my…. swimsuit." She was heated. She felt like slapping him.

"Look I'll admit I went too far. I'm ashamed to say it but you're right, I got carried away. It's never happened before in my life. I'm sorry. I feel like a jerk and I want to make it up to you. You deserve more respect than that." Boy when he made an apology, he covered all the bases. Bella started to believe that maybe, just maybe he wasn't a creep after all.

"I told you, there is no need to make it up to me. We're not friends, nor are we likely to meet again. So I forgive you and that should be that." She was firm and businesslike.

"Why are you being so difficult? Can you just please do me the favor. Just sit with me this once and have coffee and I won't bother you ever again, okay. Look, here is a coffee shop, right here. Lots of people."

She looked at him pleading with her, and darn it, she softened. She reluctantly nodded "yes" and he smiled. They walked together into the coffee shop.

#

As soon as they sat down she took a picture of him with her cell phone. Then she called her sister and left a voicemail. "Alice, I'm having coffee at 'Cool Beans' with a guy named Edward Cullen. I'll be home in an hour." She sat at the table across from him. Her arms still folded.

"Feel safer?" he inquired and she shrugged.

"So you were a cop?" She questioned.

"Yes for twelve years. My dad was a cop and his dad was a cop, so, naturally, I became a cop." He grinned, trying to be friendly.

"Here in Berkeley?"

"No, in Honolulu."

"Why in Honolulu?"

"It's where I was born and raised."

"Well that must have been nice."

"Yeah, it was a nice place to grow up. Sun, sand and surf. Lots of fun."

"What brought you to Berkeley? I mean why leave paradise?"

"It's a long and boring story."

"So you say you were a detective."

"Well I was on patrol for three years and I found that I was more interested in the how and why of crimes so I became a detective and decided to go to the university and get my degree in criminal justice. I got to use and fine tune my skills of observation and I really enjoyed it." He paused. "That's how I figured out your age. I notice things most people don't. It comes with the job.

"Wow, I can see where you can really use your extraordinary powers for good… or for evil" she almost smiled.

He held up his hand, "Never for evil, I swear. I use it now to write novels and screenplays."

"Screenplays? Anything, I may have seen?"

He named a couple of television shows. She knew them.

"How did you move from detective work to being a writer?" She was genuinely curious.

He was quiet for a few moments. A look she couldn't describe moved fleetingly across his face then he said, "A good friend of mine thought I had talent and submitted some of my drafts to an agent and that was how it all started." He took a sip of his coffee and smiled at her. That's enough about me, what about you? What led you to being a chef and a belly dancer?"

"Well like almost every little girl I took dance classes and loved it. But unlike many of my friends I never got bored with it. I remember starting dance class with a few friends, we all begged our parents. Over the years they stopped coming and I continued. I find true joy in expressing myself through music. I find true joy in feeling the music move through my body. I truly love the art of movement and I can lose myself in it for hours. For me dancing expresses emotions I can't get out any other way." She stopped, suddenly embarrassed. "I'm talking too much, huh?"

"No not at all. You sound very passionate."  
"Yes, I am." Was he being suggestive, calling her passionate?

"Anyway I love belly dancing in particular because it's multi-ethnic and it covers such a wide range of Cultures. Indian, Turkish, Greek, Egyptian, Gypsy, you name it. I think of it as a "world dance".

"And how about cooking, what made you decide to become a chef?"

"It's pretty simple, I love to feed people. I always have. I love to see them happy and satisfied."

His eyes twinkled and his lips curved. "So you like to 'satisfy' people?"

"You know, I get the feeling you're laughing at me."

"Sorry. I just have a juvenile sense of humor." His smile still lingered.

"So, tell me the joke." Bella was starting to find his smile irresistible.

He hesitated. "Okay, I was thinking that I would like you to 'satisfy' me."

She sat there and shook her head. "That is juvenile." But his words conjured up a mental picture that had her heart racing.

"Tell me what kind of performances do you do? Egyptian, Indian ?

"I study them all. I like tribal belly dance. But, I guess because of Margo I have much more of an affinity with Turkish styles, but I like them all."

"Do you perform on stage or for special occasions like weddings or for private parties?

"All of those. As a matter of fact we're performing this weekend at the opening of a Lebanese restaurant." As soon as she said it, she regretted it.

"Is that here in Berkeley?" he inquired.

"No, it's in Alameda." Bella didn't want to tell him more.

"What's the name of it? Maybe I'll come." He leaned across the table, eager for more info.

For some reason she couldn't quite figure out, she was reluctant to tell him. But she could not directly tell him that she didn't want him to come. "Zaza's on Park Street. Are you interested in belly dancing?"

"Well I'm interested in seeing _you _belly dance." Edward teased.

She digested that statement for a bit. "Well I guess I'll see you there."

He looked at her, puzzled "Would you prefer it if I didn't come?

Yes she would prefer it if he didn't come. She felt that she would be self-conscious if she saw him in the audience. But she wasn't sure why. She has performed many times in front of many people and she was proud of her dancing. She lied to him, "No, of course not, the more the merrier. After all we were hired to attract attention."

"How long will you be dancing?" he asked.

She wrinkled her brows, "I'm not quite sure yet, Margo makes the arrangements but I think it's an all evening event, so four of us are taking turns. We start at eight we finish at twelve."

"I meant _you_. How long will you be dancing?

"I have two performances, ten to fifteen minutes each set." She lied and said, "I don't know the exact time." She got up from her chair and reached for her jacket as she said, "You know I really need to get home."

"Well thanks for having coffee. Have I convinced you that I'm not a rapist on the loose?"

She smiled and nodded. "It was nice talking to you and maybe I'll see you again."

"You most certainly will." He said quietly. "Can I walk you to your car?"

She almost said no, and then she said, "Sure." Her car was just in front of the coffee shop anyway.

They walked in silence to her car. She could think of nothing to say. They reached her little car and she unlocked it with the key fob. Much to her surprise he opened the driver's door for her. She brushed past him to get in and she could smell and feel his breath on her face. She kept her back to him, she still didn't trust that he wouldn't try something. She got in the driver's seat and waved good-bye. He stepped away from the car and smiled so sweetly that she wished she hadn't been so suspicious. "I need help." she muttered to herself as she drove home.

The next morning she told Alice the whole story. Airport, Napa, Kiss, Fondling, Coffee House-all of it. "What do you think? Do you think I'm just being uptight?" Bella asked her sister.

Alice smiled and asked her, "If you're attracted to him and he is attracted to you, which you both obviously are, why not give it a chance? If later on you find that he is a liar or a nut job then you can break it off. It's not rocket science Bella."

"I know it's not rocket science, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't think that I can handle him, you know? He's older. He seems to be too, too sexual. And too forceful."

"Too sexual? All he did was kiss you Bella." Alice laughed out loud.

"What? Didn't I make it clear? He fondled me! Intimately. And I get a feeling from him that he wants more and more and more."

"Well sure he wants more, what man doesn't? Don't be afraid. If you don't want more just end it. Tell him you're not interested. That's how it works." She laughed as she shut the door behind her and headed off to work.

"You just don't understand." Bella mumbled.

All that day and for the rest of the week, Bella worried about her performance. For the first time since she started to belly dance she had a serious case of stage fright.


	4. Chapter 4

Four

Bella dressed for her performance with extra care. She rimmed her amber eyes with eye liner and shaded the lids with dark eye shadow. She applied ruby red lipstick to her lips and dabbed it off to give just a stained look. She did not put blush on her cheeks because she felt that she looked better without it. She put several stud earrings and two hoops into her ears. Each ear had five piercings and she loved to wear all her earrings at once.

Her hair was done up in a sleek high ponytail and her nails were polished in deep scarlet. A few months ago she had her belly button pierced and she had been waiting for a performance to wear her newest favorite earring. She bought the earrings from a consignment store on Solano. It was an art deco piece, with a marcasite hasp and a large topaz stone the size of an olive. She put it on and it fit perfectly into her navel. It dangled there and it was just the perfect finish to her costume. She put on her many gold bracelets that moved up and down her arm as she danced.

She wore her favorite costume. It was gold and purple. The upper bodice was gold velvet with purple satin trim and dangling gold beads and coins and it fit perfectly over her breasts. The top part of the skirt was purple velvet with gold paillettes and the diaphanous skirt was made of lavender and purple silk chiffon. She loved this costume because it was a gift from Margo. It had belonged to Margo's mother who had been an accomplished dancer in her native Turkey. She completed her outfit with toe rings. Bella always danced in bare feet.

Saturday night when she arrived with Margo and the other dancers at ZaZa's she immediately started looking for Edward. Hoping he wouldn't show up. Hoping he would. Her first performance was at nine and when she started, the only familiar face in the crowd was Alice who had brought a date. Bella relaxed and zoned out. She and the music were one. She smiled often and made eye contact with the audience, many were transfixed and she felt a rush as she continued her dance. She finished her ten minute set and the audience applauded.

She went into the back area and put on her caftan. She was exhilarated and wished that her next set would come sooner. She was relaxed and limber. For the next performance she planned to be more dramatic and do a few Turkish drops and belly rolls. She sat down and ate some kibbi and salad. She had worked up an appetite and the food was delicious.

She took a glance out of the kitchen door and saw that Alice was alone, and sneaked over to her, "Where's your date?" she whispered.

"He stepped outside to take a phone call. Where's _your_ date? I thought I would get a glimpse of this Edward guy."

"He's not my date. Maybe he lost interest. I haven't been very warm. No biggie."

"Well that's too bad. Since Chris you really haven't dated and I'm beginning to worry about you. It's been four months."

"_Only_ four months. I don't feel like dating. If you think about it Alice I've never dated. Chris was the only person I ever went out with. I don't even know how to date."

"True. I'll fix you up"

"Please, please, please don't. And please don't worry. I'll be fine."

"But you're right. You are like a preteen. You don't know HOW. I'm afraid you're going to wind up old and alone.

"For Pete's sake I'm only twenty. " She saw Alice's date coming over and got up to leave. "Bye".

"Wait, I want you to meet him." She held onto Bella's hand. "Dave, I'd like you to meet my sister, the beautiful belly dancer. Bella this is Dave." Dave was younger than Bella expected. He was about her age, twenty-one, or maybe even younger. Sandy blond hair and pinky cheeks, he looked flustered, innocent. Alice was robbing the cradle.

"Hi, how are you" she reached out to shake his hand.

"I'm good. You were really amazing. I couldn't take my eyes off you.

"I noticed." teased Alice. David blushed.

"Thanks, I appreciate that. Well I better get ready, my next set starts in a few minutes. It was nice to meet you, Dave."

Bella went back to the office and got ready to perform.

Minutes later she came out with a flourish. Dramatically, she raised both arms above her head to get the audience attention and then the music started. The first move she did was the slow belly roll and then she went right into the Turkish drop. She slowly leaned back until she was parallel to the floor her pony tail brushed her heels and then she came back up again slowly. The audience whooped and clapped and then she was lost in the music. It was fast and her feet and hips were just as fast. She smiled at the audience and pirouetted, round and round her skirt flying around. Towards the end the music slowed hypnotically and she ended her dance with some seductive come hither rolls of each hip. She was exhilarated when the music came to an end. She gave a deep bow and skipped off in her bare feet back to the office.

She ran right into Edward who was waiting in the hallway. Her heart tripped and started to beat heavily. He smiled and said one word, "Wow!" He was holding a single gardenia which he gave to her.

"Thanks." The adrenaline rush had her flushed and breathless. He stared at her with a smile and she smiled back up at him. "So, I see that you made it."

"Yes, I did. Are you hungry?"

"Hungry? Are you kidding? I've been eating non-stop since I got here. The food is great."

"I was hoping to take you out to dinner." he seemed disappointed.

She didn't know what to say. "Let me change and then we can go for a drink."

She ran into the office and changed out of her costume in record time. She came back and found Edward at the table with Alice and Dave. "So you've met."

"Yeah, Edward here came over and introduced himself, he said he saw the similarity and just knew I was your sister." Alice was positively bubbly.

Bella was surprised. "Funny. People never say that. Most people say we look nothing alike. I'm darker haired and Alice has curly light brown locks. She looks more like our Dad's side." Bella was perplexed. Especially since she never mentioned to him that she even had a sister.

"It's true that your coloring is different but you're very much alike in features. The shape of your face and your nose and your pouty upper lips are very similar." They all stared at him, pretty impressed by his certainty.

"Edward was a detective. Hawaii five-O, literally, he knows everything." Bella informed them.

They all sat and talked for a few minutes. He struck her as quite normal, even entertaining.

Finally, Edward got up and said to Bella, "I think we should get going." And to Alice and Dave he explained, "I'm taking Bella out for a drink."

"Bella doesn't drink." Alice said, looking from Edward to Bella.

"I drink Coke and Pepsi." Said Bella.

#

"Did you drive?" Edward asked her as they walked to his car.

"No, I got a lift with Margo. Why?"

"Well I wanted to know how far we could go, if your car was here we would have to come back and get it." He opened his car door for her and smiled down at her. For some reason he looked young and carefree, so different than when she had first met him.

She slid into the car and said, "Thank you." He kept the door open, staring down at her.

"Do you know how incredibly beautiful you look right now?" he asked.

She pursed her lips and replied, "It's the make-up." He laughed and closed the door.

When he sat down in the driver's seat Bella asked him, "Do you always open car doors for women? Or are you on your best behavior?"

"I usually hold doors open for women and I usually say "please" and "thank you" and I usually let sleeping dogs lie."

"That's cryptic. Does that mean I shouldn't ask impertinent questions?"

"Precisely." He started the car and drove away. She sat there smelling the car and Edward. His car still had that new car smell, but she had no idea what kind of car it was. She also smelled him. He smelled of soap and something else. She found his smell _very_ sexy. "What are you thinking?" she mentally berated herself but the words had tumbled from her lips.

"I was thinking that not only are you incredibly beautiful but you also smell incredibly delicious." He answered her. "Do you have any suggestions about a place we could go for a drink?"

"No, not really." She wanted to tell him that she was thinking the same thing about him, but she couldn't bring herself to say it. She knew that if she did she would start down a road that she had no experience navigating. "Why don't we go to my house?" she suggested "Alice is out on her date and we have some wine, beer and I think we even have vodka and scotch. I can make you something if you're hungry. And more importantly, I can get comfy." As soon as she said it she wondered if he would get the wrong idea. She really didn't want to go out but she did want to spend time getting to know him.

"Thank you, that would be nice." He said. He smiled broadly and she got the feeling that somehow she had given him exactly what he was hoping for.

He parked in the driveway and they walked up the stairs where she fumbled with her keys in the dark . The moon was almost full but he was standing over her and blocking the light. "Scuse me," she pushed against his arm to get him out of the way. A tremor ran through her as she felt his muscular bicep tense under his jacket and he reached out and held her hand with the key in it. He took the keys away and put his other hand in the small of her back. "I want to kiss you."

"Are you asking permission?" her dimples deepened.

"Yes, I'm asking permission, I don't want you mad at me again." He said softly.

"Then kiss me." She invited. It was all he needed to hear. He pulled her close and bent down to kiss her full on the lips. He didn't open his lips but just pressed them against hers.

"May I?" he whispered against her lips.

"Yes you may," she said and this time her lips parted to receive his tongue. The kiss was long and slow. He ran his tongue over hers and licked the edges again and again. She marveled at how good he tasted. His breath smelled like wine and his tongue was like nothing she had ever tasted.

"So good. You taste so good. " he said afterwards.

"Kibbi and baclava." she whispered and he laughed and let her go.

He gave her back her keys and she opened the door. She left him in the living room and went into her bedroom and changed into a brightly colored blue and green silk caftan. After searching the kitchen for something for him to drink, she came back with scotch in one hand and vodka in the other. "What would you like," she asked.

"Well, I would really like to kiss you again." He answered very seriously.

"No can do." she said teasingly. "You came for a drink and a drink you'll get. White wine, red wine, scotch and soda or vodka and OJ, take your pick."

"Scotch and soda- on ice, thanks. Didn't you also promise to cook for me?" he reminded her.

"I did indeed. Come into the kitchen and I'll see what we have." She whirled around and he followed her.

He let out a low whistle, "This is state of the art, a chef's kitchen." He noticed.

"We redid it last year. I like it a lot. It's easily my favorite room in the house, other than my bedroom." She stopped realizing that he may take that as an invitation to go see it.

He came over to her and took her by the shoulders and turned her into his arms. "You have nothing to worry about. I can go as slow as you want. I won't push you into doing anything you don't want, okay?"

She looked up at him and nodded, "okay" she said.

He let her go and she went to look in the fridge. "I can make you crepes with smoked salmon and a side of asparagus, does that sound good?"

"Perfect."

"Why didn't you eat at ZaZa's? The food is really good if you like Lebanese food. "

"Like I said, I was hoping to take you out to dinner. I had a plan."

"What was the plan?" she asked curiously.

"Well I was planning on taking you to Gary Danko's and then out to a night of jazz. But you decided to eat and ruin my night." He smiled at her indicating that he thought the night was far from being ruined.

They sat around the kitchen island, she sipped on sparkling water while he sipped his scotch and soda. "Why don't you drink?" he asked.

"I drink an occasional sip of wine, but nothing else. I don't like the zippy feeling, I guess. And I don't like being out of control."

"Aah. I see."

"What do you mean?"

"Well if fits with your personality. You don't really like being out of control with anything."

"And what makes you think that you know my "personality"?" she asked, starting to get a little annoyed.

"Well I only meant what I've observed about your personality so far. For instance…" he stopped.

"Please go on. I'm curious to know what you think." And she was curious.

"For instance when I first spoke to you at the airport, I got the feeling that you hated the fact that I was trying to lead the conversation. I know you enjoyed our kiss in Napa, but you hated not being in control. So you ran away. That's why I asked you for permission to kiss you tonight. I think you are afraid when you're not in control of your behavior. That's why you don't drink and why you don't… like sex."

She looked at him and rolled her eyes. "That's not true. I like sex."

"That's good to know." He smiled devilishly.

"Was that a trick? You wanted me to say that I like sex?"

"Well, I wasn't too sure. But now I know." He smiled and dug into his meal with gusto.

"You _are_ a snake." She laughed

#

After Edward ate, he insisted on washing the dishes and told her to go sit in the living room. She put on one of her favorite Nancy Wilson jazz albums and sat on the floor listening. Edward came into the living room and found Bella lying on a big floor pillow staring out the picture window at the moonlit sky. He quietly lay down next to her, on his side propping his head up with his arm. "Penny for your thoughts." He said and she turned to look at him. She rolled onto her side and propped her head up on her arms.

"I was thinking about what a great time I had tonight. Dancing, and talking with you. And I was thinking that you're way too observant for me." She couldn't help but be honest. "I think you can see right through me and that is unsettling."

"Well I am a pretty good observer of human nature, but that doesn't mean I can see right through you. I don't know very much about you at all, but I would like to spend time finding out." He put his other arm around her waist and pulled her closer. He stared into her face and waited. They stayed like that for a few minutes each looking at the other. She noticed his hair with just the slightest smattering of grey at the temples. She noticed that his eyes were clear grey with flecks of blue. He had long dark lashes. His nose was strong and longish, but very masculine. She touched the bridge of it where there was a slight bump.

"Did you get this in a fight?"

He nodded slightly, "Boxing."

She continued her journey down his face and touched his lips with her fingertips. She slid her finger down his face all the way to his chin. Running her finger over the pencil thin beard that rimmed his jaw and ran up into the thin mustache.

"Like it?" he asked smiling.

"Very much" she answered, smiling back.

He took his hand and lifted it up to her face. She was wearing his gardenia in her hair. He stared into her amber eyes and touched the mole near her right temple. He ran his thumb down the side of her cheek, touching the cheekbone and then resting it in her dimple. He finished his journey by touching her still red lips. He rubbed his thumb gently over her lips and pried them open. He put his thumb in and touched the wet inside of her mouth. "I like your face too." He said softly and then bent down to kiss her.

He ran his tongue along the lips he had just touched. He ran it from side to side. He probed the tip of his tongue into the inside of her upper lip. She met his tongue with hers. He opened his mouth and let her put her tongue in his. He tasted so good. He tasted of the scotch and the food but she could taste the esence of him too.

They kissed for many minutes then her arm gave out and she flopped back against the pillow. He let her go, but he kept looking down at her in the moonlight. He stared at her for a long, long time.

"What is it?" she whispered.

"I want to remember you like this, warm, lovely, voluptuous, and very sexy. I'll think about this when I'm in my bed later tonight." he promised.

She reached up, put her hand in his hair and pulled his face down to hers. She kissed him in her most seductive way. "You don't have to go yet." She whispered.

"I have to. I can't stay." He kissed the tip of her nose and then her mouth. He slowly ran his fingertips down the side of her neck and traced a line along the scoop neck of her caftan. She shivered, suddenly she yearned for him to put his fingers inside her top and touch her underneath. He stood up and reached down for her hand and pulled her up into his arms. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" he asked.

She shook her head, "No."

"Well what I'm saying is I didn't come prepared. I have nothing."

Bella still had no idea what he was saying and kept looking at him.

He bent down and softly whispered in her ear, "Condoms."

"Oh." She was taken aback. "I wasn't thinking that we would have sex. I just thought that we would, you know, kiss, have fun."

"If I stay we will have sex. So I better leave."

"No we wouldn't," she said, annoyed that he would assume that she would have sex with him on the first date.

"Yes, we would." He insisted.

"You think a lot of yourself, don't you?" Bella said, testily.

"Yes, I do." He said and he took her hand in his and walked to the front door. He pushed her against the inside of the door and kissed her again. His hand wrapped around her ponytail and pulled her head back, kissing the underside of her chin. He buried his face in her neck and his tongue darted out to lick her skin. "You taste like nothing else I've ever tasted," he told her, "and I want to taste all of you. Soon." He bit her chin gently and then opened the door and left. Bella watched him get into his car and closed the door. She felt ravaged, but in a good way.

She went to her bathroom and took a shower. While she was donning her nightshirt she heard Alice come in. As she lay in bed she thought about everything that happened and wondered if she was a little bit crazy. Before she saw him with that gardenia she had hoped to never see him again. And a few hours later where was she? On the floor begging him to stay -that's where. She buried her face in her pillow. She felt like a shameless hussy.

She heard Alice go to her bedroom and she decided not to go and talk to her. She needed some time to figure out why she was so weak where Edward was concerned. If he hadn't decided to leave she knew they would have been rolling around in her bed right now.

#

After a restless night's sleep she didn't feel any better. She got up the next morning and made some pancakes for breakfast. Alice came into the kitchen. "How did it go with Edward?" she teased.

Bella kept her back turned to her sister, "Fine." She answered. "Do you want bacon or sausage?"

"Changing the subject, huh? What are you hiding? Did he make a move?"

"No comment."

"Well I have a comment. I just want you to know that I came home at twelve and saw a strange car parked in the driveway, so Dave and I waited across the street in the car. The lights were off and we waited and waited and finally I saw him leave at one o'clock. He was here for at least a couple of hours. What did you guys do?" She waited.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Why not? Share, please. Pretty Please?" she clasped her hands together and begged.

"Alice, I need time to think. Why can't I keep this to myself for now?"

Alice looked at her and said, "Fine, but can I say one thing? I would hate to think that you are embarrassed to be falling for someone. It's human and it's about time that you got over sappy Chris."

"I'm not falling, Alice. I'm in lust, but not in love."

"Oho." She smiled. "But that's the best. Falling in lust is all the fun without the heartache. Sweetie, have fun, enjoy being young. Remember it's a roller coaster ride. Enjoy the thrill while it lasts. And missy, I'll have bacon _and_ sausage."

The sisters spent the day spring cleaning. Bella was quiet and her thoughts constantly veered to last night and Edward. Edward. She had fleeting thoughts of trying to get in touch with him but had no idea how. She didn't have a phone number or an address. He is very much an unknown quantity she thought to herself. She expected to hear from him that day, but heard nothing. He doesn't have my number either she realized.

The next day she came home and found flowers on her doorstep. The card said, "Came by to see you. Don't have your number, here's mine. Please call me. E.C." She kept the card but was too hesitant to call. What would she say to him? She wasn't used to calling men. She was hoping he would drop by again but didn't see him that whole week. She thought about him often. "Maybe he is trying to play games, so that I'll get desperate and fall into his lap." she thought.

So life went on as before. She taught her dance class Tuesday and Thursday evening and worked at the restaurant Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. She looked forward to the coming Sunday and Monday when she had no commitments and her time would be her own. But all that week she couldn't stop the dreams that came in the night, and they were all about Edward. And they all left her yearning for his touch.


	5. Chapter 5

Five

Sunday dawned and it was a beautiful day, Bella dressed in white short shorts and a teeny tiny tank top. She decided that she would spend the day lazily, getting some sun on the back deck. She went outside with a glass of orange juice and her newspaper. She was just settling down with the pink section when the doorbell rang. She thought of ignoring it, but then worried that it may Mrs Cope from next door who was probably looking for her cat Mr Jenks. Mr Jenks loved to escape and set up house with some hotsy totsy feline, and he usually found his way back after a few days of alleycat merriment. But Mrs Cope worried the whole time that he was gone, afraid that this time she had lost him forever. Mumbling to herself she got up after the third ring and went to get it. Edward stood on the doorstep. Her heart tumbled, _"Why does it keep doing that?" _she asked herself and cursed her body.

"I would have called but I don't have your number."

Bella stared at him, she finally shook herself out of her stupor and offered, "I'll give it to you."

"Do you want to go fly a kite?" and like a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat he pulled a kite from behind his back. "It's a perfect day for it."

Bella was a little surprised by his proposal. Before today she would have bet he'd have more touchy feely activities on his agenda, but maybe he really did want to get to know her."Yeah, sure." She scribbled a note for Alice and left it on the front door.

Edward drove to the marina and he bypassed the boat dock and parked at the very end of the cul-de-sac facing the bay and the view of San Francisco. Edward handed her a blanket and he pulled out a picnic basket. "It's my turn to feed you." He smiled. They left the car and headed for the rolling green hills of the huge park where other kite flyers were enjoying the sport. They spread the blanket in full view of the bay and the Golden Gate Bridge. The air was cool, clean and invigorating.

He poured sparkling apple juice and gave her a glass. "Wow, I'm impressed, real crystal, china and silverware."

"Only the best for you." He clinked his glass with hers, "Cheers." They ate rosemary chicken salad with french bread, pate and assorted cheeses to the sound of the crashing waves. "You're awfully quiet," he said, as she munched.

"I have nothing to say." In truth she felt tongue-tied and shy. She really wanted to ask him where he had been and why he hadn't come by and why he'd left it up to her to make the next move but decided to bite her tongue.

"Well, I have something pretty important to say. Actually it's a request, but it's pretty important." He sounded very serious all of a sudden.

She couldn't imagine what on earth he would like to ask her that would qualify as 'pretty important'. "Really? What is it?"

"Well, I have to fly to New York, in a couple weeks. I'm there a lot for business so I have an apartment. It's only for a week. And I know it's kind of soon, but I would like you to come with me." He looked right into her eyes waiting for an answer.

Bella was shocked. She had no idea what to say so she said the first thing that came to her head, "If you're going on business why do you want me to come with you?"

"I'm meeting with my editor and my agent and doing some other business but I won't be very busy. I thought it might be really nice if you were there, I could show you New York. And I promise not to make a move on you." He reached for her hand and rubbed her wrist. "And if you don't come I'll be thinking of you every minute of every day."

She said nothing, what could she say?

"Bella?"

"Umm, I have to work."

"Couldn't you take time off?" he asked.

Again she said nothing, she was thinking. All sorts of questions were flooding her brain. Such as how could he kiss her like he did Saturday night, practically make love to her and then disappear for a week? Then show up and try to take her to New York, undoubtedly for a week of sex? As before, he seemed to have an inner link to her thoughts.

"I _did_ want to see you this past week but I had to fly to Los Angeles - for work. Something came up suddenly on a script. I couldn't call you because I didn't have your number, I thought about calling the school but I thought you would jump to conclusions about me stalking you. You didn't even tell me your last name."

"It's Swan."

"How fitting, beautiful swan. Well, Bella Swan, when I go to New York I won't be able to see you for another whole week." He saw a hesitant look on her face. "Just think about it, I won't pressure you. We'll have fun today and you can think about it. I'll be leaving in two weeks. If you decide not to come I'll get your number and call you every day, okay?" He got up and pulled her by the hand. "Let's go fly this kite."

They ran up the hill, hand in hand, Edward pulling her ever higher. She was breathless by the time they got to the top. He released the kite and let out the string, it flew up, up, up. The sky in mid-June was cloudless. They ran and played like children, up one hill and down another. Bella had always loved this park it was one of her favorite places. She loved the salty spray of the bay and the panoramic view of the Berkeley Hills, the boats in the marina and the skyline of San Francisco. They stayed there for hours, walking the paths and enjoying the salty sea air, eventually packing up when the fog started to roll in and the temperature became nippy.

They went to sit in his car and they talked as they finished the creme caramel he had brought for dessert. "So, have you thought about it? Are you going to come to New York? Or do you need more time to think?" Edward asked her.

She cleared her throat and replied, "I don't need more time. Like you said, Edward, I think it's too soon. I barely know you and you barely know me. Spending a week together seems like it might be a lot of time together; you know, a long time without a break from each other. What if we find that we get on each other's nerves?"

"I'm sure you won't get on my nerves, but I think I know what you're thinking. A week in a strange apartment, in an unfamiliar city will put you at a disadvantage. What if I do try to pressure you into sleeping with me? And what if you don't want to? You think I'll be angry and you'll feel forced and uncomfortable. Then it's going to be a long week in some creep's apartment. Is that what you mean?" he asked her.

She assumed he was joking, so she laughed and replied, "Now that you mention it, that exact scenario did cross my mind, except for the "creep" part, of course."

He blew out a frustrated breath, and only then did she realize he was upset. "You know you are the strangest woman I've ever met. You're a mass of contradictions. You come across as this confident person. You have tattoos and piercings, you perform seductively in front of total strangers who are all lusting after you and you're comfortable with that. That's just fine and dandy. You're attracted to me, we both know that, but when I try to get close to you, you act like a timid little teenager and run away. When we start kissing you want it to go on and on and you have no problem saying so at the time, yet when we meet again you revert to this shy frightened kid. I don't get it. What's your problem? Aren't you comfortable with your body and your sexuality?" He was getting angry and he was breathing hard.

But Bella was getting angry too. "Firstly, you said that you wouldn't pressure me into going to New York with you. And when I tell you no, what do you do? You try to pressure me. _You're _the mass of contradictions. And secondly just because I look one way doesn't mean that's all there is to me. Don't you know the old adage that you can't judge a book by its cover? Seems to me as an "ex-detective" that would have been a lesson you would have learned long ago." She gave it to him with full force, jabbing her index finger into his chest. "And thirdly who the hell do you think you are? God's gift to women? Just because I'm attracted to you that doesn't mean that I want to open my legs for you as soon as you give me some attention." She turned to open the passenger door to get the hell out of the car there was no way she was going to stay. She was determined to get home on her own.

Edward leaned over and pulled the door shut. He grabbed her by her shoulders and pulled her toward him for a kiss. She tried to pull her head away, but he was too strong for her. As soon as their lips touched she was lost. She couldn't help it she had to kiss him back. He was sexy as hell and she had no way of stopping her body from responding. He twisted one hand in her long pony tail and then he reached over and put his other hand on her hip and brought her closer, only the gear shift prevented him from pulling her all the way into his body. His tongue wreaked havoc on her senses and her heart beat crazily in her chest. She melted with no thought of resisting him. His hand slid from her hip to her thigh where her short shorts ended. He ran his strong fingers in between her thighs and they parted. He reached beneath the edge of her shorts and pushed his fingers under her panties and touched her wet softness and she moaned and opened wider. (So much for her claim that she wouldn't open her legs just because he wanted her to.) She pulled her lips from his and looked down to see what his fingers were doing. She looked up and their eyes met and she covered his hand with hers and pushed into him, wanting more. She licked his earlobe and bit it gently. He smelled so sweaty and male and she inhaled deeply. His hand left her pony tail and he pulled her tank top sleeve and bra strap over her shoulders and down. Her breast was exposed and he bent down and sucked one nipple so sharply that she squeaked and arched into him.

"Say you want me. Say you want me to make love to you." He demanded.

"I want you." She gasped out.

"Good. Because I want you, very, very badly." He looked into her eyes. "I want to make love to you, Bella. I want to taste and touch every inch of this perfect body. I want to see you naked under me. I want to smell you sweaty and hot. And I want to taste you, all of you. I want to feel you move and tremble in my arms when I satisfy you. I want to hear you moan my name when you come and sleep on me when we're done." God he was good. Bella almost had an orgasm right then and there. She wanted to beg him to make love to her now. "Bella, do you want what I want?" he asked.

"Yes." she moaned.

"Now?" he asked.

"Now." She begged.

He got out of the car and quick as lightning he was opening her door and pulling her out of her seat. He started to walk quickly, holding her hand tightly in his, his long strides forcing her to run to keep up as he tugged her along.

"Oh my god, where are we going?" she was wondering if he was going to shove her under a bush and make love to her here in the park.

"To my boat." He answered her. "This is where I live."

They boarded the houseboat and he hurried her down into the wood paneled bedroom. She barely saw the bedroom before he turned her into his arms and started to kiss her. Before she knew it he had stripped her clothes off and they were both naked and she was in his arms. True to his words he started to kiss her all over. He scattered kisses over her shoulders and down over her breasts. He dropped to his knees and held her hips between his big hands. He kissed her belly and the bones of her hips and the top of her thighs.

His voracious hunger frightened her and she whimpered, "No," and covered herself as pressed his mouth to her and tried to lick between her thighs. He grabbed both her wrists in one large hand and stood up. His other hand reached for her chin and he whispered, "Yes", against her lips and then he kissed her hungrily. "I've been dying to taste you since I touched you at the river. Your sweet, naked pussy has been haunting my nights." All thoughts of resistance fled from her mind as they fell together onto his bed and he parted her thighs with his and he lay in between them. His mouth delved into hers again; licking, sucking, roaming leaving no part untasted. When his lips left hers, she let out a deep sigh. "Oh, Edward."

He kissed and licked her throat and the space between her breasts. His mouth traveled to her nipple, he licked and then sucked it hard. He licked and sucked the other nipple as he rubbed and pinched the first and she thought she would just melt all over the bed. He moved lower and kissed her navel and he pushed his tongue into the indentation. All the while he still held both her wrists in one hand. His other hand played with her secret nub. Finally, he opened her upand his tongue reached into her folds and he licked her. He ran the flat of his tongue on it over and over again. She moaned and struggled to free her hands from his hold. When she finally managed to free them, she ran her fingers through his hair and held his head between her thighs, her body started to twist, moving toward him and away. She moaned "yes" again and again. She thought she would die, her heart was beating so fast. She was on fire and her whole body was dewy with sweat.

He moved up and his body hovered over hers. He gasped "Bella, look at me." Her eyes opened and they were liquid gold. "I want to see your eyes when I come in." She saw him in the weak light of the setting sun. He looked intently at her. He entered her slowly, filling her inch by inch. And as he did she felt deliciously complete, eager for him to move. His face was tight, his jaw was clenched and his gray eyes stared right into her amber ones. She couldn't look away. He started to move in and out with slow, deep, hard thrusts.

She heard the sound that their wet bodies made as he moved in her and on her. The moist slide and suck, slippery skin against slippery skin, the slap of hip meeting hip, the soft panting moans that came unbidden from her throat and his answering growl and groans. The thump of the bed bowing, the shurr of the waves outside all met in a symphony of sound made by them, just for them.

As he moved in her, she became afraid of not keeping up so she anchored herself to him by holding onto his broad shoulders and her feet latched onto his calves. With each deep stroke she felt that she would come now and now and finally when she did her back arched and her head pushed back into the pillow. She felt the electric tingle start from her spine and spread all the way up to the back of her head and down to her toes. Her toes curled into his calf muscles and she dug her fingers into his bulging biceps. Soft moaning whisper-words, the "Don't stop"s and "Please, Please"s and "Oh God"s escaped her lips as her head moved from side to side. She wanted the feeling to go on and on at the same time she wanted it to stop. It was so much pleasure that she thought she might faint. She moaned his name over and over again. Still he kept thrusting in and out, seeking his own rapture. She wrapped her legs around his hips, loving the feel of him between her thighs. Edward shuddered and became still as he let out a deep moan and fell on top of her panting for air. They stayed like that for several minutes as their bodies cooled.

He rolled onto his back and pulled her next to him, into the crook of his arm. "Don't ever tell me no again." He told her.

"I won't" she said weakly. He was in charge.

They lay there until her thundering heartbeats returned to normal. "Can I have some water?" she asked hoarsely.

He got up from the bed and she watched his beautiful naked body. She felt the aching heat again between her thighs. "Oh God help me." She muttered softly to herself.

Edward came back with ice water for both of them and threw himself down on the bed next to her. He kissed her shoulder and ran his hand possessively over her belly. "I want more."

They started to make love again. The moon shone in through the porthole and she saw Edward smile like she had never seen anyone smile before. The ghostly, blue moonlight made him radiant, angelic, like some strange, otherworldly being and her hand moved to tenderly caress his cheek, making sure that he wasn't some dream creature her mind had conjured up. As she felt him solid beneath her hand she wondered, _"Why me?"_

Again, it was just as though he could read her mind, "Bella, you're the most beautiful creature, made just for me."

And he pulled her on top and made her straddle him. "I don't know how to do this." She whispered.

"Just try." He insisted.

He held her hips in his hands and moved her body with his. As she got the rhythm and moved on top of him, he reached between them and rubbed her nub with his thumb. Her thighs went weak and she reached her hands to his chest to support herself. She could barely move. He rolled her onto her back and knelt between her legs, hoisting her splayed thighs on top of his. He slid into her wetness and he held her hips as he pounded into her. Bella grabbed her breasts as one by one the waves of orgasm flooded her body.

"You feel so good." Edward whispered in her ear afterwards. "I can't get enough."

They made love many more times that night. He made her body feel and do things that she'd never imagined. Each time they recovered their breathing he would start kissing and caressing her again. Through the porthole the darkness was receding and the morning sky was beginning to turn blue before they fell into an exhausted sleep.

#

When Bella opened her eyes she was lying on her stomach. The bed was empty. She moved her legs tentatively, her thighs ached so deliciously. Rolling over she spotted a breakfast tray on the low granite shelf that served as a nightstand. There was a cup of warm coffee, a toasted bagel with cream cheese and some sweet strawberries. Realizing she was famished she started to eat; smiling ruefully at her own outlandish behavior. Imagine, she, Bella Swan, was lying stark naked in a strange man's bed, sucking on giant sweet strawberries. How decadent! She stretched luxuriously, wondering where Edward was, when the door opened and he came in. He was drying off from a shower, one towel rubbing his head and another towel wrapped around his waist. His chest hair was glistening and she remembered the rough feel of it on her breasts. He stopped when he realized she was awake. Smiling softly he said, "Good morning," and he dropped to his knees by the side of the bed and kissed her shoulder softly and sweetly.

All her tentativeness disappeared and she caressed his hair and said, "Good morning."

"I've been waiting for you to wake up, sleepyhead, you know it's already past eleven o'clock."

She gasped and sat up. "Eleven o'clock! Oh my god, I have to call Alice, she must be so worried." She was frantic. "I don't even know where my handbag is!" she wailed.

"Here use my cell, Bella." She thanked him and called her sister's office and she picked up right away.

"Alice, I'm so sorry I didn't call last night. I'm okay, I'm with Edward, and I hope you aren't worried."

"I kinda figured you were with him, I got your note."

"What note?"

"The post it you left on the front door. You said, and I quote, "Going out with Edward, see you when I see you." end quote."

Bella had totally forgotten about the note. "Oh good, so you weren't worried? At all?"

"Nope, not at all. He seems like a good guy, he'll take care of my little sis." Louise said breezily. "But when I see you again, I want details."

"Okay." Bella whispered and hung up.

"So everything's okay? No reason to panic?" He moved the sheet aside and bent down to kiss the tender area between her breasts. "Mmm. I love your breasts." He reached both hands up and started to massage them, then he licked each nipple. He reached up and kissed her on the lips. His breath was minty fresh and his body smelled of soap. All of a sudden she felt sweaty and sticky.

"I need to take a shower." She wrinkled her nose.

He laced his fingers with hers and pulled her off the bed, as she clutched the sheet in front of her.

"The shower is in here," he opened the door to the shower cubicle "and the towels are up here. Here is an extra toothbrush." he opened an overhead compartment. "Don't be long."

She showered quickly and then got dressed in yesterday's shorts and tank. She went back into the bedroom and spread the bed. She picked up a used condom from the floor and dropped it in the waste basket. There were so many in there that it boggled her mind. "How on earth did we do it so many times?" she wondered. She also felt extremely thankful that Edward was so responsible, because, as Bella was ashamed to admit to herself, the thought of protection never crossed her mind last night. Not even once.

Outside the window she could see that it was another gorgeous day. She carried the breakfast tray upstairs and wandered around into the living room/kitchen. It was bigger and brighter than she expected. The kitchen had everything you could imagine. Honey oak cabinets, ceiling fan, stove, microwave and refrigerator. It was extremely spacious. The kitchen flowed into the living room. The living room was furnished with a cream colored sectional, built-ins and a fireplace. The room was surrounded by windows. She saw Edward standing outside on the deck. Bella walked out to meet him.

He pulled her into his body and linked his arms around her lower back. He gave her a long slow kiss. "What'll we do today?" he asked her.

"I don't have clean clothes so I would like to go home and get changed."

"And then?"

"And then I guess we could get to know each other standing up."

He laughed. "How about we go for a walk? I would like to take you for a walk across the Golden Gate Bridge. What do you think?"

"Sounds good. But before we go can you show me your boat?"

Edward showed her around. He said it was 18' by 50'.

"Have you ever sailed it?" she asked.

"Oh yeah. I have to leave the berth every three months, but I usually only take it out a little ways and then I come back. I never go too far."

He took her downstairs and showed her the other three bedrooms each with their own bathrooms. She was amazed by the luxury and size. "What made you decide to live on a houseboat?" she asked.

"Many things. When I was about eleven I saw this old Cary Grant movie and he lived on a houseboat. Then Sophia Loren came to work for him. Ever since then I had a fantasy that I would live on a houseboat someday with Sophia Loren. Do you want to be my Sophia? You certainly look the part." She didn't answer the question.

He continued. "I grew up around boats and I always loved them. I love being near the water, it gives me the feeling that I can go anywhere, anytime that I choose. A feeling of freedom. But this isn't my main home. I have the apartment in New York that I told you about and I also have a house in Los Angeles. I'm there most of the year."

"How about in Hawaii, do you have a place there?"

"You know, I have a lot of family there and when I go back I stay with them. I really don't need a place there anymore." He smiled down at her. "This is my paradise now." Her heart tumbled over.

He drove her to her house and parked in the driveway. She invited him upstairs. "Alice is at work. Come on up." She ran ahead leaving him to follow her up the stairs. She went into her bedroom to change. She stripped her clothes quickly and rummaged through her underwear drawer. When she turned around she was startled to see him staring at her from her bedroom doorway.

He had his arms outstretched on either side of the frame and she knew that he was getting turned on watching her get undressed. There was no doubt that his face had tightened and that desire was in his eyes. She loved having the power to excite him. She stared at him as he stared at her body, she took slow deliberate movements and unhooked her bra. Peeling the lacy garment slowly down her arms she let it fall to the floor. Then she slowly wriggled her hips and reached her thumbs to the waist of her panties. Ever so slowly she shifted them down from around her hips and let them fall to the floor. He watched her silently. She put on her new panties and pulled them up. She walked over to the closet and grabbed a short yellow sundress. She stepped into her dress and slowly pulled it up. She walked over to Edward and turned her back to him. She lifted her long hair and asked him to tie her straps.

He tied them and then reached around and cupped her breasts. He bit her gently on the back of the neck. She leaned back and pressed her body into his and she could feel him harden. "God, you're sexy." He muttered. Both arms snaked around her midriff and then he reached down and pulled up her dress. He bunched up her dress in one hand while his other hand quickly skimmed her abdomen and slid down into her panty. Her head reeled with the quickness of his movement. His fingers pinched her folds gently and then she felt a rush of wet heat as he stroked her with his finger. Her back arched as he stroked her wet insides and her hips ground against his hand. Just as swiftly as it began, it ended; and he turned her around and took his finger out and let her skirt fall.

Bella gulped as he rubbed his wet finger over her lips, then licked it off, "So, deliciously good."

"Ohh, gosh." Her golden eyes were soft with desire as she slid her arms around his neck.

He did not hesitate to devour her mouth, his tongue stroking hers as his arms tightened around her waist, but he pulled away too soon. "Let's go, now. Before I change my mind." he said. He grabbed her hand and pulled her out the door.

They parked at the San Francisco end of the Golden Gate Bridge and then walked over the span. It was a warm day, but a nice breeze was blowing. He held her hand in his and they talked as they walked across. Bella asked him about his family and found out that he has a sister and a younger brother. His paternal side of the family were originally from Denmark and Finland by way of Chicago. His grandfather came to Hawaii during World War II and married Edward's grandmother who was the colonel's daughter. Edward's mother is half French and half English with a smidge of Hawaiian.

That explained his build. "Hawaiian? No wonder you're so big. How tall are you?"  
"Six-two, two hundred pounds." And gorgeous, Bella couldn't help thinking.`

"So you're like a Hawaiian-Viking combo? A Ha-Viking." she teased.

"You could say that." He laughed. "Didn't I hear you say that you were French too? On your father's side?"

"You have a good memory, it must be the detective in you. I don't remember my father, he died when I was two. But he was French Canadian from Quebec. My mother is French Creole from New Orleans, and Native American too, Choctaw, I think. "

"She must have been beautiful, your mother I mean. French Creole, Choctaw, and Cajun. What a combination!"

"She _was _very beautiful. She was feisty too; that woman could put you in your place with just a few words. She was so witty, and she had a tongue like a knife. I sometimes still can't believe she's gone. She pretty much raised Alice and me on her own, you know. She didn't have family in the bay area. She moved out here to go to Cal and met my father here. She never went back to New Orleans."

"How did he die?"

"My dad died in a motorcycle accident. He was young and crazy, I guess. Alice remembers him. She says that he was always laughing. He was only twenty-nine when he died."

"And your mom never remarried?"

"No, never. She had one boyfriend, when I was seven and Alice was eleven."

"And?"

"And he was a nice guy. Very nice. He owned a bicycle shop. I remember that he was a big teaser, he would make fun of us but in a hilarious way that had us laughing at ourselves. And he was fun, he taught us how to play cards—gin, poker, blackjack." She smiled as she reminisced about Phil. "He was a gamblin' man." she joked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, one time he disappeared for almost a month. He didn't come by, he didn't call, he wasn't at his house. His employees didn't know where he was, or so they told mom. Finally, my mom piled us in the car to go look for him. She went to his hangouts to find friends and ask about him. She was really worried. We finally found him in a back room of a bar in the Mission. He'd been gambling for days. She was so mad at him she made a scene and threw a drink in his face and broke up with him. Then a couple weeks later he came by with a new pink bike for my birthday and she made up with him because he promised never to do that to her again, but of course he eventually did. And she cut him off for good. That was the end of Phil."

"No more boyfriends?"

"Nope. Not even a date. My mom once told me "S_ometimes the price of love is too high._"

"Hmm. Sad. How did your mom die?"

Bella was surprised that suddenly her throat became tight with tears. "Brain aneurysm." She said sadly. "A little over two years ago. It was so sudden. One day she was here, the next she was gone." She whispered to herself, "I miss her so much."

He stopped to hug her tightly and said quietly, "I'm sorry." They both became quiet, each lost in thought.

Then they started walking again. Bella cleared her throat and asked, "How about your parents?"

"My parents are still alive. They're retired and loving their grandkids."

"So you have nieces and nephews."

"Yes, I do. My sister has one of each."

"And your brother?"

"No, he's still not married. He hasn't met the right person yet he says."

"Like you? Not met the right person yet?"

He didn't answer. He looked towards the ocean, away from her gaze. They were quiet again for a long, long time.

They reached the end of the walk and stood on the Marin side. He reached down and put his hand on either side of her waist. He picked her up, and she squealed. Her hair flowed over them both like a curtain, and he looked up into her golden eyes. He let her slide back down slowly along his body. "Are you hungry?" he asked.

"Very. I've only had strawberries and a half of a bagel."

He pressed his forehead to hers. "I meant are you hungry for me?" he whispered.

Instantly liquid heat gushed to her thighs and her abdomen clenched. "Yes." She sighed.

"What are we going to do about it?"

"Eat?" she suggested and he laughed.

"And then, what?"

"Make love?" she whispered.

"Yes." He kissed her. "We are going to make love."

They started to walk back over the bridge and he put his arm around her waist and let his hand caress her right hip. She put her arms around him and it felt so right.


	6. Chapter 6

Six

They stopped at the supermarket and drove back to his boat and Bella felt happy to be back. The boat was bright and airy, the afternoon sun gave it a golden glow. They nibbled on olives as they cooked together. She made her famous peanut soup to start, followed by coconut rice, chicken in pomegranate sauce and a green papaya and jicama salad. They sat on stools around the kitchen island, across from each other. Edward drank wine and Bella sipped some sparkling water with the meal. "You seem to know your way around the kitchen." She complimented him as they ate.

"I pride myself on knowing a little bit about everything." He teased.

"And a lot about one thing in particular." she teased back.

"You must mean my detective work and powers of human observation."

"No, something else."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He said with fake innocence.

"Of course you don't." She rolled her eyes and giggled.

"Tell me what you're referring to, I'm curious."

She looked into his eyes as he waited. "I was of course referring to your knowledge of…"

"Yeees?"

"Asian astrology."

"Okay my little tiger. I'll let you get away with that one.

After a bit she broached the subject again. "Have you always been like this?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you seem to have remarkable stamina, in the bedroom."

"Stamina?"

"Well, you know what I mean. You just keep going and going. Like the bunny."

He laughed out loud. "You have a voracious sexual appetite too, you just don't want to admit it."

"I don't think so. You're the leader, you kind of take me along for the ride."

"I don't think so at all." He finished his meal and took a last sip of wine. He got up and walked around the counter and pulled her off her seat to hold her in a loose embrace. "For instance, you started this conversation so that we could start making love. _You're_ pulling me in and taking me along right now, aren't you?"

She shook her head, "Not at all. I was just…" He shushed her with a finger pressed over her lips.

"And you want it all night long, like last night, don't you?" he teased.

He sounded so smug she felt like kicking him. "Actually, I'm a little tired. But once or twice should be fine." He laughed.

"Once or twice it is. Your wish is my command."

He lifted her up and put her back on the stool and she leaned back on the granite counter. Their eyes locked as he ran both hands up her thighs until his thumbs met at the edge of her panties. He rubbed them again and again at the lace edge. She was eager for him to put his fingers underneath and touch her, but he didn't. Instead he moved both hands up higher under her sundress, skimming her hips and waist until they reached her breasts. He squeezed and rubbed her nipples until they became hard and tight. Undoing her straps and pulling the dress down to her waist. Edward reached up and unbuttoned his shirt. "I want to feel you, skin to skin with me," he murmured as he pulled her to him, his nipple kissing hers. "You like that, Ku ipo?" he breathed.

"Yes," she smiled, as he moved her side to side to rub her soft breasts against his hair sprinkled chest. Finally he leaned down and sucked hard on her nipples, drawing a groan of sheer pleasure from somehere deep in her soul. Bella ran her hands up his arms past his shoulders, putting her hands on each side of his face and pulled him to her. She wanted to feel his tongue in her mouth, she wanted to taste and swallow his breath. When his mouth finally melded with hers in deep, delicious kisses, she sighed in satisfaction. He moved his lips to the side of her neck and nuzzled her as he peeled the dress down over her hips, urging her to lift a little as he drew her panties down with the dress, discarding them both as he moved to kneel between her thighs. He looked right in her eyes as he slowly spread her thighs far apart and used both thumbs to open her to his gaze. "Nani 'oe. You're so beautiful, my Bella," and he bent his head and used his tongue to circle her clit and lick at her wet folds.

She was leaning against the countertop her forearms supporting her. "No, you're beautiful." She gasped. She didn't ever want to stop looking at his face, but the tremor started, her head fell back and her back started to arch. He reached around and grabbed the back of her thighs in both his hands and brought her forward to his hungry mouth, holding her in place so she couldn't pull back.

He used his soft-rough tongue to bring her maximum pleasure. Her thighs tightened against his shoulders, the trembling in her belly became a full blown electric charge that shot all the way down to her toes. Bella could hear nothing except her heartbeat and the blood rushing in her ears, she was hot, beyond burning and her body jerked uncontrollably as she grabbed the edge of the countertop. She faintly realized that it was _her_ voice sobbing, "Stop, stop, Edward stop," over and over and over.

He finally heeded her moans and stopped. Standing up between her thighs, he pulled her legs around his waist and held her as she leaned forward onto his chest. Every bone in her body had gone liquid, melted by his fire. She was gasping for each breath that she drew into her lungs.

It took a long time for her breathing to get back to normal and she became keenly aware that she was completely naked and wrapped around him like a ragdoll.

"Has any woman ever died in your arms?" she wondered out loud.

"Not yet." He laughed.

She groaned. "Well, maybe I'll be the first."

A few minutes later he said, "Bella, that's just once. Later we go for twice." he said.

"I don't think I can go again." She said tiredly. "I need a nap."

He swung her up into his arms and carried her to the living room and laid her on the sectional. "Don't disappoint me now. I know you can keep up." He took off his shirt and covered her with it and went back to the kitchen and she heard him cleaning up.

"Is this guy a sex machine?" she wondered to herself. And then she started to doubt that she would be able to keep up with him. Her body cooled and she got up to get her dress. She quietly snuck into the kitchen, to retrieve it. Edward was washing the dishes, looking so very sexy in his low slung jeans. His back was muscular, and his biceps rippled. He was bare chested and bare footed. She was pulling her dress on when Edward turned around and saw her.

"I see you've recovered." He had a huge smile on his face and she felt sure that he was laughing at her. Her insides turned over. She really, really liked him. She loved his laughter and his teasing sense of humor. She went behind him as he stood at the sink, and she slid her arms around his waist resting her face on his back and she inhaled deeply.

"Give me a few minutes, Bella." She started to slide her hands away, but he stopped her, "You can stay just where you are, I like it."

He finished the dishes and turned in the circle of her arms. He leaned back against the countertop, and ran his hand down the side of her hair, smoothing it against her scalp. "Bella, I want you to know that I like you. I'm not going to lie, I do lust after you. But I also like you, the person in here." He touched her chest.

"What else?" she asked.

"That's about it for now. Were you expecting more?"

She shook her head, "I was just thinking that I like you too."

"It's been a long time since I felt this comfortable with a woman, and I really, really like it."

"How about that skinny, blond chick at Angela's house party? Kathy or Katie, wasn't that her name? She was hanging on to your every word. You looked pretty comfortable to me."

He was silent and looked at her for a long time. "Bella, I don't want to sound older and wiser, but I am. And over the years I've learned that nothing good can come from answering a question like that. Whatever I say, you'll get upset. So I'm not going to answer."

"I won't get upset."

"Bella, I don't want to know about your lovers and I don't want to talk about mine."

'So she _was_ your lover. Look, I'm not going to ask for the details, but I do think knowing if you slept with her is my business."

"How?" His lips curved and his brows dipped doubtfully as he folded his arms over his chest.

"Well, firstly I'm sleeping with you now, and I'd like to know if that relationship is over. That's not being nosey. Secondly, I'll get a handle on the type of woman you go for." She couldn't believe she was having this conversation with him. He was making clear that there were boundaries he wouldn't let her cross.

"Well, I'll make it clear. I only sleep with one woman at a time and I don't have a "type" of woman. And obviously, I "go for" you."

"Just tell me, did you sleep with her?" she insisted.

"Did you sleep with your boyfriends?" he countered.

"One boyfriend, only. Chris. And yes I did. See how easy it is to be open." She answered. "Now you try."

"Then. Yes. Happy?" he asked.

"Was she your girlfriend, girlfriend? For how long? When did you break up?" THe questions tumbled out.

He bent down and kissed her for a long time. "No comment." And when she started to ask another question, he kissed her again.

"Let's go watch the sunset from the deck." They went up and looked into the western sky until the sun went down between the graceful arches of the Golden Gate Bridge.

She said, "I always wondered what kind of person lives here at the marina. Now I know."

"What kind of person?"

"Special." She smiled at him.

"Yes. I am especially lucky." He held her around her waist and rocked her from side to side. "Let's go to bed, I owe you one more."

That night there were no quick thrusts, he made love to her long and slowly, over and over again. Afterwards he kissed her all over her face and body and she felt worshipped. He told her that she was beautiful, he even called her his golden sex goddess. He lay behind her spooning her, falling asleep. She lay there in his arms wondering _"Why me? What does he see in me?" _She almost asked him, but decided to keep quiet. Maybe he'll start wondering the same thing too.

#

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"I have to go home."

"Now?"

"No, not now. In an hour or so."

"Why?"

"I have to go to work tomorrow."

"I'll take you home in the morning."

"By ten o'clock?"

"Yes."

"Okay." And they fell into a deep relaxed sleep.

#

The next morning she woke up alone again. She checked the room, no clock. She took a quick shower, got dressed quickly and went upstairs. The clock on the microwave indicated that the time was seven-thirty. She didn't see hide nor hair of Edward. She made a pot of coffee and some toast. He came in after about fifteen minutes. He was dripping with sweat.

He came straight over to her and kissed her.

"You went for an early morning run, I see."

"Yeah. It feels great."

"I made some coffee, do you want me to pour you a cup?"

"No thanks, maybe I'll have a cup later." He ran down the stairs, to go shower.

Bella ate her toast and waited for Edward. She really didn't want to go home. She wanted to stay and the admission made her worry. _How did she get so comfortable so soon?_ When he came back upstairs, all showered and fresh, she reminded him that she needed to go home.

"I'm ready when you are" he said.

"I'm ready." she said, but she wasn't. Not really.

The drive to her house was quiet. He opened the car door and walked with her to the top of the stairs. He took the hand he had been holding and kissed it. "Thanks for a wonderful time, Bella."

"It was wonderful, wasn't it?" she couldn't help but sound wistful. She leaned into him and gave him the kiss she had been dying to give him since early that morning.

"Bella?" he whispered into her hair when their lips finally parted.

"Hmm?" Her head fell to his chest, and she heard the rapid beat of his heart. It pleased her no end to know that she affected him just as much as he affected her.

"When do you get off work?" he asked.

"Five o'clock."

"I would like to come and pick you up after work. Or do you need a break from me?"

She shook her head. "Pick me up, please?"

He kissed her sweetly. "I'll see you at five outside the restaurant."

She nodded. He started down the stairs, and she shouted at him.

"Edward, I forgot. I have my dance class from six to seven tonight."

"What if I take you there, and wait for you, then take you home with me?"

Happy to be invited to his boat again so soon, she nodded her agreement.

"Don't forget to ask for time off for our trip to New York." He reminded.

He ran down the stairs and left. She stared after his car, realizing that the last two days had changed everything for her.

She opened the front door and went inside. Alice was ready to leave for work and as soon as Bella saw her she burst out:

"Alice, I've had the best weekend of my life. I have never had a better time."

"Tell me all about it, in five minutes or less."

"Well, he is sexy and sweet and great."

"I'm so glad you're happy. Letting yourself fall in love. Details, please."

"I'm trying _not_ to fall in love. I want to stay in lust. He'll be dangerous to love, I just know it."

"Details.

"Well we made wonderful love, and I can't wait to do it again, and again." She gave her sister the outline of what happened, how it felt, how many times, but no real details. That was just for her and Edward to know.

At work Bella positively beamed. She thought about him every minute of the day; she relived their nights and days together. She was caught up in endless daydreams and everyone noticed. Even if she appeared to be in a conversation, she would start smiling, suddenly remembering some little thing; her thoughts weren't far from Edward at any given time. Her body tingled when she thought about him and she was in a constant state of readiness.

At five o'clock she ran to the staffroom and washed up. She released her hair from the net and the white hat and brushed it out. She took off her white uniform shirt and the tee shirt and shorts she had been wearing under it. She put on a turquoise jersey wrap dress. She didn't wear a bra or panty under because she wanted Edward to untie the bow and make mad love to her. She had ordered two boxed dinners to go and added two little loquat tarts, then walked out the restaurant, her long hair flowing loosely down her back. She saw him leaning against the car and her steps quickened.

She just barely managed to stop herself from running into his arms. Instead she calmly walked up to the car and he opened the door for her, she got into the seat and carefully arranged her dress. Once he got in and they were on their way, she asked him about his day.

"I got some writing done, so it was a good productive day. But five minutes ago it got infinitely better." As they pulled up to the studio he inquired, "Am I going to be able to watch you teach your class? Or should I wait outside?

"You can stay. I have eight to ten year olds and what I do is stretching exercises and then breathing exercises. They're mostly learning breathing techniques and how to move their abdominal muscles. At the end I do hip warm ups. I'm teaching them a short dance so then we play music and I show them a few steps and then we dance for about ten minutes. You think you can watch that without getting bored?"

"Sure." Bella unlocked the front door, it was dark and quiet. The dance school consisted of three studios, plus an office, a staffroom with lockers and a shower. She went into the staffroom and Edward followed. Bella reached into her locker and took out the black yoga pants and the midriff baring short tank that she normally wore when she was teaching. Before she started to change she turned to him and said, "You know you haven't kissed me hello."

"I know. I didn't want to get started." He said.

"Why not?" Bella walked over to him and reached her hand up to the collar his shirt and gave a little tug.

He bent down and obliged her with a light little kiss. She started to open her lips but he pulled away from her.

"Later." He said.

She trailed her hands up his arms to his shoulders. "Please? Just a little kiss." He obliged her and gave her a long, deep, wet kiss. Bella moved closer and pressed her whole body along the length of his. He reached around her back and ran his hand down to her bottom. He rubbed and caressed, and then broke the kiss.

"Bella you're not wearing panties." He was surprised.

She looked up at him and shook her head with a smile. "Nor a bra." She said in her most seductive voice. And she rubbed her breasts against his chest. She wanted a foretaste of the night to come. "Edward? Please kiss me again?" He kissed her again and she started to walk backward, leading him until they stopped at the table.

He pulled his mouth away from hers. "Bella we can't. Kids are coming."

"Not for another forty minutes." She reassured him as she reached up to kiss him again. He kissed her mouth and her neck and started kissing the curves of her breasts. He pulled the bow of her wrap dress, just as she had hoped he would. The dress fell open revealing her naked body. Bella reached behind her and pulled herself onto the table.

"Bella, I didn't come prepared for this." His voice was hoarse as he reached for her bottom and pulled her into him and ground his hips against her.

She reached into the pocket of her dress and pulled out a single foil-wrapped condom. She lay back on the table and placed it on her abdomen. "_I_ did."

Edward leaned over her and gave her a hard, rough kiss. He spread her legs and after putting on the condom he pushed himself inside her with force. He pulled her to a sitting position on the edge of the table and she wrapped her legs around his hips. He put his hands on both of her hips and pulled her into him, with each thrust he made a deep grunt. She reveled in his roughness.

Minutes later she started to feel her muscles clench and release and then she started to shudder, reaching that peak again and again. He released his hold on her and she lay back onto the table while he continued to push in and out. She covered her breasts and squeezed them in ecstasy. Edward moaned and stilled and came to rest on her breast. He lay there breathing hard.

"Bella, that was a set up." He accused her.

"What do you mean?" she was also gasping. "I wanted you to make love to me and you did and you loved it."

"I mean that it was deliberate and risky. What if a student came early? Or a co-worker?"

"The front door is locked until five minutes before the class, the parents know that. It's a safety precaution since I'm the only instructor here on Tuesday evenings." She explained.

"Maybe you should have told me that."

"Why? Who hates being out of control now?" she teased.

He relaxed and laughed, "You have a touch of evil manipulator in you, you know."

"I learned from the best." She laughingly replied.

Edward pulled out of her and discarded the condom in a tissue and zipped up. He sat on the table and raked his hands through his hair a few times. He obviously was trying to regain his composure. Bella watched him as she changed into her yoga pants and tank.

"Are you really upset with me?" She asked him.

He shook his head, and looked at her. "Just amazed that I have such little control where you're concerned."

Edward sat on the visitor's chair watching Bella and thinking about what he had said. It _was_ true that his control over his libido was almost non-existent. The last three days had changed the plan. As he had feared, his time with Bella had caused him to want more from her. Much more.


	7. Chapter 7

Seven

After her class they drove back to the _Sophia_. The fog had rolled in and as Bella went into the kitchen to put the dinner on plates, Edward went into the living room area and switched on the fireplace. He threw pillows on the floor and they ate on the low table. After wards they lay in front of the fire nibbling on the tarts and kissing.

"Bella, I have a story to tell you."

"Ooh, that sounds interesting." She lay on her side and propped her head on one elbow.

"About three years ago, shortly after I moved to Los Angeles, I found myself going through a personal crisis. I was trying to fight my way out of a deep depression. It was truly one of the worst periods in my life. A very close friend had attempted suicide and then suffered a series of strokes. It made me aware of my own mortality and honestly, I had a hard time getting over it. A studio had just bought the rights to one of my books and I had just started working on the screenplay with the producer and we became good friends. Thank god for him because through him I kind of found myself again. This producer had, still has, a small little vineyard up in Napa; a gentleman's vineyard, something he dabbles in as a hobby. Anyhow, he invited me up to there to unwind and I found it peaceful and beautiful. It's around this time that I decided this area would be a nice place to retreat to when things got crazy. Anyway, I stayed a few weeks. In that time I got to know quite a few people and I was invited to this huge gala celebrating the fortieth anniversary of a neighboring winery. It was an all weekend thing; there were outdoor activities during the day and dining, dancing and wine tastings at night. So I was hanging around that first day, unwinding. I was sitting near the tennis court relaxing, enjoying, when I saw this young couple on the far court." He hesitated and looked searchingly at her. She nodded encouragingly, waiting for him to continue.

"Well, actually I saw the girl first. She was curvy and luscious and the stuff mine, and of every other man's fantasies. All the straight men, including me, were staring at her, openly lusting. As if by group consent we all drifted over to that side of the court, trying to get closer. She was naiive enough, to be totally unaware of all the attention she was getting; happily hitting tennis balls and laughing and just being young and carefree. She was cavorting around in short shorts and a bathing suit top that left little to the imagination and I was transfixed, I planned to introduce myself, you know, perhaps asking her to dinner or something. Anyway, the game ended, she was badly defeated, 6-0; but she didn't care a bit. She jumped over the net and leaped on the guy on the other side, wrapped her arms and legs around him and kissed him. I can't tell you how much I wanted to be that guy. They were obviously a young couple very much in love and I was obviously very disappointed, extremely envious, but still very interested. So I asked about her." He paused again and looked at Bella who was now looking at him suspiciously.

"She was a seventeen year old culinary student and also a belly dancer. She had been hired to entertain us that night. The fantasies I'd had that morning about the girl was nothing compared to the fantasies I had about the dancer after that night. My mind exploded. The way she moved her body was so seductive, so erotic that ever since then this girl has been on my mind, every day. I thought about her a lot, I fantasized about her –more often than I was comfortable admitting, even to my therapist. It didn't matter if I was alone, or with a woman, she was on my mind. Time went on, I bought my boat and I got a berth here but I never saw her again."

"Until the airport.." Bella whispered.

"Yeah. Until one day I was on my way to the airport leaving for New York. I decided there and then that, it was more than just a coincidence, when I returned from New York, I would find her and see where it led." He finished. Bella rolled on to her back and stared at the ceiling. She was silent for a long time. So many things started to make sense now.

"So, you are a liar," she said plainly. "and a stalker. Just as I suspected you were from the moment I saw you at the coffee shop, I knew there was something off about you."

"I never lied to you."

"Yes you did. I asked you plainly if you had followed me to Napa, and you said no. You swore. You said it was fate. And it wasn't."

He took her chin in his hand and turned her face to him. "It wasn't a lie. I didn't expect to see you up there. I had every intention of finding you once I got back to Berkeley. I was going to call all the dance studios in the area and ask for Bella Swan. If that failed I would show up at your door and wing it. I hadn't gotten back to Berkeley yet when I met you at that party. I won't lie, I was hoping to see you up there but it wasn't planned. How could I possibly have known that you'd be there?"

As if in a daze, bits and pieces of memories came back, each entered and departed, only half thought out before another snippet of memory took its place." I remember, you pretended not to know my name when we met by the river. I remember you …"

"I told you that you hadn't _told_ me your name, I never said that I didn't _know_ your name."

"Same thing. You know you're guilty. Otherwise you would have told me this sooner."

"I tried to tell you at the airport and you thought it was a pick up line and I thought "_Well,_ _what's the point?_" Then at the river there was no boyfriend in sight and I was just so turned on by you in that red bikini, I didn't even want to talk. Then if I'd told you at the coffee house you would have screamed and had a meltdown or called the police. No time seemed appropriate. You would have kicked me out of your house that night after the Lebanese restaurant. Now I finally have the chance , you know me, and you won't run screaming for the hills. I don't think it's that big a deal."

Bella felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. She had an awful feeling of vulnerability; she felt duped, tricked into this relationship, with a guy who was so obviously manipulative. She felt that the last few days have been a lie, she had no idea who he was. "You've lied and you know it; when you omit the truth, that's a lie."

"Bella we can go back and forth on whether or not I lied but that's a discussion we can have later. I'm telling you this now for a reason." And he took a deep breath. She waited. "The reason I'm telling you this is because of what happened today in your studio." He rolled on his side next to her, resting his weight on his arm. "I want you to know the power you have over me. I've wanted you for so long. I have to confess that I've thought about you when I've made love to other women. I've thought about you and making love to you for so long that now that I have , I'm caught up in it and it's powerful, almost uncontrollable. Bella, the reality of being with you is far better than my fantasies ever were."

He looked at her for a response. She said nothing, she was shell-shocked. He knew about her and wanted her long before she even knew he existed. He was a thirty year-old who fantasized about a seventeen year old kid, for God's sake, was he a creepy pedophile?

"Bella you have sexual fantasies, right?" she nodded. She had to admit she had her fair share of naughty thoughts. That didn't make her a creep, did it? And none of them involved people she barely knew.

"Tell me one."

She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. "No. I don't want to. It's embarrassing. "

"Look, tell me one that you're not too embarrassed about. Try."

"Well," she looked at his chest. She couldn't look him in the eye. "I used to fantasize about having sex in the back of a taxi, with Chris, but, I swear we never did it."

She was almost positive his slight cough was a half chuckle. "Well, imagine if you did it in reality. And then you found you wanted to do it again and again? And then eventually that's all you want to do. Do you see how that can overpower you?"

She nodded.

"I feel that way about you, Bella. I feel overpowered by my need for you and I find you irresistible." She said nothing, what could she say? He pulled her into his arms for a kiss and he whispered against her lips, "Bella for three years the mental image of your body moving has been the only thing that makes me come. I am obsessed with you. You're in my head, you're the only woman I want." He brought her hand to his cheek and he kissed her palm. She couldn't quite grasp what he was saying.

"Why are you telling me this, Edward?"

"I'm saying that I want you all the time. I'm saying that I'm starting to think that the more I have you the more I'll need you. And I'm saying that you can make me do almost anything for sex with you. I won't be able to say no, I have no control. Bella, I'm saying this because now is the time to end this if you don't want me totally."

"What do you mean, 'totally'?"

"I want sex with you, lots of it, to put it as simply as I can. I want to do everything to you and with you, everything that I've thought about for all these years. I want to immerse myself in sex with you, as often as I can, in every way that I can, for as long as I can. I want you to stop working and come stay with me. Be with me. Go where I go.I'll take care of you. I'll be generous, I'll give you anything you want. But in return, I want you with me all the time."

Her heart flipped over with every word he uttered. He was only interested in her for sex, he probably didn't even like her all that much. All of a sudden she felt dirty. He had always wanted this from her. _"He wants me to be his whore."_

#

Bella was grateful that she had not been entertaining thoughts of a long term relationship with Edward, especially after his confession that all he wanted from her was lots of sex, sex that he was willing to pay for. Bella's brain was reeling. He said that he was sexually obsessed with her and had been for years. What the hell? What kind of man was he? When he left her to go clean up the dishes, she stayed by the fire thinking.

On the one hand what he said alarmed her. Although he convinced himself otherwise, she believed that he _had_ stalked her, especially by the river. And he said he fantasized about her when he was having sex with other women. Was that normal? Do other men do that? Did Chris? She started wondering if Edward had the potential to go over the edge. She shook her head; he seemed so sane. After all he was a successful writer. But then again she'd read many newspaper articles about the seemingly sane next door neighbor who turns out to be a serial killer. She didn't really know him, at all, did she? And she remembered she had seen a show on the Discovery channel that examined the criminal mind. In the show the psychology expert said that a criminal and a cop share similar traits and the difference between them is that one uses his abilities for good and the other for evil.

On the other hand Edward's confession explained so much. It explained why he was so single minded that day by the river. He probably assumed she was like his fantasy, easy and always ready. It also explained why whenever they were together he seemed so focused on her body and sex, sex, sex all the freaking time. She went over the things he said over and over again. Replaying his whispered words of passion, she realized that he constantly talked about her body like she was an it. _"Oh, Bella, I love your pretty little pussy. Did you know you have the most beautiful pussy I've ever seen? Fuck, I love those little nipples. Come here, and let me spank that ass, baby."_

Her mind was in a whirl. "Oh yeah," she thought to herself, "I better watch my step with Edward." She didn't feel she had anything to fear, not yet; but she felt that she might at some time in the future. She had to let him know that she needed some time to think about what he'd said and time to process it.

Right at that moment, he came back to her and he started to kiss her in front of the fireplace, he pressed her down into the floor and removed her clothes with the ease of many years of experience. She watched him as he kissed her flat stomach and moved further down. When he started kissing the skin of her inner thigh she felt as though he was kissing someone else, the fantasy Bella. Before she knew it he was in her and on her, groaning and sucking her nipples. "You taste so good, Bella, sweet Bella."

When he kneeled between her thighs, bending her knees into her chest and spreading them further, she felt as full as she ever had. "Yes, Edward, harder," she begged, hoping to get there with him.

"Fuck, Bella baby, you feel so good." And he reached for her pinky red nub. She was part of the dance and yet apart from it, because in the end, for the very first time with Edward, she couldn't let herself go. She watched the whole scene as though she was somewhere else in the room. She watched him as he flexed his hips in and out, she watched the dew gather on his face and his jaw clench. As he continued to move in her, she looked up at his face as though she were seeing him for the first time. She eventually had to fake it, how could she not when he'd worked so hard to please her? But she couldn't feel her ecstasy, it just wasn't the same.

#

He was drawing circles on her belly, and kissing her hair as she lay in his arms, wrapped in the blanket he had drawn around them. "I love your smell. I'd know you anywhere, just by the smell of your skin." And he tucked his face into her neck as he drew in a deep breath. He drew her tighter to him as he started to drift off into sleep.

"Edward?"

"Hmm."

"Can you take me home?"

"Why don't you stay the night? I'll take you home in the morning." Edward offered.

"I can't."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I really don't want to stay the night."

Edward sat up and turned her to look at him. "Is it because of what I said?" he paused, "Bella don't you want to be with me? Are you afraid?"

Bella's voice was tight. "No, that's not it all." she lied. "Edward, you've told me something very surprising about yourself and I feel a little uncomfortable that's all. I just need time to think about this ."

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Okay, let's go." His jaw was tight as he got up and got dressed.

She pulled on her turquoise wrap around dress, cursing herself for her earlier attempt at seduction and wishing she had worn underwear, she felt like a stupid ass. Before they left he turned off the fireplace and they stepped out into the chilly night air, it was almost midnight. They walked to his car in silence the gravel of the parking lot crunching under their shoes. It was the only sound, other than the constant whoosh of the waves. She really didn't want to leave like this, coldly quiet, but she had no idea what to say, how to have pithy conversation. They drove all the way to her house without a word passing between them.

Pulling into the driveway, he stared straight ahead for a few seconds, she felt him searching for words that never came. Eventually he rounded the car and opened the door for her. Once she was out of the car he surprised her by trapping her against it, placing his arms on both sides of her head. For a split second, she thought that maybe he was going to try to kiss her and she was prepared to push him away. Instead his voice came out as bitterly cold as a winter wind. "If I don't hear from you, I won't call you. I won't come by. I won't see you again. It will be as though you never existed." He was very angry.

"Edward, please don't say that." All of a sudden she wasn't a hundred percent sure that she wanted to end their affair.

He looked directly into her eyes and his were steely gray. "I mean it. _You_ have to come to _me_, the next move is yours."

He walked her up the stairs, he didn't touch her hand as he usually did and once she opened the door, he turned and left. No "goodnight" no peck on the cheek, nothing. She watched his red tail lights disappear around the corner and she went in. She went straight to her bed and cried in her pillow. Edward had looked so angry, so hurt, so hard and she felt so sad for him for her. But she _had_ lied to him, when she told him she wasn't afraid, because he did frighten her. She went and knocked on Alice's bedroom door. "Alice? Alice?"

She turned the knob but it was locked. Bella took off her clothes too tired to put on her nightie, she got naked in between the cold sheets. The night was an endless, the time dragged, she imagined each tick of the clock had slowed to a crawl. To say she had a restless night, was a gross understatement. No sooner would she fall asleep than she would be awoken by a jerk of her body. It was as though she were suffering from withdrawals, the drug she had given up was Edward. She barely slept, she wondered all night if she had overreacted, she kept thinking that had things been different, she could be in his bed right now wrapped in his arms. "He isn't so dangerous," she berated herself, feeling foolish for ever thinking he could go off the deep end, "after all he brought me right home when I asked." But she still felt duped by him, manipulated, objectified, used, cheapened.

By six o'clock the next morning , Bella got up and knocked on Alice's door again. There was no answer and she was about to go back to her room when Alice came to the door, she had obviously been sleeping.

"What is it?" she whispered.

"I need to talk." Bella whispered.

They went into Bella's room. "Why are we whispering?" Bella asked.

"Ahh, err . Someone's in my bed, asleep." She was blushing.

"Who?" Bella was shocked. As far as Bella knew Alice had never brought anyone home, except Mike. And no one else in the last eighteen months since Mike died. Alice was silent. "My God! Don't tell me it's that kid, Dave?"

Alice shrugged.

"Oh!"

"Yes! OH!" Alice giggled. "As in OHHH! The big O."

Bella stared at her sister. She was so vibrantly happy. She hadn't seen her like this for a long time. "Oh Alice, that's great."

"Yeah, I know. But why did you wake me up? I thought you would be at Edward's tonight having your own "O" moments." Alice was waiting for an answer. "Don't tell me you had a fight so soon. It's only been three days."

"It feels more like three months." She sniffled. "Oh, Alice I had to leave, I couldn't stay." She proceeded to tell Alice exactly what Edward had told her, and her reaction to it. His asking her to be his mistress, her inability to enjoy sex with him and how he had left her at the front door, without even a goodbye.

"Bella, Bella, Bella" Alice shook her head. "Didn't you take any sex education classes in school. Silly girl, men fantasize about other women all the time. For that matter, women do it too. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't call out your name once or twice when he was with other women. Oh my God, how utterly sexy. He's gaga for you. He pursued you until he got you, the woman of his dreams. What the hell are you complaining about, girl? Are you crazy? I would have an orgasm on the spot if a man told me what he told you. What are you afraid of?"

"Alice, don't you think it strange that he's had these fantasies for three years, and in that time he said that he can't, you know, have an orgasm without thinking about me. Fantasies are normal but that's just weird."

"True. But maybe as time goes on he will get back to other fantasies. Look, I'm not a psychologist, I can't tell you if it's right or wrong, or normal or abby normal, but I'll tell you a deep, dark secret." She paused for dramatic effect. "Once, when I was about sixteen, I was waiting in the rain for the bus to school. This older man, probably in his mid-forties, rolled down the window and offered me a ride. I was scared. Of course I said 'no'. He shrugged and drove off. He lived right near the bus stop two houses down. A few mornings later, I was waiting for the bus again, I saw him coming out of his house with his wife and kids getting in that car. Ever since then, I don't know why, but I fantasize about that guy and that car all the time. Of course, I would have never gotten in, I didn't know him. But I fantasized about it. And I imagined having dirty sex on that back seat over and over again. I even imagine him holding me down. Whenever I'm making love with someone and I can't come I just turn on my fantasy about that car and that man and whoosh, I'm there. And I tell ya, he was no sex-god. He was slightly overweight with a paunch, but he had a look in his eyes, I can't describe it, like he knew a lot about sex. I still fantasize about this guy, ten years later. It just turns me on like nothing else." She looked at Bella and smiled. "What do you say to that?"

"I don't know what to say." Bella was astounded. She never had fantasies like that. Mostly hers was of Chris and her in public.

"_I_ don't think I'm a weirdo." Alice stopped and wiggled her eyebrows. "At least I don't think so."

Alice continued, "Now, the only difference I can see between my fantasy and Edward's is that he fantasized about this young, gorgeous, sexy, belly dancer who he eventually met again, pursued and bedded." She paused. "Bella, didn't it ever occur to you when you're dancing in front of people that they are _ALL_ fantasizing about you? Some want to screw you and some want to be you."

"I do know that some do, but I always pegged them as a minority of weirdos."

"Bella, I'm going to say this and I hope you don't take it the wrong way. I think you are inhibited and sexually repressed and really immature."

Bella was taken aback. "What? How do you expect me to _not_ take that the wrong way? Plus, it's not true!"

"I think that Catholic school really screwed you up. You are afraid of your own sexuality and sexual power. You like sex, you admit it, you have orgasms, so it's not a physical thing, it's all in your mind. You are ashamed that you like it. I suggest you read a few books. I have some books you can read. I'll leave them on the dining room table before I go to work."

"Forget the fantasy. How about the fact that I was only seventeen, and the lies, don't forget the lies, Alice? He knew my name and an awful lot at the airport. I feel like he manipulated me and lied to me every time we met. And I feel used. Remember the river? My God the way he touched me like he had the right to!"

"Bella, you didn't look like a seventeen year old. And what's the difference between seventeen, or eighteen or even twenty? He wanted you, _YOU_. And he's no different than Chris. Chris dissuaded you from dating other guys, giving you info on them that would turn you off, until you turned to him. Bella men do things like that all the time, it's in their DNA. They are like predators. Our job is to look for it and recognize it when we see it. No man is going to let a woman that they're interested in slip through their fingers, come on. Women will have crushes from afar and never tell the guy, men don't do that. Bella you've only been with one guy, a teenager at that. Trust me, Edward is a normal, hot, red-blooded man who you should be sleeping with instead of running from."

Bella listened and saw no sense in what Alice was saying.

"How about the offer of money? Isn't that just gross?"

"Just tell him you want to keep working, but you don't mind seeing him. Tell him you don't want to be a mistress, just a lover. When I was with Jasper he kept insisting on buying me a flat in San Francisco, but I told him 'no'. Simple, end of story. I need to get back to bed." Alice got up to go back to bed. "Bella, you better call Edward. If you don't, you'll regret it."


	8. Chapter 8

Eight

Bella did not call Edward; she did, however, manage to skim the books Alice had left for her before getting ready for work. At work she thought about him and his lovemaking constantly. _"What had she been thinking?"_ He was way out of her league, he had years more experience and a sexual appetite that was borderline deviant. Only now did she acknowledge the real root of her problem, only now did she realize why she had always felt unsure and undeserving of his attentions; he was obsessed with the woman he wanted her to be, not with who she truly was. In reality she was gauche and unsure, she had very little experience and as Alice had pointed out to her, she was more than a little bit ashamed of her sexual needs. She and Edward were never a fit, had they continued the affair, she would have always been his apprentice, his plaything, his fantasy; Bella the exotic dancer, never Bella Swan. Bella Swan was shy and awkward, she did not have her sister's "carpe diem" attitude about sex, she was careful with her heart and didn't want to ride the Edward Cullen roller coaster anymore.

That evening she left work at six o'clock with, Tyler, one of the prep cooks. Tyler was an aspiring musician; his job at Bon Vivant was just to pay the bills until he got steady gigs. They chatted about little nothings as they walked down the street to her car to load his drum. Tyler had impulsively bought some Djembe drums at the flea market over the weekend and had stored one at work until he could get it home. Bella was giving him a ride to the Bart. She watched as he put one drum in her trunk and ran back for something. Standing by the car, her mind on Edward, she was tempted to call him and tell him to come and pick her up. Almost without conscious thought she reached in her pocket and pulled out her cell and scrolled through her calls for the number. Within seconds Tyler was jogging back towards her and she replaced the phone back in her pocket; grateful that she hadn't given in to a momentary weakness. As they drove to the Bart, Bella's thoughts continued to stray toward Edward and she only absent-mindedly responded to what Tyler was saying.

Pulling to a stop at the station, she drummed her fingers on the steering wheel, while Tyler unloaded his drum. Her heart beat faster as she saw someone walk by in board shorts and an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt; memories of Edward flooded her brain; the way he smelled and tasted when he kissed her by the river. Just as she was drifting on a tide of sexual longing, a smiling Tyler stopped by her window and said, "So it's a date, then."

That brought her out of her reverie. "What? What's a date? I'm sorry did you say date?" She was confused, positive that she had misheard him.

"Yeah, you're coming to see me do my thing." He reminded her.

"Tyler, I'm sorry I wasn't listening. Do what thing, exactly?"

"These drums, me and the guys, next Saturday night."

"I must have missed something. Did you just ask me to go somewhere? My mind was  
far away."

His smile faded slightly, his blue eyes looked hurt. "Yes, I told you I'm going to be playing in SanFran at The Dogpatch Saloon, next Saturday night at ten o'clock." He repeated patiently. "You said that you would come." His smile was hopeful.

"I did?"

"Yeah, about two minutes ago."

Bella stared at him, desperately trying to come up with some excuse to beg off, he frowned and scratched his chin as he waited. Finally, she gave in and agreed, "Sure, I'll be there. But it's not a date, date, okay?" His blonde head bobbed as he nodded, she smiled and waved good-bye. "_How on earth did I agree to go out on a date with someone and not even realize it?'_ she thought to herself. "I need to snap out of it and get my mind off Edward."

Bella drove straight home, exhausted from the lack of sleep the night before, she didn't even grab a bite to eat; instead she went straight to bed. She was lolling in that twi-space between wake and sleep when she heard Alice come in. Her sister knocked on her bedroom door and Bella couldn't even muster the energy to raise her head, let alone tell her come in. She heard the door open and then close and she drifted into unconsciousness.

She slept like a log and didn't wake up until her alarm rang at ten a.m. the following morning. Alice was already gone and Bella rushed around to get ready for work. Thursday was always her longest day and for once she was not looking forward to teaching her belly dance class. She managed to get through work and class even though her mind kept drifting to Edward. Tonight, instead of driving home she made a right onto University Avenue and drove to the marina. She had no idea why, but she just wanted to see the _Sophia_, to make sure it was still there. She parked at the end of the parking lot, near a big bush and underneath a tree, she was trying to hide, she would be mortified if he caught her there."_Who's the stalker now?"_ She asked herself, ashamed, but determined to satisfy her need for a quick look at him. She circled the path and walked back towards the dock across the way from Edward's berth, it was almost twilight and there were no lights on; the boat was eerily quiet. Edward was not at home.

Bella ran back to her car and drove home and vowed never to do that again, she felt like a criminal, an obsessed "ex", but for the hundredth time since Tuesday night she wondered where he was and what he was doing.

She skipped dinner again that night and went to bed and although she was exhausted, she couldn't sleep. "_If only I was a drinker, I could forget him and all of this crap, drown it all in a bottle of wine."_ Instead she opted for a sleeping pill and the fan on full blast.

She slept through the night and woke up when the sun was about to rise. From her bedroom window she watched the glowing orange orb tilt over the jagged line of hills, and again wondered what Edward was doing. And then wondered when she would stop wondering about him. He was probably getting ready to go for a run, or showering. Pushing those thoughts out of her head she decided to read one of the books Alice had given her, she read until she heard Alice and Dave in the kitchen, making breakfast. Sadly, she closed her eyes and went back to sleep.

More than a week went by and she still couldn't get Edward out of her head. He was the first thing she thought about when she woke up and the last thing she thought about when she closed her eyes. And she thought about him every hour in between. That fact alone scared her. They'd only been together for a measly three days and she couldn't seem to get over him and his awful proposition.

The following Thursday morning she woke up, with Edward on the brain, still. She went into the kitchen to make some coffee. The owner of Bon Vivant firmly believed in celebrating Independence Day in a big way and it was closed for July third and fourth. The dance studio was also closed, no classes were scheduled as most of the families were going out of town. Today would be long and unpleasant, she would have hours and hours to think about you know who.

"Bella, you haven't called Edward, have you?" Alice asked as she strolled into the kitchen.

"Nope. No Dave today?"

"Nope. Why haven't you called him?"

"Alice I realized I needed to get out of it while I still had respect for myself."

"What do you mean?"

Bella said, "Don't go judging me again and calling me immature when I say this, but I don't want to be Edward's sex toy. I want to at least feel as though, in some respect, I'm on par with the person I'm sleeping with. And on every level we're not. He is more experienced, and more intense. I don't want intense, I want happy. And more than that, he has this warped idea of me that's not even me. So I just don't want to continue with this. It was exciting and amazingly eye-opening, but more than likely the cost would have been too high. I think in the end I would have ended up feeling used, and cheapened when he eventually discarded me."

"I won't judge you, sweetie. You have to do what's right for you. You're just not the type to have sex lightly. That's you. I understand what you're saying, perfectly." Alice was very supportive. "Just promise me to educate yourself a little and read those books, okay?"

Bella nodded. "I was reading another one this morning. Sex Without Guilt. It's much better than, Speak Up in Bed."

"I like Speak Up in Bed, it's my fave. But, yeah, Sex Without Guilt is good too. Do you want to go out for breakfast? My treat."

"Let's go to Bette's Diner, it's a weekday and it should be easy to get a table."

"Do you mind taking two cars? I'll take my car and you take yours, that way I can drive straight to work, I won't have to come back."

"Yes, of course, I want to shop on Fourth, anyway. I need my _Sur Le Table _fix."

Bella put on a long denim patchwork skirt which was slit up the front to mid-thigh, and buttoned the rest of the way. With it she wore her favorite homemade tie dyed tank top and Birkenstock sandals, and she topped it off with a colorful silk scarf, tied around her head and knotted to the side. She left before Alice, because she had to stop for gas. She parked in the lot and met up with her sister at the door of Bette's. Alice looked gorgeous in a navy pencil skirt and blazer and stiletto slingbacks. "We are the odd couple," laughed Bella as she compared herself to her sister, "corporate chic and hippy chick."

They were still chuckling as they walked to a booth way in the back; and as she followed Alice, Bella's heart started to pound and she stumbled and caught herself. Edward was sitting in the booth just before theirs, having breakfast with a blonde. His hair was rumpled and his clothes were crumpled, his eyes looked half closed as if he needed to sleep. He looked like he'd had a long night. Edward looked up and stared straight at her for a second then looked past her shoulder and shifted his gaze. He hadn't given even the slightest sign that he recognized her. His gaze shifted to his companion and he continued to eat and talk just as though he had never seen her before in his life.

Bella was caught way off guard, totally unprepared for seeing him so soon. She was even less prepared for his coldness, his brutal dismissal of her, treating her as if she never existed. Her mind whirled as she sat down opposite Alice, who was so preoccupied with talking about Dave that she hadn't noticed Edward, thank goodness. Bella would not have been able to continue if they had to talk about him. Edward wasn't jogging or showering or even thinking about her; he had already moved on to another woman. She brought the menu up to her face and pretended to be interested in the food but all she wanted to do was slap the shit out of him.

Alice asked for coffee and she did too. She put down her menu and looked at the back of his head. She got a clear view of his companion and recognized Katrina. _"How disappointing, Edward," _she thought cattily, _"you didn't even get a new model, same old, same old." _Kathy was pretty but not that hot, he could do better. _"But then again, maybe she has special talents to make her a keeper." _Bella was going to act as though nothing was amiss even if it took every ounce of willpower she had.

Alice talked about Dave, and gave more information than Bella would ever want to know about their sexual escapades. Bella talked about her upcoming date on Saturday night with Tyler, she may have been a little louder than she needed to be, but so much the better. The sisters ordered two big plates of eggs and pancakes, even though Bella knew that she would not be able to eat a morsel without gagging, she had to pretend everything was just fine. When the plates came she dug in with pretend gusto, she made yummy noises and laughed and talked to Alice just as though she hadn't seen Edward.

She was giggling about who knows what when Alice looked at her watch and yelped, "Oh my God, look at the time." She gulped the last of her coffee. "Bella, I gotta run, or I'll be super late. See ya." Throwing forty dollars on the table she rushed out as if she were being chased by wild dogs. Bella shoved her plate aside, she couldn't eat another bite; she sat and finished her coffee.

Crazy plans of violence and revenge were circulating in her mind. She really felt like the 'stalker ex' now. She imagined herself walking over to Edward's table and grabbing a handful of that woman's hair and pulling her down to the floor, and kicking her repeatedly, but she immediately shook her head and rejected that idea. Assault and battery was definitely an arrestable offence. Then she fantasized about following them when they left and just at the opportune time she would confront Edward and make a scene and tell Katie or Karina, or whatever the hell this chick's name was, about all his sordid fantasies and call him the vilest names. But no, no, no that was a stupid plan, it may backfire and she may come off looking like the crazy rejected lover. Then she imagined herself coolly walking up to the table and telling Edward that she left her favorite pair of panties at his place and that she needed it back as soon as he could get it to her, but she scrapped that plan too. By asking him for her underwear she would look like the worse kind of skank. It would look like she couldn't afford to buy new ones and a poor skank is beyond trashy.

She was just starting to cook up a fourth plan, when the other woman got up and gave Edward a long, lingering kiss on his lips and said, "See you soon." and left.

Bella seethed, staring at the back of Edward's head. _From the back he looks a little like bozo, he should really get a trim, _she snickered to herself. She spent many minutes on telepathically trying to make him turn around and look at her, but he didn't; he sat there cool as a cucumber, drinking his coffee. Finally, she couldn't take it any longer, she got up and went to pay the bill. She returned to her table and put the tip down. She went to walk past him, but instead turned and looked down at him as he sat there. Again, he had the gall to look beyond her, ignoring her as though she wasn't even there and in a sudden fit of rage she brought her hand up and slapped him with every ounce of strength she had. It felt so good to give in and hurt him but she had little time to enjoy it the feeling of satisfaction.

Edward's reaction was swift, he grabbed her wrist before it fell to her side and got on his feet. Every head in the place was turned in their direction, had been turned even before the echo of the sharp sound had diminished; the whole restaurant was silent. Edward's left cheek was red from the blow, yet he calmly walked towards the door with her wrist held tightly in his grip. He tossed the bill at the cashier and with his other hand he pulled some bills out of his pants pocket and threw them down on the counter. The cashier's mouth was slightly parted, her eyes flickering from Edward's reddened cheek to Bella's hand and back again. Bella could swear that the cashier spared her a sympathetic glance, probably because she'd correctly pegged them as the jealous ex and the snake. All this commotion probably took less than twenty seconds but there was still not a sound in the diner as Edward opened the door and propelled her outside. Bella was in quiet shock, hardly believing that she, good girl Bella Swan, had caused a public scene.

Something inside her had snapped and as soon as they were outside she started telling him exactly what she thought of him. She called him a user, a liar, a jerk, a deviant, a stalker, a sex addict, a man whore and a deceitful bastard, the words were just pouring out of her. All the while she was digging in her heels and twisting and turning her wrist trying to pull out of his punishing grip. He easily marched her around the corner of the building to the parking lot. Then he pushed her against the stucco wall, his body pressing up against hers, pushing all the air out of her lungs and he put his big palms to her cheeks and squeezed her face between both his hands.

He brought his face up close to hers, so close that she could see every individual lash, the flecks in his eyes, and the spit that glistened on his lips as he said through gritted teeth, "So what if I'm all those things, what has that got to do with you, you stupid, scared little girl?" He waited for her answer. She was looking at him with hatred in her eyes. "I've been honest, I told you what I wanted and you're disgusted by me, you don't trust me, you don't want me, so I've moved on to someone else who does. You're nothing to me now. No big loss." he sneered and his eyes were cold as steel.

The pain was sudden and real, it ripped through her heart just as surely as if he had stuck a dagger right between her ribs, and her hand came up and clutched her chest, tightly as if trying to stanch the blood. The tears came then. Her eyes welled up and he let her go like he was stung. He was still breathing hard as he stood there and watched her cry, but then suddenly his anger was gone and he used his thumbs to gently wipe away the two big teardrops that were running down her cheeks. Bella reached around his back with both arms, holding him to her and resting her forehead against his beating heart. She snuggled in to find his scent and sobbed softly, "Oh Edward, I don't hate you, I'm not disgusted and," she stopped and whispered quietly, "I do want you, very, very much. Almost too much to bear."

He held her and rocked her gently and calmed her until her sobs dwindled to the occasional sniffle. He spoke to her gently, "Then, Bella, you have to come to me. I'm not going to sweep you off your feet, like I did last time; I want you to come to me of your own accord, because you want me, all of me. I don't want you to make your choice in the heat of passion, but in the cool, quiet of reflection. And you have to accept that this will be an intensely passionate, very sexual, very intimate relationship. We're not cute, we're not boyfriend and girlfriend; we're a man and his woman, lovers, making each other happy, everyday." He unwrapped her clinging arms from around him, "If that's what you want come to me. You know where I live."

She felt him kiss her hair and then he turned and walked away. Defeated, Bella slowly walked to her car.


	9. Chapter 9

Nine

Bella got into her car and finished crying as she sat there. Only one week apart and he had already screwed someone else. Her imagination ran wild with images of him and Kay, she felt sick to her stomach, she couldn't bear the thought of him making love to anyone but her . Given what he had said about obsessing over her; never, not even once in the past few days, did it occur to her that he would move on so quickly. Honestly, she had been smug, imagining him waiting for her, thinking about her, and obsessing over her. The thought had given her immense pleasure.

Seeing him with_ that woman_, having breakfast after a long night of sex, tore her to shreds, but it also made her furious. As she sat there in the parked car her rage built up and she pounded the steering wheel, she wished he was here so she could slap him again; she wanted to hurt him the way he had hurt her. Did he do it with her in his bed? By the light of the moon? Did they sleep on the same sheets? Did he feed her strawberries after? Did he whisper the same passionate words? Each question was a bitter pill she had to swallow. Did he even mean the things that he'd said to her? To Katie? To either one of them? Probably not.

"_I must be stupid and crazy. Why should I even care?"_ But she did care and she was jealous of every imagined touch he had given Kay. She wanted him and she wanted him all to herself, making love to only her, again and again. Bella turned the key and started her car. It may be the biggest mistake she would ever make but there was just no going back to nights without him. This wasn't about common sense, and good judgement; this was about _wanting _and _needing _and _being on fire_ in his arms. It was only a two minute drive from the diner to the marina and when she got there she hesitated; she sat in the car and fixed her face. When she got out of the car she gazed at the _Sophia_, thinking back to that first night with Edward. That day in the park was the last time she'd really had a choice. Ever since she slept with him that night she'd been on the path to where she found herself now, and where she will be in the future, when he'd finished with her. It was all about him, what he wanted; he was the puppet master and she was the marionette. And there was nothing she could do about it, because now she wanted him just as much as he wanted her, maybe even more; because while Edward wasn't willing to give in to her, she had just shown her willingness to give in to him.

The sun shone brightly on the water of the bay, the gulls cried overhead, and though she was going to meet her lover, her footsteps were heavy on the wooden planks of the pier as she approached the boat. Edward opened the door before she could knock and he pulled her inside and folded her into his arms. He wrapped his strong arms around her back as Bella wrapped her arms around his neck, running her fingers through his hair. He lifted her off the ground, held her up when her legs felt as though they would give and folded her ever more tighter in his embrace, he held her for the longest time. Bella burrowed into his neck, finding the scent she had been missing for too long. He moved her gently back and forth, she felt cherished, cradled, cared for.

Finally his grip loosened and he pulled away a little and pressed his mouth to hers, lips touching, breaths mingling. Slowly the desire bloomed and he pried open her lips with his and she tasted his sweet breath. His searching tongue was gentle and sensuous as he moved it around hers to take a taste, and give her a taste of his mouth. Then he pulled his lips away and kissed the skin of her neck and her shoulders. "Bella, my Bella, I missed you." He said, and she wanted to believe. His mouth returned to hers and her passion surged and the wave of want and need washed over her, she wanted all of him right then and there. She wanted to erase that other woman from his body, so she pressed herself up against him.

Edward picked her up and carried her to the sectional and lay her down, he climbed next to her, pressing his body into hers and sandwiching her between himself and the cushions. Kissing her deeply with a pressure close to pain, he reached his hand between her thighs where the slit of the skirt ended, his long fingers reached under the skirt and between her thighs and over the fabric of her lace panties and touched her where she yearned for him most of all. "Oh Bella, I missed this so much. I want to make love to you right now baby, I don't want to wait another second."

"Me too. I want you now, now."

"Mmm, yes."

He stood up and reached out his hand to pull her to her feet. She hesitated, she couldn't go to his bed where he'd been with that woman, not yet. She swallowed and said, "No, let's stay here." She stood up next to him and with one smooth movement she peeled the tie-dyed shirt from her body, she wasn't wearing a bra and her full breasts felt heavy , aching to be touched and squeezed and pinched and sucked. Edward's eyes were drawn to the pink nipples that tightened when he reached out to capture one, but Bella moved back a little and catching him unawares she placed both her hands lightly on his chest and pushed him back onto to the couch. He landed with a surprised grunt and she smiled teasingly, "Let me please you." Her voice was husky with emotion, she suddenly felt the need to take charge, wanting to make him go wild for her, and for her alone.

Her hips swayed sinuously to music only she heard and she started to move seductively, employing all the skill the years of dance had taught her. First holding his grey eyes with her amber gaze, and then looking down to her breasts, Edwards eyes moved downwards as she tweaked her nipples, rolling them between her thumb and finger, "I like when you touch me here," she then flicked her thumb over the peak, loving how his lashes lowered as his eyes narrowed with lust. She slowly ran her hands down along her rib cage, past her waist and stopped at her hips as they undulated in a suggestive curve. "I love it when you hold me tight here, and I love it even more when you're in me and you move me, hard and fast." His eyes followed the movement of her hands as they moved across her abdomen and down to her thighs until they reached the copper buttons on her denim skirt. Ever so slowly, she started undoing the little discs, working her way from the bottom up

With a suddenness that startled her, Edward reached out and tore her skirt open, sending the buttons flying. The ripped skirt fell in a puddle and she stood in front of him clad in only her lacy black panties. Eagerly, he reached for her and pulled her onto his lap, moving her legs so she straddled him. His bulging erection was right where she wanted it and she sucked in a breath and hissed, "This is what I miss. I missed this, I missed you." Bella ground herself into his lap, into his aching hardness. She pulled his t-shirt off and rubbed her breasts against his chest. Pulling his hair back, she bit his lips and kissed him as forcefully as she could, giving into the need to hurt him just little. Edward groaned and moved his hands around to her back and down into her panties to squeeze her cheeks. He pushed her up and down harder and harder onto his cock as his mouth latched on to and sucked her nipples.

She moaned, "I want you now, Edward. I want to feel you in me again." and reached between them to unzip his jeans but he put his hand over hers and stopped her.

"No, let's go down to bed." He tried to to move her off his lap get up off the couch, but she shook her head.

"No, I want to do it here. Now." She was insistent.

"But, Bella the condoms are downstairs." Edward groaned.

Bella slid from his lap and walked to the kitchen, dug into her handbag, and returned with a condom and threw it at him.

He reached for her and pulled her onto his lap. "Bella, before we go any further, I want you to know that nothing happened with Kate. I did not sleep with her nor have sex with her. Not in my bed, nor here on the boat, nor anywhere."

Bella almost collapsed with relief, her head fell to his shoulders. He moved her hair out of the way so he could look into her eyes, "Do you believe me?"

"Yes." She nodded. She believed him because she wanted to believe, she needed to believe, or else she would cry. She was not even going to ask him why he and Kate had been having breakfast together.

Edward pushed Bella gently to lie back on the couch and he skimmed his mouth down her body to reach her sweet center to pleasure her with his tongue, lapping and sucking until she was floating away, in ecstasy. Her body trembled and she cried out his name, pulling his head up, to thrust her tongue into his mouth and breathe the air as it left his body, sharing life.

He pulled away to take a breath, "Oh Bella, you make me so hard baby, feel it." Holding her hand in his he dragged it to his crotch, moving her hand up and down over his hard cock. "Do you want this, baby? Do you want this in you, hmm?"

"Oh, yes, yes. Please, do it."

Fumbling with his buttons, she pulled his jeans down and held his big hard cock in her hands. She wanted it, in her mouth, in her pussy, so badly. She looked up at him as he stared at her hands touching him. His breathing was harsh as he urged, "Stroke it, baby, make it harder." And she tentatively, circled his shaft and moved her hand from base to its luscious red tip.

"Like this? Do you like this?" she whispered

His eyed flashed up to lock with hers, "I like everything you do, Bella." She moved her hand again but he moaned, "I need to be inside you, now baby."

His hands skimmed down the line of her inner thighs and spread her wide, he rubbed the tip over her glistening nub and the tingle started again, "Please, please Edward, do it."

He pushed in a little and pulled out. And then he held still for a second and thrust in hard, all the way. She thrilled as he grunted with satisfaction, "Fuck, yes. Nothing feels better than this warm, wet pussy." His thrusts were powerful, fast and deep and in less than a minute she felt the uncontrollable shudder begin. "Stay with me, Bella baby." She stared up at the most beautiful man in the world, who was smiling down at her, as they moved to the rhythm they created together; and all the pent up longing and sadness of the past few days was released and when she came her panting sounded like soft sobs.

#

They moved downstairs to the bed, and made love again, then they fell asleep, their arms and legs intertwined. The surf sloshed around the _Sophia_, the gulls called, the clouds drifted overhead and the hours went by leaving the newly reunited lovers undisturbed. They slept all day and into the evening. Bella woke up and stretched luxuriously and looked at her cell it was almost eight o'clock. She felt saturated with Edward, he was in every pore of her body. She touched his shoulder and shoved.

"Edward I'm hungry." He smiled sleepily and reached for her, and she quickly clarified. " I meant that I'm hungry for food. I need something in me."

His mouth twitched, "How about a sandwich?"

"What kind do you have?" Bella had no idea why she asked, because she would have eaten hay she was so hungry.

Edward pulled her close and kissed her ."Let's go see. I knew I'd be stranded here so I bought a lot of groceries." He explained that because of the Fourth of July fireworks in the bay tomorrow night, while they were sleeping the city closed off the marina to everything but foot traffic. Edward's smile stretched from ear to ear and he bit her chin. "You've been kidnapped. We're stuck here until Saturday morning."

Bella's belly growled and he pulled her off the bed and handed her his t-shirt. He pulled on his jeans. She started off with a banana and moved on to a peach. She inspected the fridge, Edward had lots of food all right, everything for a Fourth of July barbecue; hot dogs, hamburgers, steaks, chicken, cold cuts.

"Are you expecting company?" She asked as she toasted rye bread for the roast beef and gorgonzola sandwiches she was about to make.

"Yeeaah." he grudgingly answered.

"Who?" Just by the way he answered she had a feeling that she wouldn't like what he had to say.

"I invited a few friends over for a Fourth of July barbecue. So tomorrow they're coming over at about one and spending the afternoon and evening. Then we'll watch the fireworks from the deck."

"Which friends?"

"People I've gotten to know. Some who live here in the marina and some who will drive and park on the other side and walk over."

"Who? Name some names."

"Let's see. Sonia, Lexa, Laura, Didi, Molly, Becca, Anya, Barb, Gretchen and Kate."

"Gee, Edward, sounds like you have invited a whole lot of women. Aren't you the least bit worried that a cat fight might break out?" Bella laughed.

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. "No, because you'll be here to protect me."

"Kate, huh? Is that Kate-this-morning-at-the-diner Kate?" When he nodded she asked, "And did you have plans for bedroom fireworks with her?" Bella looked into his face and saw the almost imperceptible flicker of his eyelids. _Aha, she knew it! _So, he'd planned on sleeping with Kate. She shoved at his bare chest and pulled out of his arms.

Edward tried to grab hold of her again but she went to sit on a stool at the other side of the counter. "Bella, if I had known you'd be here, I wouldn't have invited anyone over. I would much prefer to spend the day alone with you. As a matter of fact, I'd prefer to spend every day alone with you. But I can't uninvite these people."

"What? I never said that you should. I'm sure it'll be fun." Her tone of voice suggested that she thought it would be anything but fun. She ate her roast beef sandwich and watched Edward as he ate his.

The silence was thick with unsaid things.

Finally Edward caved, "Okay, tell me what you're thinking." he asked.

"Nothing. Nothing at all." Bella answered.

Suddenly he blurted out, "Okay, I _was _going to sleep with her. Bella, I'm a man. I like sex, hell, I need sex. You didn't think that I was going to pine over you and become celibate, did you? But I have you back now. And you're the only one I want. I told you that already. Even when I'm with someone else, I'm with you."

"Hah! What a nice guy you are." Bella's voice was deeply sarcastic. "So Kate would have been a substitute, a convenient body. Don't you ever feel ashamed of yourself? You're such a user. Don't you feel dishonest?"

Edward did not look even the least bit ashamed. He shrugged "I don't know what to tell you, Bella. My brain and body want you, only you. I just can't be satisfied unless I think about you. And now that I've slept with you, I don't even know if I _can_ have sex with anyone else anymore." He reached out and held her hand and confessed. "Look, last night I went to Kate's apartment, and I just couldn't make love to her. I tried, I really tried. I don't know if it was because of the booze or if it was because I was tired, but I just couldn't. Finally, I told her that I was too drunk and tired and I fell asleep in my clothes on her couch. I took her to breakfast and asked her to the barbecue. I was going to try again just to see if I could."

She gasped at his admission. He was going to have sex, just to see if he could get it up? "You know what? Sometimes you can be such a creep." And with a huff Bella got up and went out on the deck. Edward cleaned up the kitchen and went downstairs, presumably to his office. Bella stewed and wondered if once his obsession with her was over, if he would obsess over someone else. And then maybe he wouldn't be able to get it up then either; then he would superimpose that person's face on hers. Just the thought of it made her feel incredibly sad and hollow.

As she watched the sunset she became calmer. Its orange glow lit up the sky and the rosy pink clouds elevated her mood. She looked behind her at the hills in the east and noted the beautiful lavender sky; she sighed with happiness, sunset was just such a glorious time of day. Bella felt sure that if everyone stopped for a moment each day to take in and appreciate the beautiful canvas of a sunset, they would see the great creator's hand in their everyday lives. Her soul was soothed and she went to get Edward, she felt the need to share this with him. She called down the stairs for him to come meet her on the deck.

In a minute he met her out there and she pushed him down into the Adirondack chair and sat on his lap. "This is my favorite time of the day." she said softly into his ear. "I feel like twilight is romantic and made for lovers. Doesn't it feel as though the night is coming to wrap us up in her arms?" Bella reached up and kissed Edward.

"Do you really think that I'm a creep?" he asked her, his eyes were sad.

"I'm sorry I called you that." She nuzzled him and whispered into his neck. "You're just a man, with human failings just like everyone else, just like me. After all," her voice became even more hushed as her lips moved against his ear, " I fantasize about other men when I'm having sex with you."

"What?" He quickly pushed her head away from his chest and grabbed her chin to look into her eyes. He relaxed when he saw that she was laughing. She laughed and laughed.

"Shut up." he muttered and kissed her hard.

They held each other and watched the blue night sweep over the sky. Bella cleared her throat and said, "Edward, I'm not going to be your mistress. I'll be your lover for as long as it works for both of us, but I'm not going to quit my jobs and I'm not going to live with you and let you take care of me. Okay?"

He looked disappointed, but he nodded, "I want more than that from you, you know, but that will do for now. I'll spend everyday trying to convince you that you want more from me too."

He bent his head and kissed her tenderly. Bella opened her lips and initiated a deeper more passionate kiss. Her blood was singing and she felt that familiar aching tug, she wanted him so badly. He pulled his mouth from hers and whispered against her lips, "Let's go back to bed."


	10. Chapter 10

Ten

The next morning when Bella woke up, she heard mayhem in the kitchen. She tidied the room and ran upstairs to find Edward digging in the cabinets and pulling cookware out of the shelves. "What are you doing?"

"I can't find the BBQ grill that I have. I've looked everywhere." He mumbled as he slammed a cabinet door and turned.

Bella sat on a stool and reached for a nectarine, biting into the juicy fruit. She chewed and suggested, "Why don't you borrow from a neighbor?

"Because they'll probably be using theirs today." He snapped at her, as he opened another cabinet.

"Maybe not, you won't know until you ask." he didn't answer. "Those things are awfully big, don't you think you would have stored it somewhere other than the kitchen?"

"_I_ didn't put it away. I have a cleaning lady, Ginny, who comes once a week, usually on Fridays. _She_ put it away, after the last time I used it. I haven't asked her where because I haven't needed it since last year." He ran his hand through his hair.

"Do you have any other storage here on the boat?" Bella asked him.

"The four closets downstairs and the storage closet and the storage bench on the deck." he answered.

"She probably put it in the storage bench on the deck, have you checked there, yet?"

She followed outside and sure enough, it was in its box in the bench, under some extra seat cushions. He assembled it on the deck and filled it with charcoal. He would fire it up in the afternoon. Edward strung up some colorful lights and brought out the heating lamps. "It'll get cold this evening," he explained. They assembled the chairs in assorted groupings and tossed on the colorful cushions.

They returned to the kitchen and Bella offered to make assorted sandwiches, potato salad and dessert. Edward stood by and watched while she worked. "So, Edward, you only have potato salad and meat for your guests?"

"I have soft drinks, beer and wine too. The guests are bringing side dishes and desserts."

"Are any of them bringing men?" she asked worriedly. Bella really _was_ dreading a cat fight. She envisioned a very tense few hours with Edward surrounded by women who would all be vying for his attention.

"I have no idea. I told all of them that they could bring a guest."

"Didn't you invite any men, at all?"

"Sure, some guys from here in the marina, and a couple guys from my Tae Kwon Do center."

"You take Tae Kwon Do?" Bella was learning an awful lot about him.

"Yes, from the time I was nine. I don't know any kid in Hawaii who doesn't practice martial arts and surf and or hula."

"Did you take hula classes?" she giggled.

"I sure did. One day I'll dance for you." He pulled her into his arms and leaned her up against the refrigerator. He kissed the side of her neck and informed her, "I'm a very sexy hula dancer, you know."

"Ooh, I can't wait." She could just imagine him, clad in a short sarong and dancing with flaming torches behind him.

He licked and bit her earlobe and started feeling her up, pushing his hands under the extra large t-shirt and reaching for her pantiless bottom. "How about a little love dance, right now?" he asked her huskily and then he tumbled her right there on the kitchen floor. The varnished wood was cool against her back and Edward was hot on top of her. He seemed unusually fascinated with her breasts and nipples, spending a lot of time sucking and nipping them. _I'm gonna wind up with a whopper of a hickey on that side of my breast,_ she thought to herself. He slipped further down, first nipping at the skin of her inner thighs, then he paying due attention to her aching nub.

When he moved up and over her she was achy, tight, and very wet. He held her feet and kissed the instep, making her smile, before he placed them on his chest. "Ready, baby?" he asked, when she nodded he pushed in quick and hard up to the hilt, and she groaned with pleasure. Bracing her feet on his chest gave her leverage to lift her bottom higher and feel more of him. The angle made hitting her spot that much easier and she started to come immediately. He touched her clit and she felt her heart stutter and then trip over into delightful waves of feeling. Her tired legs fell to the side and he moved to lay on her fully, holding her head in the frame of his arms. "Wrap your arms and legs around me," he said just before bending his head to thrust his tongue into her mouth. She raised her hips and Edward rode her with a ferocity that left them both shaking.

#

Lying on his chest a few minutes later Bella's thoughts drifted lazily as she rubbed circles on his shoulder. She thought about Edward and Kate and the afternoon ahead, she thought about tonight after they leave and she thought about what she would wear. She wrinkled her brow when she realized that she had absolutely nothing to wear. Her tie-dyed shirt was dirty, so was her underwear, and her denim skirt had no buttons thanks to Mr Cullen. He probably didn't even have a sewing kit and she probably wouldn't be able to find the buttons anyway. The marina was blocked off so she couldn't drive her car to go home and get a change of clothes. The only thing she had was a t-shirt of Edward's, which just wouldn't do.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"I have absolutely nothing to wear. I think I may have to attend your BBQ in the nude or in one of your t-shirts."

"Why don't you call your sister, maybe she can bring some clothes to you." He suggested as he sprawled naked next to her.

She chewed her lip. "I don't think she's at home. I vaguely remember Alice saying that she was going out with Dave."

"You won't know until you ask." He smirked. "Invite them over, your sister and Dave may put you more at ease."

Bella called and naturally Alice did not answer her cell. Then she left an urgent text. The only choice Bella had was to wear her red string bikini. She always kept her beach bag in the trunk of her car with a towel and her bikini in it, and she hoped that there might even be a crocheted cover up in the bag, if she was lucky.

She asked Edward to run to her car to get it and he did. While he was gone she took a quick shower and combed out her tangled mess of a hair. All that lying on her back had given her a rat's nest of tangles. She donned the red bikini, and the lacy white cover up. Her blue Birkenstocks made the outfit almost patriotic. She put on red lipstick, eyeliner and her hoop earrings, she was prepared for battle.

When Edward saw her come out on deck, he dropped everything and grabbed her, "I have fond memories of that teeny weeny bikini." he said huskily.

He grabbed her chin and tried to kiss her, but she turned her head and he kissed her cheek instead. "Don't kiss me, you'll smudge my lipstick." she said.

"But aren't you wearing the lipstick to entice me into kissing you?"

She patted him on the cheek, "Silly, silly man. This isn't for you, this armor is for the women you invited, to keep them at bay."

He grabbed her and kissed her and smudged her lipstick anyway.

#

As the time neared, Bella was getting more nervous, she was not looking forward to the afternoon. Edward was dressed in white shorts that hugged his body, and a Hawaiian shirt with shapely Hawaiian maidens dancing the hula all over it. It was almost one o'clock and he was about to put the steaks on the grill when the doorbell rang. Bella was putting cups, plates and napkins on the table they had set up near the grill. The drinks were in a trough of ice. Assorted sandwiches were on the island in the kitchen, as was the potato salad and the blueberry pie she had made.

"Bella, can you get the door?" She didn't budge, she continued to set the table with utensils. "Please?"

"It's your party, you get it, I'll watch the steaks." There was no way she was going to play hostess.

Edward put the platter of steaks down, grabbed her by the hand and pulled her with him to the door. He held her hand tightly in his, as he opened the door. Three women looked from Edward to Bella and back to Edward. "Sonia, Lexa and Becca, this is my girlfriend, Bella. Bella these are three of my friends. Come on in, ladies."

They walked into the kitchen and the women followed. Edward said, "Ladies, you can put the food on the island counter. Desserts go next to Bella's delicious pie, sides go next to the salad. Hot dogs and hamburgers are out on the deck. Beverages are out there too. Make yourselves at home." And then the doorbell rang again.

Edward led her to the door and repeated the process. "Please come in and make yourselves at home. Molly, Didi, Anya and Gretchen this is my girlfriend, Bella. Bella these are four friends of mine. " The four women came in and stared at Bella, they gave her the once over. She saw one of them, she didn't know if it was Didi or Anya, sneer at her outfit.

"Edward I didn't know that we were going swimming?" she said pointedly.

Edward laughed and slid his arms around Bella's waist. "I asked Bella to wear this outfit for me, I don't need to explain why, do I?" The woman flushed and walked out onto the deck.

"Okay, that was minor, not too bad. I can deal with that." she whispered to Edward. "I don't think that you should introduce me as your girlfriend to Kate. That would be mean."

"I already told her about you." He informed Bella.

"What? When?" Bella was shocked and curious. Why would he even tell the other woman anything about her?

"I talked about you when I showed up slightly drunk at her house the other night." Edward was blunt.

"And she still was going to sleep with you?" Bella was astonished. She got the feeling that Kate was no ordinary woman.

"She was willing." He shrugged.

Another group arrived and Edward introduced Bella again. The last person to arrive was Kate. Edward introduced them and Bella shook Kate's hand and smiled. She didn't want to hold the fact that she and Edward had slept together against the woman. Kate had no such compunction. The smile she gave Bella was a cold twist of the lips. Then she turned to Edward and kissed him on the cheek. "Hey, Edward." Then she sauntered into the kitchen to put down her dish. Bella could see that Kate knew the layout of the _Sophia_. She'd probably spent more than a few nights here herself. Edward led Bella back out onto the deck and started grilling the steaks.

Soon the little party was in full swing. Edward's neighbors from the marina were two middle -aged men and Mary, an older single woman in her fifties. The men were both retired police officers and Bella could see that there was a shared bond between the two men and Edward, that 'cop bond' that people talk about. Two of Edward's Tae Kwon Do buddies came, unfortunately they brought their girlfriends along, so there was a paucity of single, available men; twenty women and five men, none of whom were available. This was a recipe for disaster.

Bella got nasty glances from at least six of Edward's female 'friends', they obviously had been hoping to make a play for Edward. Molly, a very pretty woman in her early thirties with an athletic body and a short brown bob approached her. At least Bella thought it was Molly she wasn't absolutely sure. She sat next to her and quizzed her about Edward.

"Where did you guys meet?" Molly asked.

Bella decided to keep it simple. "Oh we met at a party at a mutual friend's house."

"How long ago was that?" she asked.

"About a month ago."

"Just a month! And he's already introducing you as his girlfriend! Good for you! Lots of women have been trying for years. I guess they don't have what you have. Beauty, body and extreme youth. If you don't mind me asking how old are you? Are you even eighteen yet? You barely look legal."

Ouch. Bella's head reeled. This woman packed a punch into every word. She smiled in return, "As a matter of fact I'm twenty, do you mind me asking you how old you are?" Silence. "And just for the record, I think Edward _does_ prefer them young." Bella got up and walked over to Edward.

"Everything going okay?"

"Nope. You really know how to surround yourself with bitches, you know that?"

"Has it been that bad?"

"Yeah."

"Don't worry I'll take care of it." Edward put the last of the steaks on a clean platter and handed it to her. "Can you take this into the kitchen for me? Please."

When Bella returned, Edward was sitting on one of the Adirondack chairs. He was talking to one of the ex-cops and others were listening to their exciting tales of crimes they had solved. All the other seats were taken, so Bella perched on the arm of his chair. Edward pulled her to sit on his lap and he ran one hand up and down her thigh. Bella felt fifteen pairs of female eyes digging into her. Is this how he was going to handle it? It didn't strike Bella as though he were taking care of anything. She felt that he was probably adding fuel to the angry bitch fire.

Molly piped up again. "Edward I hear that you and Bella only met a month ago. New relationships are so exciting aren't they?"

"Yes, very exciting, but I first met Bella almost three years ago. I've been smitten ever since I saw her …."

Bella reached up quickly and covered his mouth with her hand, she couldn't believe that he would tell these horrible women something so personal. "Edward, stop."

He pulled her hand from his mouth. "Don't be so shy, sweetie."

"So Bella was seventeen when you first met? Ooh, do tell us more." Kate cooed. Like a snake, she was lying in wait for some dirty morsel of gossip. Something she could embarrass Bella with.

"Bella doesn't want me to, but suffice it to say that I waited a long time." Edward kissed the hand he was holding. "In Hawaiian pidgin,', "She da my ono ono ipo."

"What does that mean?" Bella asked.

He whispered in her ear, "It means that you are my sweet, delicious lover." Her heart pounded.

After that Bella paid no attention to the women, they could go jump in the bay as far as she was concerned. It was almost five o'clock when the doorbell rang and Edward got up to go get it, "Bella, look who's here." Bella turned around and saw her sister. And surprise, surprise, she was not with Dave. She was with Jasper, her boss, who had just gotten engaged.

Bella hugged Alice. "You've got some explaining to do." she whispered in her sister's ear before she turned to give Jasper a hug. "What's up stranger?"

"It's been a long time, Bella. My, my you've grown up." Jasper gave her a peck on the cheek.

After he let her go, his arm immediately snaked back around Alice's waist. Bella looked around and realized the harpies were now focused on Alice and Jasper. Jasper was tall, slim, blond and extremely good looking, he'd always reminded Bella of Jude Law. But Jasper had eyes only for Alice. They dated briefly three years ago, and Alice broke up with Jasper and then married Mike. Bella had a feeling that he had never gotten over her.

Alice looked gorgeous in tight yellow low riding Capri pants and a crocheted white vest, which barely covered her luscious breasts. Bella had never seen her sister so voluptuous, nor so radiant before. The cropped vest exposed her flat midriff all the way down to her hip bones. She had on strappy white high heeled sandals. Everyone, men and women, young and old, stared at Alice; she always had the power to draw attention even in a crowd. Her body screamed 'sex', and her face was riveting. Edward introduced the newcomers to the group and Bella overheard two of the women whispering about the 'sisters' and laughing. For the hundredth time Bella prayed for the evening to end.

Alice gave Bella a bag and Bella ran to the bedroom to change. The bag that Alice brought contained two sheer silk baby dolls. They had spaghetti straps and barely reached the top of her thigh. "Oh, for Pete's sake!" Bella ran back upstairs. "Alice can I see you for a minute?" She took Alice into the living room. "Alice, why on earth would you bring this for me to wear? I need day clothes not lingerie."

Alice snatched the bag. "Oops! Those are mine. Sorry, I must have left your bag in the car."

"You're going to have to give me one of those." Bella reached for the bag and Alice held it behind her back.

"Are you crazy? They're brand new. I just bought them for my night with Jasper….they're almost indecent. You can't wear these as day clothes."

Bella opened her beach cover up and showed Alice her red string bikini. "Look at what I'm wearing! This is all I've got. I can wear the nightie under this cover up and it'll be better than the bikini."

"Oh, all right! Which one should I keep, the black or the red? Black or red?" Finally, she shoved the red one at Bella. Bella decided that she would change later, once the sun went down, that way it may seem that she had on a dress rather than an indecent nightie. She went back downstairs and put the nightie in the top drawer in the bedroom. Edward had followed her. Bella showed him the nightie and explained the problem.

"No one but me cares what you're wearing. And I think you look perfectly sexy in that red bikini, I've had a hard time keeping my hands off you. Do you want one of my dress shirts?" Bella shook her head glumly. Edward hugged her. "Bella I want to make a date with you."

"When?"

"Tonight. When the first fireworks start, I want you to meet me down here, in this bedroom. I want to make love with you while the fireworks are going off."

#

The evening dragged on. Alice and Jasper took some of the focus away from Edward and Bella. A few of the women tried to capture Jasper's attention, but they didn't get anywhere. The two couples sat in the living room on the sectional and talked. There were plenty of places to sit yet Alice perched on Jasper's lap and he rested his head against her breasts. Bella stared at Alice. What on earth was she up to? Just yesterday morning she was raving about sex with Dave. Poor Dave. Poor Jasper.

Bella was on Edward's lap too. Not by her choice, but by Edward's. Every time she slid off his lap and moved to sit next to him, he hauled her back up onto his lap. Edward's Tae Kwon Do buddies also drifted into the living room with their girlfriends.

The party was divided. Couples gathered in the living room and the single women stayed out on the deck. There was soft Brazilian jazz playing and Bella was listening and softly humming. Edward stroked her hair and she lay her head on his shoulder.

Everyone had eaten and some people were having coffee and dessert, others were drinking beer and wine. Most of the food was gone. Surprisingly there were very little leftovers. Bella and Edward had already tidied the kitchen, and she couldn't wait for the evening to be over.

Night came and the fireworks began. Everyone drifted to the deck except for Bella and Edward. They snuck unnoticed down to the bedroom and Edward locked the door behind them. The flash of the fireworks illuminated the two lovers.

Edward unbuttoned his shirt as Bella discarded her white wrap. He walked over to Bella and pushed her up against the wall by the door.

"I remember this bikini. It got me into a lot of trouble." Edward said huskily. "Do you know how unbelievably sexy and beautiful you are?" He bent his head and kissed her mouth. His tongue slid over hers and they both moaned. Edward's hands reached under her bikini top and his thumbs stroked her nipples. He undid the bows and threw it on the floor. He leaned further down and sucked her nipples as his hands slid around her back and down into her bikini bottom to pull her into his hips.

He undid the strings that held the bottom together and threw it aside too. "You're so easy to unwrap, I've been wanting to do that all day." he whispered against her ear. Bella was busy unzipping Edward's shorts and pushing it and his underwear lower and lower, his cock pointing straight at her. He stepped out of his clothes. One of Edward's hands slid between her thighs and pinched her flesh tightly and rubbed, one finger moved inside and stroked her nub and then slipped deliciously into her wet. Bella was moving her hips back and forth, gasping and urging Edward to go faster. He removed his hand and hoisted her up and her legs locked around his hips, her back leaning on the wall. He pushed his hard cock into her soft open flesh and thrust in and out at a feverish pace.

Bella wrapped her arms around Edward's neck and held on tightly as he powered them to orgasm. The room was lit with the flash of fireworks and Bella saw fireworks in her brain as their bodies jerked helplessly and they spun over the edge into fulfillment. Edward carried her to the bed and they toppled on to it. Bella felt boneless. Edward stroked her belly and said, "That was what I really wanted to do that day by the river. I wanted you like that, fucking clinging to me and mindless with passion." Bella moaned and pulled his head down to kiss his lips. "Oh good God." she groaned as he rubbed his hand over her breast, her body pulsed and trembled all over again. He pulled her into the circle of his arms, holding her back to his front and they watched the play of fireworks through the porthole. He rubbed his hand over her abdomen and kissed her shoulders. "Ono ono ipo", he whispered.

As the fireworks show came to a close Edward put his clothes back on and went up to say goodbye to his guests. Bella took a long, hot shower and put on the silk nightie, and went upstairs. Almost everyone was gone. Alice was still sitting in Jasper's lap on the couch, caressing his cheek and kissing him, both oblivious to anything but each other. Kate was standing by the front door next to Edward. Bella walked up and stood next to Edward and said "goodnight" to her. She didn't respond. She gave Bella a quick up and down look and Bella knew she was taking note of the silk nightie. She gave Edward a quick kiss on the cheek and left. Edward closed the door behind her. "I told Alice that she and Jasper are welcome to sleep in the guest bedroom downstairs."

"Goodnight guys." Bella called to them.

"Goodnight." Jasper replied. Alice lifted her hand and waved.

Edward told them, "The bedroom is the door across from the stairs. Clean towels and linen are in the closet in the bedroom and there are extra toothbrushes in the cabinet above the shower."

Bella was glad Edward had given them the bedroom furthest from theirs and that they wouldn't be sharing a common wall with Alice and Jasper. She didn't want to hear any moans and groans and she certainly didn't want them to hear hers.

Edward took a shower and joined her in the bed. "Thanks for everything Bella. I know you put up with a lot of nonsense today."

"What's up with Kate? What was she saying to you by the door?"

"She told me that if it doesn't work out between you and me, she'll be waiting."

"Wow!" Bella took a few seconds to digest that bit of news. "I think she's in love with you, Edward, desperately in love. That's the only way I would offer myself to be someone's fallback." She thought back on Kate's coldness and realized it had hid a great deal of hurt. "I feel sorry for her." Bella caught herself. Who am I kidding? Maybe in a few weeks I'll be in Kate's position, offering myself even when he no longer wants me and has moved on to someone else.

"That won't happen." Edward said as he pulled her under him and started kissing her.

Bella blinked and suddenly realized that she had spoken aloud. "What won't happen?"

"I won't grow tired of you. Not in a few weeks or even a few years. You're in my blood, like a poison. A sweet poison." Edward bent his head and kissed her between her breasts and they started a long night of loving.


	11. Chapter 11

Eleven

Saturday morning the road to the Marina was open to traffic again and after breakfast Alice and Jasper were ready to leave. During breakfast they were quiet as they moved about the kitchen; both of them reaching out and touching the other often. _They had sex last night all right, no doubt about it_. Bella thought to herself. It was obvious in the way they couldn't stop looking at each other and in the way they smiled. They both looked tired and drawn, as though they hadn't slept a wink; and Alice looked drugged with love as she held onto Jasper's arm.

Since Edward was out for a run Bella wore a shirt of his and drove the pair to where Jasper's car was parked. Alice retrieved the bag with Bella's clothes and gave it to her. As Alice tucked herself into the front seat of the Porsche and waved goodbye, Bella mimed, pinky to mouth and thumb to ear, for Alice to call her soon.

As she drove back to the marina her thoughts were on her sister, wondering how Alice could even justify sleeping with an engaged man. Worse than that, Jasper was not only an engaged man; he was also her boss and the company's CEO. In addition, he was also Alice's ex-lover who, in the past, had come very close to breaking her heart.

Bella worried for her sister, and wondered what the hell Alice was doing having an affair with him again. She also wondered why she was sleeping with Dave and Jasper? That was so unlike the sister she knew and loved, cheating was something she abhorred. _Fuck, there is no way this is going to end well. _Bella thought to herself.

Ginny, the cleaning woman, came at ten. Back from his run and freshly showered, Edward told Ginny that they'd be leaving for New York the next day and asked her to get rid of all perishable food, he also asked her to stop by the following Friday to clean and , since he would be back the following Sunday. Hearing this exchange Bella became excited about the trip to New York and she and Edward talked about going to a Broadway show and maybe a night at Lincoln Center to see a ballet. Bella also wanted to take a hansom cab through New York, and she wanted to go to go to a Jazz club. He indulgently promised her all those experiences. She kissed him until he broke it off telling her he had work to do and that he had some calls to make to Hawaii.

Bella had to work at the restaurant, but only until three and so she went to take a shower and then went to find him in his office to gave him a long kiss good-bye. She found it increasingly hard to leave him, her body yearned for his when she was near him. Her body clung to his the same way that Alice's clung to Jasper's.

At work, Bella's thoughts were far away, sometimes on Alice and sometimes on Edward. She prayed that Alice knew what she was doing and wouldn't hurt Jasper or wouldn't get hurt by Jasper. Then she prayed that she herself wouldn't get hurt by Edward.

The constant background noise of the kitchen was interrupted by Tyler who had approached her, waving his hand to get her attention. "Bella, Bella? Hey, Bella what are you daydreaming about?" Tyler asked.

"Oh, nothing." She replied as she worked the pate sucree in preparation for her cardamom cream tarlets.

"Don't forget about tonight." he reminded her. "It's the first time I'm performing with these guys and I'm so excited. You're gonna love the music, it's eclectic, it's jazz with a little latin and a little middle eastern fusion. It's so cool. We have this singer, she's awesome. " He was rambling on as he moved around the kitchen.

Bella had plum forgot about tonight, he was still talking and Bella waited for a pause so she could get a word or two in. "Tyler, I don't think…"

Tyler stopped and begged, "Oh Bella, don't bail out on me. Please don't say you're not coming."

He looked so pathetic, Bella replied, "Yeah, I'm coming, but I can't stay long, okay? I have an early flight tomorrow morning. Don't pick me up I'll meet you there."

"But Bella, it's not at the _Dogpatch_. It's at the _Luna Bar_. I got the dates mixed up."

"Fine, I'll meet you there at nine."

Tyler looked happy that she was still coming and continued to prattle on about anything and everything.

At three o'clock Bella dashed out of the restaurant and drove back to Edward's. She was there by three-fifteen, she couldn't wait to be with her lover.

Bella clanged the bell and Edward opened the door. God, he was sexy. Bella tumbled into his arms and he carried her to the couch. They kissed for a long time. "How was your day?" she asked.

He was kissing her neck, her throat and down to her shoulders. "I got some work done, but not enough. I was too busy thinking about last night. You are such a distraction."

She rubbed his shoulders, "Mmm. Tell me about it. I hope the tartlets I made taste good, because I can't even remember what I did. I was in such a fog thinking about last night; it was soo good. But Alice was on my mind too, a lot."

Edward rested on his elbows above her. "Why, what's wrong with Alice?"

"Edward she's sleeping with Dave _and_ Jasper. And I know that Jasper is engaged or almost engaged, she told me…." Edward covered her lips with his index finger shushing her. Her eyebrows came together in a frown as she watched him.

"Bella, I don't want to hear gossip about them. They're both adults who know what they're doing." He removed his finger from her mouth.

She pulled out from under him and sat up. "I don't think it's gossiping to talk to you about my sister. Do you?"

He sat up too and they faced each other kneeling on the couch. "Bella, no one is perfect, like you said, we're all human with human failings. Talk to your sister if you're concerned, but I'm the last person to pass judgment on someone else's relationships."

"So I can't share my concerns with you." Bella huffed. "Thanks for letting me know that you and I don't have that kind of relationship." Bella was hurt; Edward had just put up a wall between them. "So this relationship we're having is only about sex, right? I can't talk to you about things that concern me.

"I didn't say that. But we do have fantastic sex don't we?" He pulled her to him and nuzzled her neck. "Listen, Bella, even if you and I were married, I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing your sister's relationship with her boyfriends. I just don't do that."

Bella felt slightly reassured, he objected to talking about someone, not about her worries. She had a hard time seeing the difference.

Edward started to kiss her again and peeled her dress off letting it fall to the floor and she stepped out of it. He peeled off his t-shirt and crushed her to his chest. "Let's go to bed." He whispered, and Edward he led her down to the only place she wanted to be. They made love, then they fell asleep, still recovering from the night before.

#

At six thirty her cell alarm woke her. She rolled over and looked at Edward. He was so adorable, lying on his belly with his head turned to her. His hair was all over the place his chin was scruffy and his mouth was slack, and slightly open as he slept. She hated to wake him but she reached over and touched his shoulder and spoke softly, not wanting to jar him awake. "Edward, I have to leave. I'm meeting a friend at a club so I have to get going soon."

He groaned as he stretched and rolled on his side. "Are you sure you want to go?" He reached for her and trapped her in his arms then flinging a leg over hers.

Bella burrowed into his warmth. "No, to be honest, I really don't want to go. But I promised him to be there, so I have to."

"Him? Who is this friend?" Edward stopped nuzzling and waited for her answer.

"Tyler, a friend I work with at the restaurant, he's playing at a jazz club." She got up off the bed and started reaching for her underwear.

"Is this the guy you were with at the river? The one you had your legs around?" He sat up in bed leaning back against the headboard with his arms crossed over his chest.

"What? I've never done any such thing?" Bella looked at him as though he was crazy.

"When I came back from changing you were on his back, legs around him, wrestling with your other friends." He reminded her.

"Oh you're right. That was Tyler. We were playing 'chicken'." She laughed remembering, "We're really silly."

"Is he just a friend? Has he ever been anything more?" Edward asked.

"Nothing more." Bella looked into his eyes, trying to figure out if he was jealous but saw nothing unusual. "Why?"

"He wants you, Bella. He's going to make a move tonight." His voice was matter of fact.

"No he doesn't, and he won't. I've known him for years. We're good friends; we hang out all the time." Bella couldn't figure Edward out. He seemed detached, he wasn't angry or jealous. He talked about her and Tyler as though he were talking about the weather.

"He's never made a move before? Asked you on a date?" Edward inquired.

"Nope." Bella pulled on her panties and walked out of the room. She poked her head back in and said quickly, "This is our first date." and she ran up the stairs, laughing.

Edward jumped off the bed and chased after her. He caught her in the living room, where she was trying to pick up her sundress from off the floor where he had dropped it earlier. "So, _is_ this a date?" he grabbed her and pushed her onto the couch. He held her down with his body.

"Well he asked me and I said yes before I realized what I was saying "yes" to." She was laughing from the chase and something about him that made her insides feel giddy.

"So _this_ is the date you were talking about at the diner. You have a date with Tyler." He seemed slightly amused.

"Yes, I do." She replied and he tickled her sides, showing her no mercy.

She laughed and struggled to get free. Finally he stopped. "When will you be back?" he asked pretending to be stern.

"Is there a curfew?" she teased looking up into his face.

"Yes. I want you back here by midnight. We have to get up early in the morning." He kissed her between her breasts and then let her go so she could get dressed.

He sat on the couch watching her. She dressed quickly and pushed her feet into her sandals.

"I have to go home, pack for our trip, then shower and get dressed, and then drive all the way over the bridge to the _Luna Bar_. So I've got to run." She leaned down to give him a kiss. "Don't worry, Daddy, I'll be back on time." She teased.

He grabbed her and pulled her to sit on his lap and turned her face to look at him. "Don't dress too sexy, Bella. And as soon as he makes his move, make it clear that you're with me." He pulled her to him and gave her a quick kiss. "Then come home."

He let her go and she went to pick up her handbag. Edward pulled on his jeans and his shirt and walked her to her car. He opened her door and when she got in, he stooped to kiss her. He whispered against her lips, "Remember, midnight."

#

Bella arrived at the _Luna Bar_ before nine, wearing her most sedate dress. It was a bottle green, knit, ribbed dress. She considered it sedate because it had a turtle neck and long sleeves, no skin would show. To the average male however, this dress was anything but sedate, it hugged every curve and it only came midway down her thigh. Bella had plans later to undress for Edward so underneath it she was wearing a black satin demi-bra and matching panties, thigh high stockings that she had bought long ago and never wore. She wore black suede ankle boots that zipped up the back. She braided her ponytail and wrapped it around itself into a high bun. She normally did not wear make-up but decided to use eye-liner and deep red lipstick. She finished with gold hoops in her ears.

Bella walked into the club looking for a familiar face, since it was fairly early there weren't many people there. It was dimly lit but not too dark. Small circular tables, covered in white tablecloths and decorated with flickering candles, surrounded the small dais for the performers; there was a small little space for close dancing. Smooth jazz was playing from a CD, she recognized Arturo Sandoval's CD playing. "A Time for Love" was one of her favorite CDs and one couple was on the floor swaying to the music. Only a couple of tables were occupied. Bella was a little concerned, she expected to see other co-workers and started to wonder if Edward was right. Was Tyler planning to make a move in this romantic little club?

She sat at a table and ordered a soft drink and waited. Five minutes later Tyler showed up with his drums. He came over to her and tried to kiss her and she moved to let him peck her on the cheek. "Where is everyone?" Bella asked him.

"Everyone, who?" he asked in turn.

Bella was getting that sinking feeling. "Family, friends, co-workers, didn't you invite anyone else?"

"No," he said baldly "only you. Some of them know about it 'cause I kept talking about it, but I didn't "invite" anyone else."

Her stomach dropped all the way down to her ankle boots. _Oh no, this is going to be trouble, _she thought. Bella decided to be straightforward. "This isn't a "date" date is it?" she asked Tyler.

He smiled widely and said, "Yes, our first date, Bella."

"Oh, but I told you…" Bella thought to herself. She started to talk, "Tyler we need to…" but he interrupted her.

He squeezed her hand and said, "Listen Bella, I got to go set up, see you in a bit."

Bella was stuck. She saw him setting up and then came the others in his band. After they were done, Tyler brought his band mates over and introduced them to Bella. "Hi, how are you guys", she shook their hand. They sat at the table and ordered a round of drinks, Felix was Dominican, and he played the congas. He wore a beanie and small little dark glasses, he was average height but muscular and wide, she found out that he was also a body builder. Aro was from Senegal; he was tall and lean and wore his Senegalese caftan. He played the Dunun the deep bass drum from his native country.

They talked and laughed and every so often Tyler would reach for Bella's hand. She kept on trying to be casual and friendly so he wouldn't interpret this as a romantic date. But every chance he got he tried to touch her or put his arms around her or her chair.

The bass player, Alec, and a jazz guitarist, Marcus, came in and set up. The guys got up at nine-thirty and the quintet played for almost an hour, occasionally joined by Jane, a gorgeous porcelain-skinned, black-haired, black-eyed goth girl with a the voice of an angel. The place was full now and Bella could see that one or two others from work had shown up. She waved them over to her table. They sat and enjoyed the music.

Summer, one of their coworkers, cornered Bella. "So, Tyler finally got the balls to ask you on a date, huh? He really likes you, I mean really, really likes you. He's been obsessing over you forever." She went on to say that Tyler had been waiting for the opportunity to ask her for a date ever since he heard of her break up with Chris. Bella once again started to worry that the night would end badly for her and her friend.

After the set, Tyler came over, sat next to her and put his arm around her. She whispered, "Tyler can I speak to you outside for a little bit?" They got up and there were some whoops from the work crowd.

When they got outside, Bella got straight to the point. "Tyler, I want you to know that I like you as a friend, a really good friend. But nothing more."

"Bella, I know you're still in love with Chris, and I won't push you into a relationship too soon. But I want you to know that I've always liked you as more than just a friend." He rushed through what he was saying; Bella could tell that he was nervous.

"Tyler, you're a great guy and a great friend and I like you very much. But I'm ..er..seeing someone. " She was gentle.

"Bella," he smiled and held her shoulders. "Don't worry. I know you need time. I can see that you're still getting over Chris and I'm not gonna rush you, I promise. I just want you to know that I like you, I always have. And, when you're ready…no rush…I'm gonna be there. You don't have to make excuses, and pretend you're seeing someone, I know it's gonna take time." He stepped closer and put his arms around her and hugged her gently. "I know you don't want to get involved and possibly ruin a good friendship. But it'll be fine, I promise." He bent down and tried to kiss her on the lips.

Bella avoided his lips and squirmed out of his arms, "Tyler, I am serious. I'm involved with someone, I'm not making excuses. And I'm really, really sorry, but I don't feel romantic towards you, at all."

"But you were just crying over Chris like a week ago, at the Bart. You were all sad and draggy. How can you be involved with someone..."

She shrugged, "It just happened, quickly."

"Who is he, anybody I know?"

"No, just a guy I met, at Angela's." She gave his arm a squeeze and said, "I should get going."

"No, don't go." He pleaded. "Bella, please, stay for the next set. Please. Don't walk out, not with all the guys here. I promise you I won't try anything."

Against her better judgment, Bella stayed. The next set was great, she even got up with her friends and danced on the little dance floor. After the band finished, Bella made a quick trip to the bathroom and came back to say good-bye.

She started to leave when all of a sudden she noticed that Tyler was drunk, he got up and attempted to drive himself home. Bella tried to stop him but couldn't, others realized what was happening and one of the guys took his keys and Tyler became belligerent. He got into a tussle for the keys and started to swear and stumble. Because she was his date, everyone looked to her to take care of him. "I can't." Bella wailed. "I can't handle him in this condition and I'm not even going home."

Bella asked Summer if she could drive him home, but Summer came with friends and their car was full. Tyler's band mates had left already and it slowly dawned on Bella that she was really stuck with Tyler. She asked a couple of the guys to load him and his drums into her car. No one knew his exact address and she couldn't find his wallet.

Bella almost screamed in frustration. How was she going to get Tyler home? She thought about taking him to her house to sleep it off, but didn't think that she would be able to make it up the stairs with him. And most importantly, that would mean that she wouldn't be able to get back to Edward's bed until one-thirty or two o'clock.

She drove like a maniac and got over the bridge and to the marina in twenty minutes. She parked the car and ran to Edward's door. She knocked and it swung open, he tried to pull her inside but she started to blurt out the whole story.

"Slow down, what's wrong?"

"Tyler is drunk, I don't have his address, and I have to drive him home, to my house, to sleep it off. I was wondering if you could follow me and help me get him up the stairs and into my bed and then we could come back here." She finished with a gasp.

Edward followed her to her car to take a look at Tyler, who was passed out in the back seat. "Oh, man! So this is Tyler. Bella, what did you do to the guy?"

"Do? Me? Nothing, absolutely nothing. I told him that we could just be friends; that I was seeing somebody else and then he got wasted. I didn't do anything!"

"Bella, look at you! I told you not to dress too sexy. He saw you looking like that and thought you were giving him the greenlight. Then you shot him down. No wonder he got drunk." Edward was semi-serious. "Bella, you broke the guy's heart."

"Stop it! Stop it! Just help me will you?" she was begging.

He hugged her, "I'm sorry. It's okay, Bella we don't have to go through all that trouble, we'll just stay here and put him on the couch to sleep it off." He started to laugh, "Then I'm going to have to punish you, for being such a bad girl." Edward pulled Tyler out of the car and hoisted him in a fireman lift. Bella locked up the car and ran ahead to hold the door open. Edward practically threw Tyler onto the couch.

"Edward, I think he's going to need a towel and a wastebasket, I have a feeling he'll have to vomit tonight." She spread the towel under his head and put the wastebasket next to him and covered him with a blanket. That was when she noticed that Edward had lit candles all around the living room, the fireplace was on, soft jazz was playing and there was champagne on ice.

"Oh, Edward, how sweet." She put her arms around his neck and brought him down for a kiss.

"This is the second time you've ruined my dating plans." He kissed her lingeringly.

"I'll make it up to you." She whispered a promise against his lips.

They gathered the candles and champagne and took them down to the bedroom. While Edward opened the champagne, Bella took off her dress and stood before him in her bra, panties, stockings and high heels.

He poured the champagne in two glasses and turned around "Good god, Bella. Is that for me?"

"All for you, like it?" She beamed, feeling happy that she'd surprised him.

"Like it? Bella, I'm in heaven." He took a sip of champagne and brought her glass to her.

Bella sipped her champagne, "Edward, make love to me."

Edward pulled her to him and kissed her. He took her glass from her and tilted it into her mouth causing her to finish it all.

"Good?" he asked.

"Very good." She smiled, feeling the warmth lick through her veins.

He rocked her side to side and took another sip from his glass and leaning into her lips, opened his mouth and poured it into her mouth.

Surprised, she pulled back and giggled. "Are you trying to get me drunk?"

"Nope, just trying to make you happy." He replied and kissed her neck.

"You do that already." She whispered in his ear.

He held her chin and nibbled her upper lip and then moved to her lower lip. Bella opened her mouth wanting to feel his breath mingle with hers again. She moved her hands around his back and under his shirt to run her fingers along his spine.

She wanted to touch every part of his gorgeous body. She pulled away from his kiss, "I want to taste your body," she said, and lifted his shirt to caress his nipples then she bent her head to lick them with her tongue. He lifted her head and kissed her neck then he kissed the top of her full breasts and whispered, "Bella, I'm going to sit over there," he gestured behind him to a chair, "I want you to dance for me. Slowly take off just your panties, nothing else, and then dance for me, okay? A lap dance."

"I don't know how, Edward. I've never…"

He placed his finger over her lips and whispered, "Try. You're a sensual dancer, feel the music."

He turned on his ipod and selected Portishead's "Glory Box", so sensual.

Then he sat in the chair and waited with his long legs splayed wide in front of him. His eyes were narrowed and focused on her body. He looked hungry, like a lion, waiting for a lamb. The room was lit by only candlelight and the music was haunting and she slowly stripped off her panties, they fell in a black puddle on the floor, she stepped out of them and over to him where he sat.

For a few moments, she danced very slowly moving her body the way she knew would please him. Then she moved to straddle his lap, her knees on the cushioned chair, framing his thighs; she could see that he was hard already. She rested the weight of her body on her knees, and brushed her pussy ever so close to him without touching. She closed her eyes and moved her hips sinuously, using the rhythm of the music to inspire her. Edward watched every movement, the gentle roll of her belly, the snakelike motion of her arms, the hips that tempted him on. The music ended and another began, with a similar rhythm and driving beat. Edward reached up and took off the bra to suck on her nipples. She loved the sharp ache that travelled from her nipple to her center; it made her hungrier for him.

Finally he unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, and let her touch him. She caressed him and slowly rolled on the condom he had given her. She looked up into his face and saw that his eyes were half closed and looking down at what her hands were doing. He was holding back, letting his arms rest on the arm of the chair while she pleasured him. He was enjoying the fact that she was taking charge.

She guided him into her and she rested her arms around his broad shoulders. She moved on his lap in a rocking motion and rhythmically tightened and relaxed her muscles. She kept her eyes closed so she could lose herself in the feel and rhythm of the music and her movements. Soon his thumb reached between them and he rubbed her until she moaned and started to move faster and faster. She held on to the back of the chair to steady herself as she her orgasm started and her thrusts became erratic, soon she was feeling the pull of her orgasm and she flopped forward and then arched back in ecstasy. He held her tight as she rode it, panting and moaning loudly; although she had melted onto him, he was still hard and ready inside her. "Didn't you come?" she whispered.

He shook his head. He waited a few seconds, then he carried her from the armchair to the bed. He started to thrust into her; immediately she was back in ecstasy. He moaned, and with each thrust, he breathed her name. Strong fingers pinched her nipple as his teeth nipped her ear, chin and lips and Bella started to shudder. Bella felt herself tumble into mindless pleasure again and she sank back to the pillows. Edward was not done yet. "Roll over, baby." he said. He pulled out and helped her then spread her legs wide. "Ready?" he asked and when she nodded, he plunged into her trembling heat. "That's so good, baby." And he pulled her hips slightly off the bead, tilting her ass in the air, "You look so beautiful." He said as he continued his relentless push toward his own satisfaction. Bella, heard his groaning, "Fuuuck, yeah!" and felt him release and fall next to her.

Neither of them moved for a long time. Bella felt as though her legs were rubber, they were achingly tight and weak at the same time. Edward lay there, inert as he pulled for air. Finally, he rolled onto his back and laughed deeply and with satisfaction. He pulled her to sleep in the warmth of his arms.

#

Bella was getting tired of waking up alone. She was naked on her belly and Edward wasn't next to her. She went upstairs and neither Edward nor Tyler was anywhere around. She walked out onto the deck and looked around. She made coffee and searched the fridge and cabinets for food. There was nothing at all to eat. He didn't even have flour. She found her bag but couldn't find her keys anywhere. She was starving. She had barely eaten anything the day before and that combined with the after effects of the champagne and lack of sleep was making her feel empty. It was after six o'clock, where the hell was Edward?

It was until six-thirty when Edward returned, without Tyler. "I hope you brought some food." She greeted him. He was carrying a baguette and a take-out containing a cheese omelet with chicken apple sausage. "Yum." She tore off the heel of the bread and started to eat it. She practically scurried into the kitchen to eat her breakfast.

"Where's Tyler?" she asked.

"I took him home." He dropped her car keys onto the counter.

"How is he doing?"

"He seemed fine. I really don't think he was as wasted as you thought." Edward waited until she looked at him. "I think he was hoping to sleep in your bed last night." Edward leaned on the counter and looked at her for a reaction.

"I don't think so." She scoffed "You're just too suspicious." She devoured the sausage that had been sauteed with tomatoes and onions.

"Bella, believe me, if you had taken him home you would have had a fight on your hands."

"Oh Edward, don't be ridiculous. Tyler has always been nice to me."

He grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around. "Bella, I know men, and he is not too pleased that he didn't get what he wanted."

She rolled her eyes. "I think it's the writer in you, you have a flair for the dramatic."

"You know something, you are very naive. Don't hang out alone with him again." He warned her then he let her go.

"You're not jealous are you?" Bella frowned.

"No, I'm not jealous. Jealousy is a waste of time, Bella. Firstly, if you wanted him I would tell you to go to him, I don't share. Secondly, I know you are not the least bit interested in him. But I do know he is very interested in you. He fantasizes about you, just like I do. When I saw him by the river, he couldn't keep his eyes off you. And you know something else? He was spying on us when we were kissing."

"There was no one else around." She said, remembering the eerie quiet before Edward started to kiss her.

"He was around all right."

"Where?" She shook her head doubtfully.

He was getting exasperated "By the trees, Bella, or by the bushes." He explained. "When you ran back to the house, I walked back slowly and waited to …calm down. A few minutes later, I saw him come from that direction. And I confronted him about it just now when I was driving him home."

"You did what? Oh my God, what did you tell him?" Bella was so embarrassed.

"I told him that I know he wants you and that I know he spied on us when he saw us kissing - he didn't deny it. I also told him that I know he's been waiting for you but that I have you now and that I wouldn't like it very much if he tried anything with you. Ever." He paused. "I also told him that I'm an ex-cop and that I have a license to carry a gun and I do."

"You threatened him?" she was aghast.

"No. I warned him." Edward cut the baguette into slices. "I don't think he's dangerous, but he's the sneaky kind. The kind to get a girl drunk and take advantage of her."

"I don't drink." She started to eat the omelet, standing at the counter.

"Has he ever tried to ply you with alcohol?" Edward was eating from the plate too.

"Ply? I have no idea what you mean. At some point or another almost everyone has offered me a drink." She was so hungry she was eating big mouthfuls. "Even you."

"Yes. And I _was_ plying you with alcohol, to loosen you up a bit." He said.

Bella's jaw dropped. "Loosen me up?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes. So you could let go, be less inhibited. Like last night."

"So the candles and champagne were part of a plan?" The things this guy did for sex.

"Yeah, and it worked didn't it. You were mind-blowingly uninhibited and oh so sexy and so good," he smiled and reached for her. Then he came to stand behind her and ran his hand down the front of her dress, cupping her breasts, rubbing her belly and running his hands over the curve of her hips. He whispered in her ear, "I have never had sex like last night. I wanted to mmmm." He couldn't find the words, so he bit the nape of her neck and she felt a rush of heat. "Bella, I wanted to suck you, eat you, devour you." He said as he turned her into his arms.

She swallowed her food. "And you think that's because I had the champagne?"

He laughed, "It sure was. I'm going to have to keep it on hand." And he gave her a deep kiss.

When he let her up for air, she said, "Edward, I had two sips of champagne to please you, I don't like the taste. That wasn't the champagne."

"Prove it to me, be uninhibited like that. Now."

"Edward, I'm not going to prove anything, and especially not now, we have to get ready for the flight." She tried to get out of his arms but he wouldn't let her.

"Bella, just a little bit longer. We have time." He tried to kiss her.

Edward, she reminded him, "It's already almost seven. I have yet to shower and change."

He pursed his lips, and he reluctantly let her go."Okay,go get ready."

"Edward, can you do me a favor?" She handed him her car keys, "Can you get my blue overnight bag out of my trunk while I take my shower?"

"Sure."

Bella ran down the stairs to the bathrrom. She had only been in for a few seconds when Edward joined her in the small little space, "What do you think you're doing?" she asked as he squeezed into the tiny shower with her.

"I'm showering with you." He reached for the soap, rubbed it between his palms and started to lather her. He slipped his sudsy hands over her breasts and down her belly and stroked her between her thighs.

"Edward, is this all you think about?" She couldn't believe how often he wanted to make love.

He moved his soapy hands and rubbed them over her behind and pulled her against him. "Bella, sex is _all_ I can think about when I'm with you. I told you I'm like a fire and you are oxygen, you keep me going." He put the soap in her hands so she could lather him. She put her arms around him and lathered his back as he rested his arms on her shoulders. She ran her soapy hands over his tight butt and moved to the front to soap his chest. She soaped his arms and his underarms.

His eyes were half closed as she closed her hands around his cock and as soon as she started to touch him he started to swell. Her hands moved back and forth and he continued to grow. Edward lifted her and held her against the wall of the shower. She felt him so hard between her thighs, but he didn't enter. He kissed her deeply and moved his hips back and forth so that he would come tantalizingly close but just brush her crevice. She yearned for him to fill her and she begged him several times but he didn't. Bella bit his bottom lip in frustration and he laughed, pulling her under the spray of warm of water and using his hands to rinse her body.

She felt his fingers as he pried her open and he used his thumb to excite her even more. His mouth latched onto her nipple and sucked hard, she hung on to him and let him do whatever he wanted. He carried her dripping wet to the bed and opened her thighs.

She was so limp from the heat of the shower and the beginnings of an orgasm that she felt powerless to even move. He sucked her clit and then licked it with the tip of his tongue over and over until she was delirious with electric spasms. She lay on the bed, a total and willing slave to whatever he wanted of her. And he seemed to want everything. He gently sucked and bit the skin of her inner thighs. Finally, he knelt above her and parted her legs over his shoulders and pushed into her and started to thrust hard. He gripped her thighs and shoved in and out until he melted in a moan of satisfaction on top of her.

He held himself above her with his forearms on either side of her shoulders and he grinned as he tossed back his wet hair. "Bella," his voice was husky and so soft, "it just gets better and better."

She was so enervated she couldn't even answer. He was like a speeding train, unstoppable. They lay there a few minutes and he started up again, kissing the curve of her neck, and breathing in her smell.

"Edward," she checked his cell on the night shelf, "it's after seven thirty. We're already late for the flight."

He rolled off her and she weakly rolled over and sat up on the edge of the bed.

"Edward?" She turned and looked at him, lying naked on the bed.

"Hmm?" He looked over at her.

She lay back down and curved her body into his and kissed his bicep. "Edward, I've only had one lover. So I'm not as experienced as you." She hesitated before continuing, "So I may need you to tell me what to do. You know. Like what you want me to do for you to be happy …in bed." She was embarrassed to admit to him that she felt clueless about what he wanted from her.

"Bella, I am completely happy, can't you tell? Sex, making love, with you has been the absolute best." He pulled her on top of him and she lay between his legs.

"Well, I feel that you're doing so much to make me satisfied, I don't feel that I'm doing enough for you. I don't know what things turn you on." She was looking into his face trying to read what he was thinking.

He smoothed her hair from her brow, "Bella, you turn me on, just as you are." He looked at her and smiled.

"But last night, I really thought that I did it right and you would come and you didn't."

"Bella, I fought really hard not to come. Your orgasm, feeds mine. I don't want to come without satisfying you first." He rolled her under him and kissed her. He hoarsely whispered in her ear. "When I enter after your orgasm you're wet and hot and pulsing and that makes me come harder. That's the way I like it."

"But when I've had an orgasm, I don't really have the energy left to please you."

"You please me very much, all the time." He kissed her again. "Bella don't think too much about this, just let it happen. Just do what makes your body feel good."

"The only reason I mention it is because you said that you had to "loosen me up" with champagne. So, do you feel that I'm too uptight?"

"Bella, you misunderstand me. I want you to loosen up so _you_ can enjoy yourself more. You seem afraid to let go and that's all I meant. I want you to get maximum pleasure."

"But I don't want you to get bored with me. I want you to teach me to be as good a lover as you are." She paused, "It's what I want to take from this affair when it's over."

Edward rolled her over and they lay side by side. He rested his hand on the curve of her cheek and looked into her eyes. "Let's not talk about the ending of something that's just begun, okay?"


	12. Chapter 12

Twelve

The charter jet landed in New York at four-thirty on Sunday afternoon. The cab ride into the city from the airport seemed to take forever. Bella's first impression of New York was not good. The skyline was hazy and gray, and it was noisy and busy and hectic, even on a Sunday afternoon. The humid air that wafted through the air-conditionless cab's open window smelled of rust and hot asphalt. Edward was on his phone, reading his e-mails and responding. Since this morning when they got to the airport he had been working; either tweaking scripts, reviewing contracts or e-mailing someone.

Bella was hoping that things would go well. She really wanted to enjoy this trip with Edward, and she did not want to start griping about him ignoring her; she hoped that he would be able to complete his business but also give her a little time too. If not, why did she come? She opened a travel guide to a map of the city.

"Edward, where do you live?"

"Greenwich Village, near NYU. Why?"

"I'm trying to find it on the map, to get my bearings. I need to know where I am in relation to the world."

He peered over her shoulder and found his street. "There."

She looked and leafed through the pages of the guide book. After a few minutes she said,"You're near the Puck building, Cooper Union, Washington Square Park, St. Marks Place, Soho, Tribeca, Little Italy, and Chinatown. Wow! You're near everything! Are you renting a car?"

"No, a car in New York is a pain in the ass. We'll take a cab wherever we want to go."

"How long have you lived here?"

He put away his phone. "Well, I first came to New York about eight years ago, but I bought this place almost four years ago; when I realized that I'd be coming here often. I come here five or six times a year and I hate staying in hotels." He reached for her hand and gave her wrist a kiss. "Have I been ignoring you?" Bella gain wondered if he could read her mind. "I'm sorry. But the rest of the night is ours, okay?"

The cab stopped in front of a charming brownstone. The quiet cobblestone street was tree-lined with lovely brownstones on either side; if it weren't for the cars and streetlights, one could imagine that the year was 1950, or 1920, or even 1880. Coming from the west coast she was enchanted by the history she felt just being on this street.

Edward had the third floor flat in the four story building. A flight of stairs led up to the building's front door which was ebony inset with beveled glass. Inside the lobby's wainscoting was constructed of dark ebony wood, above the wainscoting the wall was papered in rich silk cream and ivory damask. An antique chandelier hung from the ten foot ceiling. To the left, under an antique beveled mirror, was a dark polished wood table with two lamps. Edward retrieved his mail from his mailbox. The door straight ahead, also ebony, led into the first floor flat. To the right against the back wall, was the elegant curved staircase and next to it was an old fashioned elevator.

Edward carried his bags and hers (they only had one suitcase each) into the elevator and closed the gates, in order to activate the door. He turned the brass lever to "3" and they ascended the three flights to his floor. "It's so charming!" Bella exclaimed. "I've only seen elevators like these in old movies."

"It's designated a historic building. They keep it intact." Inside Edward's apartment was even more beautiful. His front door opened into an L-shaped hallway that ran from left to right. Edward dropped the mail on a small table in the hall. Directly across from the front door, french doors opened into the living room. A fireplace was on the left wall, and four tall windows on the back wall looked onto the backyard. The living room was furnished with two chocolate damask wing chairs that sat either side of the fireplace, a leather nail head couch directly opposite the chairs, a square mahogany center table, one side table next to the couch, a mid-century table lamp, and a cream wool area rug. The ten foot ceilings were trimmed with ornately, beautiful carved moldings.

Bella followed Edward as he walked down the hall to the left. She passed the three guest bedrooms, the first was furnished as a library-cum-office, with a desk, cabinets, bookshelves and a soft suede sofa. The second was the corner bedroom, furnished with a high four poster bed with a step stool and a dresser. Two long windows faced the back yard. A third window faced the side yard. The hallway curved and the third bedroom contained an antique brass bed, with a matelasse spread and big soft floral chair; it was sweetly feminine. Its two windows were facing a tree in the side yard. The L of the hallway ended at the master bedroom, which had windows that looked onto the street as well as windows that looked onto the side of the house. It was furnished with a dark wooden sleigh bed and two night stands and a wide dresser. A door to the right of the dresser led to a small bathroom with a claw foot tub. From what Bella noticed the three-bedroom flat had polished dark hardwood floors throughout and most of the walls were painted in a light taupe color.

"Oh Edward, this is so lovely. I was expecting a modern, very functional flat. It is so not what I expected. It's so classic, so charming, and this building must be at least a hundred years old."

"More than one hundred and sixty, it was built in the 1840's."

She walked up to him and gave him a kiss. "Show me the kitchen; I want to cook for you."

They retraced their steps back to the living room, the kitchen was down the hall to the right of the front door. As she passed, Bella looked again at the corner bedroom, with the four poster. The windows here faced the backyard and the side yard. "Edward?" she grabbed his hand and stopped him.

"Could we sleep in here?"

"Why?"

"I like it better. I like the high bed, it's cozy and so romantic. And I like how the window faces the tiny back yard. It reminds me of my bedroom. I like the fireplace too. Please?"

"Sure." He gave her a quick kiss and tugged her down the hall towards the kitchen. There was a formal dining room between the living room and the kitchen. It was elegant with a large mahogany table and eight cream damask chairs, a sideboard and a beautiful crystal chandelier. The entire flat was simply, yet elegantly, furnished.

The kitchen was smaller than the one on the _Sophia_, but bigger than she expected. It had two huge windows, steel appliances, granite countertops and frosted glass-paned cabinets that went all the way up to the ceiling. The bottom cabinets were white and she opened them to find almost nothing. She opened the top cabinets too. Edward had one frying pan, one sauté pan, a sauce pan and a stock pot. He had a few cooking utensils, plates and cutlery and absolutely no food in the cabinet.

She opened the fridge, and there was nothing in their either. The freezer had ice cubes and a canister of coffee beans.

"Do you eat out all the time when you're here?"

"Yes, but we can buy food if you want to cook. I entertain rarely and I usually hire a caterer for that. But we're only going to be here for a week, so whatever we buy we have to use up or throw away. We're not coming back until September."

The way he said 'we' caught her off guard. Didn't he realize that this affair wouldn't go on too much longer?

"Edward, I'll be back in school in August. I'm not coming back here with you." Bella wanted to set boundaries, if she didn't she was afraid that he would take over her whole life. And when he tired of her where would she be?

"Well, I meant this place would be empty until then." Edward seemed puzzled. "I didn't know that you're still in culinary school. I thought that you'd finished."

"I did. I went to culinary school so I could learn to cook, and be a good wife to Chris; but when I was done I enrolled in the legal studies program at the university. If all goes well, I'll get my undergrad degree next May." She explained.

"Legal studies? How come you never told me this before?" He seemed shocked.

"I guess it never came up." _How could it, when all we ever do is have sex?_ she thought to herself.

"Are you planning to go on to law school?" He probed.

"That's the plan." She realized that they'd never had this kind of serious conversation before. "My mother was an attorney. She was a partner at 'Sneed, Mapother and Swan' a law firm in Oakland. They're advocates for the rights of the disabled and their families. I want to do the same thing, carry on her legacy."

"Well, well." He ran his hands through his hair, and stared at her as though she just confessed to being a bank robber. "So I guess that means you won't be coming with me to Los Angeles next month?"

She was surprised that he was expecting her to go everywhere with him. "You never asked me to. If you had, I would have told you I can't."

"Well, I would have asked you to come with me there next month." He folded her in his arms, whispering in her hair. "So we can enjoy each other."

Bella pulled away from him and looked into his face. "Edward, I told you, I can't be your full time mistress. I have a life, you know. I work, I teach dance to wonderful little kids who look forward to it, and I go to school. This is a vacation for me, this isn't my life. We can have this summer and that's pretty much it."

"I don't think that'll be enough for me, Bella." He nuzzled her neck. "I told you I want so much more from you."

Her heart was hammering, a little part of her was tempted to give in and tell him that she would stay with him for as long as he wanted; but she knew that she had to hold firm. "Well, we might have a problem there." Fearing she would cave, she tried to change the subject. "Edward, can we talk about this another time? It's after five-thirty, and I'm getting hungry. What are we going to do? Eat in, or eat out?" Bella asked.

"We can order in tonight and you and I can relax." He suggested. "Then we can walk to the supermarket and pick up a few things for tomorrow."

"Okay. What shall we order what are you in the mood for?" she was curious about his taste in food, he had never mentioned a preference before.

"Indian?" he suggested

"Mmm, sounds good." She loved Indian food and approved of his choice.

"Well, get ready for the best Indian food you've ever had." He called and ordered from a place on Second Avenue.

While he ordered, Bella went around and opened some windows. Early July in New York City was sweltering. It had to be at least ninety degrees outside and it was almost six; no summer fog rolling in here. She went into the bedroom she had chosen, and unpacked and hung up the few dresses she had brought. She also unpacked her lingerie and toiletries. All the drawers in this bedroom were empty. She wondered if Edward ever had other guests.

She went into the master and unpacked his things for him. She checked his closet, he had a few suits hanging up in bags from the cleaners. He had a few pairs of shoes. Other than that, this place was just like a hotel; a nice hotel, but impersonal.

Bella wandered back into the living room and heard Edward on the phone. She could tell by the way he ran his hand through his hair that he was upset. He was talking to his mother and whatever she was saying to him was upsetting him greatly.

Bella left him to talk privately. She went into the bathroom that connected the two smaller bedrooms, it was nice, luxurious. She stripped and got into the walk-in shower, it was glass enclosed and tiled with tumbled limestone. There were four shower heads and the recessed lighting could be adjusted from dim to bright. It was like a four star spa.

It was sinking into her consciousness that Edward was wealthy. This apartment had to be worth at least a few million dollars and then she thought about the boat. And then he also had a place in LA. He was a writer for television and movies. Oh my goodness, he was probably a multi-millionaire. But still he lived pretty quietly and simply, what an enigma.

Bella dried off and put on moisturizer. She combed the tangles out of her hair and braided it, then she put on her sexy new underwear and lay down on the bed and promptly fell asleep.

#

When Bella woke up it was a little cooler, Edward had brought in a small table fan and the breeze was delicious. The sun was still up and she checked her watch, it was after five o'clock Pacific time, which meant it was almost eight thirty here. She had been asleep for almost three hours. She got up and washed her face and brushed her teeth, she wanted to take another shower but was too hungry. Instead she went into the living room, Edward was on his laptop.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" She sat next to him on the couch and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"I thought you needed the rest, we've been traveling all day." He closed his laptop and pulled her to sit on his lap. "Are you ready for dinner? It was delivered a couple of hours ago."

She kissed him, "I'm starving. Did you eat already?"

He shook his head, "No, I waited for you. Sit down and I'll bring it." He went to the kitchen.

Bella felt decadent sitting around in her jade bra and panties waiting for Edward to serve her, but she was too hot to put on clothes; so she went back to the bedroom and pulled out a rectangular silk scarf and wrapped it sarong style around her hips. She went back into the living room and put the throw pillows on the floor around the center table.

Edward had micro waved the food and he put the containers on the table. He went back to the kitchen and returned with plates and a bottle of beer for himself and a soft drink for Bella. As they ate they talked about food, likes and dislikes, which led to him talking about growing up in Hawaii. Bella noticed that Edward's face looked drawn and tired.

"Edward, is everything okay?" Bella was enjoying the rice pilaf and some murga tikka and spicy lamb vindaloo. The sauces were delicious as was the poori and the naan. He was picking at the food and not really savoring it, he seemed preoccupied.

"Why?" He asked quietly. It was obvious to Bella that he was behaving oddly.

"Well, you look tired and distracted." She replied, trying to find out if something was on his mind.

"Bella, we're going to have to leave New York sooner than I expected. Saturday morning I'm going to take you back to Berkeley and then I'll have to leave again for Honolulu." Clearly, he wasn't happy about going home.

"Oh." She was surprised. Apparently something _was_ wrong.

He looked into her face, and started to say something. It seemed to Bella that he thought better of it and smiled at her. "It's not a big deal. My mom called and they need me home to sort out a few things. They're getting older and they're trying to make arrangements for the future."

Bella was quiet; she wondered about his family, had he heard bad news? Bella knew it must be hard for him to face his parent's mortality. She didn't say anything for awhile.

"You weren't kidding when you said this is the best Indian food ever. It's delicious, don't you want to try some dhal?" she asked as she dished some onto her plate.

"No, I've had enough." Edward picked up his plate and took it into the kitchen.

Bella finished eating as he started to put away the leftovers. Edward then came back into the living room with another beer, turned on some jazz and pulled her to sit on his lap in the armchair. He held her close and rested his scruffy cheek against her breasts.

Bella hugged him to her, her cheek on the top of his crazy head of hair as she ran her fingers through it. "You know, Edward, I am a very good listener."

He said nothing, just sipped at his bottle of beer, and occasionally kissed the swell of her breasts. Bella started to rub his temples, he moaned, "That feels good."

That was all the permission she needed to straddle him and start massaging the base of his skull. He moaned again in pleasure and she began running her hands down his neck and over his shoulders, applying pressure to relieve the tension in his muscles; moving back every so often to press her thumbs to his temples.

His eyes closed and his breathing became deep and even, and she thought she had lulled him into sleep, when she heard his husky voice say, "You're touch is very soothing you know."

She spoke in a soft hushed voice, "Do you like it?"

He moaned again as her thumbs pressed into the tight muscles of his shoulders, his eyebrows knitting and then relaxing,"Yes, very much."

She kept massaging entranced by his face in repose, showing the pleasure he was feeling, it was so beautiful to see. "Why do you need to be soothed?" she murmured.

He was in a semi trance, lulled by her touch, "Because." He exhaled.

"Because why?"

"Because." He sighed, "I'm a troubled soul, a fucked up individual with a fucked up life."

She tut tutted, her voice still softly pulling, "I can't believe that. You have a fabulous life. You live in L.A. and New York. You have women falling at your feet at every turn. You have a house boat, you hobnob with creative and famous people. Yup, you have a fabulous life."

He opened his eyes and Bella almost drowned in his unfathomable grey depths. "Bella, a lifestyle is not the same thing as a life."

She took another tack, curious about the state of his soul."What troubles your soul?"

He closed his eyes again, as if trying to shut her out. But he reluctantly answered anyway, "Life. My life." he almost hissed.

They were quiet. Bella thought she had come to the end of the road, his hiss was almost angry. She continued the massage though, mostly rubbing his scalp, under the unruly mop of hair. His head burrowed into her pressing fingers. The flat was silent, but for their breathing.

After long minutes Edward spoke again, his eyes open and looking searchingly into hers. "Did you ever want something so much that you thought if only I can do this, if only I can get this, I'll be truly happy?"

"I suppose we all have at one time or another." She answered softly, again enchanted by this man's beauty.

His voice was soft as he began his tale, speaking to Bella for the first time about himself, his feelings. "Well, for so long, years and years, I wanted to write and get published and be successful. Everyone would know me and respect me, I'd be the next Graham Greene or Robert Ludlum. Now, I've gotten that wish. I'm writing and my books are out there and I'm being recognized, I realize it's not everything. It's like that Peggy Lee song, _'Is that all there is?'_ Have you ever heard it?"

"Maybe. No, I don't think so." She may have heard it, but couldn't remember.

"Well, in the song she looks forward to something and when she gets it she asks, 'Is that all there is?' She keeps having experiences and she's always disappointed because nothing ever lives up to her expectations."

"She sounds like a complainer."

He laughed, "I guess you can say that. It's just that I realize that song is just like my life." He took a swig of his beer and looked at her as if expecting something from her.

Bella swallowed, was he trying to tell her he was unhappy? "So you're disappointed? With me?"

He smiled, bigger than anything, "No, sweet Bella, this isn't about you. It's about me. Being with you has probably been the one thing that's lived up to the hype; surpassed it even. I was just saying that I wish… I don't know…" and his voice trailed off. He took the last sip of beer and placed the bottle on the table.

He looked tired, she wanted so much to understand him."What do you wish, Edward?"

He closed his eyes again and leaned back."I wish for things that I can never have."

She stroked his scruffy cheek, following the hair line from temple to tempting lips and stopped there. She cupped his jaw. "Like what? Edward, what would you wish for if you could wish for anything in the world? I'm giving you carte blanche, anything at all, real or imagined."

He breathed a heavy sigh. "I guess that I'd wish that I could go back to a simpler time in my life, when things weren't so complicated."

"Really? That's all you'd wish for? Out of everything you can possibly have that's what you'd wish for? Really?"

"Really."

Bella was quiet for a few moments. There was a time, not too long ago, when she would have made that same wish. She would have gone back in time to be with her mother and Chris. But would she wish it now? If she did, she would not have Edward. She berated herself, reminding herself that she _doesn't_ have Edward, and probably never will. "Why?"

He smiled at her and stroked her hair. "I can't tell you why."

She wanted him to share more of himself with her, but knew it was his choice. "You can tell me anything."

_Anything but this_. He said to himself.

They were silent for a long time. Both of them thinking about the other.

"But, Bella, I can't go back, I have to go forward. And you, being with you, has made all the difference." And he kissed her so tenderly and thoroughly her heart soared. "Bella, I want you to stay with me. Don't go back to school, after summer ends. 'Come live with me and be my love. And we will all the pleasures prove.' I want you to say yes."

She stroked his cheek again. "I can't do that, Edward. I'm sorry, but I can't."

"I'm going to miss this." Edward said softly. Immediately, her heart fell to her feet. She knew she was being smart to turn down his offer, but he was right.

"I'm going to miss this too." Bella thought to the months ahead. She would miss this, so she thought she should make memories that she could look back on in happiness.

They sat like that for a long time. The sunset and the twilight came and went. They continued to sit there quietly in the dark, holding each other.

Eventually, Edward started rubbing her hip under the silk sarong. He reached around and started massaging her bottom, looping one finger into the waistband of her panties and tugging it down lower on her hips. He moved his thumb forward and ran it over the bone of her pelvis. Then his hand brushed past the indent of her waist as he reached to cup her breast. "Bella," he murmured as he kissed the curve of her neck, and she knew immediately what he wanted. Sliding from his lap, she reached for his hand and led him quietly to the bedroom.

Bella never knew making love could express such exquisite sweetness and sadness. Edward held her and kissed her all over. He touched her slowly as though he were feeling her body for the first time. There was nothing feverish or frenzied about his movements, they were so slow and deliberate.

When Edward moved between her thighs she eagerly opened for him to soothe him the best way she knew how. His thrusts were barely perceptible; he ground and rubbed his pelvis into her mound. It was a tightly controlled dance, and she closed her eyes to connect with his movements. She ground herself into him in a circular motion and she opened wider and wider to get the friction she needed. It took a long time but she finally felt her muscles dip, Edward picked up the pace and pressed and ground harder.

She looked up at Edward and his head was bent, he was looking down the length of her body to where their bodies were joined. Bella had never looked before and it was so erotic to see him moving in and out that it fed her impending orgasm, and she started to fall fast. Edward felt it begin and his head came up as he looked into her eyes; he groaned and started to push harder, she moved her arms around his back and held on to his shoulders. When she reached up and kissed his lips, her heart tumbled and she was there. Edward whispered "Bella, Bella" again and again. Her head sunk back down into the pillows, and she was moaning and twisting. She watched him through the haze of her bliss, his jaw was tight and his nostrils flared, his eyes burned into hers and then they shut in ecstasy. She felt his hips jerk once and then twice and then he stopped moving and let out a deep groan. Bella reached up and hugged him tighter and brought him down to rest his weight on her.

Later, Edward and Bella lay on their sides facing each other with their legs intertwined. Bella picked up his hand and kissed the knuckles.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"Feel better?"

"Being in you always makes me feel better."


	13. Chapter 13

Thirteen

The next morning Bella woke up alone, although it was still too early to call Alice, she walked around the flat looking for her cell phone. She felt like a horrible sister, she hadn't thought of Alice at all yesterday. It was too early to be this hot and sticky, so she took a shower and got dressed. She put on mint green capri pants and a sleeveless silk top, with a leafy motif. It consisted of four ruffled layers that came down to just under her breasts, leaving her midriff bare. She paired the outfit with espadrilles and wide plastic bracelets. Edward had left a post it on the bathroom mirror telling her to check the hall table for the keys and an envelope. In the envelope she found another note; he'd written that he'd be busy until about four that afternoon and that she should go out and buy herself something pretty. There was money in the envelope, lots of it; she counted a thousand dollars!

She walked towards Astor Place where she would get on the train, on the way she stopped at a coffee shop and had a huge breakfast. She sat for a few minutes perusing her little guide book and decided to go to the Empire State Building and do the tourist thing. After eating she took the subway to thirty-fourth street and walked the two blocks over to Fifth Avenue. Reflecting that Alice would really appreciate the art deco architecture of the landmark's lobby, she took the elevator to the observation deck and then went to the tippy top; she could feel the building swaying and it was unnerving. The city spread below her in a haze of barely discernible grey blocks. She left the building and strolled up Fifth Avenue toward the Main library; lunch was eating a hot dog with onions under the lions, leaning back and enjoying the theater of the city. After lunch she headed east to Grand Central Station and marveled at the beauty of the architecture, exploring the many shops on the concourse. She wanted to head up to the United Nations building; because that was the one place she most wanted to see, but by two o'clock she was exhausted.

Deciding to call it a day, she headed back downtown. She stopped at a video store in the neighborhood and struck gold when she found the DVD she had wanted. "Tonight," she said to herself, "is Italian Night". She was going to cook for Edward; her fantastic puttanesca, along with homemade pappardelle, antipasti, a bottle of valpolicella, crusty bread and for dessert, Tiramisu.

By the time Edward came home the food smells were wafting through the flat, everything was ready and just right and his eyes lit up when she met him at the door with a kiss. "Something smells good." He said, squeezing her behind.

"We're staying in tonight, I'm cooking for you." She removed his hand from her bottom and led him to the bedroom, and sat him on the bed. "I've got a gift for you." She pulled it from the dresser and gave it to him with a flourish.

He looked at the wrapped gift and turned it over in his hands. "What is it?"

His smile tickled her, and she giggled. "There's only one way to find out."

He ripped it open excitedly, "Hey, _Houseboat._ Just what I've always wanted."

"Right. Well, I thought this could be Italian Night; pasta and tiramisu for me and valpolicella and Sophia Loren, for you."

"Bella, thank you, you're very sweet." His grey eyes were warm, and his wide smile crinkled the corners of his eyes. He reached over and kissed her softly.

She tugged on his arm, pulling him off the bed. "Yes, I am. So put that baby on, I want to watch the movie." They went into the library where he had the flat screen.

He put the DVD in and came to sit down next to Bella on the sofa. "Well, I'm not too sure how good it is, remember last time I saw it I was eleven. All I cared about was Sophia."

She snuggled against him, running her finger down his nose. "Isn't eleven a little young for a boy to have fantasies?"

Shaking his head and smiling, he passed his thumb over her full lips. "Not this boy. I was always entranced by women; especially the dark haired, dark eyed ones, with full lips and curvy hips."

She giggled as his hands caressed her hips, "Hmm, I must have been a late bloomer. I didn't even think about boys until I was fifteen. Up until that point I thought they were annoying, smelly and gross. And the first time I ever kissed a boy, I was seventeen."

Edward leaned in and kissed her lips. "So, it's only been about five years since you started liking boys? You're so innocent, my Bella. No wonder you're always second guessing yourself." He seemed taken aback by the realization.

"Well, I've been loosening up lately, haven't I? I'm trying to relax and enjoy it, like you said. I thought I was pretty good last night." She pouted.

He laughed and hugged her. "You're good every night. Don't worry baby, I'll have you comfortable and confident in no time. You just need to accept that you are beautiful and perfect, and nothing you do in bed can ever be wrong."

The movie began, and Bella stared at the screen. She didn't think she looked a thing like this Sophia (the goddess) Loren. _What the hell does Edward see in me? I don't look like this_. Sure she was curvy, but she didn't have those voluptuous breasts and the hips, and there was no way her waist was that small. Sophia's face was sultry and sexy, with pouty lips and cat's eyes. Bella did not see any resemblance, as far as she was concerned it was like comparing chalk to cheese.

As they sat watching the movie her attention wavered, time after time her gaze strayed to Edward. He was sexy, sexier than Cary Grant that's for sure. The movie was a romantic romp, cute, but not enough to keep her mind off her lover, and the things they could be doing. She got up and went to the living room and brought back a glass of wine for Edward. Even watching him sip the wine turned her on, the way his lips caressed the glass, the way his adams apple bobbed as he swallowed, did things to her. She lay on the couch and put her feet on his lap, giving in to an overwhelming desire to seduce him.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"Wouldn't you like to lie down next to me?"

Edward looked at her and smiled. He lay down, resting his head on a cushion that he propped against the sofa's arm, and pulled her on top of him. "Better?"

"Much." She curved her body into his, seeking his smell.

After a few minutes of getting lost in him, Bella asked, "Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"Wouldn't you like to kiss me?"

And he did and she liked it too, very much.

They kissed and cuddled as they finished watching the movie. Afterwards, Bella could not recall much of what she'd seen; all her thoughts had been focused on Edward.

#

Later as they sat on cushions around the little coffee table in the living room, they ate the meal and talked. "What did you do today?"

"I had a breakfast meeting with my agent, signed contracts for a movie based on my second book. Saw my accountant and signed papers. Then I had lunch with some producers to talk about a television pilot that I may consult on. Just meetings and more meetings with people."

"Oh." Bella grimaced. God how boring his day was.

"How about you? What did you do today?" He asked as he speared some pasta on his fork.

"Tourist stuff. I took a lot of pictures, want to see?" She got up and fetched her digital camera from her bag, returning to kneel down next to him. Flipping through the pictures she showed him where she'd been, excitement lit her voice as she described all she'd seen.

He smile was indulgent, listening to her explain each picture. "I hope you're not too bored going about on your own. The rest of the week, I should be home by one, two at the latest. And we'll do some fun things together."

Bella was aghast that he thought that she was bored without him. "It's New York, for heaven's sake how can I possibly be bored? I don't need to be constantly entertained, you know." She got up and returned to her cushion. She wanted to make it clear to him that she wasn't waiting around all day, like a mistress, for him to show up.

He reached across the table and stayed her arm as she reached for her fork. "I know. But I'm sure you didn't expect to come to New York and spend your days alone."

"Well, actually I did expect that. You said that you would be here on business. I came knowing that we wouldn't spend every minute together. I'm not needy, Edward." Bella wondered why, as she strove to appear independent and mature, her voice wavered and she sounded like a child.

His hand was stroking her wrist. "I never said you were needy, Bella. But I am. Very needy. Of you." He lowered his voice to a seductive hush. "You know, you've been on my mind all day. I can't get you out of my head. Haven't I been on yours?"

If he only knew how many times that very day Bella had found herself daydreaming about their lovemaking of the night before. "Well, I thought about you enough to buy you dinner and a movie." She teasingly pointed out.

He brought her fingers to his lips and kissed the tip before asking, "I meant hasn't your body been missing mine?"

Bella felt an electric shudder ripple down her spine, and the hair at the back of her neck stood on end, she felt her nipples harden.

"Are you cold?" Edward smirked knowingly.

"No, not at all." She choked out, she didn't know what was wrong with her body, why it betrayed her ever time; but she knew it had everything to do with the way he was touching her.

He tugged on the hand he was holding, "Come over here, Bella baby."

Bella sighed and got up to walk around the table. He pulled her to sit on his lap. "Why the heavy sigh, Bella? Don't you want to make love?" He moved her hair aside to kiss her neck.

She gasped and lifted her chin to allow him more access to her neck, and she sighed again. "I do, but I wanted to have dessert first."

Edward stilled and looked into her dreamy face as she waited for his kiss, and he started to laugh. He reared back and laughed a loud belly laugh. Bella had never seen him laugh that way before. His eyes twinkled and the dimple in his cheek deepened, the laugh was deep and sexy. He pushed her off his lap and got up from the cushion. She heard him laughing all the way as he walked to the kitchen. He came back with the tiramisu and set it down in front of her, he was still laughing. "Bella, I must be slipping. That's the first time anyone has ever turned me down for cake." He laughed again until tears came to his eyes.

Bella tried to explain, "I know when we get started we don't stop until we fall asleep and I wanted to taste..." But Edward wasn't listening. He kept laughing as he watched her savor every bite of the tiramisu. Her mouth half full she mumbled, "Don't you want some?" She offered the piece on her fork and he took the last bite.

After swallowing he licked his lips. "It's good Bella. But you taste much better." And with that statement he scooped her up and carried her to the bedroom.

Later on, when Edward had returned from tidying up, she rolled toward him to nuzzle into his side. She was almost asleep with her head on his chest, when she felt him laughing again.

#

Bella woke up the next morning and Edward was already gone. Again it was already hot and it was only eight o'clock. She put on denim shorts and a white halter top. She grabbed her little guide book and went back to the coffee shop. She ordered a bagel with cream cheese and some coffee and sat and read the book for a few minutes. Today, she decided, she would take the subway down to City Hall and walk towards the Brooklyn Bridge. She visited City Hall and Trinity Church and the courthouses on Center Street. Then she walked the few blocks to the Brooklyn Bridge. Fortunately, she remembered to call Alice and tell her that they had arrived safely, it had totally slipped her mind yesterday. They talked for a few minutes, Alice had lived in New York during college, so she suggested some places she may want to check out. She walked across the bridge and stopped to look at the Statue of Liberty and the Manhattan Skyline.

Once over the bridge she was in Brooklyn and stopped to eat her first slice of New York pizza, yet another "Original Ray's". It was a sloppy, cheesy slice of heaven. She walked back over the bridge and rather than head up to Central Park as she had originally planned, she decided to go back to the flat and take another shower. It was almost twelve-thirty and by the time she got back it would be one o'clock anyway.

She took the number six subway and got off at Astor Street and retraced her steps to the flat. She let herself in and walked right into Edward's arms. He picked her up and carried her to the couch. "Bella, where the hell have you been?" He frowned at her.

She was surprised. "Why? Were you worried? I thought you'd be busy until two. I can take care of myself, you know. I'm an adult."

"But I tried to call you, you weren't answering. I finished early and I hurried back to take you to lunch and spend the rest of the day with you." Edward said.

"Well, I've already had lunch; a giant slice of greasy, delicious, New York pizza." She smacked her lips.

"Well, I haven't eaten yet. Why don't we go and grab some more and eat together?"

"Sounds like a plan, but can I shower first? I feel grubby." She felt smelly too.

"Bella, if you shower I'll have to get in with you and then we'll make love and then I won't eat for another few hours. I have to pick up some more condoms anyway. Let's just pop out and when we come back, we'll shower, okay?" He promised.

"Okay." She gave in.

They walked outside holding hands. Bella felt so good to be holding hands with Edward in public; she reflected that they really haven't been in public very often, most of their alone time had been spent behind closed doors. As a matter of fact in the two weeks since they first became lovers they'd only been out together once before. Bella also reflected that although they'd only been together for two weeks it felt like they'd been together much, much longer than that.

#

While they walked to the neighborhood pizzeria, Bella brought up a subject that she had wanted to talk about. "Edward, I got tested in January and I'd like you to get tested." She hurried on. "If you get tested, eventually we wouldn't have to bother with the condoms, you know."

He stopped in his tracks and turned and faced her. "Bella, I've gotten tested too. Recently, last month in fact. But, we" and he waggled his index finger between them "are not going to have sex without condoms. I have no intention of fathering a baby, so I don't want to run the risk of getting you pregnant. We're going to continue using them."

Bella was stunned and she spluttered a response, "But I don't want me to get pregnant either." She felt that he was accusing her of trying to get pregnant and she wasn't. "I have an IUD, I can't get pregnant." She paused. "It's much more reliable than a condom." She informed him.

"Really? When did you get an IUD?" He seemed surprised, maybe even doubtful, she thought. And Bella couldn't shake the feeling felt that he was interrogating her, investigating whether she was telling the truth or not.

"I went to my doctor in August, when Chris moved in." She frowned, suddenly realizing that she hadn't thought about Chris at all since her involvement with Edward. Unbelievably, it felt strange to her that she was even saying his name.

Edward took her hand in his again and they resumed walking to the pizzeria. "We'll talk about this later, okay?"

Bella couldn't help feeling that Edward distrusted her. She cursed her errant mouth, what a fool she was to have broached the subject of going without condoms.

She had lost her appetite, so she drank some water and watched him eat. She replayed their conversation in her mind and every time she went over the words her eyes smarted. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but somehow his words had conveyed that he didn't feel that she was a safe person to trust. For some reason that she herself couldn't understand, it made her feel cheap.

As soon as they returned to the flat, she went to the living room and started the conversation up again. She wanted to know _exactly_ what Edward meant.

"Edward, I have a feeling that you don't trust me, or something." She crossed her arms over her chest and looked him in the eye.

Edward looked puzzled. "What do you mean, of course I trust you."

"I'm talking," she said slowly as if addressing an idiot, "about what you said earlier about me getting pregnant."

She could see a flicker in his eyes, he knew exactly what she meant. His tone became placating, "I do trust you, but you must see that I have to be careful, we just met."

Her ears started to whirr, the blood rushing around her body as her temper flared. Her voice was loud, but she wasn't shouting just yet. "Just met? Just met? That didn't stop you from screwing me in every way possible, did it? It didn't stop you from bringing me to New York solely for sex. So now you have the nerve to tell me that you have to be careful about trusting me?"

"It's not about trust. You're very young…" he started.

"I know exactly how young I am, thank you very much. And I know exactly how old you are, old man." She sneered. "I don't want to get pregnant for you. I suggested we get tested for safety reasons and _perhaps, _way, way in the future perhaps, we can forget the condoms. And then you accuse me of trying to get pregnant."

"I didn't accuse you…"

"Yes you did." She mimicked him, _'we're going to continue using them.'_ I wouldn't have suggested we stop if I didn't have some form of birth control, you jerk." And she went to the bedroom and slammed the door.

After a few minutes Edward knocked softly on the bedroom door. "Bella, please open the door?"

"No." Bella was so angry at him, and at herself. _He doesn't even know me. He only knows my body. _She thought. _And that's my fault._

After a few minutes she heard the front door close as he left the flat. She took a long shower and shampooed and conditioned her hair. She went back to the bedroom and combed it out and braided it. She slathered herself in moisturizer and lay on the bed to dry off naturally. Her mind was a whirl of thoughts. Here she was thinking that he was opening up to her and that this may evolve into a friendly relationship, when in reality all he wanted was a sex toy. She remembered back to that time when they cooked together on the _Sophia_ ; he had told her he liked her. What a liar, he was. And, what a wake-up call, this is. Right then she made a fervent promise to herself, she would start shutting off her emotions, she was not going suffer through another broken heart.

#

At six o'clock she eventually got up and got dressed, Edward had planned to take her out to dinner and she was going to enjoy her time in New York even if it killed her. She undid her braid, which allowed her hair to fall in waves down her back. She wore a shantung silk, blush-pink summer dress, which looked almost suggestively nude. The bodice was tight, and came to just mid-way over her bust line. Two inch-wide straps criss-crossed above her cleavage, the straps continued over her shoulders and attached to the bodice in back. She couldn't wear a bra with it and her breasts looked more voluptuous than usual. The nipped in waist had a narrow belt and the pencil skirt was snug without being too tight. It fell to just above her knees, a slit in back allowed her to walk easily. She paired it with nude, kitten- heeled strappy summer sandals. As she affixed two butterfly clips in her hair to hold it off her forehead, she heard a faint sound outside her door and opened it; Edward had left a gardenia for her. She thought briefly of going up to him and smooshing it in his face.

She picked it up and walked to the living room. Edward got up and came to hug her, but she avoided him by quickly sitting down in an armchair. "Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"Don't worry about it." Her voice was abrupt and cold. She threw the gardenia on the table and said, "I'm getting hungry."

Edward's eyes flickered from her to the flower and back, but he didn't say anything. He stared at her stiff expression and waited for her to say something, she stared coldly back. She saw his eyes move downward to settle on her breasts and she fought the urge to cross her arms over her chest. He looked back into her eyes and she raised one eyebrow. "Ready?" she asked.

"Do you want paella? I made reservations at a Spanish restaurant within a short taxi ride, right here in the Village. Then I thought that we could walk home."

"Whatever." Bella really didn't care where or what they ate, she just wanted to get out of that apartment.

#

The restaurant was cozy and the smell stirred her appetite. They chose the paella Valenciana; with chicken, sausage and shellfish. It was delicious, the saffron rice was fluffy and the flavor was subtle. Edward drank sangria. After initially trying to engage her in conversation, Edward gave up; then neither of them talked much, Bella was unwilling to make small talk just to put him at ease.

There was a small dance area and some couples were dancing to the Gypsy Kings music that was playing. Bella sat back and watched the couples all of a sudden wishing that Edward were more like Chris; easy going and fun, and not so difficult to understand. He asked her if she wanted to dance and she shook her head , without even looking at him. They were about to leave when an older gentleman came over and asked Bella to dance. He looked at Edward for permission but Bella didn't wait, she took his hand and walked to the dance floor.

The song started slow and then sped up. Bella's partner knew how to dance. He whirled her and then placed his hand in the small of her back and they moved their hips and feet to the gypsy rhythm of the music. Bella was joyful, for the first time in days she could move and dance and forget everything else. She was radiant and everyone's eyes were on her, including Edward's. The dancers moved over and gave them a wider space. Bella's partner was fantastic, he was at least sixty, but he moved like a much younger man. He moved her body the way he wanted and she responded to his cues. The music came to an end all too soon for Bella. Her partner escorted her back to the table and kissed her hand, "Thank you, senor," he said to Edward. "she is wonderful." Edward nodded.

The man turned to Bella, "Hablas espanol?"

"Si. Solo un poco."

"Eres una mujer que muy bonita, y si el no te quiere hay muchos hombres que se desea."

Bella laughed and teased, "Como tu?"

He responded, "Claro que si!" and left.

Bella sat down and Edward smiled. "Had fun?"

She answered, "Yeah, best fun I've had all week." Then she leaned in and whispered, "Even better than sex."

He narrowed his eyes and looked at her.

"I'm ready to leave, are you?" Bella finally asked.

He shook his head and reached for her hand to escort her to the dance floor. The music was soft and Edward folded her in his arms. After a minute, she rested her head against his chest and let him lead her. He felt so good in her arms; the desire to resist was going out of her. In a moment of weakness, she started to question her reaction, wondering if she was being overly sensitive over the whole thing. She shook her head and decided that she was right.

When the song ended, Edward whispered in her ear, "That was good, but definitely _not_ better than sex with you." When they were leaving the restaurant they were stopped at the door by the older gentleman who introduced himself as the owner of the restaurant. He thanked them for coming and hugged Bella again.

Outside, it was a very warm night. Edward asked if she felt like walking and she shrugged.

He immediately asked, "What did the old guy say to you that had you laughing?"

Bella was blunt, "He said that if 'my boyfriend' didn't want me, plenty of others do, including himself."

He reached out to hold her hand. "Oh, I want you. You are very sexy tonight. Everyone was staring at you. In that dress, I can easily imagine you naked."

"I think that you can usually imagine me naked, regardless of what I'm wearing." She snickered.

"True." He paused and continued, "Bella, you don't mind that do you? That I am very sexually attracted to you? That I love your body? I've never tried to hide it from you."

"No, I don't mind. But I don't want to be just a body, you know? I hoped that you would have tried to get to know me and like me and trust me."

"But I do trust you. I don't know how many times I have to try to apologize before you'll listen. I really don't know what you want to hear." The edge to his voice told her that he was becoming frustrated.

"Nothing that you have to say." She was getting angry again.

He saw a taxi and hailed it. They got in and he cornered her. He grabbed her chin and forced her to look him in the face. "Bella, I know that you're upset but it seems like such a stupid thing to get upset about. I've always used protection; I've slept with a lot of women. I never want to get an STD and I never wanted to be the guy who finds out years later that he has a kid out there. It's crazy, you seem angry at me for doing the responsible thing, and I just don't understand why you're making such a big deal out of this."

"Edward, I don't have an STD. I did say that I've been tested, didn't I? And I don't understand why you think that I would be the sort of woman who would have a kid and show up at your doorstep years later. It's like you think I'm stupid or worse, planning to trap you. I know more about birth control than you do, I bet. I know, for instance that an IUD is much more effective than condoms. I know that this is just an affair we are having. I know I don't want to get pregnant." She paused for breath in the middle of her tirade. "I think what makes me the angriest is that you haven't even bothered to get to know me and what I want. I told you that I don't want a serious commitment. I have my degree to finish. But I do want the trust and respect of the person I'm sleeping with. But now I realize that boat has sailed. I fell into bed with you, scratch that. I let you seduce me into falling into bed with you after knowing you for a measly two weeks. And I guess the price I pay for that is that to you I'm a convenient lay. You don't want to get to know me, you don't respect me and to you I'm just a fuck and nothing else." Her voice trailed off sadly and she turned from him and looked out the window of the cab.

The taxi stopped in front of the flat and Bella walked up the stairs and let herself in. She went straight to the room, kicked off her shoes and lay on the bed. She understood what Edward was saying, she respected him immensely for using protection but likewise she knew that to him she was just another in the long line of the "many women" he had slept with. She had harbored ideas that it might be a little different for him, but it wasn't.

She heard him come into the flat and then the bedroom door opened and he walked in and stood by the side of the bed. She looked up and said sarcastically, "So, Edward, have you come for your nightly screw?"

Edward picked her up in his arms and carried her to the living room couch, he sat down and settled her on his lap. "Bella, I trust you more than you know. You're not just a convenient fuck, I care a lot about you, and I really, really like you."

"Oh yeah? You really, really like me?" her voice was heavy with sarcasm. "How can you really, really like someone when you don't even know them?"

His voice was soft as he responded. "I know a lot about you. I know that you are kind and sweet and generous. I know that you're funny and feisty. You're very trusting and sometimes a little naive. I know with you I'm never bored and that I like sleeping with you, very, very much." He paused. "And I think that you feel the same about me, don't you?"

Why did he always take away her bluster? "I do like you." She admitted and he sighed and hugged her close.

"Edward?" Bella looked down at him as he started kissing her cleavage.

"Hmm?" He was intently trying to get her straps undone.

She covered his hands with her own and removed them. "Edward**, **I don't want to sleep with you tonight." She said in a sure voice.

He stopped what he was doing to look into her eyes to see if she was joking. "Why not?"

"Because I just don't feel like it. I need a break, some time to think things over."

Heat tinted his cheeks, and his grey eyes narrowed as his nostrils flared in anger. "You know, it's annoying when you say that. The last time you had to "think" it over it took you ten days to come back to me. Maybe you should stop "thinking", Bella. You're not very good at it." He said meanly, implying she was stupid.

She slid off his lap and stood in front of him with hands on her hips, her eyes were flashing, and her body tight with temper. "Yeah, you'd like that wouldn't you? You'd like me not to think for myself and to be an airheaded ninny who does exactly what you want me to do. Well I'm not. And I'm not having sex with you tonight and that's final." She stalked to the bedroom and turned the lock, shutting him out.


	14. Chapter 14

Fourteen

For Bella, the night was a long one, knowing Edward was so close and wanting him just as much as he wanted her, she'd had a hard time getting to sleep. Bella had known that she would not have an easy time with Edward from the moment they had slept together, but she was not going to let him break her, at least not without a fight. Her dreams, when they finally did come, were vivid and very sensual. Her memories of their time together were interwoven with darker, more sinister images of Edward as a vampire, sucking her life from her as she offered herself willingly to him. But all her dreams, whether sensual of sinister, made her want him more.

When she woke up, Bella tiptoed to Edward's bedroom and saw that he was still asleep. It was only six o'clock, early for her but not for him, and she took a quick shower and put on jeans and a t-shirt and walked to the deli for coffees and toasted corn muffins slathered in butter. She snuck back into his bedroom, he was sleeping so peacefully she was reluctant to wake him, so she sat on the foot of the sleigh bed and drank her coffee as she read the guidebook and waited for him to wake up.

It didn't take long before she heard his breathing change and looked up from her guidebook to see him waking up. "I brought some coffee and muffins." She said, indicating the tray on the table next to the bed, "How did you sleep?"

He yawned, "Pretty good, considering."

"Considering what?"

Edward looked into her eyes with a hint of censure in his. "Considering, I didn't get my, what did you call it? 'Nightly screw'."

"Well you slept in, so maybe it was a good thing. " She tried to keep the conversation light.

"Not really. I slept late because it took me a long time to get to sleep." His voice was low.

"You tossed and turned, then turned and tossed?" she teased.

"Yes, but not in the way I like to. I missed you." He patted the spot beside him.

She crept across the bed and snuggled into his open arms. "Well, I slept very well. I had sweet dreams."

"Anything you care to share?" he hugged her, his lips tantalizingly close to hers.

"Not really." She didn't want to tell him anything anymore. He slipped a hand between her thighs and she pushed it away. He looked at her and tightened his lips. "Edward, I said no sex. Anyway, shouldn't you be getting dressed for your day? It's about six-thirty."

He ran his hand through his wild hair, "Yes, I should. I have meetings until early afternoon, what are you going to do?"

"I think I'll go to the museums and then Central Park." she said quickly.

"Be careful in the park, Bella, it's not Golden Gate Park, you know. As a matter of fact I don't think you should go there alone. Why don't you come and meet for lunch? I have a meeting at Solstice at noon with some producers and that young actor all the girls are going crazy over. They're looking to make him an offer for the movie based on Within Parameters." He wheedled. "I'll send a car for you."

She patted him on his cheek and gave him a quick smile. "That's nice of you to ask, but I'd rather not go to a business lunch. Thanks anyway."

"Are you sure you don't want to..."

She shook her head and got up off the bed. "I'm not interested."

He looked disappointed and opened his mouth as though he wanted to say something else, but he closed it again.

"You better get going." She said as she walked to the door.

"Okay," he called after her. "I'll see you about two-thirty."

"Sure." Bella called back.

#

Edward left at seven-thirty and Bella immediately called for a cab. She still had all the money he had given her and she decided to splurge and have a great time today, on his dime. After all she was young and this was New York. She hadn't really planned on going to the museums as she had told him, instead she decided that she would go and see an old friend from Berkeley.

Jacob Black and his family lived down the street from her, and she had known him since she was five years old and he was twelve. When he and Alice were teenagers they had dated and he became the annoying big brother who teased her mercilessly. They broke up when he came to New York after high school to be an actor. Bella loved him dearly and kept in touch over the years, she was proud of him for following his dreams and lived vicariously through him and his exploits. She would even send him the occasional care package and some money; she wanted to help him in any way that she could. When she knew that she'd be in New York, she had e-mailed him and told him that she'd try to find some time to come and see him. Since she had plenty of time on her hands today she decided to surprise him.

Jake lived on the upper west side and the cab took forever to get up there. Paying the driver what she thought was an exorbitant rate, she climbed out of the cab and climbed the five flights up to his place. Almost beside herself with excitement, she giggled as she knocked on the door. There was no bell and no answer, so she knocked even harder just in case he was asleep. She started to curse herself for not calling before she came, but before making the disappointing trek back down the stairs, she tried again. This time she called his name and banged on the door, she was peering into the keyhole, when she saw an eye on the other side. "Jake? Open up, it's me Bella"

The door opened wide and Bella yelled "surprise" and almost leapt into the arms of a stranger. Having just taken a joyful step forward, she recoiled backward in fear, for there in Jake's doorway stood a naked stranger. A strange stranger. A strange , naked, hairy stranger. She got a blurry vision of a handle bar mustache and lots of skin and lots and lots of body hair before she let out a blood curdling scream and the door of apartment 5B slammed in her face. Then the three other doors on this floor opened almost simultaneously and Bella was terrified. Were there other naked strangers behind these doors? Suddenly she realized the precariousness of her situation and bolted for the stairs.

Someone's arms grabbed her and she slumped, her eyes rolled back and she almost fainted, until she heard, "Oh my God, Bella! Is that you?" and Jake's strong arms engulfed her.

Bella stuttered, looking over his shoulder at the closed door of apartment 5B, "JJJake, Jake. There's a hairy naked guy behind that door." And she pointed.

He grabbed her and pulled her into his apartment. "That's just Mr. Grossman."

Three seconds after he said it, Bella started to laugh hysterically. She sat down on the couch and laughed until she almost peed her pants.

Her laughter was infectious and Jake started guffawing too. Minutes later they tried to fetch their breaths as they wiped the tears from their eyes.

Eventually, they were able to talk, however the laugher kept bubbling up as they remembered. "Bella, I thought that you would call me."

"I should've I know, but spur of the moment is so much more exciting."

"That's for sure." He responded, and she started giggling again.

"My God, you look amazing. Even better than the last time I saw you. And you looked great then." Jake said. "Stand, so I can get a good look at you."

Bella stood and pirouetted in her slim-fitting coral sheath dress and white t-strap sandals.

"You like?"

"Gorgeous. With your body type, you're rockin' that close fit skirt. Very sexy, very." He growled and gave her a bear hug. "I could just eat you up."

She pushed him away. "I brought you a care package." Bella told him, indicating the large bag she was carrying. "We're leaving New York the day after tomorrow. And I made pasta and tiramisu on Monday and we barely ate anything. I also have some great leftover Indian food, and some paella from last night. Do you want it?"

"Bella you're asking a starving actor if he wants food? Are you crazy, of course I do."

"Great, I would hate to see it go to waste. Eat the Indian first because we got it on Sunday night."

As they put the food away into containers for the freezer, Jake asked Bella, "Who did you come to New York with?"

"A friend." She was evasive and avoided giving too much info.

"Girlfriend or boyfriend?" He wasn't going to be put off.

"Neither." Bella really didn't want to explain it to him, she cared what Jake thought and felt that he might judge her a little harshly.

"That's intriguing. Neither. Yet you make tiramisu for this person. Hmm." He rubbed his chin, like a detective trying to solve a crime. Bella almost laughed. "I need more clues."

"Fine. Okay. He's my 'lover', no strings attached."

"Aaah, sounds like a sugar daddy. A lucky sugar daddy to get my Bella." He teased.

"I guess, but I don't want to talk about it." She changed the subject. "Tell me you're not working today, please?"

"Well fortunately for you, no." He draped his arm around her shoulders as they walked back to the couch. "If it were tomorrow you would have been out of luck. I have a call back for a musical based on Godzilla."

Bella started to laugh, "You're kidding me."

"No, I'm serious. It's like _Wicked._ It tells the story from Godzilla's point of view. Bella bent over and started to laugh and laugh. "It's called _The Songs of Lizard King, _Bella why are you laughing like that?" Bella was sitting on the couch doubled over in laughter, tears streaming down her face.

When she finally stopped laughing long enough, she choked out an apology. "I'm sorry, Jake. I hope you get the part. What part is it?"

He looked at her with a wicked gleam in his eye and said, "The tail." and she started screaming with laughter again.

"What? I think it'll be a big hit." She jumped up and ran to the bathroom.

When she came out she gave him a big hug. "Oh, Jake. I love you. You cheer me up everytime."

"You need cheering up? Why? Tell me more about sugar daddy, Bella."

"Not now, Jake. Maybe later. Let's have fun today. I have money to burn; his money. So I'll treat you to breakfast, then shopping, then lunch, then shopping. What do you say?"

"Bella, you know I can't say no to free stuff or free food."

Jake showered and dressed in record time. He came out of the bedroom looking sharp in classic white slacks, loafers, and short sleeved navy button down shirt, rolled up even shorter to show his fantastic biceps

Bella squeezed his muscular arms. "Working out, I see."

He went to the long mirror, and put on his black pork-pie hat. "We look like Gene Kelly and Sophia Loren." He said.

Bella gasped and he turned to look at her. "You sound just like...him, he said that I look like her. I tell you it's bizarre that you would think the same thing."

"I'm surprised it's only the second time you've heard it. The body, the luscious lips, the cat eyes, you've got that same look."

"I don't see the resemblance." She said. "I don't look that sexy, do I?"

"Bella, you and your sister, the Swan girls, are just about the two sexiest women I've ever seen. Sexier than any actress I've ever met."

"No way."

"Yep. I always thought it was a waste for you to be with that geek, Chris. Didn't he ever tell you how freaking sexy you are?"

"No. Not really. But he knew me since I was a kid. And I didn't feel sexy, when I was with him."

"Well, I hope this new guy appreciates you."

"Let's say he appreciates my assets. But I don't want to talk about him, okay?"

He squeezed her arm. "Okay. No sugar daddy talk. Yet. " As he locked the apartment, Bella stayed close, eyeing 5B warily. They jogged downstairs and had breakfast at Athenos, his favorite neighborhood coffee shop, where the waitresses greeted him by name and where he cheerfully introduced her as 'my Bella'.

They hit Bergdorf's and saw the prices and ran out. Bendel's was pricey too. Then they hit Bloomies. Jake had a great eye and she got some good stuff for her closet. She even bought him a cool pair of shades, a snazzy retro shirt and his favorite cologne.

Bella was exhausted by the time they decided to stop for lunch.

"Since you have money to burn you must treat me to a sit-down lunch, something fancy."

Bella had an idea. "Jake, have you ever heard of a restaurant called Solstice?" she queried.

"Are you kidding? Who hasn't? A friend of mine waits tables there. He's seen all the big name actors."

"Can we just go there? Or do we like need a reservation?"

"Certain people do not need a reservation, peons like us do."

"Oh," she was disappointed, she'd wanted to spy on Edward, see him in action, in his own milieu.

"I'm joking sweetie. I've got an 'in' at almost every restaurant in this city. I'll call my friend and see what he can do, okay?"

"It's okay, Jake. Don't go through any tr..."

"No trouble." Jake insisted.

Solstice was _really_ nice. Very smart. Huge flower arrangements, high ceilings, soft music, it just screamed, BIG BUCKS. "I don't think this is our kind of place." Bella murmured as she sat down. Jake piled all the packages on the seat next to her.

He stood behind her and pushed in her chair; then he leaned down and whispered in her ear, "It's not, it's the place where money goes. The place to see and be seen, rub elbows with the rich and famous. I don't mind rubbing up against those kinds of people, give them some cooties."

Bella laughed. He was the most lighthearted person she knew. He sat down across from her and she reached over and clasped his hands tightly. "You know what? I'm so glad I came to surprise you, even though I had that unfortunate run in with Mr. Grossman." She started to giggle uncontrollably again. She was about to burst into a laugh, when someone stopped at their table.

Bella was surprised when she looked up and saw Edward. He had one hand on the back of her chair as he leaned down to kiss her. She saw a blazing look in his grey eyes, and she automatically closed hers and gave him her lips. He pressed his lips to hers then his tongue darted out and gave her lips the tiniest little lick. Bella's lips opened automatically and her tongue met his for a few seconds, long enough for her knees to go weak. When they pulled apart her voice was hoarse and shaky when she said, "Edward, this is my _bes_t friend in the whole world Jacob Black. Jake this is Edward Cullen, my…uh..my friend."

Jake stood up and shook Edward's hand. He made his voice extra deep as he said, "It's a pleasure to meet any friend of my Bella."

Edward's jaw tightened, he said nothing to Jake, instead he pulled his hand away. He turned to Bella and said, "I thought you said that you were going to the museum and Central Park today, sudden change of plans?"

"Ummm." She searched for something to say. "Yeah, well..."

Jake chimed in and answered, "Well, actually that's my fault. I took her shopping, I needed a few things and I insisted. But we'll see the park later, I promised her a cozy carriage ride." Jake was being a devil.

"Bella, may I speak with you? In private?" Edward's face was hard.

Jake chimed in again, for some reason that Bella couldn't fathom, he was hell bent on upsetting Edward. "Please, there is no reason to speak in private. You can say whatever you have to say here." He crossed his two fingers, "Bella and I are tight. Like that." She saw the gleam of laughter in Jake's eyes and the blaze of fury in Edward's. He was clenching his fists.

Bella jumped up, "Excuse me Jake, be right back." She grabbed Edward's hand. She had butterflies in her stomach. Was it fear or excitement? She wasn't sure.

Edward took her to the foyer.

"Bella, who is that stupid ass you're with?" he spat out.

She giggled, she couldn't help it, she was very nervous. Edward was prowling, back and forth, running his hand through his hair. "He's an old friend, from Berkeley. Jake's family lives right down the street from us. That little yellow house on the corner, you must have seen it. Anyway, I've known him since I was in kindergarten. He is a wonderful actor, and he'll probably get a part in an off, off Broadway production about Godzilla. Isn't that great?" She knew she was babbling.

"So he's your _'best friend in the whole wide world' _and I'm just your 'friend'?

"Well I only meant that….well Jake_ is _my best friend. But I didn't know what to call _you_." Bella was rambling as he stared at her with narrowed eyes. "How should I have introduced you? Should I have said that you're my 'boyfriend'? That doesn't sound right to me. You're far from a boy. And I couldn't very well say 'lover' could I? I just didn't know what to say." She finished lamely. Her words only seemed to make Edward angrier, and he grasped her chin between his thumb and finger.

"Has _he_ ever been your lover?" Edward was angry as he looked into her amber eyes, his jaw was clenched.

She pulled out of his grasp. "No! I told you, I've only been with Chris and you. Jake's not an ex-lover, he's my friend." Bella was surprised by his anger.

"Then why is he hanging onto your hand and whispering into your ear?" Edward could barely control his temper.

"He's just that kind of person, I guess. He's very demonstrative." She giggled nervously again as her eyes darted back into the dining area. She was looking at Jake who was making faces at her. "Edward, I've known him forever. He's just like a big brother to me."

Edward grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the lobby and onto the sidewalk. "You're acting giddy and silly. Have you been drinking?"

"No. I've just been having fun, that's all. With an old friend. Edward, this is very rude. The people at your table must be wondering where you are." She moved to walk back inside and he delayed her with a hand on her elbow.

His voice was hoarse. "Bella, you lied to me. You planned to see this guy, you never planned to go to a museum and you know it." He accused.

She pulled out of his grasp and swung around to face him. "I wasn't sure that I_ would_ get to see him. Anyway, I don't have to tell you every step I'm going to make before I make it, do I?" She stared up at him defiantly.

"No, but you have to tell him to back off. You're mine." He instructed.

"I will not! Edward, you keep thinking that men are interested in me and they're not. And you…"

"They are Bella. _He_ is." Edward interrupted her.

Bella ignored him and continued, "…And you told me jealousy was a waste of your time, remember?"

He became quiet, and they stared at each other for what felt like a long time. She could see that got him. Bella was elated, she knew he cared for her, more than he was willing to admit.

"Either you tell him to back off, or I will. And I won't be nice." His voice was angry as he threatened.

"I won't tell him any such thing. You can do whatever you like." Bella stalked back into the restaurant, followed by a seething Edward.

Jake got up and nodded to Edward as he stopped at the table.

Edward held her chair for her to sit down. Then he looked at Jake and snarled, "She is not _your_ Bella, she's _mine. _All mine. I'll kick your ass if you were ever to forget that." Edward left and returned to his table.

"Sorry about that." She apologized.

Jake bent in to whisper to Bella, "Sugar Daddy kind of sour today?"

She giggled and stopped abruptly when she caught a glimpse of Edward's thunderous face.

"Jake, you are a very bad influence, and now I'm in big trouble." She stifled a nervous giggle.

Jake started to sing under his breath, "Bella's gonna get a spanking, a spanking. Which she'll probably like." And they started to laugh quietly.

Jake drank quite a few cosmos for lunch. Bella ate the best steak tartare she had ever had. She raved over it and Jake reached over to try it. Bella reached over and tried his plate. She was acutely aware of Edward, and whenever she looked at him he was scowling at her. So, she stopped looking, she was going to enjoy herself no matter how upset he was. Jake and Bella left before Edward and his group and they made quite an exit, Jake was tipsy and there were plenty of 'excuse me's' and 'oh my gosh's and 'I'm sorry's' because Jake kept bumping people with the bags.

When they finally got outside they both almost collapsed in peals of laughter. They hailed a cab and rode down to the the Village to drop off the bags. "Wow!" Jake let our a low whistle when he saw Edward's flat. "He really is a sugar daddy isn't he? Dish the dirt. What's going on? Is it all about sex? Don't answer. I know it is. One look at that guy and I can tell." Jake flopped onto her bed and grabbed a pillow.

"That was a one-sided conversation." She lay down on her belly, next to him.

"My Bella, watch yourself. You're a baby, he's a grown up man." Jake was worried.

"Where were you four weeks ago, when I needed your advice?" she asked.

"You've only known him for four weeks?" He was very surprised.

Bella nodded. "Four emotional weeks that seem like years. Here it is in a nutshell." Bella ticked the incidents off on her fingers. "The first time we met he felt me up, I ran away. He tracked me down. I slept with him. He told me he wants me to be his sex toy, his paid mistress. I got scared and broke it off. I went back to him. He brought me to New York for sex. He implied that I want to trap him by getting pregnant. We had another big fight. He told me he "really, really liked" me. Last night I told him I needed a break from sex with him. And today he is playing the part of the jealous lover. That just about covers it."

Jake shook his head in bewilderment. "Wow. How did you get involved with him? You shouldn't be playing outside of your sand box, Bella. Where is Alice? Why isn't she giving you big sisterly advice?"

"She did. She told me to go for it." Bella wrinkled her nose.

"What? Did she meet this guy? He's no lightweight, Bella. He is seriously possessive and scary."

"She likes him, and I do too. He is smart and funny," her voice lowered to a whisper, "and he is sooo sexy." Bella rolled onto her side and looked Jake directly in the eyes. "I've never felt so …delicious." She whispered. "His lovemaking makes me feel so good, I think I'm addicted to it. I know I'm headed for trouble, but I'm deep in it now and I can't get out."

"Are you sure you're not falling in love with him?" Jake asked looking at her earnestly. " 'Cause, I'm gonna tell you, straight up, he's not the kind of guy you should fall for."

"I'm not in love. I would never fall for him. He doesn't want any love or any complication, just lots of naughty sex."

Jake hugged her tightly. "Bella, you're either lying to me or to yourself. You _are_ falling for him and you have a huge problem. You have the body of a sex goddess but the heart of an angel. He wants you to be his sex kitten but he doesn't want anything to do with you or your heart. Bella, he just wants to own your body."

Bella knew what Jake was saying was true. "You're not saying anything that I don't already know. But he is so good, and I want him so bad." She said simply. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears, she told herself that she was emotional because of Jake's concern. "I won't fall in love with him, I promise, Jake."

Jake reached for her and held her for a long time. Then he let her go. "Bella let's cheer you up and do something different! Adventurous."

"What?" she was curious.

"I want to take you to cut your hair and get a makeover and then we'll go out and salsa all night long!"

"No! Cut my hair? I can't!" she was appalled.

"Why not? It'll grow back. And you can give it to charity. There are many cancer patients who would love to have that hair. Think of the little girl who would feel so much better if she had a wig of your wonderful hair. And you don't have to cut it too short, just to your shoulder."

"Well." Bella was very hesitant, but Jake had a way of making her get excited about anything.

"I know a hairdresser and a make-up artist. We can do it now. Then you can put on that sexy new dress." He wiggled his eyebrows.

"Which one?" They had bought so many.

"The black lace mini that you bought today really shows your fantastic cleavage and hips. And I'll take you to this new place that just opened, "La Mariposa", we are going to salsa the night away. We'll have fun and you can dance that man right out of your hair."

Bella agreed and Jake called his friends. It was almost three o'clock and Bella did not want to see Edward. She wanted to let him stew in his own juices for now. And she liked Jake's plan for the evening better than arguing with Edward, so she left a quick note and rushed out of the flat. They sang all the way down the stairs, "I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair, and send him on his waaaay…"


	15. Chapter 15

Fifteen

At three-thirty, Edward opened the front door of his flat, fully expecting to have a discussion with Bella about what had transpired in the restaurant earlier that afternoon. However, he found himself alone in a quiet apartment staring at a neon green post-it she had left on the mirror above the table in the foyer. "Went to dinner with Jake, may go dancing afterwards. See you when I see you, Bella." He crushed the note in his fist. As he walked to his bedroom he passed by the open door of the corner guest room, the bed had tell-tale signs of recent use; the cover was rumpled, the pillows moved and Jake's pork-pie hat lay on the floor next to the bed. Edward's heart started beating very fast; he felt a heat in his chest and a sour feeling in his gut, and a thudding pain began behind his eyes. When he called Bella the phone went directly to her voicemail. Edward slammed out of the apartment and went for a walk.

#

Bella loved, loved, LOVED her new look, her hair was a sexy, tousled cloud that fell to the middle of her back. She was glad that she had resisted Jake's suggestion of an extreme make-over and had instead instructed his friend to cut off only eight inches of her hair. But she did consent to having it cut in layers that made the most of the natural wave in her hair. The result was a look that she was crazy about. Her hair was now parted on the side, and fell in softly curled tresses. The loose ringlets fell in staggered lengths around her shoulders and down her back. Although she had worried that she would miss her hair, she was thrilled that she had made the change.

The cosmetologist lined her eyes with an espresso eye-pencil to emphasize the cat-like shape, then he used bronze and plum colored shadow to create an exotic effect. The brick-red lipstick that he used was one that she would never have chosen for herself, but after he blotted it to a stain it made her look alluringly sexy. She changed into the black lace mini in the back office of the salon, the light beige under slip gave the impression of skin and she was astonished at how much of her cleavage was showing. She added some strappy high heels and she felt confident, knowing she looked amazing.

#

Although Bella had never told Jake so, he had been her inspiration to move on from ballet and to take up different dance genres. If not for his influence she would never had moved on to ballroom, then modern and eventually belly dancing classes. When Bella was a kid she used to wait at the living room window, smiling as she watched him dancing down the sidewalk, lost in a world of his own, practicing new moves that he had just learned. She was his biggest fan, always urging him to perform for her and Alice. When he moved on to modern and jazz she had followed suit. She admired the way he moved and understood his desire to perform; she and Jake had that in common, they both loved the challenge that mastering a dance presented, they loved being able to conquer the moves and pushing their bodies to new heights; but more than anything they both loved sharing that experience with an audience. The energy of the audience was an entity in and of itself and it fed their creative spirit.

Jake at twelve was not very different from Jake at twenty-seven, he stilled love to dance and he still loved hamming it up for audiences. The night with Jake was full of activity and laughter, Bella had no time to sit, let alone think about a certain someone waiting at the flat. He and Bella salsa'd until they were exhausted. It was almost two o'clock before they called it a night, and only because he had an audition in the morning. They took a cab from the dance club in SoHo to Edward's apartment. When they pulled up Bella slipped him a hundred dollar bill and gave him another fifty for the cab ride to his place. "You need it more than I do." She whispered as she gave her good friend a long, loving hug. "Thanks my lovely Jakey, I'll see you when I see you."

He held on to her and wouldn't let her go. "Bella, do you want me to come up with you? I got bad vibes this afternoon, I don't think you should be alone with this guy." Jake said softly, his brown eyes concerned.

"Oh, his bark is worse than his bite. He's pretty even-tempered. He was ticked because I turned him down, that's all."

"He's very jealous, Bella. He warned me off, remember?"

"He was mad, not jealous." Bella thought about Edward's behavior toward Tyler, "Believe me he's not the jealous type, why should he be?"

"Well if he tries anything you call me. Just say the word and I'll punch him in the nose."

Bella laughed. "Jake, this is not West Side Story. You can't have a dance-off with him."

Jake laughed along with her. "I'll hit him and run. I'm pretty quick."

The image in her head made her laugh even louder, "Oh, Jake. He has some kind of black or red belt thingy in Tae Kwon Do. He'd flatten you. Not to mention he has a gun."

"A gun?" Jake was aghast. "Why the fuck does he have a gun?"

"He's an ex-cop." She shrugged. "Don't they all have one? I mean he said he has a licensed gun, I never saw it."

Jake was even more worried now. "Was he threatening you when he said he had it?"

Bella shook her head and glanced up at the bedroom window, it was dark. "No, he was threatening someone else. Don't ask, it's a long story."

"Oh God, my Bella, I don't trust this guy." He held her hand tight.

"Jake, get a grip. It'll be fine, you worry too much." Bella pulled her hand from his, gave Jake a quick peck and got out of the cab.

"Wait," he told the cabbie and he got out to hug her one last time. "Bella, you can count on me. Call me if you need me, promise?" She nodded and he hugged her tightly and kissed her on both cheeks.

Although Bella had reassured Jake effectively, she could not reassure herself. She was nervous as she snuck quietly into the apartment, her heart racing; she felt pretty guilty for standing Edward up, knowing he had planned to take her out. She hoped that he was asleep, or at the very least that he wouldn't be too upset with her; she paused just inside the door to listen; the apartment was dark, and it took a few moments for her eyes to adjust, there was not a sound and she breathed a sigh of relief . She gingerly took off her shoes and tiptoed to the bedroom, and dropped the shoes and her bag onto the rocking chair in the corner. Making her way into the bathroom she used it then looked in the mirror, fluffing her locks again, looking this way and that. She still couldn't get over the difference it made to her appearance; she loved her new look.

The flat was as quiet as the grave, and she tiptoed into the kitchen for a glass of water. Figuring that Edward must be asleep, Bella started to relax; she hummed as she walked back down the hallway, shimmying her hips as she danced to the salsa music still echoing in her brain. When she passed by the French doors to the living room, she came to a stop, she saw a faint movement and let out a little scream. But she swallowed it almost immediately, her eyes had adjusted to the shadowed room, it was Edward sitting in the armchair. "Oh my gosh, Edward, you scared me." She said. The room was lit only by the ambient light coming through the windows. Bella walked further into the room. "Hey, how come you're still up?" She was surprised to see him here, he must have heard her when she came in the front door earlier, but he hadn't said anything.

"Just making sure you got back safe and sound." He said softly.

"I'm fine, just tired." Bella wondered why he was sitting here in the dark. She couldn't see his face too well, but the moonlight slanting in showed that he was shirtless and without shoes, he was just wearing jeans. She loved to look at his body and asked, "Why don't you turn on the light?"

"I'm okay, just relaxing in the dark." His voice seemed pretty relaxed all right, almost slurred. Was he drinking?

"Oh." Bella sat down on the couch and waited. "So, how was your evening?" A little pang of guilt hit her again.

"Pretty quiet. There was no food, so I went for pizza."

Suddenly Bella felt horribly guilty. "I got rid of the food. Since we're leaving Friday night, I didn't want the food to go to waste, so I took it all and made a care package for Jake. I'm sorry."

He didn't say anything and they sat silently. She was at a loss for words.

"Did you have a good time?" He finally asked.

She smoothed her dress over her thighs. "Yeah, I loved dancing with Jakey, he's like the perfect partner. We haven't done that in a long time." She laughed as she remembered the fun they had.

Edward was quiet for a long time. Yep, he was drinking, she saw his silhouette raise a glass to his lips and she heard tinkling ice. She thought that she smelled scotch but she couldn't be sure. She swiveled and turned on the lamp. The warm glow lit his big body, it was a thing of beauty; just looking at him made her heart race. Her heart raced altogether differently when she glanced up to his face, she almost flinched when she saw how he looked at her from under his brow, his chin tucked into his chest.

"So he's the best friend _and_ the perfect partner, huh?" The tone of his voice was heavy with sarcasm. "Is that all he is?"

Bella's heart skipped a beat, and jumped straight up into her throat. "Yes. I already told you that." She whispered.

There was a long uncomfortable silence. She got up and said, "Goodnight, Edward."

His voice stopped her, "Bella, I left some money on the table on Monday. Have you seen it?" he asked softly.

"Ummm. Yes." Her heart fell down to her stomach and started to thud.

"Do you have it?" His voice was flat, and his face expressionless as he stared at her coldly.

"No." She said truthfully. Her mind started to whirr. There was a note with the money, she tried her best to recall the exact wording but she couldn't. However, she was sure that the note implied the money was a gift for her to entertain herself.

"Where is it?" He asked her, his voice was still low but it was getting hard.

"I…..I... spent it." This was a nightmare.

He shook his head as if he did not understand. "But Bella, that was my money, not yours. Are you saying you stole it from me?" Now his voice had a nasty edge to it.

She slowly sunk back down into the couch. "Of course not." Was he drunk? Would she have to explain her actions. She spoke slowly, "Edward, you gave it to me, your note said so." She was nervous. Something was terribly wrong.

His leaned his head back and he looked down his nose at her. She had a sense that he was playing cat and mouse with her. "Maybe you're right. Let's see the note." His voice had gone soft and flat again.

"I don't have it. I think I threw it away." She reluctantly admitted.

"Oh." He spread his palms open. "Well, now there's no proof that what you say is true, is there?" God, he was being a prick.

Bella felt put the pulse in her throat throb. What on earth was going on? Was he drunk? Was he accusing her? Or was he toying with her and trying to intimidate her? Bella went with the latter explanation. She jumped up and stood in front of him. "You know what? You're being a real asshole. Tomorrow I'll write you a check. Then I never want to see or hear from you again, you jerk." She wanted to cry, she had never imagined he could be this horrible. She turned to go to bed.

"SIT DOWN!" He barked. Blind instinct made her sit back down. He got up and came to stand over her, threateningly. She looked up at him, unnerved by his behavior, as he stooped over her. He brought his face inches away from hers and she could smell the scotch on his breath. "You're looking very sexy in that dress. Did you buy that with my money?"

Bella nodded, she couldn't tear her eyes from his. "Yes." she whispered.

"I like it. It shows off your considerable assets." He said as he reached out and flicked her left nipple.

"Don't." She slapped his hand away. He was frightening her.

"Don't what? Touch you? Why should I stop when everyone gets to touch, hmm?" He said quietly as she looked up at him. "I remember now. I did give that money to you, Bella, and you know why?"

She didn't move.

"Because you're my whore." She reached up and slapped him hard. He grabbed her shoulders and picked her up out of the chair, he held her in a punishing grip. "Are you _my_ whore? Or are you any man's whore?"

"I'm not a whore, you bastard. You'd like to make me one though, wouldn't you? Well I'm worth more than a measly thousand bucks. "

"You're right. I underpaid you. You're such an excellent little fuck, I've been thinking that maybe you're a lot more experienced than you indicated. Maybe you've done this before, taken money for not-so-exclusive-sex."

His words were like daggers that wounded her; she could feel the darts of pain in her chest. Tears were near, but miraculously she kept them in. It was all her fault. She would have never touched the money if she hadn't been so mad at him. She shook her head from side to side, and pleaded with him in a sad voice. "Edward, stop now. Don't do this." She became aware that her shoulders were aching from his grip on them.

"Don't do what Bella?" He taunted. She could see that his face was contorting with fury.

"Don't mess this up and ruin everything. You're drunk, you're not thinking clearly."

"Drunk on what, Bella? I'm very clearheaded; two little glasses of scotch doesn't do a thing to me. And we have nothing to ruin. This. is. nothing." His gaze was steady and his eyes were hard and cruel.

"Edward," the unshed tears were smarting her eyes, "I'm scared. Please let me go. I want to go to bed." Her eyes were luminous like liquid honey, her skin was flushed and her lips were full and red.

Up until that moment he had every intention of telling her to pack her bags, calling a cab and sending her to a hotel for the night, and arranging a flight for her the next day. He had every intention of telling her that this is not the type of relationship he desired. He didn't want to be pushed and pulled and yelled at and lied to. She was too sulky, too demanding, too manipulative, too emotional, always wanting more and more of him. Wanting something he didn't have to give. He had every intention of telling her that she was useless to him. He wanted a woman, who knew the game, not a girl who constantly needed attention from any man who would give it to her. He had every intention of telling her how angry he was that he had ever wasted his time with her. But something snapped.

And... her eyes _were_ liquid honey, and her skin _was_ warm and flushed and her lips were so _red_. Despite his intentions to let her go, Edward felt the sharp pull in his groin, he wanted her. Just then it all changed. He wanted to, intended to, feel her naked body and have her feel his, every inch of his.

"Edward, please let me go. I want to go to bed." she pleaded again.

"If that's what you want." He picked her up and carried her wriggling body down the hall to his bed. He threw her down into the middle of the bed and stooped over her, trapping her with his hands beside her shoulders and his knees pressing her thighs tightly together.

"Do you know where I was ten minutes ago?" The tears were streaming down her cheeks as she shook her head. He brought his face inches from hers and bit out, "I was standing by this window, witnessing your fond farewell. Did you fulfill your fantasy? Hmm? Did you fuck him in the back of the cab, Bella?"

Her heart leapt with fear. How could he think that she would do that with Jake? "No." she gasped. "I told you. Jake is just a good friend. He's like a big brother to me. He dated Alice when they were teenagers." She was talking fast trying to get all the information through to him.

"Bella, Bella. I'm not stupid. I saw how your "Jakey" looked at you, today. And the way you looked at him. I saw you holding hands and sharing food and laughing your secrets. I saw the messy bed you screwed in. And I saw you kissing and hugging outside the cab, too."

"You're wrong." She whispered.

"Hmm. Should I believe you, you little liar, or my own eyes?" He looked like he wanted to kill her. He got off the bed and reached for the button on his jeans.

Thoughts raced through her head. One scary scene after another until it became clear what was about to happen. _"Oh my God,no! He's going to hurt me."_ She jack-knifed and bolted for the door, but he was quicker and his arms snaked around her waist from behind while she arched and kicked. He flung her back onto the bed as if she weighed nothing and leaned over and grabbed her hair in his two hands. "So, you cut your hair for him. Did he like it? Did he tell you how beautiful you look? Did his words make you hot and wet for him?"

Bella shook her head, "No, no." She knew now that he was out of his mind. She had worried that he could go over the edge and he did.

"Yeah, I think it did. You look like you've been fucked. Let's check." He held both wrists in one hand as he reached under her dress and tried to pull down her panties. She squeezed her thighs together tightly so he couldn't. Her legs were hanging off the side of the bed.

Although she was terribly afraid, she was angry as well. She gritted her words out between her teeth. "I swear, Edward, if you touch me, I will scream until this whole block wakes up!"

He clamped his big hand over her mouth. "Go ahead scream, Bella. Let me hear you scream."

Her eyes grew big with fright. She screamed with all her might, but his big hand prevented anything but a muffled sound from escaping. He let go her wrists and shoved her thighs apart, pushing his thighs between hers. She screamed again but no one could hear her. She pressed her heels into the floor and bucked and writhed to get out from under him, but he was almost a foot taller and almost a hundred pounds heavier and she couldn't budge him. She clawed at the hand that was clamped over her mouth to no avail. She pulled at his hair and punched and slapped him, but she couldn't faze him.

With his free hand he tore her underwear off and spread her thighs further apart by spreading his. He reached between her thighs and circled her clit with his finger, putting enough pressure to elicit a tremor in her groin. To her shame she started to get wet and he smiled cruelly. "So wet, already Bella?" She closed her eyes unwilling to meet his gaze, unwilling to let him see her weakness.

"Oh my God no!" Bella was thinking, "This can't be happening."

As he continued to rub her nub with his thumb, he slipped his finger inside and she groaned. She opened her eyes again, and looked up at his face and saw his eyes staring into hers, waiting for the reaction he wanted. She shook her head from side to side to try to dislodge his hand from her mouth; her tears were rolling down the side of her face and onto the bed.

Her short nails began to tear at the skin of his back and shoulders; but still he held her mouth under one hand and continued to arouse her with the other. She heard the slurping sound of her wetness as he moved his fingers in and out. She closed her eyes again, mortified that she was so excited; she could feel her breasts swelling and tightening and her nipples were hard as pebbles. Edward was an expert at this, she tried not to give him the reaction he wanted, tried not get lost in what he was doing but she couldn't help it, her body responded like it always did.

Within minutes she had stopped struggling under the hand he held at her mouth, instead she had started to moan and beg incoherently for more. She placed her left hand over the hand he had in her, opened her thighs wider and pushed his fingers further into her and she gyrated her hips as she rode his hand wildly. Her other hand wound itself into his silky hair, pulling his head closer and closer; she locked dazed eyes with his and his were deep grey pools of excitement. "Come for me. Show me that you love it."

Her eyes glazed over and her neck arched as she started thrusting her hips up faster and faster into his hand. Her body had a will of its own and it reached and reached until she felt her heart trip and she careened into a mind blowing orgasm. It seemed to come from the deepest part of her body, her spine was electric as her body twisted and bowed; the pleasure folded on itself and it went on and on, and she heard him coo softly, "Yes, baby. You love what I do to you."

She wrapped her legs around him, wanting more, more; wanting his body in hers thick and hard and relentless. The hands that had been tearing at the skin of his shoulders and back, moved to tear at her dress, to pull the bodice down, and once exposed she reached up to bring his head to her aching breasts. He grazed her nipple with his teeth, before licking and sucking hard. Edward took his hand from her mouth, and whispered into her ear, "Bella? You want me, don't you?"

She closed her eyes and nodded.

"Then tell me. Tell me you want me to fuck you."

"I want you." She whispered through swollen lips. "Please, Edward."

"Say you want me to _fuck _you." He insisted in her ear.

She shook her head, "I can't." She was already humiliated, what more did he want from her?

Strong fingers gripped her chin, "Don't tell me no. If you want me to fuck you, ask for it." He insisted.

Bella swallowed the last of her pride. "Edward, please fuck me." Bella was yearning for him to satisfy her, to take her to that place where only the two of them existed. She burned for it.

She reached between them and unzipped his jeans and started to push it off his hips. Edward got up off the bed and quickly shed his jeans, then he reached for her and pulled her off the bed, unzipping her dress so it fell in a puddle on the floor. He splayed his legs wide and clasped her to him hungrily, matching his parts to hers, his hard to her warm soft. He ran his hands down the length of her back all the way to her hips, kneading her round ass and pulling her closer and closer into his body, until his cock speared her at her most sensitive spot. His frenzied mouth covered hers, easily dominating her, moving, tasting and sucking as if he couldn't get enough of her lips and tongue and breath.

He lay her back onto the bed, and Bella wantonly spread herself open and moaned eagerly. "Now, please." He knelt between her thighs, and rolled on the condom, he grasped his hard cock and then rubbed the tip against her aching nub, and she panted "yes, yes". He moved lower and just brushed himself against the moist folds of her opening. "Please." she begged again. He brushed against her again and again and she moaned with need and yearning anticipation. "Now, Edward. Please."

He looked into her eyes and whispered, "Bella, take what you want." She reached for him and guided his hard flesh into her. Edward groaned as her warmth surrounded him and he ached with an overwhelming need to possess her completely; until she thought of him and only him. His hands cupped the back of her knees and pushed her thighs up to her shoulder, and then he thrust hard and fast. And she held his hips in her two hands and helped him to push deeper and deeper still. Bella almost screamed as her body was rocked with another powerful wave of pleasure. Her back arched and then her stomach clenched as she shot towards fulfillment. Edward felt her flesh tightly pulsing on his shaft and he started to come. She gripped Edward's shoulders and pressed her lips to his to keep the scream inside as he continued his relentless, pounding ride. He pressed hard lips into hers and opened her mouth with his, pushing his tongue greedily inside. Her screams and his moans were swallowed up behind his devouring lips.

Finally he tore his mouth away and asked, "Who? Who makes you feel so good?"

"You do, Edward." she panted into his mouth, her tongue lapping against the tip of his, their breath melding together in sensual warmth. "You, Edward, you", she said over and over again in all consuming ecstasy. She wrapped her arms and legs around him. She was his, all his. He could do with her whatever he wished, she didn't care as long as he made her come again and again.

"Me." Edward reached the pinnacle of sensation and went tumbling over with a groan and a shudder. He rolled onto his back to keep them from falling off the bed, taking her with him. Sweat, there was so much sweat, sticking them together like two halves of a whole. Lying limply on top of him, her breasts heaving against his chest, her cheek hot against his muscled shoulder, she registered the hot earthy smell of sex and sweat and him and her, enveloping them in a cocoon of sinful pleasure. The sheets were drenched, her face was tucked into his neck and she smelled him, his essence; breathing him into her lungs, his molecules a part of her now.

She could feel Edward breathing harshly, hear his heart thundering in his chest, feel his cock still inside her. "Don't move. Not yet." He pleaded, his voice raspy.

As their breathing slowed and their pulses calmed, the flower of regret blossomed. Bella could not look at him, not even if her life depended on it. She was too ashamed.

As soon as her legs would allow it, Bella slid off his lap; his wet cock slipping out of her, and went to take a long hot shower.


	16. Chapter 16

Sixteen

Wrapped in a bath towel, Bella wiped the steam from the long bathroom mirror so that she could get a better look at herself. Her hair, of course, had lost its bouncy curls and it hung, wet and limp, down her back. She inspected her face, surprised to find that it appeared almost normal, except for her slightly swollen lips and red-rimmed eyes, her face looked no differently than it had yesterday; it showed no evidence of the passionate violence that had just occurred three doors down.

The only sign that she was no longer the same girl that she was yesterday, could be found in the depths of her eyes; in the amber gaze was a shadow of doubt that had not been there before; doubts about Edward and doubts about herself.

Unwrapping the bath towel, she peered at her body, turning this way and that, she briefly remembered performing a similar movement when she'd come back from the club, just an hour or so before. An hour and yet a lifetime ago, back when she was still unaware of the depths she and Edward would sink. Her body hurt and her eyes scanned her body, looking for redness or tenderness, or signs of bruises to come, but there weren't any. The wounds were all inside she guessed, as she dried off and went to the corner bedroom to put on a nightgown and get into bed.

With stiffened limbs she pulled back the cover and collapsed onto the bed exhausted, bone tired and aching from the inside out. The effort it took to turn onto her side to ease the ache in her lower back was akin to trying to climb Everest, even that slight movement was too much and she let out a pained little cry. Her brain felt too swollen to fit inside her skull and the mother of all headaches took up residence behind her eyes, her lips ached, sore from the pressure Edward had exerted first with his hand and later with his mouth.

As she lay there staring at the ceiling, she took mental inventory of her aches and pains. Her nipples were raw, she felt sure that at some point Edward had bitten her hard there. Her ribs ached; was it from the struggle, or was it from him pinning her down? Her hips, her thighs and even her toes hurt. Touching her hand to her aching pussy, she noted that it felt raw and tender, inside and out. She wondered if Edward had bruised her cervix, she could feel it throbbing.

Bella covered her face with both hands. How does a person deal with this situation? What the hell just happened? Edward frightened her, forced her, hurt her, then pleasured her and she liked it, loved it, all of it. It was the best sex, ever, she could still feel him, or the echo of him moving in her, and she trembled again, overcome with a delicious weakness in her limbs. His passion, his ferocity fed something dark in her, a darkness she'd never suspected was there. Even now, as she lay here in pain, she felt a giddy excitement when she thought about how angry he was, how completely he had lost his control. And she did that to him. She. Made. Him. Lose. It.

She felt powerful as she remembered how his face looked when he was fingering her, how intently he sought a response, and how excited he was when she gave it to him. Was she sick? She felt like a dirty, dirty whore. A sob rose up in her throat and she began to cry.

#

Edward lay there, amidst the damp sweat soaked sheets, too dog-tired to get up. The smell of Bella lingered on his skin and permeated the room, the smell of her hair, her subtle violet perfume, and her pussy. Oh God, he was drenched in her pussy smell, he brought his fingers to his mouth and tasted her there too; how had he ever thought that he could let her go? She was his; his to keep, his to hold, his to mold. But what if she no longer wanted him? After seeing him at his worst, what if she decided to leave? He shoved the thought away, she was his, and he would convince her of this, whatever it took, he would convince her.

He got up from his bed and went to take a shower. His head ached and his soul felt bruised. How could he have done what he did? Why didn't he stop when he had the chance? So many times in the course of the last hour he could have walked away, he had countless opportunites to end the interaction but he didn't. He had never been so angry before, at least not with a woman, not even with Gracie.

Edward _never_ played games; love was not on offer, and women usually accepted his terms. Yet, after a while, some wanted more; sometimes becoming sulky or tearful, sometimes trying to make him jealous. When women started playing games, withholding sex and flirting with other men, he would simply move on to the next one, without a second thought. But it was different with Bella, just as he had feared it would be. He was so fixated on her, and wanting her, and wanting her for himself that it had been only a matter of time before he made a mistake. She'd had lunch with Jake, and flirted with Jake, and wanted to spend her time with Jake; and he became racked by a desire to erase Jake. He had to make her see _him_, want _him_ and only him, make her forget everyone else. He'd had to have her then and there; whether or not she wanted him. But he had been so brutal in the way he went about it, holding her down using his weight and his strength; that now he didn't even want to think back on it, his mind recoiled.

Gratefully he stood under the hot water delivered forcefully by the shower jets, hoping to wash away not only their sweat and blood but his transgressions against her. If only it were that easy …. "Bless me father for I have sinned…" The soap stung his wounds, he was scratched up all over; his back was covered in deep gouges and he gingerly rinsed off. His scalp ached from the many times Bella had pulled his hair, it was a miracle she hadn't left him bald.

He thought of her and the way she had fought him. "Bella, oh Bella." He hurt Bella. He never wanted to hurt Bella. She was so soft, so vulnerable, so giving and sweet. He remembered the Sunday night when she soothed him, and the 'Italian Night' she had planned; she always did things to please him. Why had he done it? Why had he hurt her? He remembered the tears in her eyes, her begging him not to do it, and he felt like the cruellest bastard in the world. She had been so scared, _of him_.

After he showered he put on a pair of pajama bottoms and walked to the kitchen, he desperately needed some water and ibuprofen. He drank three, hoping they would help.

#

Bella had the same goal, she went to the kitchen in search of the first aid kit for relief from the throbbing drumbeat in her head. When she got there Edward was leaning heavily against the sink, with his back to the door. She inhaled sharply, noting the scratches on his neck, shoulders and back; battle scars. When he turned around she saw the dark bruise on his left cheekbone where she had hit him. Silently he poured her a glass of water as she reached for the bottle of medication on the counter. She looked at him over the rim of the cup as she swallowed two tablets.

All of a sudden his face crumpled and his eyes glistened with tears. "Fuck. I'm sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry." He dropped to his knees in front of her and leaned his head into her belly, grasping her around her waist.

She stood stock still. Shocked and dazed. Why was Edward on his knees? Why was he in tears? What should she do? Should she pull away? Tell him it's okay? Should she tell him she's sorry too?" She had no idea what to do. The only thing she _did_ know was she _didn't _want to talk about it now. It was still so fresh, so vivid, so confusing. Right now she needed oblivion.

Finally his voice scratched out of his throat. "Bella, please say something. Please."

"What do you want me to say?" her voice was so hoarse she barely recognized it.

"Anything. Say anything at all. Say you hate me. Say you want me dead. Say you'll never forgive me. Say I'm the creep you feared I was. Say you want to go home. Say you never want to see me again. So I know where I stand. Just don't stay in your head, please?"

She swallowed hard and looked at the dark brush of his hair against her white nightgown. "My body hurts. I feel bruised inside and out. My eyes feel as though they'll never stop aching. And I am so tired I don't think I can walk." she sobbed, wiping her hand over her eyes. She sagged against the fridge.

"Do you want me to carry you to your bed?"

She nodded. "Yes." She whispered through trembling lips.

Edward tucked one arm under her knees and the other behind her shoulder blades and lifted her up gently into his arms, "Bella, baby. I'm so sorry." And then he carried her down the hallway to the corner bedroom. First he put her to sit down on the edge of the bed and moved the sheet aside, then he lay her down and covered her, tucking her in as though she were a child. He knelt next to the bed, reaching for her hands and holding them between both of his; then he spoke softly to her, confessing his sins.

"Bella, I'm sorry. Really, sorry that I lost control and did this to you. I don't know why I did it, Bella. I never meant to hurt you. I'm sorry for every horrible thing I said. And I am so very sorry for frightening you and violating your trust in me, and for" his voice broke and he whispered, "raping you and hurting you and forcing you." He closed his eyes, and pressed the tips of her fingers to his heart, holding them there.

Bella's heart thudded with shame. She was ashamed that she was withholding the secret of her enjoyment from him, feeling like a faker, pretending to be the victim. Ashamed that she was so immature that she had wanted to make him jealous when she showed up at Solstice. Ashamed that she was allowing him take the blame for both of them. "It wasn't rape, Edward. I…I…wanted you, very badly. I participated, so it can't be rape, can it?"

He shook his head. "Just because I made you like it, doesn't make it right, Bella. I said terribly mean things to you. I put my hands on you, when you begged and cried for me not to. I know saying sorry is not enough. But, God, Bella, I am sorry."

Bella didn't want to do this back and forth, arguing about whether or not it was rape. She just didn't want to think about it anymore. If he continued to talk about how sorry he was she felt sure that she would start screaming and never stop. "Edward, can you lie down next to me and just hold me, please? Please don't talk about it. I need to forget and feel…normal again."

"Are you sure, Bella?"

"Yes, very sure."

"All right, I'll be right back." Edward went to turn off all the lights in the house and came back to join her in the bed. He pulled her tenderly into his arms, stroking her hair and cheek, running his thumb along the arch of her brows soothing her into sleep. He gave her gentle touches and he wished that he had given those soft touches to her an hour earlier, instead of hurting her. She deserved better than him, he admitted to himself, after all he was no better than the perps he had arrested when he was on the force. He was the bad guy, a monster. And when Bella curled her soft body into his, he felt even worse.

Bella breathed deeply and soon fell asleep in his arms. Her cheek was on his chest and one arm and leg were draped across his body. Edward lay there for hours looking up at the ceiling as the tears rolled from the corner of his eyes to wet the pillow under him.

#

Bella woke up in Edward's arms for the first time ever, he was still asleep. Bella, was so stiff, her back, her hips and her thighs ached. Her headache was gone but her sore lips still lingered, a souvenir of the forceful nature of the previous night's passion.

Fortunately, Bella had had a long, deep, dreamless sleep, untroubled by the cares of real life. Feeling refreshed in mind, if not in body, she lay next to Edward and reflected on the events of the night before with some measure of clarity. She saw the incident as having taken place in stages; a series of actions and responses that had taken them both to the feverish heights and the emotional depths of brutal, rough sex.

Edward had over-powered her so easily, that in those first minutes she had been truly frightened, aware of how physically vulnerable she was. For the first time in her life she became aware that she was indeed a member the weaker sex, capable of being taken against her will. But then when he had touched her and she had become aroused and yearning, her fear had waned and it had been replaced by a deep seated excitement that his desire for her was greater than his self-control. And when he had made her ask for him to fuck her and insisted that she take his cock, she felt that he had shifted the power to her. Lying next to Edward and listening to him breathe, she was aware that maybe she was trying to gloss over it. Maybe she was trying to put a positive spin on what had happened, but she knew for certain that Edward hadn't raped her, he had sought her consent, and she had given it in every way.

Her desire for him was such that she was almost always ready for him, in a perpetual state of wet whenever she was around him. Even now, sore and aching she hungered to feel him moving in her.

She rolled over and half lay on top of him. His face was so endearingly vulnerable as he slept. Oh yes, she was desirous of him, hopelessly besotted, a slave to her need. Her fingers fluttered gently on his face, and she bent to gently kiss the bruise on his cheek and the scratches on his neck. Sliding down a little she kissed his flat nipples, pulling each one into her mouth, sucking them gently. Just a little further down, scattering open mouthed kisses over the muscled flat of his abdomen, she skimmed the fine auburn-blonde hair around his navel and moved lower to the prize.

Gingerly she pulled one strand of the drawstring on his pajama bottoms, loosening and then easing them down. His cock was beautiful, even as it lay there flaccid and soft. She licked and sucked him as she had wanted to do for a long time. She looked up and saw that Edward was awake and looking down at her as her tongue reached out and laved his silky flesh. He was getting harder and she reveled in her ability to arouse him so easily.

"Bella." he tilted his hips up and sighed, closing his eyes while she took him semi-hard into her mouth and pleasured him. Encircling the base of his cock with her hand she pumped as she pressed her tongue into the slit at the tip, then licked and swirled it around the head. Edward moaned and murmured "Yeah, baby." His cock swelled and stiffened in her palm and opening wide she took him completely into her wet, warm mouth, swallowing him as far down as she could go. Pulling back up with an intense suck, she repeated the motion; her eyes fixing on him when he groaned out, "Fuck, yes. Look at me baby." The more she sucked him, the wetter she became, she writhed and squeezed her thighs together the heat was building.

"Stop it baby." Edward reached for her arms and pulled her up beside him and laid her on her back. He brought his face inches above hers, looking into her eyes he whispered hoarsely, "Bella, why are you doing this? Why are you trying to please me, and not hating my guts?" His face was drawn and tired, his voice was … despondent.

Bella's voice was urgent and low, she ran her hand tenderly down his cheek as she looked up into his sad grey eyes. "Because I want you to know that nothing's changed for me. I know you were brutal, angry and mean, but I know why and I forgive you. I don't even know if it's my role _to_ forgive you. I know you were very jealous of Jake as I wanted you to be. I set out to make you angry, I wanted to teach you a lesson, make you do something. I did use him to push your buttons. And I'm sorry I did that. I had no idea what it would lead to.

And last night, last night was a revelation. You did frighten me and at first I was hating you, so much, but when you touched me and I responded, I forgot about fear and I only knew the feeling, the feeling of wanting you in me. And when we made love it was the best feeling I ever had. For the first time I felt as though I owned my body, I felt as though I knew what it was to give over to something bigger.

I know you're angry with yourself, and you've apologized but Edward it was not rape. It was you and me and anger and wanting to bury ourselves in each other. And in the light of day, with it behind us, I want you to hear me. Edward, I want you to know that I still want you and I still want you to want me. Please say you still want me." Her voice cracked. "Please."

His head fell to hers, their foreheads touching as he let out a deep breath. They stayed like that for many seconds until Edward started kissing her breasts and moved his hand down to rub the soft, wet, point in between her thighs. "Bella", he whispered into her skin, "You are exactly what I want. Everything I want, have wanted, will want." Then he pulled her under him and moved to kneel in between her thighs as she spread them for him. He sighed and then he took his cock and pushed into her and lay still, not moving, barely breathing, watching her, watching him.

Her eyelids fluttered and she looked towards the table. "Condom, Edward. You forgot the condom." She reminded him.

He shook his head."Not anymore. I trust you, and if you want it, it'll be only you and me from now on," he replied. "Okay?"

"Oh, yes." She nodded and sighed into him.

He felt her flesh wrap around him like a glove. Heated flesh in heated flesh, he wanted no barriers between the two of them. He needed to touch every inch of her, to stay there and enjoy the feel of this girl-woman who was all his. But in mere moments, his eager body betrayed him and started to move and her hips rose up to meet his. He felt her delicious waves release and tighten with each thrust. He almost lost control but held back, each time his body wanted to come, he suppressed the urge. He thrust rhythmically, only increasing the speed when she started to arch her back. He bent down and sucked her rosy little nipple into his mouth, rolling the tender point around his tongue. And then he heard her breathing change and the catch of breath in the back of her throat and he knew she was in ecstasy and he wanted to join her there.

Her eyes were half opened and he could see her pleasure and feel the waves deepen and surround him. She pulsed uncontrollably and sunk back onto the pillows. Then he didn't hold back any longer. He let his eyes feast on her beautiful face, and let his body enjoy the feel of the bones of her hips meeting his and the heated flesh surrounding him. He could smell her perfumed warmth and he bent to kiss her and absorb the taste of her breath into his mouth. His heart was beating in his ears, his brain and his hips. She was panting and making the satisfied noises he loved to hear and he felt the hard clench deep in his groin and then he released his heat into her and felt as close to her as he ever had.

As he lay on her soft, sweet body, and he heard the thunder of her heartbeats in his ears he almost told her how much he wanted to love her, but stopped himself. He didn't have the right to talk to her about a maybe love when Saturday he was going back to Honolulu. Back to see his wife, Gracie, whom he already loved dearly.


	17. Chapter 17

Seventeen

"How long will you be gone?" Bella asked Edward. They were standing outside his car in her driveway.

"I really don't know. It depends on a few things, probably two weeks more or less. But I'll call you, okay?" He leaned his body against hers and pushed her into the car. "Bella," he whispered into her ear, "could we go to your bedroom?"

They ran up the stairs together. As soon as Bella had unlocked the front door Edward swooped her up into his arms and carried her hurriedly to the bedroom. Bella only had on a sundress and it took her all of two seconds to undress. While Edward kicked off his shoes and unbuckled his belt, Bella reached for his shirt and undid each button, pressing her open lips to his chest, tasting him with the tip of her tongue. She lay back on the bed, eager to feel his flesh joined with hers again. Edward lay next to her kissing her breasts, her belly and the bones of her hips. He opened her thighs to taste her and bring her to excitement. "Now, Edward, please, now." She moaned, her arms reaching for him.

He could not get enough of her. The taste, the smell of her was in him like a drug. He moved into her and pushed his arms under her back reaching up to hold her shoulders. He pulled her down as he thrust up and Bella moaned. In minutes she was trembling in his arms, and he was shuddering in hers.

Making love to her, with her, was so perfect. Afterwards, lying in his arms, she said, "Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"Could you do something for me?" She kissed his neck, and breathed in his scent.

"Yes. Anything you want." He would willingly do anything she asked, give her anything she wanted.

"Could you leave me your shirt?" She hoped she wasn't revealing the depth of her addiction for him.

"So you want the shirt off my back?" He teased her.

"I'll sleep with it every night and imagine you here with me."

"Call me when you're in bed, I'll make love to you with my words." He moaned, realizing how much he wanted her again.

"You mean phone sex?" she squeaked. "I've never done that."

He laughed at her shocked face. "But do you want to?"

She nodded. "You'll tell me what you want to do to me, and I'll do it, is that right?" Bella was excited, thinking about their plans.

"Yes." He breathed into her mouth. She could really drive him crazy, if she wanted to.

"Edward, do you think that this is normal? For me to want you all the time like I do?"

"I don't think that it's _ab_normal. I think we're very lucky."

He rolled on top of her and kissed her lips. He ran the warm tip of his tongue in every crevice of her mouth. He was hard again. She knew it and without a word she opened her thighs for him again. She was so wet and warm and soft. Their breaths came in gasps and again Edward went wild for her. He moaned her name and thrust hard so that he could see her body tremble for him. Just for him.

"God Bella, you're beautiful, but my flight leaves in two hours, I have to go, now." He smoothed her hair from her forehead. He got up and put on his jeans and his shoes. He held his shirt out to her and she pulled him to her and kissed him. Edward ran his nose along her neck and inhaled her scent, after a long lingering kiss, he put on his jacket over his naked chest.

"Aren't you going home to get a new shirt? You're going to be hot on the plane, and even hotter when you land." She told him.

He nodded,"I don't have time to go to the marina, my flight leaves from SFO."

Bella suggested,"Do you want me to drive you to the airport? I can follow you to the marina and you can leave your car there. That way you don't have to waste time finding parking at the airport."

He thought it over for a few seconds and said. "That would be great, Bella. Thanks."

When they got to the marina, he stopped in for a clean shirt and Bella got him to the airport departure area in record time. He kissed her quickly and got out. "Your jacket!" she called him back.

"Keep it until I get back. I won't need it."

Edward had to run to check in, his flight was scheduled to leave in just over an hour, the security line wasn't too long but by the time he made it to the gate he had only a few minutes before boarding. He made one last call to Bella from his cell, she was already back in Berkeley. "You drive too fast." he told her "Be more careful."

Bella laughed. "Oh you don't have to worry about me. I'm a good driver."

He whispered into the phone, "Bella, I love …. loved being with you. You made me so very happy. Thanks."

"I loved being with you too. I had a great time, too." She whispered.

"Call me every night, so I know you're missing me."

"Okay. See you when I see you." And she hung up.

#

Edward was going home. He'd been thinking of this trip all week, since Sunday when his mom called. On the plane he couldn't relax, his muscles were tense, he was sure his neighbor switched seats because he had become annoyed by Edward's constantly twitching leg. All he could think about was Gracie, he couldn't think of anything else but her. Not six hours after leaving San Francisco he was in Honolulu. Edward's mom, Esme and dad, Carlisle met him at the airport with his three year old niece, Lila Grace.

"Aloha, son." his mother reached up to kiss him on both cheeks. His Dad gave him a warm hug. And Lila Grace said, "Aloha, uncle." He swung her up in his arms and gave her a big hug, "Aloha, how's my favorite little girl, huh?"

"Fine." She giggled and scrunched her head into her neck when he tried to tickle her under her chin. They walked to the car and Edward sat in the front, next to his dad, while Esme buckled Lila Grace into her car seat and got in beside her.

"I thought Gracie would come with you." He said to no one in particular.

"Oh, she wanted to, son. She went to take a nap and asked me to wake her, and honestly I tried, but that girl sleeps like the dead." Esme laughed , "I gave up."

"She must be tired." Edward muttered, he was disappointed that he had to wait another half hour to see her.

He was quiet on the drive as he listened to his mom talk. And he remembered...

#

_Edward met Gracie when she was placed in his arms, shortly after being brought home from the hospital. Esme had told him and Gus that they had to be perfectly still if they wanted to hold the new baby. _

"_All babies," she'd said, "need to be handled very gently. But this baby needs even more gentleness. She has hip dysplasia. That means her hip needs special help, and she has to wear a brace."Esme looked from one to the other. "Do you think you can be extra gentle?" They both nodded earnestly._

_Edward had never sat so still in his life and he looked down at her as she lay quietly sleeping in Gus's arms, marveling at how tiny her nose and lips were. Her little chest moved up and down with each breath; he waited and waited and finally could wait no longer._

"_Gus, it's my turn, now." He insisted impatiently. _

"_She's my sister." Gus whined._

"_Let's give Edward a turn Gussie. You'll have many more chances to hold Gracie." And Esme took Edward's future and placed it right in his arms._

_Edward's smile was broad and although she was just a few days old, she opened her big brown-black eyes and looked right into his. "I think she likes me mom." Edward said in an awed whisper._

"_I think she likes you very much Edward." She took the baby from his arms. "Now you boys can go out and play while I take Gracie up to Auntie Liz. Make sure you play in the side yard, we want them to rest as much as they can." The boys nodded and ran off to play in the arbor alongside the house, it was their special hideout._

_Auntie Liz, was not really Edward's aunt, she wasn't even a relative, she was Esme's best friend and their soon to be next door neighbor. Uncle George, Auntie Liz, and Gus had lived with them for two whole months before the baby came, waiting for their new house to go to closing. Gracie's mom had had a difficult second pregnancy and an even harder delivery and as a result she had to have a hysterectomy directly after Gracie's birth. She needed to heal and it didn't take much for Esme to convince George and Liz to stay with them for an extra two months._

_Edward, almost five, was Gus' best friend for life, and he bonded with Gracie in those two months. He was enraptured. He helped to bring the diaper bag, when Auntie Liz needed it, he watched over Auntie's shoulder as Gracie was burped, "I think she did it, I heard it." And as they sat at dinner he would press the baby monitor close to his ears, listening intently for the slightest cry, "Auntie, Gracie is awake!"_

_Esme and Liz laughed indulgently at Edward's devotion. "Edward's going to miss Gracie when you leave us. Good thing I'm having a daughter soon, Lizzie. Otherwise, I don't who he'd take care of once you're on the other side of the fence."_

"_Esme, I never imagined a boy could be so… I don't know how else to put it… maternal; Edward is a great little boy, Gussie couldn't care less about whether or not Gracie is crying. Only if it interrupts his TV time. _

_But when his little sister, Carly, was born, Edward, like Gus, displayed no special concern for her, the way he had for Gracie. Gracie's hip got better with bracing and by the time she was toddling, no one could detect the slight limp, unless they were looking for it._

_A year and a half after Carly came, Edwards's little brother, Evan, was born. Evan, Carly and Gracie were lumped together and referred to as the 'little ones' and Gus and Edward were the 'big boys' The little ones played together and Gracie gradually moved out of Edward's sphere of interest. He grew up and played big boy games with Gus and ignored the little ones as much as he could. When he was ten he took Tae Kwon Do and chased the little ones around to get some practice in. _

_Edward was a rough little boy; whenever Esme heard a cry from Carly or Evan, she was certain Edward was the cause, and she was usually right. But Edward never caused Gracie to cry. As a matter of fact as the years went by, he continued to look out for Gracie. _

_# _

"_Gracie, don't jump into the deep end, you'll drown." _

"_I know how to swim, Edward, I'm six, I'm not a baby."_

"_You are almost a baby…ahhh, Gracie! Why d' you throw my sandwich into the pool?"_

"_Cause."_

"_Cause?"_

"_Cause you're mean."_

_#_

"_Gracie you really shouldn't ride your bike on that ramp without a helmet."_

"_Mind your own business, Edward."_

"_Auntie Liiiiiiz…"_

"_I said I'll put it on in a minute, Edward, tattle tale, Cullen. I'm nine years old you know. I don't need you. I can take care of myself."_

_#_

"_Gracie, you look ridiculous with all that make-up on."_

"_Thanks, a bunch, jackass."_

"_You know you're not supposed to be wearing make-up, you're barely thirteen."_

"_Of course I can, Carly does it all the time, and she's younger than me."_

"_Carly shouldn't either."_

"_Well, then why don't you go bother her instead of me, Edward."_

_#_

_The day before their high school graduation, Edward and Gus and their girlfriends drove to the North Shore to surf and have a picnic with their friends. Carly and Gracie, begged their parents to make the boys take them along. Against their will the boys were forced to endure the company of their little sisters. When they got to the beach, Gus, Edward and their friends took their boards and went in. The surf was excellent, not too high, and the boys took advantage of the conditions to hone their skills. When they returned to the circle of blankets they had quickly spread and left, it was to find Carly, all long reddish-blonde hair and tall for her age, flirting with a college freshman. Edward dragged the guy aside and told him that Carly was his little sister and she wasn't even fourteen yet. The guy paled and slinked away, embarassed. _

_When Edward returned to the blanket there was no sign of Gracie. "Where's your sister gone to?" He asked Gus._

"_I don't know, food I guess." Gus was busy kissing on his girl._

_Carly piped up, "I think she's talking to some guy about buying a surfboard." _

_Edward scanned the beach,"What guy? I don't see them."_

"_I think she went to the parking lot."_

_Carly hadn't even finished her sentence when Edward took off for the lot, when he got there he spotted Gracie, clad in a miniscule teal bikini, talking to a guy._

_Gracie saw him approaching and explained_. "_Hey Edward, Kai here has a sweet board he'll sell me for cheap."_

"_Oh, yeah? How much? Let me take a look at it."_

"_I didn't bring it today, but I'm giving Gracie my number, so we can talk about it."_

"_Give me your number, I'll bring Gracie by to look at it."_

_The kid was miffed, "She your girl?"_

"_No, she's my best friend's sister."_

_The kid had the nerve to turn his back on Edward. "Well, Gracie, here's my number, I'll come get you…"_

_Edward interrupted, "She just turned fourteen last week…"_

"_Edward…" Gracie wailed, embarrassed by Edward's betrayal."_

"_So what man? I'm sixteen, it ain't illegal."_

"_Edward, go away and leave us alone." Gracie yelled at him._

"_Not on your life! Gracie, go back to the blanket!"_

"_No, I won't."_

"_GRACIE, GO! Now!"_

_And Gracie went. Giving Edward the finger and a resentful look._

_Edward gave Kai a warning not to mess with Gracie; he told him that Gracie's dad was a cop and wouldn't like Gracie to date an older guy. Then he returned to the beach._

_He looked down at Gracie who was pursing her lips staring up at him."Gracie, that guy probably doesn't even have an extra surfboard, he's just trying…_

_Gracie was annoyed and she made him know it."So what? Edward you are so clueless…._

"_Gracie, doesn't want a surfboard, stupid. She just wanted to talk to him." Carly chimed in, rolling her eyes at Edward and nudging Gracie's shoulder with her own._

_Edward was baffled and turned to Gracie. "Are you saying that you like that turd?"_

_Gracie swooned, "Yeah, he's sooo cuuute." and Carly and Gracie started to giggle putting their heads close together, whispering about boys and dates and who knows what else._

_Edward rolled his eyes and ignored them for the rest of the day._

_#_

_That August Edward enrolled at Chaminade University and pursued a degree in Criminal Justice with a minor in English. Two years later at age twenty he took the police exam and passed, and, like his father and his grandfather before him, Edward became a Honolulu police officer. Edward Cullen and a uniform was a lethal combination, and women fell at his feet. Gracie and Carly would poke their heads out of Carly's window, trying to see who his latest girl was, and they critiqued everything about them. Gracie being a little less kind than usual._

_In high school, Gracie came into her own and turned out to be a brilliant and dedicated student. She was also the editor and the entire writing staff of her high school newspaper, producing brilliant articles about everything from environmental changes on the island to political commentary to interviews with locals. One such interview of a septuagenarian who had been awarded the silver star for service in World War II, and was now living in poverty in one of the many shabby hotels on Bishop Street, received a lot of attention from the local press. Gracie became a cause celebre for a short time, as well as the valedictorian of her graduating class at Mercy High School. Naturally, when she applied she was accepted into Brown University's writing program. _

_#_

_Gracie did her parents proud, she was on the Dean's list every semester. An over achiever, she seldom came home for holidays instead she took courses during summer session, or studied abroad._

_One June afternoon while Edward and Gus were on duty, Auntie Liz asked them to stop by the house. It was a surprise to both of them when Gracie came running out to greet her brother, tackling him to the lawn and tickling him. She was ebullient, joyful and confident; in other words, the same old Gracie, home for her twenty-first birthday. She had blossomed into a true beauty; her dark shining eyes, long black straight hair and golden skin positively glowed. Her freckled face had lost its round softness and she had cheekbones, and arched eyebrows and lush lips. Gracie had become a woman while she was away at Brown. Edward, was momentarily stunned but he rallied his wits and gave her a big hug, telling her that he had missed her pain in the ass ways. Gracie jabbed him in the gut and marched them both into the house to meet her boyfriend, the first one she had ever brought home. He was a nice enough guy, good-looking, well-scrubbed and shiny like a brand new dime, but Edward couldn't help but think that Gracie was way too good for him. _

_It took quite some time for Edward to get Gracie alone, because she had to take Matt to see Hanauma Bay, or Diamond Head or Chinaman's hat or any number of tourist attractions. He had to stoop to guilting her, begging her to come with him to pick out her birthday gift, and lamenting that she seemed to have little time for her oldest friend. They enjoyed the day, laughing and talking and reminiscing about old times._

_As they sat drinking smoothies at the food court in the Kahala Mall, Edward quizzed her about her experiences at Brown, her trips to Europe and her boyfriend Matt._

"_You guys are serious?" he inquired lazily._

"_I don't know." she shrugged "I like him, a lot."_

_Edward's heart squeezed. "Does he like you a lot?"_

"_That's what he says."_

"_Hmmm, interesting."_

"_How about you, Edward? Still playing the field, a new girl every week?" Gracie teased him._

_"Hardly. Maybe every other week." They both laughed, knowing it was close to the truth._

"_Pretty soon you're going to run through all the available girls on the island. Gus said, you're going to have to start branching out to the other islands."_

"_Ha ha, Gus thinks he's funny. He likes to call me a player, just because he has a steady girl."_

"_Well, Gus is talking about proposing to Mariko." Gracie said, happily contemplating her brother's future._

"_Yeah, I know he told me." Edward took a long last draw on his drink and rubbed his hands on his thighs._

"_So, you haven't met that special someone, yet?"Gracie asked, uncapping her cover and slurping the smoothie._

"_You've got a mustache." He laughed at her._

_She licked her top lip and asked him again. "So, there's no special someone, Edward?"_

_He smiled and said, "I met my special someone long ago, Gracie."_

"_Really? Who? Do I know her?" Gracie was excited, eager even._

_He nodded, "Yep, you know her."_

"_Come on tell me." She wheedled then she suddenly gasped in horror. "Please don't tell me that it's that awful Laura Townsend. Please, please tell me it's not her."_

"_It's not her."_

"_Nor Symone Nagaoki. Please, please not her."_

"_It's not her."_

"_Edward, you're going to have to tell me who, because I have at least eighty names to go through."_

"_Eighty? Eighty? Come on, Gracie, stop exaggerating."_

"_Well, sixty, at the very least, just stop stalling and tell me."_

_He took hold of her hands in his, they were ice-cold from the smoothie. "It's you Gracie."_

_Gracie sat there, mouth wide open, staring at Edward._

"_Gracie, you're my special someone. You've always been."_

_Gracie pulled her hands out of his and stuttered something unintelligible. Her chair clattered to the ground as she hastily stood up, and the eyes of the other patrons suddenly turned to the frozen tableau of the quiet seated man and the rigid upright girl. Then Gracie turned and ran away, as if the devil were at her heels. _

_Edward wandered the mall, giving Gracie some time. He drove them there and unless she was willing to call a cab, she would have to wait for him. After a couple hours, he found her sitting on the hood of his car, in the shade of a banyan tree. He came to stand two feet in front of her. "Gracie, I love you, I've always loved you. And I've always known you'd be mine."_

_Gracie started to cry, walking around in circles flapping her elegant hands. "Edward, you never, ever…" She pointed at him. "You've never even kissed me, you've never even tried, how was I supposed to know?"_

"_The same way I know Gracie. I just know. When I think of my future, I only think of you. Who do you think of Gracie? When you see your future, who do you see?"_

_She swallowed and turned to lean against the trunk of the banyan._

"_Oh, Edward, I only see you. It's always been you."_

_He came up behind her and put his arm around her, pulling her back against his chest, and letting out a long breath._

"_You have to tell Matt to go back to Rhode Island. Tomorrow._

_She nodded in agreement._

"_Are you going back?"_

_She shook her head._

_He turned her around in his arms, "Are you going to stay with me?_

_She nodded._

_Their first kiss was under the spreading branches of the banyan tree in the parking lot of the Kahala Mall._

_He and Gracie beat Gus and Mariko to the altar; they got married within two months of their first kiss._

#

When his parents pulled up to the house, Edward barely waited for the car to come to a complete stop. He ran inside the house and took the stairs two at a time up to the bedroom Gracie was in. The bedroom was dark, the wooden shutters were drawn closed against the late afternoon sunshine, the ceiling fan and the open sliding doors to the lanai lent a cool breeze to the shaded room. Edward stood at the open door for a while, looking at the sleeping woman sprawled in abandon across the chenille bedspread.

He walked slowly to the bed. She was still the same Gracie that he loved, that he would always love. He sat on the chair next to the bed, and reached for her hand. He sat there looking at the woman he had loved every day for the last eight years of their marriage and for the last twenty-nine years of his life.

Her face was a little changed, not much. She still had the little smile that never went away, even when she was angry, it made her look like she was keeping a secret; and the dimple at the right corner of her mouth that he used to love to lick was still there. Her silky ink black hair lay on her pillow, a cloud around her head, she was still the same beautiful girl he fell in love with. Her fingers were the same. He remembered how gracefully she would move them when she danced the hula. She was well-named, his Gracie. He held her hand and kissed each finger, lingering on the solid gold ring he had placed there when they married eight summers ago; back when they were just a boy and just a girl, very much in love.

He wanted to lay down in the bed with her but he was a little afraid of disturbing her, she needed her sleep. His throat ached with the tears he had been keeping in check and now they spilled over onto his cheeks. He picked up her hand and wiped his tears with them. He whispered so she would know, "Gracie, I love you, and I always will."

He cried as if he were a child again. He buried his head on her slim little shoulders. He kissed the curve of her neck and the soft fall of black hair.

Gracie stirred and he tried to hide his tears. "Edward? Sweetie what's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing, I've just missed you, that's all." and he sniffled.

"Oh, Edward, come here." And she scooted over and made space for him next to her.

He lay his big, long body close to hers and held her tight to him.

"Something _is_ wrong, Edward. I can tell." She was running her hand through his hair, trying to soothe him.

"Nothing is wrong, I swear." his voice was hoarse.

"Fine don't tell me, but I'll find out, just you wait."

"Gracie. I said nothing's wrong and I mean it. I just miss you so much."

"Hold me tight then." He brought her closer to his body. "Tighter Edward, you can do better than that."

"Any tighter and I'll break you." he whispered.

"You can't break me Edward, I'm strong. I may look weak, but I can take it."

They cuddled, and he ran his hands over her arms, and torso, reacquainting himself with the feel of her.

"Edward, I love you." She said softly.

"I know. I love you too."

"Edward, I want you to be happy, again."

"I am happy, just here with you."

"You can be happier, Edward. You deserve it."

"Stop it, Gracie, please. I don't want to talk, I just want to feel you."

They lay there for long, long minutes saying nothing.

"Let me see you, Gracie."

"No, I don't want you to."

"Please, Gracie."

She tried to pull away from him, but he held her fast. "No Edward. If you keep asking, I'll kick you out of this bed."

After a while he asked, "Gracie, do you believe, I love you?"

"Yes, of course." She responded immediately.

"And do you believe that I love you and not just your body?"

"Yes."

"Do you think I'll stop loving you if I see your body?"

"No, Edward. If I believed that I would show you my body, because more than anything else I want you to stop loving me and start loving someone else."

"Don't say that Gracie, I can't love anyone but you."

"Oh, Edward. I think you can, and you will. There's someone out there for you, I just know it."


	18. Chapter 18

Eighteen

The next day dawned bright and beautiful. It was Sunday and Bella unpacked her suitcase and did some laundry. Alice had slept at Jasper's and probably would not be back until late, if at all. So Bella cleaned up her house. She couldn't wait to talk to Edward this evening, she kept checking her cell phone hoping for an earlier call. She hummed all day. The cupboards were bare and she strolled up and down the aisles of the grocery store, smiling and thinking of Edward. Bella was in such high spirits, she happily helped Mrs. Cope find the errant Mr Jenks.

She had just come back into the house when she got a call from Jake and his news wiped the smile from her face. Opening her laptop, she googled Edward Anthony Cullen and didn't learn much at all. What was Jake talking about? Then she opened the e-mail that Jake sent her, clicking on the link she started to read and she started to cry.

#

Edward and Gracie went to Sunday mass at The Church of the Holy Redeemer and listened to Father Brian's snooze-inducing reading of the Gospel According to Paul. Afterwards they walked, arm in arm through the churchyard to the small cemetary at the back. The day was beautiful, as it usually is in Hawaii, and they strolled down the avenue of tall palms to the two graves that lay side by side. Gracie brought some frangipani and gardenias and placed them in the vases.

"Do you ever think about him, Edward?" She asked as she pushed herself to standing, wiping her hands on her skirt.

"Every day." he stared down at the grave.

"What do you think he'd be like now, if he'd lived?" Gracie's eyes watered and she sniffled.

"It's hard to say, Gracie. We never really knew the extent of his problems. But I daydream of him sometimes. I imagine that he'd be playing with Lila Grace. Swimming in the pool like we used to do, or tearing around on a tricycle. He'd be turning four in October, so I imagine him asking questions and getting into messes and wanting to get a last drink or another story before bedtime."

"I dream of him too. Only I dream of him, dream of him, at night. I dream of him calling me mom, and kissing me and hugging me tight around the neck. Sometimes the dreams are so real, when I wake up I get so mad. I close my eyes tight and try to go back to dreaming." She choked back a sob and fisted the tears from her eyes.

Edward pulled her to him and hugged her close, his heart ached, squeezing in his chest

"It's so sad. And I'll never have that Edward. They took all my parts. And even if they didn't I probably wouldn't live long enough."

"Gracie please. Stop talking that way. You're not going anywhere."

"It's true Edward. Theyre chopping me into bits. They've taken my breasts, I've lost a chunk of my intestines, I have a colostomy bag, I go for dialysis three times a week. This is my second open heart surgery in three years. I've had two stents in the last year alone. I feel like I'll die on the table, with my ribs cracked wide open."

Edward looked up to the sky to keep his tears from falling. "Oh Gracie, why you? Why cancer? Why not me?"

She shook her head. "Why anybody Edward? You know what I realize? Dying sucks."

"Yeah it does."

"What I mean is the process sucks. Death isn't half bad, I bet."

"It is for those left behind. Gracie, I'm so glad that you asked me to come for your surgery, it means a lot to me that you want me here."

"I need you this time. I think it might be the " she drew her index finger across the throat "last one."

"Ahhh, Gracie, will you please stop it already. It'll be fine,nothing will go wrong."

They were quiet as Edward rubbed his hand up and down her back, trying to give her comfort and courage.

"You know what makes me sadder than me not having a baby?" Gracie said, skirting back to the issue of babies, which Edward was hoping to avoid. "Thinking that you won't either. I think you're afraid of going through it again or maybe you're punishing yourself..."

"None of the above, Gracie, none of the above. It just was never as important for me as it was for you."

"That's why I know there's someone out there for you. When you fall in love with her, you're going to want babies and everything, the whole nine yards."

"Gracie I fell in love, with you. Why do you keep talking like I didn't love you, or didn't love you the right way."

"It's not that. I never meant to imply you didn't love me enough. You loved me too much, maybe, I don't know. It's just that I think you and I have a special relationship. It's love but it's beyond that husband wife love. I feel that I'm like your guardian angel and that you are mine. I feel like I'm the other half of you. That somehow we were meant to be one and we came out as two separate people, and we've been trying to get back as one. I only know that I love you more than any one I've ever loved in my whole life."

"I love you that way too, Gracie." As he held her in his arms, his cheek resting on the crown of her head, he thought back on the road that brought them here, to this place.

#

_Gracie never returned to Brown to finish her last year, instead she finished her studies at UH, and then got a job at the Honolulu Gazette. She wasn't hired as a journalist, like she'd dreamed of being, just a gopher; she was the one they told to "go for" everything, but she was happy being back home and being married to Edward, and she felt the career she wanted would be hers in due time. _

_Meanwhile, not only had Edward been promoted to detective on the force, a local literary magazine had published one of his short stories, tagging him as an 'up and comer' and "someone to watch for'. Their life was going well for the first three years of their marriage until Gracie accidentally got pregnant. They hadn't planned on it, but after the initial shock had worn off they talked. They both became excited and looked forward to the baby. Two months later, she had a miscarriage. A few months later they decided to try for another baby and she became pregnant again. This was followed by another miscarriage, then another, and then another. With each loss she became even more desperate to have a baby. No matter how Edward assured her that they had plenty of time, after all he was not yet thirty and she had just turned twenty four, she still desperately wanted to have a baby right away. _

_Edward tried his best to convince her that maybe now wasn't the best time; and that when the time was right it would just happen. He and Gracie got into terrible arguments, she accused him of not being supportive of her biological imperative and told him that he did not want to start a family because he was too self-centered and hated to share her attentions. He told her that she was looking for a distraction from her unhappiness at work, and he accused her of wanting to gut their income by taking time off to raise a family, when they weren't financially ready. _

_Nothing he said made a difference and she continued to fret, she was determined, she was almost frantic with desire for a child and eventually Edward gave in and went along with her plans, even though he felt no urgency to start a family right away. Together they tried everything; homeopathy, hypnosis, herbs and eventually Gracie endured the difficulties associated with hormonal treatments. After a year she managed to get pregnant again. She was put on bed rest so she would carry the baby to term._

_#_

_If there is one thing Gracie would remember about that horrific day was the blue, the deep dark black blue, a sea of blue, stiff and stoic everywhere. The second thing is the pain of the loss; the loss of innocence, the loss of hope, the loss of a happily ever after. Loss, upon loss, upon loss._

_As the organ music swelled and then died down, the droning voice of the priest took its place. "We gather together not to mourn but to celebrate. We, the people whom he loved and who loved him best: his wife, his children, his friends, his brothers in blue, have gathered here to honor a man who was a man above men. George Komure's flesh may no longer breathe with life, but do not doubt that he continues to live, for he lives on in each and every one of us..."_

_Gracie had to shift a little, the pressure on her lower spine was excruciating, but try as she might, she could not get comfortable. She peered around Edward, seated immediately to her right at the end of the narrow pew, to look at those seated across the aisle. Carlisle, a mirror image of Edward, also dressed in his dark navy police uniform, next to him was Esme in a black silk suit, then Carly and finally Evan. Carly turned her head and gave Gracie a sad smile, before dabbing her eyes. _

_Her mother's hand tightened around the fingers of Gracie's left hand, and she turned to look at her. _"_Are you okay?" Her mother asked in a scratched whisper._

_Gracie nodded, blowing her nose and dabbing at her eyes."Just a backache, the baby's head feels like its pressing on my lower spine."_

"..._He leaves behind his wife of thirty years, Elizabeth Cohen Komure. They met in high school, she was a cheerleader, he was a running back, a match made in yearbook heaven." The gathered politely chuckled. "But they were more than the stereotypical jock and his girl. They were high school sweethearts who stuck together through good times and bad, an example to all of us, of what it means to be a loving couple. They had thirty wonderful years together and he leaves his children, Augustine' Gus' Komure and Gracie Komure Cullen, behind to carry on his legacy. Gus, like his father George, is a dedicated officer of the HPD..." _

_Gracie moved again trying to find a comfortable position and Edward grabbed her right hand. "Gracie, what's wrong?"_

"_I think it's Braxton Hicks." she whispered._

"_How often do you feel it Gracie?" his eyes were concerned, looking for her face to register the level of pain._

"_Every five minutes, but only for the last twenty…" she said before he interrupted._

"_Let's go." He bent forward and reached across to talk to Auntie Liz and Gus, who was sitting on her other side. "Auntie, Gus, I think Gracie's having contractions and we should go now…"_

"_No, Edward, it's just a false alarm… oh, my God, what is that? Edward, I think…"_

_At that moment, her water bag broke and Edward immediately picked her up in his arms and carried her down the aisle, heading out of the church. Gracie heard the hushed exclamations and peered over Edward's shoulder, to take one last look at her father, as they moved farther and farther away, everything became a blur of navy blue uniforms stretching endlessly as far as her limited vision could see. _

_#_

_None of the doctors could tell her why things happened the way they happened. Her blood pressure had dropped dangerously low, and by the time the ambulance got her to the hospital, little Reuel had been born into the world, and she was nearly unconscious. Hours later, when she had come to, Edward was crying. He told her that the baby's first apgar score was two out of a possible ten. He suffered terminal bradycardia, and could not breathe, he had to be resuscitated. When it was taken again, his apgar was six. Their baby was very sick._

_Gracie remained in the hospital for four days before she was released, but the baby remained in the NICU for two weeks; Edward and Gracie practically slept there. She couldn't bear to leave her little baby; she looked with envy and hatred at the other moms. Why did they get to go home with healthy infants? Why not me? What did I do wrong? The questions hammered in her brain. Everytime she looked around she would see another lucky mom carting home a new baby, like a stuff prize that they were carting home from a carnival. Fat sleepy babies in brand new car seats while Reuel's car seat sat unused in the back seat of Edward's ultra-safe Volvo._

_In those two weeks the doctors ran test after test, they had no answer for the devastated parents. The baby's SAT levels were low, but the doctors couldn't say why. They were in limbo. Finally they were told that his left lung was not inflating all the way, because of a paralyzed left diaphragm. He was moved out of the NICU, and into the regular pediatric unit. After twenty long days, they got to take him home on oxygen._

_For the first time in a long time, Edward saw Gracie happy. Having given birth to Reuel Anthony Cullen, Gracie relaxed into being the mother that she had aspired to be. Life was good. Reuel required therapy, his whole left side was weak, the doctors posited that it may be cerebral palsy, but they couldn't be sure. Surprisingly, Gracie took the news in stride. "He's strong, he'll be fine." she reassured Edward. Her days were devoted to Reuel's special care and she had no desire to go back to work and she put all her energies into the baby, Edward and their home. _

_A year before, unbeknownst to Edward, Gracie had sent some of Edward's short stories to a friend from Brown who was now working at a publishing company. Shortly after Reuel was born they'd heard back from the publisher and Edward's short stories were included in a collection of crime fiction that the company was publishing. Edward signed with a literary agent who also put him in touch with a television producer. Gracie was on cloud nine, excited about the baby and excited about Edward's writing; it looked very much as though they were going to live their dreams. _

_Early one afternoon Edward and Gracie were snuggling, having finally found some time for themselves as the baby napped. Esme called and as Edward was on the phone with his mother, Gracie went to the nursery to wake the baby from his nap. Edward heard the heart wrenching screams as Gracie ran into his office with little Reuel in her arms. The baby was eerily still and pale blue. Edward tried CPR, he yelled at Gracie to call 911, but even as he worked he knew it was too late. His little lungs had collapsed, Reuel was only four months old when he died._

_They buried Reuel next to Gracie's dad. Auntie Liz hugged Gracie and told her that Reuel and George were smiling and happy up in heaven. Gracie said nothing and walked away. They grieved the loss of the baby separately. Edward never imagined that he could be in such pain. His heart ached and he missed the little squirming bundle of chubby arms and legs. He missed the gurgling laughter, the toothless gums and the smell of his soft little guy. His arms ached to feel the warm weight of his son again, but he couldn't even begin to imagine the unfathomable grief that Gracie felt. She never spoke to him about Reuel, she never spoke to him at all. It was like living with a ghost. _

_Many months went by and she became more and more withdrawn and depressed. In an effort to move on he suggested that they donate the crib and the baby furniture and turn the room back into a guest bedroom. She leapt at him and started to tear at his clothes, it took all his strength to contain her flailing arms and kicking legs. Her knotted hair was tangled over her eyes and her cheeks were bright with exertion when he finally had her wrapped in his arms on the couch. Through clenched teeth and tightened jaws she called him a cruel bastard and told him that she would always hate him. She accused him of not loving the baby and accused him of only loving himself. That night she moved out of their bedroom and started sleeping on the little divan in Reuel's nursery. _

_She was always silent and always tearful; never leaving the house, not eating and barely able to dress herself. Family and friends came over whenever they could, but Gracie did not, could not, respond to their efforts to draw her out of her deep depression. She wouldn't even make the effort to go to the therapist that he was seeing and finally her doctor put her on medication, but Edward still worried about her._

_That morning he spoke to Gracie, as she lay in her bed. He remembered seeing her curled up on herself, her hair a tangled mess on the pillow, her face gaunt. Her eyes were sunken and deep dark circles gave evidence that she had not slept well in many weeks. He would only be gone a short time to the grocery store, he told her and as he tried kissed her, she turned her head. _

_On his way back from the store, traffic was excruciatingly slow. Up ahead he saw the gathering of people by the side of the road. His heart thumped in his chest and he felt the dread of knowing that someone was dead, even before he saw the wreck. He moved to the shoulder and came to a stop at the side of the road, hoping to help. Almost instantly his knees buckled as he recognized Gracie's gold car, even though it was a crumpled mess. Eyewitnesses were talking around him and he vaguely registered what they were saying; that "she had sped up" before slamming into the Banyan tree. He rode with her in the ambulance to the hospital, hoping and praying that she wouldn't die and leave him all alone._

_She had internal injuries, and severe head trauma, as they worked on her she suffered a stroke. Miraculously, the doctors saved her body, but the injury to her brain was severe. Days went by and they all hoped that she would wake up. She was breathing on her own, but that was all. _

_Days later Edward found a note on top of the baby's dresser. It was written in a trembling scribble and he knew that Gracie had left it for him. Short and simple, she had written "Goodbye. Please take care of my Mom and Gus for me. Tell them I love them and that I'm sorry."_

_Edward was angry at her for leaving him. She hadn't mentioned in her goodbye note that she loved him and he knew that it was not an accidental omission, it was done deliberately. She had stopped loving him when their baby died, she blamed him. _

_And he blamed himself for ruining her life. Everything **was** his fault. _

_He'd made her leave Brown, and as a result she'd given up what could have been a great career. He didn't even help her when she needed him most; when she spiralled downward into depression, he had become impatient and irritated with her, hoping she'd snap out of it eventually, he only gave cursory effort to getting help for her. He was a selfish bastard, Gracie had made a mistake when she'd chosen him. And he promised himself, if she made it through, he would cherish her and take care of her for the rest of her life._

#

"Edward?" Gracie stirred and pushed out of his arms to look up into his face.

"Hmm?"

"Do you forgive me." Brown black eyes, piercing silver ones.

"Gracie, I forgave you the moment you woke out of that coma. I told God if he gave you back to me, I would never, ever hurt you again."

"Am I still your best friend?"

"Yes, Gracie you are."

"Then would you tell me what's bothering you?"

"I don't want to."

"Why?"

"It might hurt you."

"It won't."

"Gracie, my job is to protect you, even if its from me. I've taken care of you forever. From you were born I've felt responsible for you, I can't explain it. It's like I felt if I didn't take care of you, you'd be gone, float away; so I had to fold you into my arms to keep you safe."

"You can't protect someone from life, you know. Maybe I was supposed to float away, and be a memory. Maybe you kept me alive beyond my time."

"No, Gracie. You were supposed to be mine forever. And I fucked up. When we got married, I became the person ultimately responsible for you, the person who was supposed to do the best by you. But I was such a selfish prick, I took everything you gave and gave nothing back. I know if I had been the one who was suffering from depression, you would have saved me. I did a horrible job of taking care of you; I almost lost you and all of this comes from that. All you are suffering is because of me."

"You. Are. Not. Responsible. For. What. Happened. I was. I drove the car into the tree, Edward, not you. I ruined so many internal organs its a miracle I made it. You didn't do anything wrong. You were suffering too, we both were. But now we're fine, we've forgiven each other and we're back to where we were. But before I die, I want you to know that you should go on. Live a long and happy life without me. But I'll be your guardian angel, watching out for you, waiting for you in heaven."

Edward was openly crying now, as was Gracie.

"I don't want you to die." he sobbed.

"Open yourself up to loving someone, Edward. You need to LOVE and be LOVED."


	19. Chapter 19

Nineteen

Edward left several voicemails for Bella on Monday, but she never called him back. On Tuesday, he drove Gracie to her dialysis appointment and worked on his laptop as she underwent the procedure. For those four hours, while he was working, his thoughts often strayed to Bella. He wondered what she was doing, and wondered why she wasn't calling him back.

He texted her: _Bella, miss you, so much, please call me. Anytime._

He had been so busy with Gracie, he had been a little relieved that Bella hadn't called. But now he was getting worried.

Early Wednesday morning, just before they left for Manoa Hospital, he called Bella again. Only this time, he was told by the tinny robotic voice that the number was no longer in service. Then and there he knew that he had no need to worry, she was avoiding his calls. At that moment however, he had more pressing concerns, Gracie's bypass surgery was scheduled for eight o'clock. He carried Gracie down the stairs to the waiting sedan, Carlisle and Esme were sitting in the front, holding hands. Gracie had always been like a second daughter to them, and in the last three years, since she'd been living in their house, in Edward's old bedroom they were even closer to her. Their hands were not linked romantically, but clasped in a shared prayer.

Edward tucked Gracie in and went around to the other side to get in. He hauled her to him, tucking her to his side, running his hands down her slender back.

"Gracie, don't worry, I'll be right there the whole time."

"I know, Edward. You've never let me down."

He could have argued that point, but let it go, for he had let her down many times before. However, this was not the time for that discussion, this was time for looking forward with hope and faith. When they arrived at the hospital, Auntie Liz and Gus were already waiting.

"Edward, man, it's so good to see you." Gus clasped him in a warm hug.

Auntie Liz, had already enfolded Gracie in her embrace, cheek to cheek, heart to heart. She looked over her daughter's shoulder and gave Edward a watery smile, holding out her left arm to include him. He walked into the arms of his mother-in-law, feeling her love.

Auntie Liz kissed Gracie's cheek and then his. "I'm so happy to see you two like this. Like old times."

"I've missed you so much." Edward whispered.

"I know, I've missed you too. "In a matter of moments the nurse came for Gracie, and took her into pre-op. They all stood there, staring at the door, like an audience at a play, each one of them sending up a tiny prayer for the best possible outcome. Eventually though, they sought chairs, settling in for what would be a vigil of many hours."

Edward sat by the windows, looking out onto the still quiet street, the day had not yet begun for those lucky people whose existence did not include waiting for a life hanging in the balance. His laptop was open, but his eyes were not seeing the screen, instead they were seeing hours and days and weeks of time gone by.

Carlisle and Esme came over, "We're going to get coffee and something to eat, what would you like us to bring?" his mother asked as her long fingers stroked his cheek.

"Just coffee, thanks."

"No appetite?"

"No." He shook his head.

Alone with his laptop and his thoughts, he continued to think, alternately praying for Gracie, and brooding silently when his thoughts ran to Bella and her disconnected phone. After a few minutes, Auntie Liz came over and sat in the chair next to Edward, and took his hand between both of hers.

"Cold hands, warm heart." She smilingly observed, then looked in his eyes. "She looks so much better since you've been back."

"She looks beautiful." He whispered.

Auntie Liz nodded. "How have you been?"

"Worried. Happy. Sad. Worried. I'm just glad she asked me to come. I thought she'd never ask to see me again." He said quietly, shifting his eyes to the trees outside the window.

"It's not that she didn't want to see you, it's just that it's hard on her to see you crying and so afraid all the time. I think it makes it more real for her."

He smiled sorrowfully, and shook his head. "I know. I'm like the grim reaper. Last time I came she yelled at me asking me to save the waterworks for when she's dead. This time I've really tried not to cry in front of her, I haven't been one hundred percent successful, but I haven't broken down yet."

"Gracie has always been this way Edward, you know that. She doesn't want people to fuss and worry over her, she wants to be the fusser. And she hates to see the worry she's causing. It breaks her more than her illness does, partly because she believes that she has brought this on herself and on us."

"It wasn't her doing, it was mine." His voice hitched in a near sob.

"Oh here we go again. It was life's doing, Edward. Just like Gracie's not to blame, neither are you. We all tried to help her. None of us, none, thought she would try to end her life."

"I should have anticipated it." He said shaking his head, reliving the memories of a depressed Gracie.

"You're not able to read minds, Edward. Don't beat yourself up."

"And the way I dealt with her afterwards. God, I was so weak. No wonder she asked me for a divorce. I couldn't even look at her without bawling like a baby. Some days, I just couldn't function, I would sit by her bed, crying and telling her that I hated myself. When she came home from the hospital, I couldn't hold her, even though she begged me to; she was so fragile and broken and I was so afraid of hurting her." He said feeling like a failure all over again.

"I'm like that too. I cry all the time. That's why she's chosen to stay over at your parents' house instead of coming to live with me. She couldn't bear my constant crying and smothering, it wore her down. Carlisle and Esme are much less prone to breakdowns. Your mother, in particular, has a gift for giving unconditional love. As long I've known her, she's been warm, caring and open hearted. Did you know we met when we were both pregnant with you and Gussie?"

"Yeah, I've heard many times how Gussie and I were friends before we were born." Edward was eager for lighter conversation, glad to shift his thoughts from Gracie and Bella.

"But do you know how we became friends?" Liz smiled

He shrugged and looked at her inquiringly. Auntie Liz's face was more animated and she looked years younger reminiscing about a happier time. "No," Edward said, "I assume through Dad and Uncle George."

She nodded, "We were nodding acquaintances, we had seen each other at different functions, but that's not how we became friends.

One day, I came out of the supermarket and Esme, your mom, hugely pregnant, was loading groceries into a homeless woman's cart. She had bought a bag of canned goods and a can opener, and she was trying to get the lady to go to a shelter. The lady refused and Esme promised her that if she came back the same time next week, she'd buy her another bag of groceries. When the lady left I asked her if she was a social worker.

She said no, but she just couldn't let this woman go hungry. The next week I came back to the supermarket and she was there helping the lady. She did that for weeks until the lady trusted her enough to follow her advice and go see the worker at the shelter. By then I'd fallen in love with you mother."

Edward nodded in agreement. He smiled at the thought of his mother's generous spirit. "She's good at selfless love and making people happy, I'm not. I didn't inherit that trait."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. I think, Edward, because you and I feel guilty, we can't function well around Gracie. I _know_ my guilt is unfounded, that there's no reason for me to feel that way, but I can't rationalize it away. When I see Gracie, slowly dying, I feel so guilty for being healthy. I feel as though I should be the one dying, I'm her mother, I should go before her. That's the natural order of things, the way it should be.

And I should be able to _do_ something, fix it, fix her, and I can't, I'm helpless. This isn't a scraped knee or a fever, it's beyond my mothering. So I turn to prayers. I can't tell you how many times I've begged God to take my health and give it to her, take my strong heart and my undiseased body. I'd gladly die, if it meant my Gracie could live one day without pain, if she could know one day without death looming on her horizon."

"I know. I would give up my life for her, too."

"You have given up your life for her, from what Gracie tells me." Edward's head snapped up and his grey eyes narrowed.

"Nope. Gracie's got a bee in her bonnet, she wants me to move on, but what does that mean exactly? I live, I eat, I work, I play, I have friends."

"You don't love." She shook her head.

"Auntie, you can't seriously expect me to fall in love with someone, while Gracie is dying!"

"I think it would make her happy knowing that you'll be whole when she's gone. That you won't just drift through life without finding love again."

"I can't love someone again, I don't want to. Loving a parent or a relative is easy, but I've learned that loving a wife and child is unbelievably hard. Giving affection, and showing them love, that's the simple part, but it means nothing if you can't take care of their needs. Your life, your happiness is wrapped up in theirs, and if you are unable to make a good life for them, or unable to make them happy, then your life is crap. That kind of love can be cruel."

"It may seem that way, but the rewards are there. If Reuel had lived, you and Gracie would have known unbelievable joy. There would have been difficult times, no doubt, but there would have been wonderful times as well. You suffered a tragedy, you have known only the downside. The truth is whenever you open your heart, you open yourself up to the possibility of loss. I lost your Uncle George, and it was unbelievably hard to lose him, but I don't regret opening up my heart to him. And I'll lose my little Gracie, way too soon, but I've loved every moment with her. Even now, when I see her smile through all her pain, my heart is overwhelmed with joy. Edward, loving is living. If you don't have one you don't have the other." Auntie Liz, caressed his cheek.

Just then Esme and Carlisle returned, not only with coffee and breakfasts, but with Carly in tow. She gave her big brother a long hug and spoke into his ear. "How're you holding up?

"Holding on to hope. And you?"

She moved out of his arms and tossed her long reddish blonde hair behind her, dresden blue eyes wearing the same worried look as his. "Same. I wish I could have gotten here sooner, but I had to take Alex and Lila Grace to day care. How did Gracie look this morning?"

He smiled thinking about her. "A little tired, a little scared, a whole lot beautiful."

"Gracie, will always be beautiful, no matter what happens. She shines, it comes from love Edward."

"Edward, can you come with me to the chapel? Gracie asked me to give you a message, while she was in there. Please?"

Carly led the way down the cool blue-grey corridors, Edward followed, puzzled by the Carly's take charge attitude. They slipped into the small high-ceilinged chapel, which was no more than a softly lit room, with smooth shiny wood walls, brown carpet and a few small benches scattered around. No one else was there. They sat side by side on a bench under a modern sculpture of a mother and child.

Carly came straight to the point. "She wanted me to tell you this, now, just in case she doesn't make it. She thinks if she dies, you'll think I'm just saying this to alleviate you of your of guilt. And if she lives, she wants you to know what to expect from her."

"What is it?"

"As you remember, she asked you for a divorce the last time you were here, a couple years ago, and you wouldn't sign the papers. You refused, saying that you wouldn't because you promised to take care of her for the rest of your lives. You also told her that you were worried because her health insurance is through you and if her status as your wife changes, she may not be covered."

Carly paused, she was nervous, avoiding his eyes. "She told me that, at the time, she felt controlled by you, so she told you that she would agree to stay married to you under one condition. She needed the health insurance coverage, so she agreed only if you gave her space and only come to see her when she asked you to."

"Yeah, and I've stayed away, until she asked mom to call me. So what is this about?" Edward was still puzzled, surprised at how much Carly knew of their talks about divorce.

"Well, Gracie called the insurance company and found out that her insurance _can_ continue even if you're divorced. She can continue on COBRA, so she petitioned for a divorce, citing your absence from the state and your lack of contact. She did not ask for spousal support. The judge reviewed and the divorce was granted in May."

Edward had paled and he leapt out of his seat and hovered over Carly, "What? You're lying."

Carly shook her head, "No, I'm not."

He ran his hand agitatedly through his hair. "Why would she do that Carly? I only wanted to take care of her. Why would she divorce me? And behind my back. Did she accuse me of abandoning her? Is that what the courts think? Is that what you guys think? She told me to leave. She refused to live in my house with me or go with me to LA or New York."

Carly reached out and tried to touch his arm but her shook her off. "Oh Edward, we all know that. None of us think you abandoned her. We all know exactly…"

"Well how could you let her get away with this? You condoned it! And none of you told me. None. Of. You."

"You would have fought it Edward, and Gracie wanted it." Carly said quietly.

"Why?" he turned to her and snarled, his eyes shiny with tears. "So I can be free to "move on"? What kind of bullshit is that? Tell me are you going to move on? Is Gus? Or mom and dad? We can't move on from this. None of us can."

"Edward, Gracie asked you for a divorce before the accident. She asked you three times and each time you refused to sign the papers."

"Of course I did. She was not in the right frame of mind. Have you ever thought of what _would_ have happened if I divorced her? She wouldn't have had any health care. We still had medical coverage from my time on the force, that's why she made it through. Now I've gotten even better medical coverage she would be well taken care of no matter what happens. COBRA expires, it doesn't last forever. What's going to happen then?"

"We all know Gracie's prognosis. You are the only one in denial, Edward. Gracie probably won't make it to next year, much less three years."

"I. Don't. Believe. That. She'll make it."

"Why, Edward? Because you say so? Please don't make this harder on her. Accept the time we have with her as a gift. And when it's time let go."

"That's easy for you to say." His voice was bitterly accusing.

"No, it's not. It gets harder every time I say it, because with each day it gets closer. You don't own her. You're not the only one who loves her, you know."

"I know I've been closer to her than any of you have, but now you cut me out."

"We know that Edward. But I've had my own experiences with her. Things you didn't have. We talked about boys and had pajama parties and heart to hearts, and training bras, Gracie belongs to all of us. And when she's gone we'll all lose her, not just you."

"I know that, I'm sorry."

"She's made her will. Mom is her executor."

"Mom? Why not me?"

"Edward, she's letting you go. You have to let her go too."

"That's not possible."

"She told me what she told you when she asked you for a divorce. She told you that, after Reuel died, she hated you, she blamed you, unfairly or not. After she recovered from the accident, she came to accept that you weren't at fault and that she had faulted you because it was easy to have you shoulder the blame for all her lost hopes. But even after recognizing that her hatred was unfounded, try as she might, she couldn't love you the same way she used to. She had hated you for so long, that the love she had for you was burned away in the months of anger. She couldn't go back to feeling how she used to."

"I don't think I felt the same way about her either, how could we? But I love her enough to want to be there for her to lean on. She wouldn't let me even do that." Edward said bitterly, feeling powerless now that Gracie had shut him out of her life.

"I think she will now. That's why the divorce means a lot to her. She wants her best friend to lean on, not a fake husband, going through the motions because he feels he owes it to her."

Edward sighed and closed his eyes, "Carly, would you mind if I told you that I need to be alone?" She nodded and hugged him tight, then got up and left. Edward sat staring at the crucifix, feeling pilloried himself.

#

It was Saturday morning and Edward had just come back from seeing Gracie at the hospital. She was in her third day of post op recovering, and in good spirits, looking forward to coming home on the following Tuesday. It was now a week since he'd heard from Bella and Edward gave in and he called her at the restaurant, it was Saturday and he knew she would be at work.

The instant he heard her soft voice on the other end of the line, his heart swelled with hope and an emotion he couldn't identify. The same feelings of excitement and possibility that he had on Saturday, the last day he saw her, instantly came flooding back. It was as if the nightmare of the last few days never happened. "Hello?" her voice was wondering, hesitant.

"Bella, what's going on? I've called but you haven't called me back." Edward hoped against hope that she had lost her phone.

There was a long silence and then her voice came low and raspy through the phone, "I can't use this phone for private conversations…"

"Call me right back on your cell then."

"I don't have your number anymore."

He quickly gave her his number. "Call me, I'll be waiting."

He waited for her call, it took more than a minute and he started to pace the floor of his parent's living room. Finally his phone rang and he answered. "Bella?"

"Yes?" she sounded oddly impatient.

"What's going on? Why haven't I been able to reach you?"

She was quiet for a long time and then she started to speak in a clipped tone. "I got rid of my old phone, I have a new one. Edward, please don't call me again." She went on. "I really feel that it's best that we don't see each other anymore."

"What do you mean?" For a few seconds Edward had a hard time figuring out what she was saying and then wondered if he was hearing her right.

"I don't have a lot of time right now, to talk, I have to get back to the kitchen, so I'll make this quick. Having an affair with you has been a huge mistake, a really bad decision. I don't want to hear from you ever again. Okay? Got it?"

"What the hell are you saying? Why?" his head was spinning.

"I've had time to think about what happened in New York. I should have left after the first argument. As a matter of fact I should have ignored you at the diner and considered myself fortunate for having had the good sense to recognize you for what you are. You are a lying, scheming, self-centered ass with a sick and twisted soul. And I regret every moment I ever spent with you. I feel so stained that I don't think I'll ever look at a man the same way again. You are the epitome of the kind of man every mother warns her daughter about. And I was stupid beyond belief to ever take up with you. You are a monster."

His heart was pounding and his head was getting tight, as the rest of his world came crashing down. He rubbed his forehead. He barked into the phone. "I don't know what's going on inside that head of yours, but we will see each other again. Do you hear me? You're not going to end this and blow me off with a phone call. And I don't know how things can change so much in such a short time, but when I call you, I want you to answer the phone. Goddammit. Do you hear me?" He was roaring.

"I won't." She was adamant. "This is it. I don't want to see you or hear from you ever again."

She couldn't possibly mean what she was saying. He couldn't lose her. "Bella, Bella, please don't do this to me. Please, I deserve better than this." He begged. "I deserve an explanation. This is crazy. When I left you, everything was fine. We made love. You wanted my shirt. You said you would call me."

Her voice was softer as if all the energy was gone. "I don't have to give you a better explanation, that's all I have."

"I'll call you next week."

"No! I said not to call me. If you keep calling me here, I'll quit."

"No, don't. I won't call your job. Bella, I'm sorry, whatever I did I'm sorry. Please , please listen to me, talk to me.

"I don't talk to lying jerks anymore. Goodbye."

Edward threw the phone into the wall and it splintered into pieces. He turned and saw Esme standing in the doorway behind him.

"Edward, what's going on?" His mother was staring at him, her eyes were concerned.

"Nothing, mom, absolutely nothing." He sighed and sat down on the couch, leaning his head back and covering his face with his hands. He was so tired.

"Who were you shouting at?" His mother became even more worried because of his obvious distress.

"I don't want to talk about it." He just wanted to be left alone to think.

Esme sat next to him on the couch. "It sounded like a woman on the other end. Edward, what's going on?"

"She's someone I've been seeing."

"Are you two serious?"

"I don't know what to call it. I put her off for so long. I didn't tell her much about my life, nothing about Gracie, I didn't want to get serious. But we've been getting deeper and deeper into it and just when I decided that maybe it could be more of a relationship, she called it off."

"Maybe it's for the best. You need to take your time. His mom reached for his hands and squeezed them. Her kind grey eyes, which were so much like his, looked into his. "I know you're tired but you will mess up any relationship you might have now. I know the divorce came as shock. But, you're angry, angrier than I've ever seen you. It wouldn't be fair of you to pull someone into this right now. Give it time."

His voice was hoarse. "Time is what I don't have mom. There is someone whom I could love, who I think could love me. I don't feel that I should wait. Why should I wait and lose another chance at happiness?"

"How do you know she might love you? Has she told you so?"

"I know. I just know." He knew Bella was half way in love him. The way she made love to him that last morning in New York told him all he needed to know.

"Edward, I didn't want to bring this up, but when you came home you had scratches and bruises. I hope that you aren't mistreating this woman. Maybe she is afraid of you and goes along, that doesn't mean she cares."

"She cares for me. She does. And she is not afraid of me. Believe me she gives as good as she gets. She's feisty. I can't make her do anything, even though I've tried. The bruise was just a misunderstanding." He paused, "Mom, I don't want to be mean or disrespectful, but this is my decision, not yours."

"Fine, you're old enough to make your own decisions, I know that. But no matter how old you get, you'll always be my son, and I'll always be your mother. You know that I'll always want what's best for you."

"Yes, I know mom. But I'm sorry, I'm not going to follow your advice and give her up. I need to see her, but she may not see me."

"Just let me say two things. One, a woman can't truly love you if she is afraid of you. Two, you must tell her _everything_. If you don't and she finds out from someone else, she'll never forgive you."

After his mom left him alone he thought about what she'd said. She was right. He did have to admit that lately his anger was always very close to the surface. Often that anger was directed at Bella. When she didn't bow to his will, he became angry and forceful.

He remembered back to the time at the marina park when she wouldn't accept his offer of the trip to New York. He used everything in his arsenal to make her come to him. He knew it was too soon, that she would prefer to wait, but he needed her to want him as much as he wanted her.

He thought about the scene at the diner when he forced her to come back to him. It took every bit of his willpower to be cold and dismissive. He had seen her face at the diner when their eyes met. She was devastated and he reveled in it. When he made her cry, he felt triumphant, knowing she had given in.

Then he went over the whole horrible scene when she showed a preference for Jake's company over his. He couldn't bear the thought of her wanting to be with anyone but him. Not even her tears stopped him then. He wanted everything she had, every emotion, every thought, to be focused on him and only him. And when she made love to him so passionately, he knew she was his. Her body belonged to him and only him.

And on the phone just now, when she told him that she no longer wanted to see him. Instantly he had felt such an overwhelming desire to make her, to force her to take back every word of her rejection. He was tempted to fly back immediately and make love to her until she couldn't say no to him. But he realized that the hold his lovemaking had over her only lasted as long as he was with her. When he left her she would start to question their relationship all over again.

He would have to give her the time she needed. Even if that meant that he was risking her choosing to never want to be with him again. The decision must be hers and hers alone. He would step back and let her decide.

His anger _was_ overwhelming, beyond his ability to control. He lashed out at her, and tried to force her to bend to his will. Was his anger scaring Bella away? Or was his anger just a response to her pulling away from him, he could no longer be sure, which came first. It seemed to him that she might be having doubts because he was so volatile. He vowed to himself to never try to force her again to do anything against her will.


	20. Chapter 20

Twenty

Bella hadn't heard from Edward in almost three weeks, although she despised him, a little part of her did miss the excitement of being with him. On Wednesday night she tossed and turned in bed and finally started to drift off to sleep. She was nearly asleep when the jarring trill of her cell sounded loudly in the quiet room. Heart racing she picked up the phone and sleepily said, "Hello?"

"Bella, it's Edward," his voice was soft and seductive.

"Edward, you haven't called me." Her voice was soft, drifting back into sleep.

"I know. I wanted to give you the little more time that you asked for. Bella, are you in bed?"

"Yes."

"Are you wearing my shirt?" he asked huskily.

"Yes. I've worn it every night." She confessed drowsily.

"Do you remember how we made love the last time? In your bed?" he asked her.

"Yes," she whispered. His voice was intoxicating. She rolled onto her side and cradled the phone to her ear.

"Bella, I want to hold you like that again. Do you miss me like I miss you?"

"Yes, I do. Very much. I feel empty."

Edward groaned in her ear. "Do you want me to fill you? Do you want us to make love like that again?"

"Yes, fill me. Again and again. Please." She wanted him like crazy, it had been too long. Bella tucked her pillow between her aching thighs.

"Tell me, what do you like Bella? What makes you tremble when we make love? Do you like when I kiss your sweet, sweet mouth? When I lick and suck your little nipples? When I taste your sweet, naked pussy?"

"Yes. I like all of it." She hesitated then whispered, "Edward, I like it the most when you come in me. You moan and say my name." Bella was aching, thinking about him.

"I like it too. You're so soft and sweet, Bella. Bella when can we make love again?" His voice was thick with longing.

"When you come home to me."

"You won't send me away?"

"No."

"You won't tell me that you want to end it?"

"No. Edward I want you so much. Please come back, soon."

"I'm right here Bella, a few feet away. I'm at your front door. Open it."

"What? Are you kidding?" She sat up in bed.

"No, Bella, I'm not. Open your door, baby."

The sound of running feet echoed through the house and the door opened.

Edward pulled her into his arms and carried her back to her bed. "Bella, Bella. I missed you." He laid her on the bed and pressed his body into hers as she opened her mouth for his deep, deep kisses.

He stood up and undressed quickly and returned to bed and pulled her into his arms. He searched under his shirt to caress her hips and her waist, he reached up and rubbed her breasts. He looked into Bella's bemused eyes.

Bella raised her hands and touched his face in awe. "How did you know I was dreaming of you?" she asked. She still couldn't believe that this wasn't part of her dream.

Edward laughed softly in her ear, kissing the curve of her neck. "Take off the shirt, Bella." When she raised her arms to take it off he sucked each nipple. He rolled onto his back holding the now naked Bella above him. "Bella you're mine, you'll always be mine. You can't leave me, ever."

Bella nodded, admitting to him and herself that what he said was true. "Yes. I'm yours, Edward. "

"I'll never let you go." He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tightly, binding her to him as if he never wanted to let her go. His arms moved down her back until he touched her behind and he slipped his hands into her panties. He squeezed and rubbed her pulling her into his hips, rubbing her against his stiff cock. He rolled her onto her back and slid down her body, peeling her panties off and opening her thighs; circling her sweet spot with the tip of his tongue, humming at the taste of her in his mouth. When Bella moved her hips in small circles he moved his tongue into her.

Bella moaned, "Yes, yes, yes." He licked her until she was whimpering her need, helpless and ready, begging him, "now, now" until Edward moved up her body licking a trail to her navel and then to her nipples. Bella was panting by the time he entered her and his thrust was hard and deep. He slid his arms under her body and held her shoulders. He pulled her down as he thrust up over and over again. Bella's eyes opened to look into his and he was so achingly beautiful that the words just poured right out of her.

She arched her back and shuddered with the pleasure he was giving her. "Oh Edward, I love you, so much."

He continued to move in her as she moaned his name and wrapped her arms and legs around him, her body surrounding him and for the next few minutes it was as if she'd become his whole world. "Bella, Bella, Bella." Her name was like a prayer that he said again and again until he was trembling in her arms.

Afterwards they lay next to each other, silver eyes staring into golden ones. He reached out with his right hand and slid it down her belly to the apex of her thighs. His hand squeezed her swollen folds and he said, "Mine." Just like that, he laid claim to her. Bella's heart turned over and she closed her eyes. She loved him more than she had imagined possible.

"Yours." she said.

A nagging beep, beep interrupted their canoodling, and Edward's gaze shifted to the door. Bella reached up and caressing his jaw directed his attention back to her. She wanted his kisses so badly. The beep, beeping continued and Bella rolled onto her belly, burying her head under the pillows. The annoying sound of the recycling trucks had robbed her of her Edward dream once again.

#

Nineteen days had passed since she last heard from Edward, Bella had been a little concerned that he would try to contact her again, but apparently her vicious words of rejection had done the trick. So much for his professed obsession, she thought to herself. He had probably already set his sights on some other poor fool. Who was she kidding? He probably had the poor fool in bed already. Or maybe he had opted to go back to the kind of women he was used to, the kind like Kate who knew the score. She wondered if Kate had known that he was married. Stupidly that possibility had never crossed her mind.

It was now the first week of August and it was the last week of her dance classes. Bella left her position at Bon Vivant the week before because she had decided to devote all her energies to the upcoming final year at CAL, or so she told Alice and her co-workers. And it was partially the truth, but she'd also left because she did not want Edward to have a means of getting in touch with her. She knew that she was being a bit cowardly, but she did not trust that she would be able to stand her ground, if the asswipe ever decided to pursue her again. Her recurring dreams of Edward attested to the fact that she was still weak and yearning where he was concerned. Edward had opened a world to her that she had never known existed. She craved him, her body missed his and while she tried to suppress the desire during the day, the dreams would come unbidden in the night, leaving her even more unsatisfied the next morning.

With Chris, the sex had been nice, a way to express their affection, and when he had left she had missed him, but she had never missed the sex. Perhaps that's why he had left her, she thought to herself. Maybe that's what he'd found with Adrianna, someone who loved him that way, so much that she would yearn for him when he was gone. She felt ready to forgive Chris. If there is one good that came out of this mess with Edward it was that. She had moved on and had come to a point in her life where she had accepted that Chris had made the right decision when he had left her.

The last night of classes, she had made pink lemonade cupcakes and given each of her young students a certificate of accomplishment. The parents had been treated to a little performance and she was happy when everyone had finally headed home. Jacob was home for a weekend visit, and would be picking her up and they would be "doing something fun" later that night. She picked up the colorful scarves that had been carelessly discarded by the excited performers, and found other sundry items which she placed in the lost and found. Rushing a little to get out of the studio, she didn't even bother to shower and change out of her black yoga pants and top.

She turned off the lights and locked up the studio and headed down the street to her car. A shiver of apprehension and déjà vu swept over her as she looked up from her cell and saw Edward leaning on his car which was parked just ahead, in front of the coffee shop. He cocked his head and smiled at her but did not make a move to approach her or come closer, seemingly content to just watch her. Bella tightened her lips and shifted her eyes away from his, quickening her steps a little she gave him a wide berth and made it to the corner. She hurriedly got into her car, buckled her seat belt and started the ignition. A quick glance over her shoulder, and she saw him, still standing there, staring at her. And he had the nerve to be smiling.

She shifted into gear and headed for her house, constantly looking behind her for his vehicle. He hadn't followed her. Bella ran quickly up the stairs into her house. She leaned against the front door breathing heavily. "What the hell was that all about?" she muttered to herself, her legs still shaking. Heart thumping she went to the front window, moving the curtain gingerly aside, there was no sign of him. She sat for many long minutes at the edge of her bed, still jittery, still wondering.

When the bell rang, she walked quietly to the door, sidling up to the glass and peeking around the edge until she could finally make out Jake's muscular silhouette. She heaved a sigh and opened the door.

"What's up, my Bella?" he came in and lifted her up and swung her around then set her down. "How's it hanging? You over the creepy sugar daddy yet?" The question was left unanswered and he tussled her hair, while she squirmed away. "My Bella, why aren't you dressed for our night out, I want to wine you and dine you."

Bella sat down heavily on the arm of the couch. "Would you be totally bummed if we just stayed in tonight? I just got through with my class and I'm not quite up to a night on the town."

Jake shook his head. "My Bella, you're young, don't be such a stick, let's just go out and dance, baby, dance." When he said this he shimmied his hips.

"Fine, Senor Pushy, I'll get dressed, even though I would love to stay in and cook for you and talk."

"Sounds like you are trying to hide, I'm not your best girlfriend, you know. I'm not going to eat ice-cream and cry with you over a chick flick. I'm here to party babe, and take you along for the ride, and you're going whether or not you want to."

"I said fine, where are we going and what should I wear?" she heaved a tired sigh and stood up.

"Well we are going to Booth's Steakhouse and then we are going dancing at a new club I heard about in Soma."

"What kind of dancing?"

"Line dancing." He said with a straight face.

Bella couldn't imagine anyone less likely to go line dancing than Broadway bound Jacob."Oh. My. God! Line dancing?

"Yep, I got my Stetson in the car."

"No way!" she fell back onto the couch, legs in the air kicking as she giggled helplessly.

Jake picked up the hem of his jeans and showed her his silver snakeskin boots. "Looky what I rustled up at Crossroads Trading today. Ain't it purtier than all git out?"

"What on earth are you saying?"

"Bella get with the program babe, we're going Texas tonight. You and I are gonna eat and talk Texas Tawk. Git it?"

"Aw righty?" she attempted to get on board.

"Well it's a start, but not a good start." He teased her.

"Why are we doing this?" She giggled again and stood up.

"I just auditioned for an off-off Broadway musical based on DALLAS."

"What part?"

"JR Ewing, who else?" He deadpanned.

"So, _Godzilla, The Lizard King_ didn't pan out?" she questioned.

"Nope, didn't get the part." He shook his head and curled his lips dismissively.

"Awww, come here for a little huggy, wuggy."

They hugged and Jake kissed her cheek as he squeezed her tightly. "I only ever want to see you laugh, My Bella."

Tears sprung to her eyes. "I know Jakey. I love you, lots."

They broke apart and Bella exclaimed, "But I don't have a Texas outfit, Jake."

"Sure, ya do, durlin," and he went out to the porch and brought in a green shopping bag containing a pair of red cowboy boots and a short frilly denim skirt. "Just shower and grab a t-shirt and we're good to go."

"Okey dokey artichokey."

"Bella, that's not Texas Tawk, that's kindergarten talk." She showed him her tongue and skipped off to her room to change. Her spirits high and thoughts of Edward firmly pushed to the back of her mind.

#

Bella and Jake walked into the wood-paneled, sawdust covered bar. Jake whooped it up when he caught sight of the mechanical bull. "You're getting on that tonight." He told her.

"No way. You can do it, I can't. I'm liable to fall off and break a bone or something."

"I'll try if you will."

"Nope. Nuttin' doin' pardnuh."

They listened attentively to the basic instructions for the texas two step and started dancing. When the line dancing started Bella learned that she loved country music and line dancing. They had so much fun that Jake didn't bring her home until nearly one o'clock.

Jake walked her upstairs and stayed for a little bit before sauntering across the street and down to the corner to his parents' place.

As she moved the curtain aside to see him cross to his side of the tree lined street, she thought she saw the profile of someone in a dark car across the street, but the shadows from the overhanging leaves and branches were such that she couldn't be sure if it was Edward's car or even if there was really someone in there. Her heart thumped and she hurriedly closed the curtains. Was he stalking her?

#

The next day Bella went on campus and bought textbooks for her fall classes as well as registering on-line for the LSAT. She hoped to get into Boalt or Hastings, but made up her mind that she may apply for out-of-state schools as well. Since Alice was back in Austin, Bella bought just the barest amount of groceries and came home to put them away and do some household chores. She wondered idly how serious Alice was this time around about Jasper, and wondered what that would mean for her and her sister's living arrangements. It had suited them fine to remain in the family home as roommates, but what would she do if Alice moved in with Jasper, or vice-versa he with her? She made a mental note to bring it up with Alice when she came back home in two week's time.

From that her thoughts drifted to Edward, he wasn't really in that car last night, was he? It was more than likely her overactive imagination brought on by seeing him earlier that evening. The next week and a half loomed in front of her, a boring stretch of humdrum days, with nothing to occupy her time. She would get started on required reading for her classes, but she needed more than that to keep her busy. So, when Margo asked her to help man the booth at the fair in the park that Sunday she agreed. She had nothing better to do.

Members of Margo's troupe either took two hour turns, giving out information on classes for children and adults, or performed for a few minutes each hour. Her two hour turn at the booth was almost done and she was itching to walk around to the different booths and see the different performers. She was being relieved by Terra when a head of burnished auburn hair teased the corner of her eye. She turned and thought it was Edward, but she couldn't be sure.

After she lost sight of the head weaving through the crowd, her desire to visit any other booth had passed. Was he here? Surely this was no coincidence, was it? Bella wondered to herself. The only desire she had was to return home and curl up in her bed. Why did she keep seeing him? If it was him why didn't he say anything? Ohh, she was starting to get a headache. It was strange that she had gone three weeks without him and now two sightings in the last three days. If only Alice were here she would confide in her, but she was hesitant to call Alice and worry her.

A week went by with no Edward sightings to disrupt her equanimity. She settled into thinking those two incidents were just happenstance. She was reading her text books and looking forward to the start of classes in a few days. She even took a little saunter down the hill to the neighborhood library, as she passed the fountain in the circle she decided to skip the library and walked to Indian Rock park, she needed a little fresh air. As she sat on the grass soaking up a little sun, a little black and white spotted cocker pup ran to her and started licking her face. "Oh aren't you just the cutest little thing!" she exclaimed as the excited little bundle burrowed into her lap. "Where is your person, sweetie?" she asked as she tried to reach the tag, but just as she almost got it, a tall figure rounded the large boulder, panting and out of breath.

"Daisy, Daisy come here."

Of all people to run into, there was Christopher, standing, mouth agape, right in front of her. She held on to the squirming creature, and stood up. "Is your name Daisy? And do you belong to this guy over here with the leash?" she asked the now docile pup. "Oh, okay, well if you say so, Daisy." And she handed the dog over to Chris. He bent his blonde head down to attach the leash and when he stood back up his cheeks were flushed, either from exertion or surprise, she couldn't say.

"How are you Chris?" she asked softly smiling, looking up into his familiar sweet-shy face.

"I'm good, Bella. And you?" He moved from one foot to the other.

"I can't complain. How's Adrianna?"

"She's fine, we're fine. " There was a little silence and he lifted the leash in his hand, "We just got Daisy, yesterday. She's not trained and she's a handful." He yammered. "I remembered this park and thought it would be safe to bring her here. I haven't been here for a while."

"That's great. Isn't it funny how things happen? I just decided to take a walk, and came here for the first time in months and I run into you."

"Yeah, well, I guess I should keep walking her…"

"It was good seeing you. I mean it." And as he turned to go she put her hand on his arm and said, "Chris, I just want you to know that I'm glad, really glad, that you and Adrianna are happy. I know now that you and I were just high school sweethearts, first love and all that. I'm over it, and just wanted you to know that ..well… what can I say?" She let out a little laugh. "No hard feelings, okay?"

He nodded.

"Can I hug you goodbye, or would that be weird?" He laughed and they put their arms around each other. "Good-bye Chris."

"Good-bye Bella." And she walked out of the park as he headed further in with Daisy. Bella was on cloud nine the rest of the day.

#

Classes began on the third Monday in August and Alice returned from Austin later that week, she and Bella talked about their future.

"I don't know what to tell you Bella. If you stay at CAL for law school, we can continue this way, if you move away for school, I'll just play it by ear. I don't want a roomie, but the house is a little big for one person."

"How are things with Jasper?" Bella asked, it was unlike Alice to hold her cards so close to her chest like she'd been doing lately.

"Fine I guess." Alice shrugged, not giving up any info. She chewed her beet salad.

"I ran into Chris last week." Bella volunteered as she too chewed her food across the kitchen table from Alice.

"Really? How was it?" Alice's green eyes were wide with concern.

"Awkward. And then nice and then over, the end. I basically told him I'm happy for him and I'm not mad anymore. I understand we were just, you know, puppy love." Bella shrugged, indicating to Alice that she was fine with how it went.

"Yeah, once you get a taste of the real thing, then you know the others were just the dress rehearsal." Alice watched Bella over the glass of white wine she had brought to her lips.

"What do you mean the real thing?" Bella's quirked her eyebrows.

"You fell in love with Edward." Alice delivered the line with authority.

"What? No." Bella didn't know what Alice was on about.

"Yes."

"No!"

'Yes. I hear you at night talking in your sleep Bell, you tell him you love him."

"I do?" Her mouth fell open.

"Quote, "I'm yours Edward." And "Edward I love you. So much." I've heard you say that in your dreams on at least three occasions."

"It's just a dream Alice. Or rather a nightmare."

"A recurring nightmare that you appear to be enjoying, but don't worry, I'm done interfering. I was wrong, you were right. He was a no good lying piece of shit eating cock sucking motherfucking bastard. I'm glad you kicked his ass to the curb."

"Wow!" Bella gasped admiringly. "I wish I'd said that."

"Comes with practice, babe. Lots of practice." And Alice winked and returned to her salad.

#

Saturday Bella wandered into Cody's books and rounded the children's fiction corner, to come face to face with Edward. He was talking to an employee and he looked up and saw her staring at him. He continued speaking, but kept looking at her. He didn't smile like he did outside the coffee shop instead he just stared coldly and it frightened the bejeezus out of her. They locked eyes for about ten seconds and then his eyes shifted back to the woman, he hadn't acknowledged Bella, not even by a nod of his head. It was the diner all over again. Surely, _this_ was no coincidence, was it? Bella wondered to herself if he was following her. She walked out the door of the bookstore, only to notice a poster indicating that Edward Cullen would be there from seven to nine tonight for a book signing. The name of his new spy thriller was _Devil or Angel._

She walked around the corner coffee shop and ordered a latte. She was going to buy his book and wait in line for him to sign it. Then she'd ask him what the hell was going on.


	21. Chapter 21

Twenty One

As she sat not drinking the coffee in front of her, Bella decided that even though she wanted to insist that Edward explain himself, maybe the book signing was not the best opportunity to seek those answers. The possibility of them engaging in a scene like the one at the diner was real, for she wanted nothing more than to hit him, and hard. Her penchant for violence toward Edward disturbed her; she'd always been level-headed but since his advent in her life that had changed. It would be fair to say that she had cooked up some pretty nasty revenge scenarios in her mind in recent weeks. He had certainly wreaked havoc on her normally calm demeanor.

Her mind made up, she wanted to, needed to speak to Edward alone, just in case. The book signing would start in less than a half-hour and she could either speak to him now or afterwards. Thinking sooner rather than later would work to her advantage, she returned to Cody's, and caught sight of Edward perusing books in the non-fiction aisle.

He looked up just as she approached. "I need to speak to you for a minute." she told him.

His eyes narrowed and he nodded. "I'll be finished here in a bit." He took the books up to the register and asked the cashier to hold them. Bella waited off to the side, arms crossed tightly over her chest, right foot tapping nervously. When he moved towards her, she nodded to the door and they exited the book store. He looked so irritated that she started second guessing herself, wondering if this was indeed a good idea after all, but her need for answers outweighed her fear of his reaction.

As soon as they got outside she turned to him. "I only have one question for you." But she proceeded to ask several. "Why have I been seeing you around recently? Why were you waiting outside my studio a few weeks back? Why did I see you at the fair in the park? Are you following me?"

He crossed his arms and his lips tightened into what could only be described as a smirk. "I could ask you the same thing. Why are _you_ here at this book store? Are _you _following me?" His face gave nothing away as he looked down at her.

Bella sputtered disbelievingly, thinking that he had nerve to accuse her. "Of course not! I had no idea you'd be here, I just happened to come in today, looking for a book I need. But you know where my studio is and you know the nights I work. I find it hard to believe that you "just happened" to be there." How had he turned the tables on her? He was the obsessed one, not her.

"Once again, I could say the same about you. I have a book signing here that's been advertised for at least two weeks, and has been scheduled for months. I find it hard to believe that you "just happen" to be here now." He was slick all right, she thought to herself. But she was determined to get her answers anyway.

"You know what? You're a little too old to be playing these petty little mind games with me. Answer me. What were you doing outside my studio?" She wanted to yell in frustration, but she settled for calm and cool.

He heaved an impatient sigh. "I met a friend for coffee, who happened to suggest that coffee shop since he lives around the corner from it. Do I need to give you a signed affidavit from him?"

"No."She did not believe him, not for one minute, but she was sure he would be able to provide a written statement if needed. "And the fair?"

Yet another bored sigh, indicating she was wasting his time. "I went to a street fair on a weekend afternoon. This is a small town, I see people that I know every day. What's your problem?"

Suddenly she took two steps forward, bringing her face within inches of his; surprised, he stepped back. "I'll tell you my problem, Edward. I **know** you were sitting in your car outside my house, at almost two o'clock one morning not too long ago. I **saw** you." She hissed.

The way his lashes lowered, she knew that he _had_ been out there that night, he was attempting to hide his guilt. "Are you sure it was me?" he countered, cocking his head to one side.

"I wasn't before, but I am now." she said certainly and stepped back. She had gotten one answer.

"Well, then, I shouldn't even bother disputing it since you're so sure." he shrugged.

She wanted to know why, why was he doing this? "What's going on? Are you stalking me? Trying to frighten me? Control me? To what end? So I can despise you even more than I do now?"

His face tightened as his jaw clenched. The anger flashed in his grey eyes, turning them so cold that she almost recoiled in fear. "I couldn't care less about what you think of me," he sneered dismissively. "Your opinion of me matters just as much as that person." He pointed to an elderly man walking down the street. "Or that person." He pointed to a young woman riding her bicycle. "Ultimately whether or not you despise me won't keep me up at night." He jeered. "You are nothing to me. In a few months I won't even remember your name."

Bella gasped at the icy contempt in his scornful remarks, her chest squeezed, and the small bit of hope she hadn't even realize was still in there, crumbled to dust. "You know what? You're a piece of work, that's what you are. I wonder who fucked you up so much that you can stand there and talk to me as though I'm nothing. As though I'm lower than the sole of your shoes. I cannot even imagine the kind of screwed up family you come from, that has given you such piss poor values. And I can honestly say that I feel pity, so much pity, for your poor wife and your son. They deserve better than a cheat and a liar who leaves them for months while he chases the next skirt. _You_ are disgusting. _You_ are lower than low. You are not even a man, you are a snake, full of venom and toxins. You poison everyone you touch, and I'm grateful and relieved that I found out before you had the chance to poison me."

She turned sharply on her heels and walked away, leaving him standing there; she didn't look back, she couldn't look back. Her eyes filled with angry tears as she strode down the street; she didn't even realize until she reached the end of the block that her car was parked in the other direction. She was trembling with reaction; she had never confronted anyone in that manner before. Even her traumatic break up with Chris, hadn't been this vitriolic and frightening. She was shocked by the depth of her anger. She understood now what the term 'crime of passion' meant. In that moment, when he sneered down at her, she had wanted to kill him.

As she turned the corner her knees almost buckled and she sat on the edge of a huge planter, grateful for its solid presence. Resting her sweaty palms on her jean clad knees, she absently noted the trembling of her legs, and she wished she was alone at that moment. What she desired most was to just curl up and howl her pain out to the world. She whispered into the cool breeze that swept her hair across her face. "Why, God, why? Why have you done this to me? Why can't I just feel nothing for him? Why is it whenever I see him, I remember how good it could be." After a few minutes of deep breathing and concentrating on relaxing her body she was able to get up and walk a circuitous route back to her car. All the way home she prayed for the sanctuary of an empty house, a quiet place where she could just rest.

#

As Edward watched Bella walk away, he stood there frozen. Her words resonated in his brain and left him pale and shaking. Sweat broke out above his upper lip and he staggered a little. All he could think about was getting to a sitting position before he fell down. A wave of emotion so powerful hit him and soon he was tumbling in the wake of the tsunami. He made it to the coffee shop, and asked for water.

"Sir, are you okay?" the concerned barrista asked as she hurriedly past him a glass.

He swallowed it in one go and nodded. "Just a little over-heated." He replied.

He slumped down into a chair and folded himself onto himself, suddenly feeling small and vulnerable. Bella knew nothing about him, yet she knew so much more than he himself did. In an effort to keep her at arm's length he had purposely kept his past a secret, he seldom talked about his family, and of course he had never mentioned Gracie. It was obvious now that Bella had found out about her and his son. If it weren't so tragic, he would laugh at the irony of it; here he sits a cheater who isn't even married.

Without quite knowing how it happened, he had come to regard Bella as his last hope; she was the buoy that would save him from the thrashing seas of the tragic storm his life had become. When he was with her, he could forget for a while.

Beautiful in her wrath Bella had stood in front of him, her cheekbones hectic with color, and that lovely mouth spitting fury at him. He'd never seen her look more desirable, and he wanted her so badly, hoping against hope that somehow she would want him again. But when he looked into those golden eyes flashing with disdain and dismissal, and when she said she despised him he knew he had lost her.

In that moment he had wanted to hurt her, cause her grief to mirror his own. So he told her that he cared nothing for her and what she thought about him, hoping to open a wound in her as deep as his own.

He was mightily shaken when she responded in the way that she did, her appraisal was so flawless and so thorough that it hit him with the force of a blow, a knockout punch. She may have been wrong in her suppositions about his family and Gracie but she was dead on when it came to his behavior. What hurt him most was admitting to himself that his behavior did not give proper homage to the wonderful family he came from, they did not deserve the kind of person he had become, and Bella made him see that most clearly.

#

The phone rang several times before a sleepy voice answered, "Hello?"

"Bella?"

"No. You have the wrong number."

"Wait, wait don't hang up. Who is this?

"Who is _this_?

"Edward. Bella, Isabella Swan, called me from this number, about a month ago."

"Oh. This is Summer, a friend of hers. She must have borrowed my phone."

"It's urgent that I speak to her. Do you have her number?"

"Yes."

"I really need it. I have to speak to her tonight."

"I'm sorry, I can't. She asked me not to give it to anybody."

"Please? It's important."

"She's trying to avoid a guy. Sorry I can't give it to you." The line went dead.

#

Later that night, Bella was lying in her dark bedroom, the slightest sliver of moonlight peering through the long window. Ear buds spilling beautiful haunting blues from her favorite artists, eyes closed, humming along to _I Wonder_ followed by _Trouble in Mind_ she thanked God for Aretha.

If she hadn't been cocooned in her world of musical solace, Bella may have heard her phone ring. Summer's call to warn her that some guy named Edward was trying to get in touch with her, went to voicemail. So Bella had no warning of what was to come, no time to prepare her defenses.

A persistent knocking sound caused her to pull one of the earpieces out and listen. Sure enough, there was a knocking at the door. Thinking that Alice may have forgotten her key she walked through the darkened house to the front door. As she neared she turned on the porch light and through the frosty oval glass of the front door she could see that it was not her sister.

"Who is it?" she asked in a voice that sounded a lot more confident than she felt.

Before she heard his voice she knew who it was. "Bella, it's me, Edward. Open the door, please?"

Why was he here? Round three? Was he trying to drive her crazy? Sooner or later he would. "No. Please go away, now." she shouted to the shadow on the other side of the door.

"Don't be afraid of me, Bella. Please? I won't hurt you." He started to plead with her. "Bella, I just want to apologize to you and explain and then I'll go. I promise you, I'll go."

He _would_ hurt her, she felt it deep inside, maybe he wouldn't mean to, but he would, just like he'd done before. She had to protect herself and her sanity. Near to tears, she choked out her answer. "I'm sorry, but no. Please leave." And she turned off the porch light and went back to her bedroom, hoping that he got the message. She put the buds back in her ears and the volume up all the way.

She let a tear or two slip out, but she was determined never to cry over Edward again. She listened to her music and let it lull her into near sleep. It was almost midnight when Alice came knocking. Being Alice she flipped the bedroom lights on and off rapidly, when Bella didn't answer the rap on the door.

"What is it?" she asked, still in the fog of heightened emotions and lovely blues.

Alice pulled a bud out of her ear, "Bella, sweetie, you have a visitor."

"What?" she tried to shake herself out of the fog of music she'd been in for the last few hours.

"Edward's at the door. He says that he came hours ago and that you refused to let him in. He's been waiting on the swing."

"I don't want to talk to him. Tell him I said to go away."

"He wants to "apologize" for this afternoon and "explain" everything."Alice used her index fingers to indicate that these were Edward's exact words, the roll of her eyes showed her disdain for him, even though she was pleading his case to Bella. "He begged and I promised to deliver the message. But I'll tell Jasper to tell him to go away, if you don't want him here."

"I don't want to speak to him again. Ever."

"He said you ran into him earlier today getting ready for his book-signing and you accused him of stalking you."

"I wouldn't quite put it that way. I've seen him three, maybe four times in the last few weeks and so I asked him if maybe, he was stalking me. He claims that it's a coincidence, but come on. I'm not buying it."

"Well what's the harm in giving him a chance to "explain", I'm dying to hear a good fairytale."

"Alice, I don't think this is funny at all. I'm so tired of it and of him."

"I know, I'm horrible, but I'm curious. How is he going to "explain" stalking _and_ a wife and kid that he didn't tell you about?"

Bella snorted, "I don't even want to know."

"Look, Jasper and I are here. We'll make sure he leaves after the "explanation and apology", so maybe you could have some closure. Hmm?"

"Fine. But you will be in the room at all times, okay?"

Alice clasped Bella's hands, "You got it."

The first thing Bella noticed when she entered the living room was that Edward looked like shit. He had that drawn sunken-eyed look that she'd noticed that first time at the airport. For some reason he looked greyer, older and more tired than she'd ever seen him. He sat on the sofa with his elbows resting against his knees and his fingers clasped in front of him, talking to Jasper. He stood up as she came to a stop a few feet in front of him, Alice close by her side. His voice had a soft raspy quality as he spoke. "I thought you deserved some answers and I wanted to give them to you in person, since I can't reach you any other way."

"I got my answers this afternoon, thank you. I don't need anything else."

"Maybe this is more for me than for you, but I'd like to say it and go. I waited around because I probably won't have another opportunity. I'm selling the _Sophia _and I won't be coming back to Berkeley in the foreseeable future."

Her stomach took a dip at that news. She half turned to her sister, but her eyes were fixed on his face. "Alice, would you give us a few minutes alone, please?"

Alice stared open-mouthedly at Bella as Jasper grabbed her by the elbow and marched her into the kitchen.

Bella sat down in the armchair nearest the fireplace, facing the front window and the sofa underneath it, she gestured for Edward to sit back down. He seemed stuck for words and was silent for quite a bit.

"So. What do you want to tell me?" She prompted him, wanting an end to this endless nightmare.

He cleared his throat and said "Up until this past May, I've been married. She divorced me, I didn't divorce her, I wouldn't have. Ever. We were married eight years ago, but our marriage ended three years ago with the death of our son."

Bella took in a shaky breath and said "Oh, Edward I'm so sorry." She felt like a bitch. Only that afternoon she had mentioned his wife and his dead son. Oh God. Why did Jake send her that article? It was so inaccurate.

Edward shrugged as if her apology was of no consequence and then he continued. "Her name is Gracie. Almost four years ago we had a little son, Reuel. He was born with some left side anomalies; paralysis of his diaphragm, delayed gross motor skills, left eye deformity. Had he lived he probably would have been diagnosed with cerebral palsy." he shrugged "But he didn't, he died at four months old, when his lungs gave out and he stopped breathing." He took a deep shuddering breath and went on.

"After that, Gracie suffered from deep depression for almost a year, she asked me for a divorce and I told her no. She cried a lot, said she hated me a lot. I hoped she'd come out of it and we would have what we used to have."

He stared down at his interlocked fingers. "You see, Gracie was mine, from the time she was born. I felt that she was born for me, I couldn't let her go. I just couldn't. But she could. One day, she got up and got dressed and drove her car a half mile from home and then slammed into a tree. I hoped it was an accident, until I found the good-bye note she left for me." Breath in and breath out and then he continued.

"It wasn't her fault, she just couldn't go on after our baby died. I couldn't make her happy enough to make her want to stay, so she decided to leave me." Edward paused to wipe the tears that were running down his cheeks.

"She was in a coma for almost a week and I got down on my knees and prayed to God that she wouldn't die. I wanted another chance, to do better, to give her everything I hadn't before. She survived, she came out of the coma. She'd suffered minimal brain damage and a stroke and it affected her walking and her speech. But just a little. She can't walk far and she drags her left leg. Her speech is a little slurred, but not much and she can communicate very well."

His voice dropped to barely above a whisper. "But she had terrible internal injuries. One pelvis was crushed, countless ribs broken, her liver damaged beyond repair, and her intestines were torn. During her recovery, she asked me for a divorce again, and I told her no. She thought I should move on to someone whole, someone who loved me. I tried to convince her that her damaged body was still beautiful to me. I wanted to try and love her and make her love me again. The way it used to be."

Tears fell from Bella's eyes. She didn't know what to say to Edward. She wanted to hold him tightly in her arms but she was unsure if he would let her. Instead she wiped her tears and listened some more.

"She said she no longer loved me but agreed to stay married, if I would leave her alone, and that's why I left Hawaii. I didn't want to leave, she asked me to. She used my absence and she got a divorce."

For the first time Edward looked Bella in the eyes and she could see the hearbreak and sorrow written deep in his soul. "Bella she's dying. In addition to all she has gone through, she also has a bad heart. That's why I went back. She asked me to come for her surgery. She doesn't have much longer. I love her very, very, very much. Not the way I used to but more. She is my best friend, my angel, my saint. I think about her every single day, and I will think about her every day for the rest of my life." He paused to fight back the tears. Bella was quiet as Edward searched for the words that he wanted to say.

"Bella, I have many, many regrets about Gracie. I could have been more understanding, more involved. I was grieving too and I guess it was easier for me if she didn't want to share her grief, so I allowed her to close up. I should have been pushier, less accepting as I saw her drifting away. I let her go, I let our love fall apart. So, I bear the guilt. I think I could have saved her, I don't know. I'll never know. But that's mine and Gracie's story."

He cleared his throat and started up again, his voice stronger and surer. "But Bella, I have no excuses for the way I've treated you. None. I am not behaving like the man I am, or was. This afternoon you said something that struck a chord in me. I want you to know that my family, my parents, Carlisle and Esme Cullen are two wonderful human beings and they were, are, exemplary parents. My behavior has not reflected the values they instilled in me, and I would be so ashamed if they were to know how I've behaved with you. I am the only one to blame and I apologize sincerely for being the monster you accused me of being."

"As I said earlier, I'm selling the boat and going back home where I belong. I'm tired of being away from the place where part of my heart is. I want to be there for Gracie, because she deserves no less. I want to be the one to hold her hand when the end comes."

"I just came to say good-bye and tell you I'm sorry. I didn't set out to hurt you, but I did time and time again. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I thought that I could hide in you and with you, but I found that I can't. You deserved so much better than the way I treated you. Other than Gracie, you are the only woman I've ever known, who can shake me with a word and a look. Being with you was ultimately a selfish choice, I was looking out for my needs and not for yours. But something happened between you and me. As time went on I started to think I could find solace and eventually fall in love with you, but I think I've screwed that up pretty thoroughly."

He stood up and held out his hands to her. She stood up and put her hands in his. He brought them both to his lips and then flattened them to his heart and held them there. "In so many ways I wish that I had waited for you, but I was greedy. I was afraid you'd find someone else; so I pushed you into this affair, when I'm still in the middle of an ongoing tragedy. But I can't regret being with you, there were times when you made my heart light and my blood sing; and those are wonderful memories I'll have forever. I hope I gave you some good memories too."

Bella nodded slowly and her voice was hoarse and tight with emotion. "You did, Edward. You really did."

He bent down and they kissed softly and sweetly, their hands held between them on his chest, their lips gently touching. "Thank you, for telling me that. It means a lot to me." Edward whispered as he ended the kiss.

He let her hands go and turned to the door and she followed him. As he opened the door to leave, Bella pushed it closed again. She wrapped her arms around his middle and held him tight. She pressed her cheek above his heart, not caring if she sounded needy or desperate, she sobbed. "Edward, I don't want to say good-bye forever. I'd like to give you my cell number, and my e-mail address. Please, please call me, or text me, e-mail."

His hands went around her and he clasped her tightly to him, "I'd like to call you and write you, too. I don't want to let you go either." They held each other for long, long minutes, both of them dreading the separation to come.

Finally, Bella pulled away and kissed his chin. "Tell me about Gracie too, please. I really want to know. She'll be in my prayers, every night. You both will be."

He nodded and swallowed, "You are the most wonderful person and I don't deserve to have you in my life, but thank you for caring enough."

"I don't just care for you Edward, I love you. I'm not ashamed to admit it and I'm not going to pretend that I don't. I know you don't feel the same and I know it's a bad time, but I want to try to make it with you. I'll take whatever fate gives me."

"I want to make it with you too." he said into the violet-scented skin of her shoulder. He pressed his body into hers, as they leaned against the back of the door,reminding him of that first night he'd come over for a drink. He kissed her deeply and passionately, surrendering to a need he'd kept in check since he last made love to her. His mouth moved over hers greedily, opening, searching, demanding her soft sweetness. She moaned and sought him out and their tongues met and stroked, stoking the deeper fires down below. Her thighs shifted open to accomodate him and he hoisted her up against the wall, grinding a rhythm that had them both panting on the knife edge of ecstasy. He reached his hands around and squeezed her bottom, pulling her down harder onto his bulging cock and she let out a small cry, which stopped him. And he pulled away.

"Sorry." he muttered, ashamed that he could forget everything he'd just said, and treat her roughly again.

"What's wrong?" she asked him. Wanting to know why he'd stopped.

"I would love to make love to you all night long, Bella." he said. "But I want us to start over, differently. I don't want to go down that same path."

"But what's wrong with us making love? I've missed you every night that we've been apart. I have some pretty erotic dreams that leave me wanting you more than ever. I need to hold and love you and I think you need me that way too."

"I do, I really do. But I don't want us to make the same mistakes."

Bella shook her head as she stroked his stubbly cheek. "Making love to you was never the mistake, Edward. The mistake was you withholding truths from me and me lying about my feelings to you. I don't want us to play those games anymore. Ever."

"I agree. So, it's time for me own up. My friend _did_ suggest going to the coffee shop, but I picked the day and time. I wanted to see you again, so badly. I hoped you would see me and want to talk. Later that night, I couldn't help it, I drove to your house. I wanted to see you, knock on your door and explain it all. I waited hours for you to come home." He swallowed and waited for her to say something.

"Then, why didn't you come to the door?"

"By the time you came home with Jake, I had worked myself up into a sort madness. I wanted to run up those stairs and beat him to a pulp for daring to want what's mine." he confessed.

Bella shook her head. "Jake is _only_ a friend. And I _am_ yours. There is no reason to be angry."

"I know. I realized that as I sat there in the dark; I saw the crazy man I'd become. That was the only time I'd ever stalked you. And it scared me enough to pull back and hope you'd try to get in touch with me, eventually."

"If I hadn't gotten in touch, what then?"

He smiled. "But you did and we don't have to wonder about the "what then", do we?" And he folded her back into his arms.

"No we don't." Bella smiled in return and hugged him tight. Grateful that they hadn't lost each other.

"Let's go to your bed, Bella. I want to make long sweet love to you and then hold you in my arms all night long."

"Yes." she took hold of his hand and led him to the bedroom.

"Goodnight, Bella." a voice called out.

"Goodnight, Alice." she called back. With a giggle she turned the lock on her bedroom


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two

After the loving, Bella held Edward in her arms all night long. She barely slept not wanting to waste this final night in slumber. She wanted to enjoy the feel of him; the warmth of his body wrapped around her, his breath in her hair, the weight of his arms as they held her close. Their legs entwined, their fingers weaved together, the beat of their hearts in sync. She wanted to feel it, live it, hold it and bank it, so she would be able to draw on these tactile memories when he was gone.

It was bittersweet knowing that she had only this one night before he left for Hawaii. What a waste these last few weeks had been. If only he had told her the truth sooner, they would have had so many more nights like this. But, she thought, maybe things worked out as they should have, Edward had to go home and she understood why. He was needed there, by people he loved and who loved him. She knew too well what loss felt like and if she could get one more day to say good-bye to her mother, she would take it and treasure it. Edward needed the days and weeks ahead to say good-bye to Gracie, how could she begrudge him that? She just couldn't.

But she had tonight and she would take it and live off it a little at a time in the weeks ahead when she would miss him. So Bella lay there next to Edward, remembering the touches and caresses that he had given her just hours ago. Remembering the way he'd slid his body into hers, and then stopped, as if savoring the second they were fully joined; the way he'd groaned, "Bella, Bella, baby," as if he were overwhelmed. The way his hand had cupped her jaw, then ran his thumb over her lips, opening them to receive his mouth. His tongue restlessly searching her mouth then pulling back to lick her cheeks, her eyes, the lobe of her ear. Drunk on her scent, her feel, her taste, he whisper-slurred into her ear, "I want to eat you all up, you taste so good." She reached up then, and pulled his face to her breast, "Eat me, I want you to, please." He sucked her nipple hard and started to move ferociously in her. His teeth grazed her nipple, bit the skin of her breasts and shoulders, all the while he was moving faster and faster in her, taking her exactly where she wanted to go. She was on the brink and when he bit into her neck and sucked, she fell into the abyss, writhing and groaning out "I love you, Edward. Love you, love you." How freeing it was not to hide her feelings from him, to sing out the words that had been crowding her heart. "I'm yours."

"Mine." He growled as he spread her thighs higher, wider, and he plunged himself deeper and deeper until he came, shuddering to a stop, gripping her hips tightly. "Mmm, baby." His head buried in the curve of her neck, heavy breath coating her skin, he lay still and held her tightly.

Yes, the lovemaking had been beyond perfect but this, this hug, is what she needed; Bella reveled in his closeness, lulled by his touch, and relived the memories until the night ended and breaking dawn arrived

Edward's breathing changed and he stirred and she knew it was the beginning of the end. "What time is it?" He muttered, as his arm tightened around her.

"Six twenty-three. What time are you leaving?" Her fingers, still woven within his, tightened; waiting for his reply, hoping for just a little more time.

"Ten o'clock, San Jose airport." He answered, nuzzling and kissing the nape of her neck.

That meant he'd have to leave soon. San Jose airport was more than fifty miles away. "Do you want me to drive you?" She thought of the symbolism; San Jose airport, the place they'd met four months ago, would be the same place she would say good-bye today. They had come full circle.

"Only if you want to." He whispered into her hair, his body still spooning hers. "I was going to use a car service, they're picking me up at the marina at eight. I've made arrangements to have my car taken down to Los Angeles in the next few weeks."

"Have you sold the _Sophia_ already?" She was sad to know that she'd never get to see that boat again, the place where they had such good times. Bella's throat was tightening with tears, this really was good-bye.

"Not yet. But once I put it on the market it should go quickly."

"Aren't you going to miss it?" Bella asked, wondering why he had decided to give up his childhood dream.

He rolled onto his back and settled her in the crook of his arm. "Initially, when I decided to sell it, it was because I no longer wanted to be here in Berkeley, not if I couldn't have you. I thought it was time to give up my dream of being with my Sophia. Once the decision was made, I saw the Sophia for what it was; my escape."

Bella nodded in understanding. She could see it now, how the idyllic life on the _Sophia_ had offered him a way out.

"When I first came to live here, in Berkeley and on the boat, it was dreamlike; a world apart. Here I could drift and feel a sense of calm I couldn't feel anywhere else, and I could look across the bay toward the Pacific and know that I was still somehow connected to home, even if I couldn't physically be there. Then I met you and it was wonderful, you sparked me back to life. You made me feel, want so much more and for the first time in a long time the future didn't seem so aimless or so bleak. With you by my side, I didn't need the _Sophia_, anymore. Without you, I didn't want to be here and be reminded that you no longer wanted me."

Bella interjected, wanting him to know that all that had changed. "Edward, just so it's clear, I want to be by your side. I know we only have tonight because you're leaving. But I hope you know this isn't the end for me."

"I know that, Bella. I told you last night was our new beginning, not an end. I want you by my side, Bella. We can make plans and talk about the future, and I think we need to do that. I have a house in Los Angeles, but we can decide if we're going to keep it or sell it. I'm not attached to the things I own, they are just things, after all. I know you want to finish school. I also know that you have your dreams of a career as a lawyer so we're talking four more years of school."

"But I can do that anywhere. I don't have to…"

He shushed her with a finger on placed over her lips, "You don't have to change your plans for me, just include me in them."

"I was just saying that I applied for law schools here, in Southern California and back east. I don't have to stay here. We can work it out."

"I don't want anything to stop you from reaching for your dreams Bella. I did that to Gracie, and I regret it. She could have had a great career and she left it for me. And look what it got her."

"Edward, maybe she wanted you and not the career."

He shook his head and held her tight. "I have to get going, Bella."

"Can you cancel the car? I want to take you to the airport and say good-bye, Edward. I want to spend every last second with you."

"Okay." He nodded and kissed her lingeringly. "I want to spend every last moment with you too. Why don't we have the car take us and bring you back? That way I can hold you and kiss you and give you all my attention. Hmm?"

"I like that plan even better."

Edward drove them to the _Sophia_, and she walked around the boat, saying a last good-bye as Edward packed. It was such a beautiful boat, a place that held such sweet memories and she would never forget any of them.

All the way to the airport Edward held Bella in his arms, whispering plans for the immediate future and plans for the longer term. They agreed that they would keep in touch by phone, at the end of every day, so they could hear each other's voices. They would reserve that time for love. They would e-mail each other with plans and updates. Edward told her that he would be flying to Los Angeles in early October and asked her to fly down and meet him so they could spend the weekend together. Her heart soared, she would be seeing him sooner than she had expected.

But she became agitated when he asked her to come to Hawaii for Thanksgiving, to meet his family and Gracie. Bella was reluctant to agree to that.

"No, Edward, I can't. It feels wrong, like I'm intruding or something."

"Just promise me that you'll think about it, okay?" he pleaded with her.

She shook her head. "I can't even promise you that. I'm uncomfortable just thinking about it."

"Why?"

"Edward, I would feel like a spectator. An outsider."

"But you're not. You're someone I care about."

"For god's sake Edward, please try to understand. It's a bad time for me to meet them."

"Okay. Fine. I don't want to keep arguing with you Bella, we'll let it go. Just come here and kiss me until we get there."

They snuggled and kissed, pulling back time and time again to soak in the face of the other, to memorize it and keep it for later on. When they arrived at the airport the car pulled up to the curb and Bella let out a heavy sigh. They alighted and Edward retrieved his luggage from the trunk. Bella's eyes were trained on him soaking in every movement and when he came back and took her in his arms she held him tight. He held her face between his big hands and kissed her all over, ending with her lips. "I'll miss you, so much."

Her lips moved against his. "I'll miss you too. Remember to call me every night. No matter what."

"Every night, no matter what." He vowed, and with a last squeeze he disappeared into the terminal.

By the time she got home, she was exhausted. Her sleepless night and her emotional morning finally took their toll and she fell on her rumpled bed, and fell into sleep, engulfed by Edward's smell.

#

To: Bella

From: Edward

Arrived safely, left you a voicemail. I figured you were asleep. I'll call you tonight at eleven, hope that's not too late.

Ring."Bella."

"Yes?"

"Are you in bed?"

"Yes, just waiting for you to tuck me in." she said huskily.

"I want to tuck you in wet and happy."

"I'm wet already."

"Why?"

"Well, I'm lying in my bed, surrounded by your smell. And I'm remembering you and what you do to me."

"What do I do to you?"

"You make me come, hard."

"How do I do that?"

"Well it starts with how you look at me, like you want to eat me."

"I do want to eat you."

"And then how you talk to me."

"How?"

"Like that. Your voice is low, and I know what you've got on your mind."

"You mean that I want to bury myself in you? That I want to kiss you everywhere. If I were there I'd spread your beautiful legs and kiss you on that pretty pussy, baby. I'd open you and look at you glistening and red and swollen. I'd touch that little sweet nub. Touch it for me Bella, baby. Rub it. I want to taste it, lick it with my tongue. Close your eyes so you can feel me licking you."

Bella closed her eyes and her fingers circled her clit quickly, Edward's voice in her ear was weaving a spell, she could smell him, feel him, and hear him. Her breathing was rapid, little soft sounds emanating from her throat. "Edward, oh Edward." She moaned.

"Feel me, open your legs wider, baby. Feel my fingers in you stroking you." Bella moved her fingers down an inside stroking her moist flesh. "I want to fuck you so hard, baby; move in your tight, sweet pussy til your bones melt. Faster and harder in you, move your fingers baby, faster and harder. Faster. Come for me Bella, come baby. Let me hear you come." A shiver moved down her spine and her back arched. Her nub throbbed and her pussy clenched over her fingers. "Mmmm. Edward. Yes. Oh my god, Edward. Mmm." And she let go a scream of satisfaction while the shivering moved through her body, eventually tightening her thighs, squeezing them around her hand.

Her body was drenched with sweat as she moved her legs and relaxed them open. "How was that baby? Did I make you feel good?" he asked huskily.

"So good." her breath was still uneven.

"Are you wet, baby?"

"Yes. Wet all over."

"If I were there I would lick your sweet body."

"Oh Edward. I miss you."

"I miss you too. Very much."

"How is everything at home?"

He hesitated. "Good."

"Is it really? Tell me."

"Gracie's in a wheelchair now."

"Oh Edward, I'm sorry."

"She needed it. It helps her get around easier. We moved her to a bedroom on the first floor. She says she likes it better."

"How do you feel?"

His voice choked a little. "It's real, you know. When I see her, I know it's coming. But she's so brave. She makes us all brave."

"She sounds wonderful."

"I told her about you."

"Oh no. Why?"

"She asked me. I think she sensed something had changed."

"Oh?"

"She's very happy. She would love to meet you Bella."

"I can't Edward. I just can't."

"Okay."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

"Thanks. For understanding."

"It's not only about what I want, it's also about you and what you want. You've made me see that."

"Good."

"Anyway, goodnight Bella. I'll let you go, I know you have classes in the morning."

"Goodnight darling. I love you."

#

Bella's classes were grueling. She had an eighteen credit course load and it was as demanding as she'd expected. The demands kept her mind from straying too much to Edward and how much she missed him. But they e-mailed every day and talked every night. Their texts and e-mails were often full of details about their days, Bella writing about school and her professors and Edward writing about his family. Bella learned all about Carly and her kids, Evan and his girlfriends and Edward's parents. Edward only mentioned Gracie when Bella asked.

But their nighttime conversations were reserved for talk about what their deepest desires and their hopes for the future. This was when Bella and Edward drew closer and closer in their understanding of each other.

In October Bella flew down to meet Edward. He picked her up from LAX on a Friday evening after a long day of meetings and proposals. Bella was surprised at how tired he looked and insisted that they should stay in and relax instead of going out to dinner.

Edward's home in Los Angeles was not too different from his home in New York. It was top notch real estate, with rooms that were tastefully but simply furnished and no personal touches whatsoever. Bella could tell that while this was the place that he most often stayed it was not his home. The homeiest place was the _Sophia_. Again she felt a pang of regret that he was selling it.

As they sat down to a simple dinner of chicken and potatoes she asked him, "Do you like living here?"

"I neither like it nor dislike it. It's just the most convenient place to be when I am working on a movie or television show. Why?"

"It doesn't seem homey, I guess. I thought I would see some of you in this place." She answered baldly.

"I guess I'm not the nesting type." He answered. "I stick to the basics."

"The_ Sophia _has some more personal touches. The artwork is very reminiscent of the pacific. I noticed lots of Gauguin prints. The colors were bright and tropical. Your apartment in New York and this place seem, I don't know, cookie cutter."

"I had a designer furnish it. I wasn't that interested in what they looked like."

She was quiet for a long time. "Remember that first evening in New York, when you told me you want things that you just can't have?"

"Yes." he swallowed a sip of his wine.

"What did, do you want?"

"What I wanted then, is not what I want now." he informed her and reached for her hand.

"Well, what _did_ you want, then?"

"I wanted to go back to a happier time. I wanted Gracie to be healthy again. But I know it's impossible, so I just want her to be happy for the rest of her life."

"And what do you want for you?"

"I want to feel happy again. To be grounded in this world, now, instead of the past."

"Where do you want to live, eventually?"

"I don't really care. Like I said, a house is a house. It's just a thing. Are you asking because of a particular reason?"

"Maybe."

"Tell me what it is."

"I took the LSAT last weekend. I think I did well. I was wondering what school I should focus on. I know it depends on my acceptance, but I wondered if it made a difference to you?"

"No. Not a bit."

"So you wouldn't care if it were LA, or Berkeley, or Connecticut or anywhere?"

"I don't care."

"Well, I want to stay in Berkeley. I'm hoping for Boalt or Hastings or Stanford."

"Fine."

"Edward, how will we live? You, living here in Los Angeles? And me there in Berkeley? That's not being together. We should be together." Bella could see herself, for the next four years, constantly waiting to meet with him as though it was a secret tryst. She didn't want that.

He got up out of his chair and pulled her out of hers and enveloped her in a hug. "Well, I can commute to Los Angeles, I don't have to live here. We can live in your house or buy a house nearby so you can be near school and your sister. I don't want to pressure you in any way."

She smiled broadly, "So we will live together, in the same house? Is that what you want?" The thought of waking up next to him every morning gave her intense pleasure.

"Yes, of course. I'm not going to deny myself. I want to be with you every moment that I can be." He nuzzled her neck and inhaled her scent.

Bella was so happy. Ever since the LSAT exam their future living arrangements had eclipsed all other concerns, it had weighed heavily on her mind; but Edward had given her the answers she had hoped for, he wanted a future together, together, and she was blissfully happy at the thought.

The weekend in LA flew by, Bella saw nothing of Beverly Hills, or Hollywood. They spent every waking moment loving each other, they had no desire to do anything else. She returned home and Edward returned to Hawaii, with more recent memories to hold on to.

#

To: Bella

From: Edward

Please come for Thanksgiving. I miss you and everyone wants to meet you.

To: EC

From: IS

I can't. I have to study, finals. Plus I have to think about Alice. I can't leave her alone. Jasper may be spending time with his father in Colorado.

To: Bella

From: Edward

I understand. Please, please try to come for Christmas.

Ring. "Hello?"

"Edward?"

"Have you thought about it? Coming for Christmas?"

"Edward, I really don't think that's something I want to do right now. Honestly, I can't. Please don't pressure me."

"Bella, Gracie would like to meet you. She's really hoping you'll change your mind. Plus my parents are eager.."

"Oh, Edward , why'd you do that?"

"Because you're important to me, you're part of my life, I don't want to pretend you don't exist. Remember you said no more lies and subterfuge. You wouldn't want me withholding the truth from them, would you?"

"You know what? You're too clever by half. You use my logic against me every chance you get. You know I won't say you should lie, or even omit the truth, but I feel uncomfortable."

"Why, Bella, why?"

Bella let out a frustrated sigh. "Because I'm the other woman. Okay. I've said it. That's how I feel like the lying slutty other woman. Waiting for you to give me attention."

"But you know that's not how it is. I'm not even married."

"No. maybe not, legally. But it feels that way. You're attached to Gracie, Edward. And your family loves her and you. They won't like me and I wouldn't blame them."

"My family is not like that. They love me. They want to see me happy. And I've told them you make me happy. Bella, we, my family and I, have been living in this for so long, I think we have learned to think outside the box. I love Gracie, but I'm not _in love_ with Gracie. I haven't been for years. We haven't slept together for almost four years. Bella, Gracie and I have a unique relationship. I think she stopped loving me long before I stopped loving her. And even when I knew it was over, I didn't want to let her go. I wanted to take care of her. My family loves Gracie, separate and apart from the fact that she was my wife."

"I don't understand that. I can't wrap my head around it."

"Just come and meet them and you'll see."

"I'll think about it okay?"

He sighed happily. "Thank you."

#

To: Bella Swan

From: Edward Cullen

I want to purchase the tickets, what day works for you?

To: EC

From: IS

Please don't. I'm not sure if I'll come. I think I'll stay home with Alice and Jasper. We have plans to trim the tree on Christmas Eve. I'm making mom's Christmas rum cake using her recipe. Alice and I really want to spend the time together. Please try to understand.

To: Bella Swan

From: Edward Cullen

Fuck. I miss you. I need to see you. I want to hold you again, it's been too long.

To: EC

From: IS

Edward, we can't. I would never, ever sleep with you under your parents' roof and with Gracie there. Are you nuts?

To: Bella Swan

From: Edward Cullen

Bella, I wouldn't ask you to do that. I meant hold you as in 'hold' you. I'm staying in the guest flat above the garage. If you come, I'll move into my old bedroom. You can sleep in the guest flat. No hanky panky on the premises, I promise.

To: EC

From: IS

Whew. Thank goodness, you clarified. I'm going to pass though. I have January off, maybe I'll come then.

#

Ring. "Edward?"

"Hmm, yes. Bella?"

"Yes, it's me. How are you?"

"What's wrong? Is everything okay? I called you at our usual time but you didn't answer."

"I know, I had left my phone in the car. Sorry."

"It's after midnight. What are you doing up so late?"

"Did I wake you? Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Why are you calling so late? It's almost three am in Berkeley, isn't it?"

"I know. I couldn't sleep. Alice went with Jasper to Colorado for Christmas."

"Oh, Bella. I wish you'd decided to let me buy the tickets so you could come here."

"It's okay, I'll be fine."

"Oh baby, I wish you were here."

"Me, too."

"Can you hang on a minute? I think someone's at the door."

"At this hour?"

"Yeah, I definitely heard a knock."

"I'll wait."

Bella waited quietly while Edward answered his door.

"Bella! What? What are you doing here?"

Bella held her suitcase up. "Surprise?"

"How did you find me?"

"You said you were staying in the flat above the garage. I saw the garage and came up. Good thing you guys don't have a guard dog. I didn't realize until I got out of the cab, that I forgot to ask you about that."

"Did you plan this?"

"Sort of."

"Why? Why didn't you just tell me? I would have picked you up at the airport."

"Eh," she shrugged. "Surprises are more exciting."

The shock had worn off and Edward hugged her and lifted her off her feet.

"You're amazing, you know that?"

"Amazing? Lil ole me?"

"Yea, lil ole you."

He carried her into the flat, walking through the living room and down the hallway into the bedroom.

"No hanky, panky."

"No hanky panky." He promised. "Just holding you is enough."

#

"Oh Jeez Louise, I'm nervous." Bella whined as she wiped sweaty palms down the thighs of her faded blue jeans.

"Don't be. Everyone is dying to meet you."

"Oh, Edward, I hope this isn't going to be a huge mistake."

"I promise you, it'll be fine."

"Shouldn't I dress up or something?"

"No. Everyone is really casual. That's how we do Christmas Eve around here. Mom's in the kitchen with Auntie Liz, cooking up a storm. Carly and Gus won't be here until tonight and Dad is at work. Gracie is resting in her bed, she asked me to come get her when you're ready."

"Before we go, is there something I should or shouldn't do or say?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is Gracie, I don't know, self conscious, or should I ignore the wheelchair, not talk about her illness. I don't know Edward. Help me here, okay?"

"Just don't cry that's all, she hates when people cry. She tells them to save it for the funeral, when she can't hear the snivelling."

"Okay, I can do that. No tears. Got it."

"Ready?"

She nodded and followed him down the steps to the grassy yard below. In the daylight the house and grounds were beautiful. It was at least a half acre of manicured grass, undulating to the neighbor's fence, dotted with fragrant trees and bushes. The smell of gardenia, tuberose and pikake wafted on the warm morning air. They followed a stone pathway, skirted the pool and crossed the patio to open the French doors at the rear of the house.

The room they entered was the family room and they only had to look to their left to see Esme and Liz, laughing and rolling out dough. Bella was hit with a fresh wave of nervous jitters. Esme looked up and smiled, skirting the counter she walked over to greet Bella.

"Welcome Bella, it's so nice to finally meet you." She reached out her hand to take Bella's in hers. "Come on into the kitchen with me and Liz. Edward tells me that you are a pastry chef, and we could use the expertise, right Liz?"

"Esme doesn't need half the help that I do." Liz smiled at Bella. "We're so happy to finally meet you, Bella. Edward said that you were lovely, and you are."

Bella's cheeks burned and she fought the urge to hide her face in Edward's chest. "Thank you."

"So, Bella, what does your family do for Christmas?"

"It's just my sister, Alice, and me now. We make the usual, ham, turkey, stuffing, sides. My mom used to make what she called "tipsy cake", which is a rum cake, for Christmas."

"Would it be an imposition if I asked you to make it for us? I'd like you to feel at home." Esme asked with a smile.

"Umm. I guess I could make it."

Esme squeezed her hands. "Great! Just tell me what you need and I'll get it out."

"You have a nice big kitchen, here, Mrs. Cullen."

"Call me Esme, Bella. Thanks. I love it. It used to be cramped and small, but we re-did it and doubled the size."

"I'll help you with the cake, Bella. I'll be your assistant." Edward offered.

And soon they were all moving about, laughing and talking just as easily as if they'd known Bella for years.

Bella had just filled the floured cake tins with the batter for the tipsy cake when she heard the soft hum of Gracie's wheelchair on the tiled floor and looked toward the sound, heart thumping sickeningly in her chest. "Morning everyone, sorry but I fell right back to sleep, after my shower." Gracie said through a big yawn.

"You needed it, sweetie." Esme bent down and kissed Gracie's dark head then looked over at Bella. "Bella is making us her family's Christmas rum cake. I can't wait to taste it."

"Bella." Gracie's smile was genuine as she moved her chair forward towards the young girl standing uncertainly by the oven door. "Bella, it's so nice to meet you. Edward's told me so much about you, I feel like I know you already."

"Oh, thanks. I think." Bella glanced over at Edward who was smiling at them both. "I hope it was all good." She chuckled nervously.

Gracie put both hands out for Bella's and held on tight. "It was. You and I are going to be good friends, you know. Go ahead and put the cake in the oven, I want to steal you away."

The oven was already pre-heated but Bella was too nervous about the "steal away" that was about to happen, so she asked Edward to put the pans in the oven.

"Relax Bella," he whispered in her ear, "Gracie's just excited to meet you."

"Yes, Bella. I'm a little bossy, but they're all used to it. I just want to talk to you for a little, but only if you want to." Gracie asked with a sweet smile. "No pressure, okay?"

Bella nodded and said, "Okay."

Gracie suggested, "Let's go out by the pool, I love it out there. Plus I can get away from all these tempting smells."

Auntie Liz piped up. "Bella hasn't eaten much yet, Gracie. She's only had a cup of coffee."

"Actually I've been nibbling fruit and Edward made me toast and eggs this morning, so I'm not hungry at all." Bella interjected.

"Great. Edward I'm sorry, but you're not invited. Girl talk." And Gracie swept over the tile floors and out the French doors to the stone patio outside.

"It's not the firing squad, baby." Edward whispered as he hugged her tight.

"It feels like it." She whispered back.

He chuckled. "She begged me to invite you for Christmas. She's dying to meet you. I promise it'll be fine."

Bella dragged her feet outside to meet Gracie.

Gracie did not even hesitate, but launched right into her talk as soon as Bella sat down on one of the wrought iron chairs that surrounded the patio table."Bella, I want to put you at ease. I know it must be uncomfortable for you to meet the ex-wife and I just want you to know, that there is absolutely no reason for you to feel that way."

Bella nodded, and relaxed a little, but still felt a lot unsure of this situation.

"Edward deserves happiness, Bella. And, honestly, if I weren't sick, we would have divorced long ago. Not because he wasn't a good husband, because he was, he really was. He's beaten himself up about it, but he was good to me. He was selfish, but so was I. We were young and we made mistakes, but he was always there. Did he tell you about the baby?"

"Yes, yes he did. And I'm sorry, about your loss."

"Well, I don't know many marriages that would have survived all that; especially, because we were so young. We had huge fights over the hormone treatments and what they were doing to me, then my dad died, and the baby was born early and with disabilities. Then, well, going through the loss and the depression, not a lot of twenty-somethings have that kind of pressure on their marriages. And ours just buckled you know."

Bella nodded in understanding.

"But I love Edward, he is my best friend. He is a wonderful man, from a wonderful family. I knew when he came in July that something had changed. He wouldn't tell me, but I knew there was someone special. And I was so happy for him. He's been so lonely for so long. I know there've been women, but no one special until you, Bella."

She reached over and clasped Bella's hand in her own. "You love him don't you?"

Bella sighed, and squeezed back. "I do. I love him."

She squealed in delight. "I can tell. And he loves you too."

Bella shook her head. "He's working on it."

"No Bella, trust me, he loves you. He talks about you. When he's quiet, and smiling, I know he's thinking about you. He loves you."

Bella wasn't quite so sure about Edward's feelings. She became lost in thought as she wondered if Edward would ever let himself love her. She felt a little twinge of sadness.

Gracie interrupted her reverie. "Bella, on Christmas Eve we usually have dinner out here on the patio, Esme and Carlisle string up Christmas lights on all the bushes and trees and overhead. We play happy Christmas music and have a good time, eating until we can't eat a bite more."

"It sounds like a lot of fun."

"We loved it when we were kids. It was like an enchanted garden."

"I bet it was magical."

"It still is. I haven't grown up so much that I don't love it. I used to escape from everybody and climb up into the tree house, over there, and stare at the lights and the stars. It felt like my own little castle and I would feel like the luckiest princess on earth."

"I always wanted a tree house." Bella said wistfully. "My mom thought they were too dangerous."

"I won't be able to climb up in the tree house tonight, so you should do it."

"What?"

"Climb up into the tree house tonight. Take my place."

"Are you kidding?"

"Every castle needs a princess, Bella."

#

Gracie went off to dialysis, her mother took her. Bella helped Esme with the Christmas Eve meal, and Carlisle, Edward and Gus finished stringing the lights in the backyard.

Gracie was right, the Christmas Eve meal was magical. Carly came with her husband David and their two kids. Gus's wife Mariko brought their son, Joel. Friends of Esme and Carlisle came, as well as neighbors. They ate under the stars and Christmas lights. It was a beautiful night and Edward's family was welcoming and warm. At the end of the meal, Esme stood up and tapped her spoon against her glass to get everyone's attention.

"Thank you all for coming to our annual Christmas Eve celebration. We do this, because we don't get to see all the people we love on Christmas Day. This is an extra special Christmas Eve. Tonight just happens to be a new moon, and in astrology that symbolizes a chance for wish fulfillment. So take the time right now and make a wish, and make it a good one. And the goddess of the moon, Selene, just might grant it."

Carlisle stood up and offered a toast. "Merry Christmas to everyone, we love you all and wish you a joyous New Year." Everyone raised their glass and yelled, "cheers." The music started up again. Gracie wheeled herself over to Bella, "Go to the castle, Bella. I'm going to call it a night." She turned to Edward. "Edward, can you help me?" and Edward walked with her across the lawn and into the house.

After a few minutes, Bella snuck away and climbed the worn, wooden planks up to the tree house. It was built, hanging on the side of a large kukui tree. There was enough space in between the leaves to see the twinkling lights of the garden and the stars up above. Gracie was right, she felt like a fairy princess in her her own kukui castle.

She heard a soft thud of a foot fall and Edwards head appeared over the threshold. "Gracie told me that I'd find you here." He said.

He pulled Bella into his arms and they lay down on their backs, looking up at the sky together. "Gracie is lovely, Edward."

"I know. She likes you a lot. She told me that I'd better be good to you and not wait too long."

"Wait too long for what?"

"She advised me, as only Gracie can, not to wait too long to tell you that I love you."

"Do you?"

"Yes, I do love you, Bella."

"When did you know you loved me?" She asked disbelievingly. "When Gracie told you to?"

"No. Bella. I've been falling in love with you since I met you. But I felt too guilty to admit it, even to myself."

She snorted. "And all of a sudden the guilt is gone?"

"I knew that I loved you, when I came here and couldn't get you out of my mind. I want you to know that you own me, body and soul. When I said 'I love you' that's what I meant." Bella was silently staring at him, her head was still processing that he had actually said the words. Turning her to him so that they were lying face to face, he asked her, "Bella, do you love me?"

"Yes."

"What do you mean, when you say you love me? What does it mean to you?"

Bella was hesitant, she hadn't really examined what it meant. "I guess it means that I want to be with you forever. I want you to be that last thing I see when I close my eyes at night, and the first thing I see in the morning. I want to share your happiness and make your sad times easier, and I want to know everything about you. I want to be truthful and faithful and kind."

"And I promise the same. I will be with you forever. And you will be the last thing I see when I close my eyes at night and the first thing I see in the morning. I will share your happy times and help to make your sad times more bearable. I will be kind, faithful and honest. Okay?"

"Oh, Edward." She said doubtfully.

"Don't you believe that I love you?" he was astonished.

Bella shook her head and moved closer and pressed her body along the length of his and whispered into his neck, "You don't have to lie to me, you know. I love you too much to stop, even if you don't really love me. I don't care. I can't say "no" to you." Her eyes were bright with unshed tears.

He cupped her cheek and turned her to look at him. "I do love you Bella. You brought me back to life. I don't deserve you. I've not always been good to you, and you deserve someone who is." He continued, "I don't ever want to frighten you or scare you away. So I promise that I will get therapy and I will heal myself. And I will let things happen at your pace, I will try not to force or rush you in any way. But I do love you, please believe me."

"Give me time. I can't take it in right now. I just can't."

"As long as you need. I'll show you everyday, until you get sick of me."

"I don't think that's possible."

He kissed her long and sweet. "Let's go down and I'll start showing you."

"You promised, no hanky, panky."

He held his right hand over his heart. "None, I swear. I just want to show you something."

He led her down to the ladder and into the flat above the garage. He sat her on the couch and instructed her to wait there.

He returned in a few minutes with a large flat package, which he handed to her.

"Open it."

She peeled away the tissue paper and uncovered a portrait of herself. She was sitting on a tall stool, dressed in her full belly dancing costume. She looked dreamy and wistful, on a twilight blue background.

"Remember the friend I met at the coffee shop outside your studio? He's an artist. I asked him to paint you and since you weren't talking to me, I took pictures of you and gave it to him."

"This is gorgeous. He is an amazing artist."

"Funny he said _you _were an amazing beauty."

"I was going to keep this with me always. A little reminder of the woman who gave my life back to me. Look at the title he gave it."

"Lost Love." she whispered. "I do look like I've lost my love. I look so sad."

Edward shook his head. "I took this picture at the street fair and he picked it as the one he would use. He was referring to you as _my _lost love."

"Why?"

"He insisted that's what he felt when I asked him to paint you. It's yours. Your Christmas gift."

"Oh Edward, I can't take it. It's yours."

"It's ours, then. We'll hang it above our bed."

She nodded. "I love you." and hugged him tightly.

"I love you, too. Believe me I do. I'm not going to give up, until you do."

"I'll hold you to that promise." she said.


End file.
